In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has a female friend he has feelings for. When they met, she was engaged to a guy and he was dating another woman. This woman whom he was friends with, even though she was engaged to another guy, seemed to be bothered that he was dating someone. He cut off all contact with her after that. Then, her fiance suddenly dropped dead of a heart attack, and she got in touch with him.
They started spending a lot of time together, but nothing romantic ever happened because he made the mistake of becoming her therapist and consoling her. After several months, he told her how he felt, and she responded by saying it was too soon for her. He feels they have a lot of chemistry and a great connection, but romantically it’s going nowhere. He asks my opinion on what he should do to turn things around.
I have a friend that I have feelings for. There was a time where I felt strongly that she had feelings for me also, based on her actions and words, but she had a fiance that she was back and forth with. I started dating another girl and this “Friend Girl” started acting and showing some feelings that led me to believe she wasn’t really happy about that. (It doesn’t matter. She had a fiance, so she wasn’t a possibility at that point. When this happens, you have to tell them to resolve their situation, and if it doesn’t work out to contact you in the future.) I decided to cut off contact with her to see if she would chase me. Then a horrible thing happened. Her fiance died of a heart attack. I sent my condolences and left it at that. Three months passed, and she eventually reached out to me. I instantly set a date where we could get together, and she accepted. I instantly found myself in the friends zone, and understandably so. (You should have just invited over to your place to hang out, have fun, and hook up.) All she could talk about was the passing of her fiance, and the conversations were quite heavy at times. (You were hanging out being her gay male girlfriend hoping things would change.) I would have made a move, but I knew it wasn’t the right time for her. I even employed the “hang back and be patient” approach, letting her reach out to me first. After months of this, I decided to tell her how I felt. She declined saying it was “too soon” for her. (That is when you have to tell her you like her a lot, but you aren’t interested in just being friends.)
She said on many occasions, without my asking, that she couldn’t imagine me out of her life. We have EVERYTHING in common, and always have fun when we’re together. (You’ve submitted to her friendship vibe and haven’t been willing to stand up for what you really want.) We now haven’t spoken for two months, and I will not contact her unless she contacts me first. She has shown in the past that she can’t leave me alone forever. Is this a sign of future actions? I do date other women, but haven’t found any like her. (Do nothing and if she reaches out, let her know you are only interested in a romantic way. Offer for her to come over and make dinner together, and if she says she’s not ready yet, tell her to call you if she ever changes her mind. You have to stand up for yourself and be willing to walk away when she doesn’t give you what you want.)
Thank you Corey!
P.S. Great work!!
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“A lot of guys make the mistake of trying to be mister nice guy and “be there” for a woman as a friend, when their intentions are romantic. They think that by trying to accommodate her, be her therapist, or be there for her emotionally, that she’s going to develop romantic feelings. The real problem is that the friendship is a fraudulent one based upon deception. Men should only keep women in their lives as friends when their intent is strictly friendship. Men should never keep women in their lives that they want romantically, when the women only have a platonic interest in them. Men should never stick around and agree to be in platonic friendships in hopes that someday they will become romantic. If they do, they will never get out of friends zone.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne