I Over Pursued & Pushed Her Away, But Dating Other Women While In No Contact Helps

Why you should date other women while in no contact after over pursuing & pushing her away.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who over pursued a woman he really liked and pushed her away. However, he is hanging out, having fun and hooking up with other women while he’s in no contact and it’s really helping his attitude and mindset. Having choices and options with women after rejection and heartbreak helps you to improve so you can either attract her back or someone better. This makes you more desirable to all women giving you even more choices and options. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “I Overpursued & Pushed Her Away, But Dating Other Women While In No Contact Helps.”

Well, this particular email is from a guy he says he met, a girl he really liked. He over pursued her, pushed her away, but he’s hanging out, having fun and hooking up with other girls in hopes that this other girl comes back. But he’s also has the attitude if she doesn’t, I’m moving in the direction of what I want. Which is somebody who wants to be here, who wants to be with me. And that’s the right attitude to have. Your attitude should be like, hey, if not her, there’s another bus every 15 minutes.

And what’s interesting and what’s beautiful about this, is the more success you have with other women, when that ex does come back, you’re going to be a little cockier you’re going to have more swagger. You’re not going to be so super enthusiastic about jumping back into a relationship, and you’ll actually make the woman earn you back. Unlike our emailer and the previous Members Only Newsletter that I did, “My Ex Came Back After Six Years, But I Lost My Cool & Pushed Her Away.”

So, it’s important to make the girl earn you back. Because that previous emailer they’d broken up for six years. And then after one week of dating, after six years, he’s like, she wants to be exclusive, he says, okay. This guy has the right attitude. If you’re the prize and you’re the catch; women like a challenge. They like a guy that’s not easy. They like a guy that they have to work for. That they have to go out of their way to get his attention, especially when she’s been the one that messed it up and broke things off unilaterally.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

3% Man: 18x

So I guess that means he’s read it 18 times. I think this guy is in the military, if I’m not mistaken.

Location: Texas

Student for: 2 months

That’s a serious student. So I commend you for that because most I mean, I guys have followed me for two years and they haven’t even been through the book once, and then they wonder why they struggle so much, even though I tell them in the videos and I break their balls in the phone sessions. Like, “I know, I know you’re going to do that.”

Height: 5’ 6” (don’t have to be 6’ to get hot women)

Which is true. Women like confidence. But if you’re only on the dating apps, I think it’s like 80% of the women have their height filter to six feet and above. So in that arena, you’re going to be at a disadvantage just because most of the women are not even going to see you because of their height filter. But in person, it doesn’t matter. Your personality and how you handle yourself is the only thing that matters.

I am reaching out to express my gratitude for your work. As a divorced single dad at the age of 32, I am embarking on a new journey in the dating world. My marriage spanned a decade, but by the second year, I knew that my ex-wife was not the right match for me. Despite this realization, I chose to stay in the marriage for the sake of our child.

Yeah, staying in it for the sake of the kid when the two of you don’t like each other and you’re not happy, is not a good model to present to your child. Ideally, you want your child to see you in love with the person that you’re with. Because then when they grow up, they’ll go emulate that. And if you’re or were in a relationship with a chick, that’s kind of a lunatic, even when they’re young.

If she has most of the custody, as they get older and you have good, healthy relationships, when the kids get old enough, they’ll be able to realize that dad’s actually got his shit together. But mom, she’s the one that’s the lunatic.

And so what’ll happen is the kids will want to spend more time with you. They may even want to come. “I’d rather go live with dad.” You know, that oftentimes happens in high school. Or when they get a little bit older because they recognize that dad’s providing a safer, more stable environment than what mom is.

But, you know, when they’re really young, oftentimes, and with the advantages that the state gives to women when it comes to child custody, the kids don’t really see that. That’s why, as a man, if you’re not going to stay with your baby mama or your first wife or your ex or whatever, whoever you are with in the future, you want to be a dramatic improvement.

You want it to be a great relationship that you’re proud of, that you and your significant other are proud of and proud to be with each other. Because then your child at least will have one of his parents or her parents that has a good relationship to present to them.

