I get emails from time to time from people who think I need to change who I am so they don’t get offended. I am sure you have plenty of people in your life trying to tell you who you should be and how you should live your life. NEVER try to bend yourself into a pretzel to be what others think you should be. Here’s the email:
I read your article. Some fare statements, though I must say that if you cut out the ordinary dialogue/language ( ie the use of expletives) I think you would get a much better response. I encourage my nieces and nephews to refrain from using a vocabulary that merely promotes their brains to produce biochemicals that create the equivalent feeling in their bodies. Say the word ‘fuck’ and then the brain produces a biochemical equivalent to that word that then tells the body to ‘feel’ that emotion. Now if you constantly use expletives I think you are undermining your effectiveness as a coach, a speaker, an ‘influencer’ of better behaviour and action.
From this end, I read your article, but every expletive gave me an impression of your character that made me think twice and actually took away from the content of your article. Look into NLP if you have a chance to understand the power of language. Or read Dr Joe’s book Evolve Your Brain.
Anyway I hope you have not been offended by my email. I am sure you have great intention and purpose in this life, consider the power of effective dialogue. Kind Regards, Anastasia.
Here’s my response:
I appreciate you taking the time to voice your opinion. Words only have the meanings and emotions that human beings choose to give them.
I am very familiar with NLP and often use it in my work. I was trained by the best. Tony Robbins and his head trainer Joe Williams. I spent a year with the two of them & their top coaches and trainers learning how to do what they do. I’ve read plenty of books on NLP; including books from the founders of NLP. I’ve also been personally coached/trained by the founders of NLP.
I like the use of more colorful metaphors. I am an adult and therefore use adult language in my conversations with other adults. I am not into ass-kissing, phony or inauthentic political correctness or rhetoric. I am real and I tell it like it is. My clients love and appreciate me for my authenticity and can feel I really care for them. I get emails & testimonials all the time stating such. My website has dozens of their testimonials to back that up.
At some point in your life, you were told and accepted the (limiting) belief that “fuck” and other words were inappropriate or bad words to use. These are archaic and asinine beliefs of a dying and morally corrupt religious dogma around the topic of sex. Anything relating to sex or sexual innuendo was forbidden topics and words.
I am 41 years old. I love the way I talk. My friends, family, girlfriends, clients and most people I know talk this way. I love who I am. I accept who I am. I am not interested in trying to become like you or anyone else who gets offended at my use of language.
Potential clients who do not like my language or the way I talk, etc. are free to chose to find help elsewhere. There are millions of websites to choose from.
As far as my effectiveness? I am the best in the world at what I do. No one else can help people in the way I can. That is my gift from the Lord. I honor him by being the person he created me to be. I follow and trust my heart and teach others to do the same. When people do that, their lives dramatically change for the better. I’ve been helping people, mentoring at risk children, coaching, etc. for over 15 years now. I’m pretty damn effective. My results speak for themselves. I have also helped transform peoples lives after Tony and Joe were unable to do so. Does that make me better than them? No. I’m just another ordinary guy who takes massive action and accomplishes extraordinary things thru hard work. Here’s a recent testimonial I got the other day:
I’ve been receiving your emails for a few months now and I just want to say that unlike some other weekly or monthly newsletters I get from the likes of David Deangleo and Chris Atwood, yours are consistently entertaining and informative. I actually look forward to reading your emails when they come. I read your 3% Man book about 4 years ago now, and at the time it was exactly what I needed to get me out of a cycle of self-destructive behaviors like doing drugs, messing up at work, and one night stands(which aren’t always bad, but I’m actually a relationship kind of guy at heart) so again, I just wanted to THANK YOU. I remember one of the exercises you talked about in your book being to make a list of all of the things I like and dislike in a women and once I knew exactly what I was looking for, it would come to me. You already know this but you were absolutely right! I’ve been with the woman of my dreams for going on 2 years now, and we plan on getting engaged by the end of 2011. She has no idea the kind of man I was before I met her, I mean I’ve told her some stories but I think half the time she doesn’t even believe me! Anyways, I just wanted to send you a reply back to say thanks and keep up the great work, I guess the only question I have for you is: how do you come up with such great content so consistently? If it’s a trade secret I’ll understand, hahaha! Hey man, you’re a great success model for me so keep doing what you’re doing Corey! Take Care! Sincerely, Jason J.
If you go thru life trying to make other people conform to your worldview and belief system, you are going to be one frustrated person. When you finally learn to love and accept yourself, then and only then will you accept, love and appreciate others who think, talk and act differently than you do.
The biggest reason our society is so fucked up, is everyone is always trying to tell each other how to be, how to act, how to talk, what career or job they should have, etc. Most people are so busy trying to be something they are not, that they make themselves miserable in the process of trying to live. As children we all take on the limiting beliefs of our parents, family, friends and peers. We spend the rest of our lives trying to undue the damage and negative programming just to become comfortable in our own skin and accept ourselves. Most people are too hurt, fearful and damaged to do anything to better themselves. That is why we need more leaders to step up and live their authentic truth thru example. You must be who you are, what you should be is not important.
I love who I am and will change for no one. If that means some people won’t like or accept me, so be it. As my late mother said thousands of times… “you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
I will not shrink from who I am so that you or anyone else will not get offended. If you are offended by my language, you have two choices: 1) follow someone else or 2) change the meaning you give to my use of language.
From my heart to yours,
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3)
End of my response to Anastasia.
She sent me this email after reading my response…
Thank you for your email Corey. We are on the same mission. We have the same intention. We have studied with and learned from similar masters. We are both doing incredible work. We have both been of great help to people who needed our assistance. Our method might be a little different but the intention is the same. We have nothing to prove to anyone.
God bless and continue to achieve outstanding result.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“As long as you stand in your truth, you are unstoppable, nothing can harm you.” – Corey Wayne