I Just Became Single. The Hot Girl From Work Likes Me, But I’m Not Ready To Date

Some things to consider if the hot girl from work likes you, but you’re getting over a breakup.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who just broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years after he got complacent and she revealed her character flaws. He’s friends with benefits with his ex, while the hot girl from the office seems to be liking him more and more as they work together. However, he’s not ready to date and he worries what would happen if it didn’t work out with the girl from the office and could cause problems for him. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “I Just Became Single. The Hot Girl From Work Likes Me, But I’m Not Ready To Date.”

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. He just broke up with his girlfriend of five years. He says he got complacent. He’s been following me for quite a long time. He says he’s in his late 20s. He’s been following my work for 7 or 8 years. And he admits he got away from The Book, stopped dating and courting her properly, and kind of went back to sleep, thought he had it all worked out. And then he doesn’t really elaborate or go into detail, but he started doing unattractive things. He started neglecting his girlfriend, and her attraction dropped.

And so therefore he found out that she really didn’t have high character and he didn’t do a good job of vetting her. And so now he’s kind of back in the game dating. He still kind of friends with benefits with his ex, so they’re still hooking up. And he noticed that there’s this really hot girl at work. He says, one of the hottest girls he’s ever seen, who he noticed in the past when he was pretty serious with his girlfriend, also seemed to flirt with and talk to another guy in the office. And so now as they’ve been working together, she seems to become, over time becomes more interested.

But he’s not in a place where he’s really ready to date yet. And he’s like, “What should I do? Because every time I work together with this girl now, we work like one on one with each other a lot. She’s clearly becoming more attracted. And he’s like, “What do I do? I’m not really ready to date or be in a relationship.” And so from the way I look at it is he’s in a good position leverage wise, because he still has the ex that he’s hooking up with and he’s got this girl was attracted to him, and so now he’s got kind of two women that are interested in him.

And so when you’re in that place, especially when you’ve made mistakes and in doing like what he’s doing, which is getting back into The Book, filling in his knowledge gap, refreshing his memory of the things that he forgot. And so now it puts him in a place of power to where he can take his time. And he can definitely go slower than either one of these girls is going to go.

Which will work to his advantage. And when you look at what’s interesting is statistically, when people look like, hey, where did they meet their significant other, a large one of the top five places that people meet their significant other, long term relationship, husband, wife, whatever. It’s usually at work.

People that like the same things tend to like each other. You are who you associate with, and so it’s just natural in your career. Or if you have a business, you’re an entrepreneur, just in doing the day in and day out of your work, your business, whether it’s coworkers or people that are, or contractors that are tangentially connected to your business, you’re just going to come across other people, that there’s going to be instant attraction and interest. And because you’re in a similar or the same industry, it makes it easy to have things to talk to and bond over and connect with.

Because again, you got similar goals, similar values. You work in the same company, the same business. So there’s going to be a lot of commonality there versus hoping to bump into some random girl on the street and have that same kind of connection. And so over time, if you do things tactfully, especially when you’re in a position like this, and as a guy, especially in the MeToo era, it’s best not to really do anything. And I’ve talked about this many times in the past where guys are in these situations, and it’s good to do things together socially as a group, because if the girl likes you, she’ll put herself into your orbit, and then you’re going to be looking for signs that she’s attracted.

Is she playing with her hair? Is she twirling around her fingers? Is she touching your arm? Is she standing too close? Is she always seemingly coming up with reasons to come and talk to you, or ask you advice, or ask you about things that, quite frankly, she doesn’t really need to be asking you, but she’s using it as an excuse to come over and talk to you. And if in some cases you might see minimal attraction but you’re not sure. So then like going to a happy hour with a bunch of people from work and inviting her and some of the other girls. Because again, you go out, you’re doing something together socially.

If she likes you, she’s going to come and put herself into your orbit. And then as the evening progresses, other people are going to start to leave, and typically she’s going to be the one that lingers. Until ideally, it’s just you and her. And then you can get together, go some other place, go have some food. Invite her back to your place. You can do the kiss test on her if it’s just you and her hanging out.

