I Lied To My Girlfriend, Got Caught & Now She Wants Space

Some things to consider if you got caught lying to your girlfriend & now she wants space.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer whose girlfriend didn’t want him taking nude pictures of her. He did it anyway, got caught and lied about it. He later came clean and she said she didn’t know if she could forgive him. He called her in the middle of the night crying and apologizing. Now she wants space. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “I Lied To My Girlfriend, Got Caught & Now She Wants Space”.

Character is destiny. And when it comes to a relationship, love cannot exist where there is no trust. So this particular emailer, he had a girlfriend and she didn’t want him taking any nudes or anything like that. Maybe she’s a good woman. Maybe she’s worried about it getting out there. Maybe she’s worried about her parents finding out. Bottom line is he agreed not to do that. But I guess apparently they were. They lived three hours apart. And so he’s been dating her for about ten months.

And of course, they were not really doing phone sex, but FaceTime sex, I guess, if you will. And so he took a screenshot of her, and the screen blinked on her end, and she’s like, what happened? And he was like, oh. He lied, basically. And because she noticed that he took a screenshot. And so later on he comes clean and admits, yeah, he did take a screenshot. So she gets really upset. She says doesn’t know if she can continue; she can’t trust him, she’s really upset at him.

She says, I’ll call you later. And so I guess he stews about it for several hours. The illusion of action kicks in. And so he calls her, bawling his eyes out like a little girl, apologizing. Probably because at that point he’s fearful he’s going to get dumped. And now she says she wants space. And he’s like, “oh, shit.” I mean, this is like a totally unnecessary self-inflicted wound.

But if you’ve ever trained with the police, the gun range, you’d be surprised that, it’s surprising that more of them don’t shoot themselves by accident. Because they’re just so dangerous and incompetent with weapons. I know that’s a shock for most people. It was a shock to me when I first learned that, and especially when I started training with them. It’s like, holy shit. No wonder there are three times more likely to shoot an innocent person. But I digress. It’s one of those things in life you’re like, ah, it’s totally, it’s totally avoidable.

Viewer Email:

Hello Corey,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for ten months. The other day, we were FaceTiming because we live three hours apart. Things got intimate, and we began masturbating together. This is where I messed up. While she was nude, I took a screenshot of her.

Well, I’m sure she looked beautiful. And you wanted to remember her that way. These are the kinds of things that even if you have these pictures, you keep your mouth shut. Keep it under lock and key. Don’t keep the shit laying around. Especially if you’ve got nudes from previous girlfriends, which most of us might have. But it’s better that you just put those things away somewhere. So when you’re old and your balls are dragging on the ground because they’re sagging, you can look back and go, ah, there was a time.

She didn’t notice immediately, but she suspected something and confronted me about it. I lied and told her the screen had just flashed and we continued. I felt bad about it already but after we hung up, I felt a deep sense of regret. About three minutes later, I called her back and told her the truth about what had happened.

Yeah, well, if you’re in a hole, as they say, stop digging.

She was extremely upset and started to cry. I apologized, but she reminded me that she had previously told me she was not comfortable with nude photos and that I am not allowed to take them off her.

He agreed to it and then he didn’t. Women have to be able to trust your masculine core. In other words, they’ve got to be able to trust your word. How are they going to rely on you to bring home the bread and the bacon if they become a stay at home mom and you have kids with her, if you can’t even keep your word about something simple like that? I mean, talk about no self-control at all and then lying to cover it up. That’s pretty pathetic, dude. It’s pathetic and it’s weak. And it’s something a low character person would do.

She felt that what I did was incredibly disrespectful.

Yep. Man, it’s just such a avoidable thing. If you really want to you could have said, “Babe, you look so hot right now. I really want to take a screenshot. Would you mind? I want to save this for posterity.” And she’d be like, “You better not.” I would have been like, “Okay, but man, you look so beautiful, honey. You have no idea how good you look right now. I would love to have this for a keepsake. But if you just want it to be part of the visual rolodex, then I guess that’s what it’ll be. But it sure would be nice if I could have your permission to take this picture, because you look so fucking hot. You look so desirable right now. I’m so turned on.” That would have been a more tactful and romantic and playful way to go about it. Because she might have said, “Okay, well, just one, I love you.”

We hung up, and when she called later that day, I admitted I had been stupid and selfish, acting purely on impulse at that moment.

Well, the other thing is that if you’re going to apologize, apologize once. Don’t keep apologizing over and over, because you’ll just make it look worse. You’ll keep drawing attention to a negative event. I mean, she can always bring it up later and want to talk about it some more. But when you just keep calling, keep apologizing, you just make yourself look worse and worse.

She told me she didn’t know if she could forgive me. I wrote her a long apology, to which she replied, “I don’t know, Bob. I don’t know what is up or down. I have this lump in my stomach about the whole situation. I feel confused, sad, and hurt.”

Does he stop there? Nope.

In the middle of the night, I called her while crying.

