I Ignored Her Red Flags Until It Was Way Too Late

The consequences of ignoring a woman’s red flags until it’s way too late.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who realized way too late that his baby momma is nutty and abusive. He says he finally took off the rose colored glasses and saw her for what she really was when she lost her cool and hit him. He says he ignored the fact she hates men and stonewalls him constantly making  the relationship difficult. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “I Ignored Her Red Flags Until It Was Way Too Late”.

So this particular guy, I’ve answered an email of his in the past. He doesn’t say what the title of it was, but he says after the last tongue lashing he got from me, he says he finally took off the rose colored glasses and realized he was kind of pedestalized his girlfriend and baby mama. And, uh, I guess apparently she came home from the gym and she’s a little cuckoo, and she lunged at him and tried to hit him in the throat or hit him in the throat, but he was able to back away before she did any real damage.

And he says when that moment happened, he was like, he just kind of like, had an epiphany and realized that he’d been bullshitting himself the whole time. He saw reality as he wanted it to be. In other words, he saw it as better than it was. He was living in an alternate reality, and when it came to this woman, he basically had a scotoma and ignored the fact she was stonewalling him. She hates men, so I assume that means she probably came from a broken home. Doesn’t like her dad at all, if she even has a relationship with him.

But again, this is one of those emails you write in and you know, the guy’s nice enough to share his misfortune, if you will, with the rest of us. Because, again, it’s like when you spot these kind of red flags, you just can’t fix this. It’s not as awesome as the book is, it’s not going to fix a woman that came from a broken home. It’s not going to fix or solve her daddy issues, or her mommy issues, or her mental health issues or whatever happens to be.

The book works on healthy, normal women. And it brings out the best and the best and the worst and the worst, right away. But you can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. And so unfortunately, this guy said he at the end, he’s realized that now he’s got to make some tough decisions because it’s not going to be a clean break because he’s got two little kids with her.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach Corey Wayne,

This is Bob again. I’ve written to you once before and you responded with a much needed tongue lashing. Just a quick recap. I’m a paying newsletter subscriber and I’ve read the book over 30 times and do a four month refresh.

So he’s going through it three times a year.

Your book brought me great success with the ladies, and I’ve put it to practice plenty. I thought I had it in the bag but obviously I didn’t since I’m writing again.

You’ve got to vet for character. Character is destiny.

Here is the issue. I’ve been with my partner for four years and we have two kids. One is two and the other a few months. Our sex life was great at first with the honeymoon stage. After a while it died down. I’m very familiar with two steps forward and one step back. I also date my woman and make an effort to open her up. Our sex life still didn’t improve so I decided to write you and man you had some amazing pointers. I wrote them down and focused on hammering them out. Yet it still didn’t improve how I hoped. I knew something was missing on my end and not your teaching. Something I was failing go see in reality I refusing to look back at it.

That’s what we call a scotoma. It’s like we all make our decisions based upon our emotions, whether it’s buying something or “buying a partner”, if you will. Selling ourselves on somebody that has more red flags than China. And yet you get into a relationship. In this case, he had kids with her as well.

The revaluation came recently. And it was when she got home from the gym. I asked her about the gym and went to help put the shoes up. In the moment I grabbed the shoes she yanked then from my hand. I told her that was unnecessary and that we needed to be quite since I just put the kids to sleep. I went to grab them again and she lunged to jab my throat with sheer hatred on her face.

Well, that fucking sucks. Dealing with a woman that becomes physically violent.

I instinctively pulled back. It connected but it wasn’t enough to do any damage. The kick boxer in me thought damn that was a good move.

What did Bruce Lee say? “Be like water.”

After that things haven’t felt the same.

Well, that’s called reality. What she did to you was a pattern interrupt. Something happened that you didn’t expect to happen. Or maybe this has happened before, but, he never mentioned anything about that. But when your partner becomes, in other words, she puts hands on you. It’s not good.

I called her out on it and told her it was a severe overstep on her part. I left for the gym to process it. In the previous email I called her an amazing woman, but I failed to see that I was missing the crucial part of not pedestalizing her. Not in the sense of me acting dopey and over accommodating. It was me completely ignoring some big red flags that you specifically say to avoid in the book. A woman who stone walls and hates men. Looking back she mentioned a few times if she were me, she would if left a long time ago.

So that’s a woman who knows she’s crazy, and she’s surprised you stuck around and put up with all her bullshit for as long as you did. But since she’s nutty, she just keeps getting nuttier until she, in this case, put her hands on you. And that looks like it woke you the fuck up. Your kids need a good, healthy example. Not a woman who’s nutty and puts her hands on you. Because if you put up with that, then they’re just going to grow up thinking that that’s just normal, and then they’ll go and get in abusive relationships like that. And I’m sure you don’t want that for your kids.

I don’t know why I failed to see those things until she knocked those lovey-dovey glasses off of my face. I know what I’m going to have to do unfortunately. I’m devastated. I hate it for my kids as well. I think this is somewhat of a success story because I know it will be okay in the end. Maybe this could help some of my fellow men.

Thanks, Coach, for the life changing advice.

Well, that’s a cautionary tale. As Ayn Rand said, “You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.” Dating girls that come from broken homes and who hate their fathers or have bad, terrible relationships with them, usually doesn’t end well. Because they’re just usually too messed up, and most people just won’t do anything to help themselves or fix themselves. They’ll just keep blaming other people. And the reality is, there’s so many soft, weak, beta males in society that there’ll be another guy that will probably put up with this shit and he’ll be a beat down little dog. We all see those guys.

Maybe, you know, everybody watching this knows somebody that’s like, “Man, that guy would do so much better without that chick.” But he’s stuck in this case. This guy knows what he needs to do. He’s probably going to pull the plug and eventually down the road, he’ll get himself a good, healthy woman who shares his goals and values and who treats him properly. And then when the kids get old enough, they’ll realize that dad’s got it going on and mom is a nut. And so probably what happens when they become teenagers is they’re not going to want to stay with mom at all.

They’re going to want to stay with you the whole time. That’s typically what happens in these cases. Because you provide a stable, healthy environment and a good example for them to see. Because kids are going to do what’s modeled for them. So if you stay because a lot of people stay in these kinds of relationships for the kids, you’re not really helping the kids. You’re showing them a dysfunctional relationship that’s abnormal. And then they grow up thinking that that is normal. Then they go out and they look for those.

They’re drawn to those kinds of relationships and people, and then they just repeat the same pattern. Whereas in this case, you recognized it. You know, unfortunately, it took her, you know, karate chopping your Adam’s Apple, it sounds like. But it was enough to wake you up to realize that you’re not going to have an easy and effortless relationship with a girl that hates men and hates her fathers. Pretty simple. Because no matter what you do, you’re the bad guy. Just because all men are bad.

And you’re not responsible for what happened to her in her life. But you are responsible for how she treats you and how she shows up. And thankfully, you’ve woken up. So maybe you could send us an email down the road. Let us know how things come about and how you resolve things. And maybe you got a new success story with a new lady. You get a hotter, younger, better replacement because now you’ve got the book.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.