Say you’ve been at happy hour, had a couple drinks, a few appetizers, and you do the kiss test. And it’s just you and her. Now, at this point, she looks at your lips when you’re doing the kiss test.  It’s on like Donkey Kong. You just go for the kiss make out and say, “Hey, why don’t we get out of here and go back to my place and open a bottle of wine or champagne, or let’s make some Espressos or some Macchiatos.” Or whatever if you guys aren’t drinkers. Whatever happens to be. The Process Of Seduction is to get closer and closer to a woman until you ultimately end up inside of her.

Whether that happens on the second or third date, or you’re at a group company function, and then as the evening wears on, eventually it just becomes you and her hanging out together, makes things pretty easy versus taking the risk of asking her out in the office or whatever it happens to be. But girls get pretty forward. They’ll ask you, “Hey, what are you doing this weekend?” And you say, “Oh, my buddies and I were going down to this place, and what are you doing?” “Oh, my girlfriends and I are doing this.”

It’s like, “Well, hey, why don’t you, you know, take my number. And if you guys are down in that area, shoot me a text and maybe we can all meet up and have a drink together. That’d be cool.” And just leave it at that. If she likes you, she’ll take the number. And if she really likes you, she will text you and say, “Hey, what are you doing? Where are you? Where are you guys at?” And just say, “Hey, we’re at this place. Come meet us.” And then she’ll show up with her girlfriends. Who knows?

Maybe one of your buddies, your wingman, clicks with one of her girlfriends, and then they kind of take the friends away. So you and the girl can kind of spend time together and allow things to happen. And that makes it really easy to go slower than her, because you’re not going to risk anything at the office. But since she’s putting herself in your orbit, she asks you what you’re doing, or you guys are all going on a happy hour together. Again, when a girl likes you, she’s just going to put herself in your orbit.

And in other words, to make it easy for things to happen. So with that in mind, let’s go through this guy’s email. Because the idea is you want to do things in a low risk way, that you’re not going to get rejected in front of everybody. Plus, if you’re wrong, if you misjudged her interest, or she had a boyfriend and didn’t tell you about it, and then it seems like she’s interested, and then you ask her out and you get the “Oh, I have a boyfriend.”

Then that can create kind of awkward moments in time. So it’s just much easier and much smoother to do it the way that I’m talking about. Because then it’s just, “Hey, we’re just kind of hanging out together.” If she likes you, the signs will be there. And then when you see the signs are there that she’s attracted, like I discussed in The Book, then you can make a move without with very, very low risk.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach, 

How are you doing? I hope you are doing great. I am writing you this as in process of becoming success story and as inspiration for the guys which are in dark place of life because of relationship ending, work, life circumstances, etc. I am in my late twenties and thanks to your work, in last 7-8 years, I changed my life like I never thought it could (from relationships with friends and women to business). 

Right now, I am fresh out of 5 year relationship which was great learning experience for me and, hopefully, for my ex. In that relationship, I learned that I have to do better vetting process for women, that courtship never ends, etc. 

Well, I say this constantly. In long term relationships, when I’m doing phone sessions with guys, they all do the same two things. The courtship stops. They stop dating and courting her. Usually because they’re trying to save money or pay off debt or something like that. But it just becomes, “I don’t want to spend any money. Hey, babe, you know, we’re trying to save to pay these bills down.”

And then they could at least go on a picnic or something that’s cheap or inexpensive and just do fun things together. But for most guys, they just don’t do anything. They just want to hang around the house or whatever, or do anything that doesn’t involve spending money. And the women take that as, “He doesn’t care about me anymore.” And then the other thing is, they don’t make her feel heard and understood.

