How to find and balance the pace you have with a woman to facilitate attraction growing, and so it eventually leads to the kind of relationship you want.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who has read my book four times so far. He details what he did and said to a woman he has been dating for a few weeks to successfully pass her tests when, after having sex, she asked him if he was seeing anyone else. After he handled her questions properly, she volunteered she was dating two other guys, and how one of them is turning her off by being pushy and pursuing too hard. Then she says some key things about how she loves the pace they have, how she can just come and go as she pleases, and how she likes that he is not pressuring her into any kind of relationship.
It’s a great email that illustrates how to handle questions about other women you are dating, and how to handle her also dating other people and bringing the topic up. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I just wanted to drop you a note. I’ve read the book 4 times now, and counting. With each iteration, things I’ve read from the book and the concepts just come, without effort.
I am having sex with this girl that I’ve been dating for a few weeks. After sex, she asks if I’m dating anyone else.
(At some point, that’s going to come up with just about every woman you date. But remember, gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. If you get asked about how many women you slept with or how many girlfriends you’ve had, and you start telling her in detail, it’s never going to end well. It’s better to just say, “The past is the past. I am who I am because of everybody that I’ve dated and gotten to experience.” Then you change the subject and go on to something else.)
I said, “you’re here right now, that’s just a silly question.” She said, “no I’m being serious.” I said, “look baby, you’re the most important thing to me right now, that’s all that matters.” She seemed to be okay with that answer.
(What a great response. You dodged that question just like a skilled politician would. Why give her ammunition she can use against you later on?)
I just want to point out what she said to me next. It’s something you say repeatedly throughout your videos and book.
(Remember the Thich Nhat Hanh quote, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” You are doing a beautiful job of doing that. That’s why you are winning.)
It is very important for guys to get this fucking concept! It really hit me tonight, and I was so fucking proud of the way I handled this!
She offers up that she is seeing two other guys and starts telling me about them.
(Women help you when they like you. In other words, here’s your competition dude, and you know what, it really ain’t much competition.)
She said one of the guys, she’s already avoiding because he’s RUSHING things with her, which is making her feel UNCOMFORTABLE.
(Remember, women want to feel safe and comfortable.)
She said the other guy is nice and she has fun with him. She then looks at me waiting for a reaction. I didn’t do anything. I said “That’s great baby.”
(You were both dating other people, looking for the right person, and then you had this magical connection. What happens over time is, the other people you’re dating start to just slowly fall by the wayside.)
She then chuckled and said this…
THIS IS VERY FUCKING IMPORTANT GUYS I AM FINALLY GETTING THIS!
“I love the pace we have. I can just COME and GO as I please with you, and you do not give me drama.
(That’s because love is freedom. You’re like, “come and go, it doesn’t matter,” so she’s able to be herself, explore these other guys, and test all of the guys she’s dating. Whoever passes the test is the one she’s going to naturally feel more attraction for and want to spend more time with. Why would you want to force it? You want somebody to choose you willingly.)
You are like a ROCK. I feel SO SAFE with you, because you’re not PRESSURING me into any sort of relationship. I love that I can come over here and just be with you, cuddle, have sex and not have to worry about drama.”
After she said that, I did open up to her a bit about a personal thing I had shared with her previously and let her know that wasn’t something I share with a lot of people. Good move? She was giddy about that shit.
(Yeah, it’s something special. It’s something that helps establish intimacy. Remember, if she’s special to you, you’re going to share special things, but not too much, to the point where you become and open book and become boring, dull and predictable.
Most guys, when a woman mentions other guys they’re dating, get jealous and insecure about it. They start thinking, “what can I do to knock these other guys out so I’m the only one in the running?” The reality is, you really don’t have to do a lot.
You are the gift. You are the prize. And if you’re the gift and the prize, and you know that you’re awesome, it’s just a matter of time before she chooses you. And if she doesn’t, somebody else will come along and see your value.)
Anyway, by all intents and purposes, this is a girl I should be crazy about.
(It sounds like you’re keeping your wits. Remember, people can hide who they are for the first 90 days. You want to be smart, because you don’t really know what she’s like. You don’t want to get hypnotized by the beauty, the boobs, the butt and the sweet voice. You want to see a person for who they really are.)
She’s cute, smart, funny, has a great job making great money, and while I do like her and enjoy her company, I’m keeping my options open.
(Well, she’s doing the same thing. That’s the reality.)
I’m fairly certain what happened tonight was a shit test. She was testing me to see if I would cave when she brought up the fact that she knows I’m dating multiple women.
(Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. It’s a philosophy. It’s a way you live your life. And for guy that’s ever made the mistake of talking about women he’s dated and slept with in his past, what value does it add to your current relationship? It’s not.)
The only thing I did agree to with her was to tell her if I started sleeping with someone else, out of respect.
(Hopefully, you asked her to do the same thing.)
It feels good to be in CONTROL of your emotions and remain CENTERED as a man.
(Because this is your natural state as a man. Great fucking job.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Love is freedom. It is the celebration of the other person who you love and encourage to be all that they are capable of being. Love is not about imposing your will on another, but encouraging them to be who they really are, without judgment or rules. The divine, innate nature of all human beings is freedom. The best way to love is to allow the other person to come and go as they please, so they can either choose you or find someone else they are more emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically aligned with. When you love others as they are, without judging or trying to change them, you create the conditions for others to be magically drawn into your life who will love you in the same way.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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