I Joked About A Threesome. Now She Seems To Want One!

Some things to consider if you bring other women into your relationship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a new viewer who’s been dating a woman who is easy and effortless to be with. He made a joke about a threesome and now she not only seems open to it, but she seems to be working to spice up their sex life and potentially make the threesome happen. He’s worried about it affecting their chemistry and sex life in a negative way and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “I Joked About A Threesome. Now She Seems To Want One!”.

So this particular email is from a viewer. He’s 30 years old, he’s Italian, and he just discovered my work about four months ago. After, as he says, a royal fuck up with, he pedestalized a girl that was a ten out of ten in his eyes. And so recently he’s been dating a new girl.

And what’s interesting is he’s like, man, this is the first time I’m dealing with a girl that’s just pretty easy and effortless to be with. And so because he was feeling comfortable, he was just kind of casually making a joke about a threesome. And she kind of seemed to react not only positively towards it, but now she’s like wanting to get a bunch of sex toys and spice things up.

And now he’s like, well, the one thing he doesn’t want to do is get her used to using all these different sex toys, because he’s had that problem in the past where women he’s been with or using the sex toys, and they basically only can get off with the sex toy because they get so used to it. And he ends up feeling emasculated. So he’s worrying about what that happens.

And plus, he just doesn’t want to screw up what they got going on. So something to understand about a threesome is that if you’re going to do that, you and two girls, your girlfriend and another girl, ideally it’s best that the girlfriend is the one that picks the girl for the threesome. Because if she doesn’t like the girl, it’s not going to happen.

So ideally, it’s your girl brings a woman that she likes and that you like home for the two of you. So just that little tidbit of info makes things a lot easier. Because it’s her idea. It’s a woman she feels comfortable with, she’s attracted to, and it’s just about having a good time.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach, 

hope everything is going amazing in your life. I’m a 30y old Italian guy and discovered casually your work 4 months ago after a royal fuckup with what I pedestalized to be a 10/10. Now I’m laughing about it and let me tell, you’re doing God’s work for all of us, helping me find my center and purpose. 

Well, it’s just what I do, my man.

After reading your paper book two times (more to come), while going out with 11 girls, I met almost 3 months ago a “different than usual dating scenario” girl. She’s physically a solid 9, not the prettiest I’ve ever met, but what caught me is the communication is so effortless and frictionless that feel I now have a new standard on what “she really wants me” means. The “no games to play” and her wanting me this much is something completely new for me and I’m enjoying what should have been normal for me since a long time ago: as you say, easy going, easy to get along with.

And most importantly, she’s got to be nice to you.

We are now exclusive without a label and the only point of attention is she’s not already open to talk about her future expectations, career and path, perceiving her as not totally comfortable with where she currently is. Feeling I have not already found my final purpose though, once again you’re right with the “like attracts like” statement.

So they’re both kind of at a point in their life where they’re not so sure about their future, what they’re going to do, or what they want to do. So water seeks its own level. Like attracts like. People who like the same things tend to like each other. Also, what’s interesting about that is people have the same kind of flaws, tend to be attracted to one another.

She had few partners before me and only done vanilla stuff. Sex between us is great, with her coming multiple times every time, we’re exploring new stuff and places, keeping it light and me willing to let her slowly open up about novelty. Now my “issue”. We made a bet and I jokingly told her “if one of us loses, the winner is going to pick a third one for a threesome”. She laughed saying “no way” in a fun way and the next day wrote me she was surprised and disoriented by my words. I was joking, but probably said that with a straight enough face.

So you’re saying you’re intrigued by the threesome? Mm. Tell me more, babe.

The next day I left the city for a 10 day work trip and out of nowhere she texted me about it being too soon for her, that she has just started discovering herself and what I like and that maybe one day we will try it.

So she brought it up, probably because he’s a little distant because again, he’s out of town. And so probably on some level, she’s going, shit, I need to bring another girl into really satisfy my man. And he’s away and he’s been kind of distant since he’s away. Did I not handle it right? Does he not like me? Did he lose interest and respect because I wasn’t so excited about a threesome? And then she goes into approval seeking mentality. So she’s bringing this up.

I remained curious about what she meant but in a detached from the outcome way. A couple days later she texted she “made shopping” and was super excited for me to be back, giving me some hints. Turns out she thought I was dead serious about the threesome and, as middle ground between it and standard sex, she thought it would have been a great idea to buy half a dozen different sex toys for us to use together. I didn’t see it coming and was surprised myself. 

So it looks like the way she took it is that, I’m not really satisfying him. So let me get some sex toys to spice it up. And so the next time you talk about the threesome, I would just say, “well, regarding that, it’s like, it’s got to be a woman that you really like and you find attractive. Obviously, I get to give the final thumbs up the yay or nay. So I want to see pictures of this girl before you introduce me and say, oh, my boyfriend and I want to have a threesome with you.”