They don’t open her up. They don’t talk to her. They don’t ask her how her day is going, that kind of thing. And then that also makes her feel like the guy just doesn’t care. And if you don’t date and court your girlfriend or your wife, eventually some other guy will. If you’re with a high character woman, she’ll tell you that she’s unhappy. She’ll request things that you change or modify. And after she’s brought it up enough and repeated it enough. If you still don’t make any changes, eventually she’ll dip.

She’ll go get her own place. She’ll take some time to heal, reconnect with old friends that she may have kind of let those relationships go by the wayside. And then when she’s ready, she’ll start dating. Whereas if you’re with a low character woman. She’ll just start talking to the guy from work, or the male orbiters, or the friends or the guys. You don’t have to worry about that kind of thing. And then next thing you know, she leaves you and days later your buddies are like, “Hey, I just saw your girlfriend and she’s all over this dude.”

It’s like, “Didn’t you guys just break up like two days ago?” It’s like, “She sure seems to be into this guy.” And meanwhile, you’re crying in your beer, licking your wounds because you didn’t see it coming, and then you hear that your girl’s all over some other dude. And that’s what happens when you’re with low character woman. It’s like she just monkey branches. She lines up somebody while she’s with you, and then she dips. And I assume something along those lines kind of happened.

I am in my late twenties and thanks to your work, in last 7-8 years, I changed my life like I never thought it could.

Classic fall down after stopping reading your book and thinking, “Great, I know everything now so I don’t have to going back to fundamentals.” 

So if you’ve been following me for a long period of time, guys that do well and maintain their relationships, they go back to The Book once or twice a year. Just because you got to keep in mind, if you’re consuming traditional TV and movies, you’re still consuming propaganda. Whatever you observe, you participate in. And when you look at the music and the situations and the emotions that it elicits in you, you’re constantly getting emotionally anchored to dysfunctional archetypes. And so if you’ve done well with my Book, and then you just stop interacting with it, you stop reading it, you don’t ever go back to it. And several years go by, like in this case, and all you’re doing is watching TV and movies. You’re getting reprogrammed to think in ways that are dysfunctional and you’ll kind of go back to sleep. And then it’s not until all of a sudden a girl leaves you that you realize you really messed up.

For my ex, I hope she learned to develop a character and start to work on herself. She hurt me badly, but I am in process of letting go and detaching because there is no point of keeping grunges and becoming angry red pill guy. 

Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, if you chose her at one point in your life, that was your best thinking and real men take, as Jocko Willink would say, “Extreme ownership of everything in their life.” And if you dated a girl and she hurt you badly, or she dicked you over, or cheated on you or stole from you or whatever, that was your best thinking. You invited her into your life, your vibe, your words, your actions. You said, come on in. If you got burned, that’s on you. Because again, you invited her into your life. And the goal is to learn from it.

Because not everybody is raised in a good environment. Not everybody is a person of high character that’s trustworthy, that deserves to be in your inner circle. And way too many of us get all wrapped up in our emotions when we meet a girl we like, and we just completely ignore reality because we’re into her and she’s hot. And then after you go through your infatuation and the honeymoon period and that wears off, then you spend enough time and you get complacent. And if you didn’t vet the girl properly, you get burned like it sounds like this guy did.

I get angry when I start to think about past (about 1 to 2% of time), but then remember that it was result of my choice, actions and reactions. 

Yeah, because if you try to blame women or modern women, like a lot of the nihilistic guys in the Red Pill community, tend to do, then what you really it’s a cope. It’s trying to absolve yourself from any personal responsibility for your choices. At the end of the day, you’re the one that stuck your dick in that girl, and everything that happens after that, that’s on you. That was your choice. It was your best thinking. And if you didn’t do a good job vetting a woman and you allowed a low character person in your life that dicks you over, then charge it to the game you chalk it up to experience.

Try to find out what you can learn from it. So next time around, you vet women a little better. Or the same thing with friends. You befriend somebody that you think is a good person, and then they steal from you, or you lend them money and they never pay you back, which I think most of us have had that experience. Most of the time when you lend money to people, you never, ever get a dime of it back, and then those “friends” just disappear over time and you never, ever hear from them again.