Why on earth would you think that’s a good idea, See, I don’t know, it’s like the third or fourth time now, it’s like the fifth time. You’re calling her in the middle of the night, crying like a little girl. How is that masculine? You’re just totally losing your shit. Masculinity is calm. Feminine energy is chaos. And you’re acting like a chaotic, immature little girl. And what you’re doing is making yourself look even more unattractive and undesirable. It’s like you’re begging for attention. You’re begging for forgiveness, and you just keep, you know, you’re in the hole. And like, you know, again, as the old saying goes, if you’re in a hole, stop digging. But he’s like, no, I want to dig some more.

Telling her how sorry I was and how much I regretted my actions.

Well you already did that once. Again, the more you harp on something, the more you look guilty. It’s like somebody that’s trying to go out of their way to convince you that they’re honest. Hey, I’m a Christian. I want you to know I’d never screw you over. Hey, I’m a Christian. I would never take your money. Hey, you know, I’m a good person. I do everything with honor and integrity. You know, I always do the right thing. When somebody continually repeats shit over and over like that, you start to go, wait a minute. Why? They’re trying to make up for something.

And so what you do, whether you realize it or not, when you constantly apologize for this, then she starts wondering, “Has he been recording me all this time? Does he have other pictures? Does he have this huge weight of guilt because he did more than just a screenshot? Am I in an internet forum?” Remember, what does the book say if it’s not going to make you look more masculine, more attractive, confident and sure of yourself.

Whatever you’re about to let come out of your mouth, you should probably put your hand over it and not say it. But he didn’t do it anyways, and so he’s exhibiting a total lack of self control, lack of impulse control, which is, I mean, this is one screenshot. And if she can’t trust you to be even keeled, calm, then how can she feel safe with you? So you’re just making it worse by continually apologizing.

You should have apologized once. “Yeah, that was stupid. I’m sorry. I’ll delete it. But it’s. You really look amazing. I’d really like to keep it, if you’re okay with that. But if you’re not, I’ll delete it, I promise. You can watch right now. I’ll share my screen with you and you can see me delete it. You can see it. Go into the trash, and then I’ll empty the trash and then poof, it’s gone. And then you can come over later and beat up my pelvis and punish me properly. You can fuck me like you hate me.” You just, again, the way you handled it, your vibe, everything was. Instead of being playful and owning up to it, you just kept digging.

She told me she would call me in the morning instead. When she did, she said she still doesn’t know if she can forgive me.

Remember, women are focused on their feelings and their emotions.

She told me she needs space and that it could be anywhere from one to four weeks before she reaches out to me again. I know the book well enough to know that I cannot reach out now and that it’s probably the end of this relationship, but I just wanted to share this story with you guys so that you don’t act on impulses like I did and call her crying in the middle of the night.

Yeah, that was “The Illusion of Action.” And again, that’s not going to make you look masculine. Calling your girl in the middle of the night bawling like a little boy. It just makes you look even more guilty. In her mind, again, like I was saying earlier, she may think, “What else has he done? He really is like going out of his way to apologize here. So I’m wondering if there’s something much bigger that he’s done than he’s not telling me about. Or this has been a recurring pattern, and I just now noticed it.” Because, again, you just make yourself look worse. And what’s going to happen?

Then she’s going to start thinking and contemplating and looking and questioning you and doubting you because of your excessive apologies. Just like, again, when somebody consistently goes out of their way to tell you how honest they are and what a good person. How they do everything with honor and integrity, and they continually repeat those phrases in a short period of time. And you’re like, ah, something ain’t right there. So it’s completely avoidable. But hey, you live and you learn. You know, like I said, I shared how I would have handled it. I mean, if you had promised her, you wouldn’t do it. And yet you were like, wow, she looks so amazing.

“Babe, I got to get a screenshot of this. You look so hot right now. I know you don’t want me to have any nudes, but, God, you just. You look so amazing. I would love to have a picture of you. With your permission, I’d love to do it. But if you don’t, I’m just going to be a sad man. It’s just such a tragedy to not have a picture of you looking this fucking amazing.”

Feminine energy grows through praise. That’s what I would have been doing. But now you know. And for those of you that are in a situation like that in the future, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Comes from a lifetime being in sales, you’re able to deliver things tactfully and playfully. Love is playful and fun after all. So at this point, all you can do is wait to hear from her because you waiting to hear from her, what does that do?

It shows you have self control and you have impulse control. But if she’s asked for space and you can only hold out for a few days, and you keep reaching out, crying and apologizing, you’re still demonstrating you have the same problem, same issue, no self control. Whereas she asked for space, you let her have it until several days or a week or so or more goes by and she’s like, “Where’s Bob I haven’t heard from? Did he meet somebody else? Has he moved on? Does he not miss me? Why didn’t he try to fight for us?” Those kinds of things go through. And then she reaches out, and then you just create the next opportunity for sex to happen. Pretty simple.

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