But again, she just let her know. “I’m expecting you to pick the girl out, somebody you’re comfortable with and you’re excited to get together with, and whenever you’re ready. That would be a wonderful surprise.” And then that’s all you got to say. Just leave it at that and let her handle it. She’ll make it happen. If she loves you, wants to make you happy, she’ll do it.

My question is, we’re hanging out and having fun since the beginning, you were spot on, on 2 to 3 dates to sleep together.

That’s when you’re applying what’s in the book. Makes it easy.

And feel I don’t want to stop her openness and positive spin, but at the same time I feel like introducing everything now will get us bored later. Additionally, after questioning if I’m good enough in bed and positively confirming it to myself.

Well, I mean, at the end of the day, can you stimulate the clitoris? It’s on the outside of the body. That’s what makes a woman come like a waterfall. So that’s the most important thing. Whether it’s you, your tongue, your body friction or a vibratory appliance stimulating the clitoris. Good orgasms are great for your sex life and your intimacy.

I have a good self-esteem, but Jesus Christ 6 dildos/toys in one shot is a nerve rehabilitation center kind of effort!

Well, in all fairness, it’s like it sounds like your girl’s a little inexperienced. And so she’s like, oh, well, let’s just try them all. So she’s got a little bit of variety because at the end of the day, out of the six toys, there’s probably gonna be one that she’s gonna really like. It’s her favorite, maybe a two. And the rest are like eh, usually, but maybe they’re all really good. Me personally, the toy thing is like eh, I’d much rather it just be us.

I found myself open on using them but would like not to be substituted from them or desensitize her to what I can do only myself, having had a couple exes that were no longer able to come without nuclear powered vibrators and me subsequently feeling kind of emasculated.

Well, you could express those concerns when she’s using them. I just don’t want you to get too used to it, because these things move in a way that’s unnatural, and I don’t want you to get addicted to it. And to the point where, it’s just like a guy that jerks off too much, a guy that jerks off too much and is squeezing real hard. And then he goes to try to have sex with a girl.

And he can’t stay hard because it doesn’t stimulate him enough because he’s used to being overstimulated. So the point being is that you just want to make sure she’s not overstimulating the clitoris with them. Because if she overstimulates herself, she’ll stimulate herself in a way that’s hard for you to match. Because again, that’s kind of hard to do.

I want to remain the source of pleasure, not just a vector. How would you approach this topic and what is your take on letting her continue to experiment with you, while keeping our story written page by page without rush? 

Well, as far as the toys go, if she brings them into the bedroom with you, pick one and use it on her. But at the end of the day, use it sparingly. It’s like, I don’t want to spoil you, babe. And then get back to your natural appendages doing most of the stimulation. And you can even tell her, just say, well, the problem is, if you use these too much, you get used to overstimulation, and then normal sex is not enough to get you off.

I’ve had that happen with girlfriends. So when that happens, if you get overstimulated, you can’t come without the vibrator. Then you need to stop using the vibrator and not, you know, for a period of time. So, you know, it’s just like not jerking off for a while. If you’re beating off three times a day really hard, and then you take a couple of weeks off, you’re going to be way more sensitive.

It’s just like if you have having a lot of sex, then your girlfriend goes out of town for a couple of weeks, or you go out of town and then you come back and you go and try to have sex, just like normal, before you’re going to realize you’re not going to last as long. So it’s kind of like working out. You get to a certain point and then you kind of level off. So it’s the same thing with your body. So slow and steady. If she brings all six. Just say, you know what, just pick one and we’ll start with that one.

In the event she brings the threesome topic out again, is in your opinion a nice extra couple-consolidating activity or does it destroy growing feelings/dynamics? 

Well, women get incredibly jealous of other women so think about it. If she’s bringing a hot girl over that she likes and you really like her on some level, she’s going to be a little bit worried that she might lose you to her girlfriend. So as Doc Love said, the late, great Doc Love, “when kitty cats compete, you win.” So it will be helpful in the long run, especially if you really like the other girl and the girl likes you and the girl likes both of you, then it can be a lot of fun.

So let her bring it up and tell her that you want her to pick out a girl that she thinks is really hot and is really turned on by her. And obviously that you’re going to think I’m turned on too. And obviously I want to see some pictures before we meet her and have a date together. So all in good fun.

I’m good with any outcome, but would like not to undermine our story for no reason forcing myself or losing control.

Well dude, anytime you have a situation where there’s more girls than you. In other words, there’s more girls than guys it’s a benefit because the women become competitive. They’ll both compete to try to make you feel good and get you off because they want to make you happy. And so it can only be a net plus. Plus, especially if it’s a girlfriend she likes and she brings in to your bedroom.

I would just leave the additional women to be her, the one that handles it that way she feels like she has control over it because if you start bringing in other women, then she’s going to feel insecure that she’s getting replaced. So these are her girls, her girlfriends, women that she meets and brings over. Then you’ll be iree.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.