And you know, as you go through life when you’re younger, you’re going to be kind of naive. You think that people think like you, and it’s not until you get burned that you realize that not everybody thinks like you. Not everybody is a good person like you. And there are bad people in the world. There are bad women in the world.

I am fully back to your work (reading complete 3% Man twice a week), getting back to work toward my degree.

Yeah, at least once or twice a year. You should go back through The Book.

At work, although on paper I am college dropout, in reality I got a lot of respect from other people (with diplomas and construction workers). Although sometimes, construction workers are trying to bring me down and female colleges test me, I just brush it off with James Bond smile and after that they just respect me even more. 

Well, masculinity is calm and it doesn’t do any good to get upset, or to get butthurt, or to get angry, or to lose your cool with people. Because there are people in this world that just love to troll, and they get off and they feel significant and important if they can get you upset. That’s why it’s always good not to react to shit you see on social media.

70 to 80% of time I feel like every woman wants me (which they show by teasing and playing with me) and every man wants to be me (showing me by respecting me, talking about my cool old timer which I drive daily, talking about life, etc.).  Even my boss talks to me as I am on his level in the work although there are a lot of guys in my work which are above me on paper. 

There is also girl I work with that is in top 10 hottest women I ever saw (and probably to every guy who see her) I think she is starting to appear in my orbit because she started to work a lot with me one on one, talking nice about my skills at work, even saying that I am much better at work than a guy she used to work with (and I saw that she had a high attraction level toward him while they worked together), etc. 

Yeah, so that’s just kind of how it happens. Because you’re not hitting on her. Like in this case, I mean, we haven’t got to that part yet, but we know he’s still sleeping with his ex. He’s fresh out of a breakup, so I assume this girl has worked with him while he was in a relationship. So he was a challenge. He was unattainable. He was unavailable. And every guy that’s had a girlfriend or been in a relationship, they always notice that it seems like lots of women are interested in them, but as soon as they become single, it’s like they can’t find them. They can’t find a girl that’s got interest, but when they have a girlfriend, it’s like they come out of the woodwork.

It’s because the vibe that you’re giving off. So when you give off that non hungry, take it or leave it kind of vibe. I mean, if you’re getting your balls drained dry every night by your girlfriend or girlfriends or your rotation or whatever, you’re not going to move forward. You’re also if a girl at the office likes you and your cup runneth over, so to speak. You’re gonna be in no rush. You’re not worried about some other dude ripping this girl off. You could take it or leave it. If you’re the prize and you’re the catch, you’re not going to be acting like most of the guys that interact with this hot girl that are trying really hard to get her.

You not doing anything. You’re inaction actually makes you really attractive, and that causes her to like you more and to do more things to get your attention. Like complimenting you like she’s doing here. Especially women compliment. “Oh, that shirt looks nice on you. Oh, that color looks good on you.” When you hear those kinds of things, that’s usually. “Oh, you look physically nice. I’m physically attracted to you.” It’s basically what they’re telling you.

There is no physical touch yet, but she is single and almost every day in my orbit so I am getting this as cat scanning the room and slowly coming closer and closer. 

Yeah, in this case it’s just easy to go slower than her. And plus, because you work together, you don’t want to create any drama, like I was talking about earlier. You’re in no rush. This guy, he’s still hooking up with his ex. He’s only been single for about two months, so he doesn’t really need to do anything. His balls are getting drained dry still, so he’s giving off that non hungry vibe. And on some level she’s probably wondering like, “Why isn’t this guy hitting on me? Like every guy in the office is hitting on me, but why isn’t he? Is he going to get back together with his ex? I’m prettier than his ex. His ex was terrible to him. I’m better for him.”

And these things that go through her mind. And it causes her to try harder to get your attention. And they may even go so far to ask you out, or ask you to do something, or ask you to drinks, or ask you to join her for lunch one day during work just to spend extra time with you. Most guys never get to experience this because they’re so desperate and they’re giving off that vibe, and women can pick up on it.