So even if things are difficult after your breakup or your divorce, for the first few years when the kids are real little, if you build yourself up and you learn the stuff that’s in 3% Man, and you become successful and you have a good, healthy relationship, when your kids get old enough to understand or start to understand what’s going on in the real world, they’ll be coming to you for advice and counsel, especially on quality of life issues or relationships. And that’s what you want.

However, it became evident that it was a misguided decision. Eventually, I could no longer continue in that relationship and filed for divorce. Since then, my son has been thriving, spending the majority of his time with me.

There you have it.

Having served as an Army Officer for a decade.

Thank you for your service.

I experienced numerous challenging situations, yet I struggled to translate that assertiveness and strength into my personal life. After my divorce, I made the decision to prioritize my son’s well-being and get out of the Army.

Well, that’s being a good dad.

In my efforts to move forward, I encountered various challenges in my dating life, personal, and career. I found myself repeating patterns from my past relationships. Despite my best intentions, I found it difficult to maintain relationships with women that I really wanted. Finally, I got a great job as a Regional Sales Manager for Tech.

Yeah, the hard thing and I discuss this in my book, 3% Man, which you can read for free in the Members Area if you haven’t already. Is that when we meet a girl; because this is what happens like in childhood, if Mom and Dad don’t say, “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” they don’t give you enough hugs. You start to think, something’s wrong with you and you’re unworthy.

And so, when because you didn’t get the love that you wanted from your parents and they didn’t show it and express it freely, then when you get into the real world and you start dating somebody, especially somebody you really care about, then what’s going to tend to happen is that you’re going to chase after women and try to force things and over pursue.

Because deep down, you fear that you’re not going to be loved like your parents didn’t love you the way you felt you deserved. And so, without realizing it, most guys, when they get around a girl they really like, they’re extra nice, they’re extra soft, they’re extra compliant.

Like this guy when he was in the Army, he was a badass, but he gets around a hot girl, he just completely loses it and falls apart. Trying to be nice, trying to be a pleaser doesn’t want to upset her. And so that’s what tends to happen, is that we put women on a pedestal that we really like, and we treat them different than all the other women that were just kind of like “Eh.” And so, that’s why I talk about in the Book, you got to treat all women the same. And so, what he’s doing is what I used to do. He treats the girls that he really likes he’s extra nice, he’s extra soft and squishy and compliant, because he doesn’t want to upset them.

But what women pick up on very quickly is that you’re soft and you’re kind of a bitch, and that they can kind of push you around and you won’t really stand up for what you believe. They’ll be able to get you to change your opinions, to match hers and those kinds of things. And they don’t want a guy that goes along to get along.

They want a man who has principles and values, and he stands up for what he believes in, even if it rubs her the wrong way or even if she disagrees with him. But you know when you pedestal a woman, you everything will go out the window in order to please her and she’ll quickly lose interest and respect for you. And if a woman doesn’t respect you, she’s not going to love you. She can’t love you.

I delved into self-improvement, exploring resources such as YouTube videos in an attempt to better understand and attract healthy relationships. All I could find was some hippy nonsense about energy and universe crap. Amidst these efforts, I had an encounter with a woman who seemed to embody my ideal partner qualities. However, my interactions with her did not unfold as expected. Initially, she displayed high interest by initiating contact frequently (1-2 times a day.)

Yeah, and what typically happens is the guy’s emotions become involved. He starts calling and texting more to speed things up. And as the weeks go by, what happens is she starts to call and text less. Her messages get shorter, you text more, your messages get longer, to the point where usually what happens is the guy’s doing all the pursuing and then she starts getting flaky, being non-committal on dates or cancelling dates. And then that usually is upsetting because what happens is the guy really likes her. Then he becomes fearful and he’s like, “what’s wrong?” Then he gets angry. He gets upset. It starts to chase her away.

We went on two dates, with the second one ending on a positive note and each date with a kiss. Subsequently, her interest waned, leading to a shift in our communication dynamics with me pursuing her 100%. This was my “fuck it” moment and said to myself “this shit needs to change.”

In other words, he hit the wall. He finally got to a point in his life where he was like, “you know, every time I meet a girl, I really like this. Same shit happens. They go from seeming to be really into me at first, then all of a sudden I’m like a second class citizen. Like, now all of a sudden they can’t find any time in their schedule. Work is crazy. They’re busy.

