What you should focus on if you feel numb all the time after a recent breakup, so you can move past any feelings of guilt, regret and the suffocating feelings that most people experience after a breakup.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who broke up with his girlfriend under a month ago. He is pretty sure there will be no reconciliation, because things spiraled out of control at the end leading to a bad breakup. He says they were very important to each other during some major life events they went through together. He does not want his ex back, but he is shocked that the breakup has affected him so much.
He’s gotten back into his gym routine, hooked up with a new woman recently, taken up new projects and tries to stay busy, but he feels weak that he can’t shake thinking about his ex and comparing every new woman he meets to her. He asks what else he can do to get over her and move on to get rid of the suffocating suffering he is experiencing. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I went through a break up just under a month ago, and am pretty sure there will be no reconciliation. The relationship spiraled toward the end, leading to resentment and an ugly break up. She exhibited a few characteristics you’ve highlighted in regards to deceptive women, (That’s a deal breaker there. If you want to have a long term, healthy relationship, you can’t have it with a deceptive woman), and I was never completely comfortable, due to lack of trust. Despite this, I felt incredibly close to her, maybe just because we went through so much together. There were life events we guided each other through, and I can say with certainty, we were each others best friends, so when it ended, the emotional impact was pretty rough.
I stumbled upon your videos and implemented a few of your suggestions, (This tells me that you’re cherry-picking information, instead of reading the book cover to cover 10-15 times so you understand the principles and know the strategies instinctively), but they’ve seemed to backfire. I executed a rebound hook up, but the sex only brought me back to intimate times with the ex. (If that rebound knocked your socks off, you wouldn’t care about your ex. That’s the reality. Don’t replace your ex with someone mediocre. Keep circulating, because you never know when the next great love of your life will show up.) It felt empty and completely unfulfilling. Honestly, it’s a bit embarrassing. (Everybody feels this way dude, but you have to feel it to heal it.) I feel weak being impacted this deeply. (You’re resisting feeling the emotions, but you have to feel them and not judge them. Negative emotions are just stuck energy. If you move that negative energy through your system, and experience it by being authentically present with it, it dissolves.) I don’t want my ex back, I just want to be free of this suffocating feeling. Is it just a matter of letting time do its thing, or are there other strategies I’m not aware of? (Take this time to suffer and be grateful for your suffering. Get into the emotion. The sadness makes you appreciate joy and happiness. It gives you a reference point.) I’ve continued my gym and work routines, taken up new projects, and tried to stay busy, so I’m not just sitting around moping. And yet, I feel numb all the time. (You need to feel it. Right now, you’re stuck in a stressed state, and you you’re not feeling good. When you’re not feeling good, it’s going to be next to impossible to attract a woman who knocks your socks off. Take the time to be present with your feelings.)
“Undigested life, unresolved trauma and un-experienced emotions get stored as muscle tension in your nervous system when you avoid experiencing them, do not feel comfortable experiencing them or do not feel safe enough to experience them. Muscle tension in your nervous system puts you into a stressed, fearful, unhealthy and un-resourceful state. Your actions then become unbalanced, inefficient and driven by fear. This leads to undesirable results. What you resist persists. What you experience dissolves. You must accept that life sometimes sucks, become okay with it sucking for periods of time, experience all of your negative emotions fully, instead of resisting and judging them, and be authentically present with your emotions and feelings when they bubble up, so you can feel them, heal them and so they’ll dissolve. Only then will you be able to move forward in a superior, efficient, peaceful and relaxed state.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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