There is also my question. My ex and I are broken up for last 2 months (although we have sex and she is doing all of pursuing) and I love her, but I don’t want to get back together because there is too much drama and I don’t have wish for watching same episode again. I also like a hot girl mentioned above, but I don’t feel ready for to get back to dating, although I would like eventually to start dating that hot girl. How should I approach to situation with hot chick to buy some time to get back in my game 100%? 

Well, how would you treat her if you were tired of fucking her, if you were bored of her? You’d be nice. You’d be respectful. You’d enjoy your time with her. But you’re not going out of your way to talk to her or spend time with her, or hint that you’re interested. It’s even better if you’re nice and you’re polite and everybody else is hitting on her and you’re not, and she’s going to wonder why. Especially the really hot girls. Everybody’s interested in them. But the guy that just doesn’t seem to care doesn’t seem to be interested, not impressed by her.

It makes her work for the guy. And women like a guy that’s a challenge. They like a guy they have to work for. They like a guy they have to work to get his attention. And in this case, he’s totally set up for that. So I would just take your time, let her be bolder, see what happens when she starts touching you or asking you what you’re doing later. If she lingers, you can always invite her to go hang out at lunch or hang out at drinks in the evening would be even better. But if you’re in no rush, it doesn’t matter. Again, if you were tired of fucking her, how would you treat her?

My head is not in space of “I want to marry this chick” or thinking she is great (maybe she is, but I don’t know her well), I just want to have some fun with her and vet her to see if she is candidate for something more serious or not. Also, usually my opinion is that “dipping a pen in companies’ ink” is not smartest thing to do, and if we weren’t working together, I would make a move to see if she is in or not. But her beauty is very influential at work, even with bosses from other departments, she has all beauty privileges at male company which could be a problem maker if things don’t work out.

Well if you’re on good terms with your exes. I mean, you’re still fucking your ex, so you get along well. And if she’s working to get you, that’s the best position to be in. And so like I was talking about in the beginning, if you’re just hanging out late at work and she starts touching you and she’s asking you what you’re doing later, it’s like, “Hey, there’s a happy hour across the street. They got drinks and, you know, half off wings or whatever. Like you want to go grab a few beers and some wings after work.”

Or whatever it is that you guys like to do for fun, you know. Or, “Hey, Topgolf is down the street. They got two for one special. Let’s go hit some balls after work. You should join me.” Something simple like that. I mean, if she’s lingering, if she’s touching you, if she’s playing with her hair. All the things I talk about in The Book, just invite her to come hang out with you after work and do something.

Maybe I am just overthinking this too much, I don’t know, I just know that my head is still not in great space, but at least, I am not in a flat spin, there is so many beautiful women which I will meet in life so that keeps me going to be excited for the future. For now, my plan is to treat her as any other female in company, old or young, beautiful or less fortunate in looks apartment, treating them all with respect, but at the same time as my little sisters. 

Bratty little sisters 10% of the time.

If you read this email in your newsletter, I hope that at least one guy gets inspired to turn his life around and I am thanking you in advance for your respond to mine question. 

Best regards, 

Bob

So, like I said, it looks like she’s moving in that direction, but I would just kind of wait and hang out and let’s see her become a little bolder if she starts asking what you’re doing or asking about your relationship, or asking if you’re dating, you could say, “Yeah, but I’m just not looking for anything serious. I was just with my girlfriend for five years, and I’m just getting used to being single again, going on a few dates here and there.” And having that kind of attitude.

But like I said, if she’s touching you and bumping into you and being real close and playing with their hair and exposing her neck and complimenting you on your clothes or whatever you’re wearing or complimenting you on nice things, these are all signs that she’s interested. And then when you appreciate them and you thank her for them, but nothing changes in your behavior that actually causes her to become bolder and to like you more and to compliment you more and to become a little bit more aggressive. She may even come right out and say, “Hey, let’s go to lunch.”