They’re hard to get Ahold of. They’re just telling me all they got all this going on in their lives or. And they’re like, it doesn’t make any sense. A couple of weeks ago, you were all over me. Calling, texting 1 or 2 times a day, and now it’s like, you can’t even find the time to talk to me or see me.”

And so, that again, I got to that point in my early 20s and I was just like, shit needs to change. After the last time that happened, I was like, man, I just wasted. When I looked at several of the girls that I had done that with, from my late teenagers to my early 20s, I was like, man, that’s 4 or 5 years of my life. I wasted on like 3 or 4 girls being hung up on them, and they were never going to date me anyways.

And I was like, I need to find out right away if you’re in or you’re out. Because I’m not going to waste this amount of time. And it clicked. I mean, from that point forward I’d be, you know, even though I screwed up a lot, I was very you’re either in or you’re out. And I was quick to move on even when it stung. I just I didn’t sit around trying to change her mind.

Then like lightning from the divine I found “3% Man,” which I have immersed myself in repeatedly (about 18 times).

Well, that’s impressive. 18 times in two months. That’s a lot.

Despite my efforts to implement the lessons learned, I realized that I had pushed this woman away through my overeager pursuit.

Well, at least you have the awareness of it. That’s the important thing. And this is why I harp on going through the Book 10 to 15 times as quickly as you can, and to keep going through it at least once or twice a year when you’re in a relationship, you’re dating, so you can keep the principles fresh. The guys that get themselves into trouble read the book a couple of times, then they start dating.

They’re like, “wow, things have really improved my dating life. And like, I’m getting laid all the time. This is so easy. It’s like, I don’t need to read this 10 to 15 times. This stuff is so simple. I don’t know what he’s talking about.” And then they don’t listen. And in six, eight months down the road, they get dumped. And then they go back to the book and they’re like, “oh. I wish I’d have listened to him.”

As a result, I have shifted my focus to self-improvement and exploring new opportunities. Following the two “I’m busy” responses from her I gave the “reach out when you have some free time” and signed off the net. It has been about 12 days.

I have connected with other women, both online and through personal interactions, including a friend of 12 years who my ideal woman is based off of (currently long distance.) We are now planning a trip to visit here in TX for a week in the summer. For now I am Hanging out, Having fun, and Hooking up.

So what is good about all of this is that he recognizes what he did he over pursued, and now he’s building his practice squad. He’s getting several women on his practice squad, so he’s no longer focused on the chick he chased away. Now he’s focused on creating choice for himself. And as the old saying goes, one is no choice. Two is a dilemma and three is a proper choice. And so what he should do, because we don’t know whether it’s 12 days, he’s never heard from this girl since she may or may not come back at all.

And so with her being out of the picture, he should at least have three women on his practice squad, and if she comes back, she can be the fourth. And then may the best girl win. Because if you got several choices and several options, you’re not going to pedestal. She’s the one girl and plus you’re going to be getting experience with other women.

Experience applying what’s in 3% Man. He’s been through it 18 times. And what he really needs to see is what’s in the book showing up in his life in the real world. And you have to have experience. You have to have interactions with women as the great, late, great Aristotle said, “excellence is not a singular act. It is a habit. You are what you do repeatedly.”

And so, he’s read the book a lot. He’s got multiple women in his life, and he’s repeating the same behaviors over and over and over again with these new women. So maybe in a few weeks, or a month or, who knows, a year, two weeks, whatever happens to be when this other woman potentially comes back and reaches out, what is she going to find? She’s going to find a guy who’s got more confidence. His game is tighter, he’s cockier, he’s got more swagger, and it’ll just be something about him that is different this time around. She won’t be able to put her finger on it, and that’s why you need to be doing exactly what this guy is doing.

If you’re in the position of having just chased a girl away. It’s while she’s away. You need to not only be working on yourself, but reading the Book. And most importantly, where he’s at right now is because he’s read it so much in the last two months. Is applying it with multiple women, because the more you see the patterns and the Book and your own life and what the women that you’re dating and seducing, the more you’ll have a sense of peace and ease about yourself, and you’ll be more comfortable and confident to trust what’s in the book, and most importantly, to trust in yourself.

