I Over Pursued & Chased Her Away. Will She Ever Come Back?

How to know if she will come back after dumping you while in no contact.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has read 3% Man 10 times, but is having a hard time actually following it. He over pursued a girl he was dating and had no self control. He ended up chasing her out of his life and now they are in no contact.

An ex of hers is in the background and he wonders if she will come back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who says he’s read 3% Man 10 times, but the problem is he’s having a hard time actually following it. So he sends in an email, admits he over-pursued a girl he was dating and he just had no self-control. This is part of the reason why you read the book and you apply it, and you ideally want to be applying it with multiple women, not just one girl thinking, having oneitis, that you’re going to be together forever. The idea is you want to get to know the book backwards and forwards, to the point where you know it so well that you can teach a class on it and you don’t have to think about it anymore, so you become competent and confident in what’s in the book. In this case, it looks like this was the only girl that he was seeing. He got a little bit of oneitis, but the book‘s not going to help you if you constantly do the opposite of what it teaches.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I’ve read the book 10 times, but I’m in a bit of a situation. I dated a girl for six months (It was more of a situationship, not a formal relationship).

Well, if you dated a woman for six months and you’re not exclusive, then that tells me you don’t know the material or maybe you’re dating a fruit loop, because a normal, healthy woman, if you’d have been applying what’s in the book, would have been in love by week six or week seven. So right off the bat, I can tell, unless this woman was a fruit loop, that you were not applying what’s in the book.

Long story short, I over-pursued her and acted upset once. She ghosted me for two days, then came back with, “Hellooo… Sorry for not contacting, I was busy,” blah blah.

Yeah, she just had low interest and low respect for him. If you’re over-pursuing a girl and you’ve read the book 10 times, you just haven’t practiced with enough women to really overcome it. This stuff is not easy. The stuff I teach is not a quick fix. It’s not flipping on a light switch. You’re not going to read the book once, and then all your problems are going to be solved.

You got to understand, you’re interacting with TV and movies, which is basically propaganda that is teaching you dysfunctional archetypes of how men and women interact in a romantic setting, and nine times out of 10, the way you’re taught, based upon what you see on TV, is to act like a girl when you’re a man, and vice versa, for the woman to act like a man when she’s a girl, so it ruins the sexual polarity. If you ruin the sexual polarity, it doesn’t matter whether it’s a heterosexual relationship, a lesbian relationship, or a gay relationship, there’s going to be no romantic attraction. That’s just a fact of life.

I held out, but something snapped in me after that.

In other words, “I had no self-control. Corey. I couldn’t help myself,” or he chose not to help himself. Again, the book is not going to help you if you’re just, “Oh, something snapped and I couldn’t control myself.” It’s not going to work.

When I replied, she ignored me for hours. I still had some clothes at her house that she had washed for me, so I suggested picking them up and mentioned wanting someone who reciprocates my interest.

Yeah, it sounds like you were a little butt-hurt.

Basically, I acted needy, seeking certainty.

Again, this is not the behavior of a guy who understands the book. It’s the guy that thumbed through it a few times, read it a few times, cherry picked some videos, and because he really likes the girl, his emotions are overriding his logic and he’s basically still acting the same way that he behaved before he came across my work. You’re not going to be able to sustain any kind of long term success when you act this way.

Long story short, she texted me to break up and offered to talk about it. She felt differently after our last texts (I know women care primarily about their emotions). She came over that same night. I told her I already knew why she wanted to break up and that she probably thought I wanted a relationship with her, which was true. However, I acted like I didn’t want a relationship but wanted to see where things would go.

Again, if you’re six months down the road and you’re having these kinds of conversations, you don’t understand the book and you’re not applying it properly. Besides, he admitted he over-pursued. If a woman thinks that you like her way more than she likes you, this is what you’re going to get. You’re going to get pushed away.

I also mentioned that I was dating other women and had sex with them (I regret telling her this), but I still wanted to see her and really enjoyed our time together. I liked her way more. The other girl was just a one-night stand.

Again, these are just not appropriate conversations to be having.

She told me she was only dating me. Despite what I said, we ended up having sex. Before that, she mentioned she wasn’t sure if she could date multiple men. She also said she promised her girlfriends she wouldn’t hook up, but I didn’t care and went for it anyway, James Bond style. After hooking up, I walked her to the door but felt weird about it. She kissed me at the door, and I kissed her back. I told her to “WhatsApp me,” but she didn’t. I’ve been in no contact for five weeks now.

Probably won’t hear from her again. That was like, goodbye sex.

She still had contact with her ex, whom she tried dating twice. She told me she was over him, but they still had contact because of a dog they bought together. They were in a relationship for six years. He probably uses the dog to stay in touch with her. Could it be that I chased her into his arms?

Yeah. I mean, you were not applying what’s in the book at all. If you think you’re applying what’s in the book and you get dumped, well you were either dating a fruit loop or you were not applying what was in the book successfully.

On one hand, I think she will contact me sometime in the future. On the other hand, I think I messed it up by mentioning sex with other girls.

No, it was already that she had lack of respect and interest in you.

I know you preach no contact but for some reason, I want to apologize for the butt-hurt behavior.  



Kind regards,



Bob

It’s not that you want to apologize for the butt-hurt behavior. You’re hoping that an apology is going to make her like you again, so you’re just looking for reasons to continue over-pursuing her. You over-pursued her to the point where she didn’t want to be with you anymore, and it’s now been five weeks. Maybe the ex is back in the picture. The bottom line is, she’s not trying to keep you. Remember, she got in touch to break it off, and now you haven’t heard from her. Her girlfriends want her to break it off, she said she wanted to break it off, and it’s been five weeks. She doesn’t want to make the effort. You over-pursued her to the point where she never fell deeply head over heels in love with you, and in the end, you saw that she just walked right out of your life because she didn’t care. She probably felt better about leaving you because you had other women that you were dating. She didn’t feel so guilty. So you need to move on with your life. Put a fork in this one.

I wouldn’t expect to hear from her, but maybe at some point in the future, she does reach out. If she does, you want her to find a better version of you. You want to find a guy that’s not only read this 10 or 15 times, but a guy that actually applies it with multiple women, because your game sucks, your performance is terrible. You are not going to have any sustainable success with girls that you really like, because even though you claim to have read the book 10 times, the way you behave with women is the exact opposite of what the book teaches. So you’re not going to get sustainable success. You may get laid, you may be able to hook up for a little while. I mean, this was basically a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, type of relationship for six months, but she never fell in love with you.

You’ve got to learn the material. There’s no shortcuts to success. You should have multiple women that you apply this with, so you can really own it and get over and punch through that wall of fear that every single one of us guys has to get through, between pursuing too much and not pursuing enough. The problem is, you’ve been unable to back off enough to cause her to be unsure of where she stands with you, to the point where she was always certain. Therefore, she always had the power. She always knew that you were way more into her than she was into you. Women like you better if it’s the other way around. If they think that you’re more into them than they’re into you, this is what happens. She always had the power, you continually gave her the power and you just need to let her be. Put a fork in it.

She may reach out in the future, but if you don’t get better, if you don’t read what’s in the book and really master the information, every woman that you get with in the future is going to dump you for the same reasons. I could talk to her for five minutes and find out exactly what you’ve been doing wrong, and I could talk to your other girlfriends, and they’ll probably all tell me the same thing, that they left you for the same exact reasons. You got to do better, man. You can’t just read the book and do the opposite and then be shocked that you still got dumped.

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