Or “Hey, let’s have lunch together or something.” It’s typically as far as a woman is going to be willing to go, but if you’re working at work in the afternoon and she’s touching you, standing extra close, and you’re sitting there at your desk and you’re kind of looking, you just do the kiss test when you’re sitting at your desk and just kind of look at her lips as she’s talking, and then kind of slowly back up into her eyes and then slowly down at her lips, then back into her eyes again. And if she looks at your lips while you’re doing that, then in that moment and she’s been touching you, maybe her knees bumping yours under the table or something.

If you’re sitting next to each other, then you can invite her to, “Hey, you know, there’s a happy hour down the street. Why don’t we go? There’s a great two for one.” Or “They got great mimosas.” Or “They got great cosmopolitans. Or “They got great Mai Tai’s.” Or whatever. “I got a great rum punch drink I fucking love. They got these great rum barrels.” Whatever happens to be. Invite her to come hang out. Then say, “Why don’t we grab a few drinks after after we get off today?” And she’ll probably say yes. And then if she says, “Yes” and she goes with you. Then you hang out. And if you see the signs are there again. The kiss test.

Just start making out. And she’s all over you. You can go to a second place. Or you could say, “Hey, you want to get out of here and go back to my place and pop a bottle of wine, hop in the Jacuzzi.” She might say yes. Or she might say, “Well, let’s have another drink. Or let’s eat.” And then you do it again. All this stuff is laid out in The Book. It’s better if you go slower than she does. This guy is in the perfect position that you want to be in. If you don’t have your ex that you’re hooking up with, maybe you got 2 or 3 girls that you’ve been kind of casually friends with benefits. It helps, especially when you’re learning the stuff that’s in The Book.

And then you meet a girl like this who’s the hottest girl, one of the hottest girls you’ve ever seen. If you got other choices and other options, it’ll help you be calm. But if you haven’t practiced The Book enough. And then you meet a girl like this, and you don’t know The Book well enough, it gets really hard to be smooth, because you’re in a state of fear. You’re worried. “Oh, man, I got to make a move. Or somebody else is going to take her.” It actually works to your advantage to where you’re totally indifferent to her interests. As a matter of fact, you’re almost like you don’t notice. Or maybe even you’re not interested.

I talked a lot about the girls in the podcast about these situations. Like we spoke a while back with Caroline, and she’s told that story a bunch about the guy was I think he was all tatted up, had a motorcycle, and her and her girlfriend were eyeing the dude, and uh, she had a pumpkin and they asked him to help her bring it up. And he did. And she’s expecting him to hit on her. And she kind of got roughed up her ego a little bit that he didn’t. And then like a couple days later, she saw him and drove by and was like, “Hey, how come you didn’t ask me out or hit on me?”

And he’s like, “Well, I kind of got a situation with my ex or whatever.” But, you know, girls that are used to dudes chasing after them, it’s like when they don’t, they become more aggressive and you think, “Oh, is this little innocent girl.” It’s like, Nope. No, they’re not. So that’s what I would do if I were you. And if you’re working in an environment with somebody, that’s just the best way to handle those situations. Let the girl become more aggressive. And if you see the signs are there that she’s really into you, then invite her for drinks.

And if you’re kind of not sure, then do like a group thing and, you know, get a bunch of people from the office to go to happy hour or something like that together, and then just see what happens outside of the office. But in this case, she’s pretty into him, so it makes it pretty obvious that he’s not in a rush. So even if it takes a couple more weeks, if he’s going slower, what’s going to happen over the next couple of weeks is she’s going to become more aggressive, and she’s going to go out of her way more to let him know that she’s interested.

She may even come right out and suggest it or hint it. Or suggest that once he’s over his ex, that maybe they go out on a date or something, or they spend some time together, or she invites him to do something. Every woman is different. But like I said, if you’re going slower than she is, it really makes things easy for you. And you don’t really have to risk your job, and you don’t have to risk rejection if you’re creating the conditions where she’s the one coming on to you, and it’s always better that way anyways.

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