Because when you trust in your, as Wayne Dyer said, “when you trust in yourself, you’re trusting in the same wisdom that created you.” But you’ve got to have the principles in there, and you’ve got to see the principles working not only in your life, your relationships, your interactions, but you can also see it in the real world with other people.

And the more you see that, the more it builds your confidence. And then when this girl potentially does reach back out, she finds a better, more confident, cockier funnier, more playful version of you. So you don’t interrupt the attraction process like you did the last time. You don’t chase her out of your life, you actually allow her to come to you at your pace.

And if you got 3 or 4 other women, you’re not going to really have to worry about chasing her too much because you got other choices and other options. If you haven’t heard from her in 24 hours or whatever, and you’re starting to freak out about that, well, one of the other 3 or 4 girls is going to be texting you and you’ll be talking to her. Dale Carnegie said, “inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage.” And taking action with other women other than the one that burned you, or that you lost because you chased her away.

That makes you feel confident, that makes you feel better about yourself, and that makes you less inclined to over pursue and chase. Because like he said, he read the Book a bunch, but he didn’t have any experience with anybody else. He only had his experience with her, and he wasn’t able to turn things around quickly enough, because the damage had kind of already been done at that point.

But now, I mean, this guy is really done a great job of going through the Book of bunch and loading his personal life up with a bunch of different women so he can practice, because that’s what you need to do. Because otherwise you don’t practice with anybody else you don’t learn the material. The girl comes back, nothing’s changed. You’ll make the same mistakes all over again and chase her right back out of your life for the same exact reasons.

As I navigate this phase of my life, I continue to learn and grow, appreciating the lessons gained from past experiences. I am open to new possibilities, including the potential for a long-distance relationship with my ideal woman. Currently, I am enjoying my time, exploring new connections, and maintaining a positive outlook on my journey forward. I’m letting the women run the race while I sit back, have a beer, and watch.

Perfect mindset. Dude.

I don’t believe I have mastered the information but working to always mastering myself.

Well, as Jocko Willink said, “be humble or you will be humble and you got the right attitude.”

Thank you for the valuable insights and guidance offered in your work and the pain you went through to provide it to me and the greater world.

Please God Trump 2024!

Best Regards, 

I’m with you, man. I’ve talked about the vaccine and the other stuff, the Operation Warp Speed and turn the country over to Fauci and that idiot Doctor Burks. Both of those assholes should be in jail for what they did. But I’m still going to vote for him because he’s the best option. At least he cares about the country and he’s not a fucking geriatric. Yeah, I was just watching, you know, looking, following stuff that was going on in China. And they just encircled Taiwan the other day yesterday, as a matter of fact.

And we’re doing another drill. And probably what eventually will happen when China eventually, finally decides to attack and take Taiwan, it’ll look like an exercise that’ll actually turn into a shooting war. And I saw some of the, um, one of the Taiwanese navy ships basically threatening one of the Chinese ships to not come in any closer, or else they will repel them. That’s not good. And when you have a geriatric in office and we’ve depleted our arsenal, giving it to Ukraine and to Israel, I mean, if China was going to attack Taiwan.

Having a dementia patient as a present. There’s weakness invites aggression. This would be the best time for the Chinese to try to take Taiwan. I don’t see them trying to do that when Trump’s in office, because supposedly what Trump said was he told XI Jinping, if you move on Taiwan, I will nuke Shanghai and Beijing.

And they were like. Does he mean that? Is he serious or is he fucking with us? Is he just being crazy? That’s what you want. Because that’s how Ronald Reagan was with the Soviets. Gorbachev at years later, he was like, we thought he would push the button. In other words, he would launch an all out nuclear attack.

They thought Reagan was crazy. And that’s what you want in a president when you know you’re the president is weak and totally out of it, and they’re obviously injecting him with some kind of drug cocktail to temporarily make him coherent. It’s like weakness always invites aggression and is not good. When your country has a dude who doesn’t have all his faculties as president.

I mean, so I’m Trump 2024. You know, people get upset. Whatever, I don’t care. He’s the best man for the job. He’s not perfect. He hired a lot of swamp creatures. He’ll probably end up doing a lot of that. He’ll probably end up hiring a lot of the same people again or similar people. But hopefully he he learned some of his lessons the first time around.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.