I Read My Girlfriend’s Diary & Don’t Like What I Found. What Now?

Some things to consider if you read troubling things in your girlfriend’s diary.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 26-year-old viewer who has been with his 22-year-old girlfriend for four years. Curiosity got the best of him and he read her diary. He found some things that really troubled him.

He also realized he had gotten complacent and lazy in the relationship. Now he’s worried and jealous. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, this is pretty interesting.

So this guy has been with his girlfriend for four years. He’s 26. She’s 22. It looks like he met her right after she graduated high school and they pretty much been together ever since, but he realizes after, I guess he saw her diary, they lived together as well, he thought, “Well, I’ll just go and look through this,” and he basically found that she was kind of fantasizing about another guy, and she was talking about how she doesn’t feel the same way she did about him. He realized that he’d gotten complacent and lazy in the relationship because it’s four years and they’re living together. This is what happens when you’re with somebody for a long time.

So one of the things that jumped out at him was that he’d been slacking off, but obviously he didn’t like the fact of her talking about some other guys in glowing terms. So now he’s a little jealous of these guys that she wrote about, and he’s concerned because he recognizes his girlfriend doesn’t have the same level of respect and attraction that she once did.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’m 26 and have been with my girlfriend (22) for almost four years. A few months ago, I made a mistake: I read parts of her journal. It was lying around, and I gave in to curiosity.

I mean, who wouldn’t? If it’s just laying around, you live with her, you think you know everything about her, but sometimes you might not like what you find.

What I read hit me hard.

She wrote (About 3 months ago) that she fantasized about sleeping with other men and women, and felt like she was stagnating in life.

Remember, it doesn’t matter what a good guy you are, how handsome you are, or how much money you have. Women care about how they feel about you, and if you’re no longer paying attention to them and dating and courting them like you used to, they’re going to feel like you don’t care. Women want to be in a love story. Women know that if you care, you’ll continually court and make the effort. If you don’t, you stop.

One of the biggest complaints that women have about men is that the guys are romantic at first, and then after they’ve been together for a while, they just stop being romantic, they stop dating, they stop courting, they stop writing sweet notes. They stop doing the little things because in the guy’s mind, he’s like, “Hey, the courtship is over. I won her. She’s mine. We live together. We’re married. We have kids,” whatever, and he just can’t do that. If you don’t date in court, your girlfriend or your wife, eventually some other guy will do it for you, and based upon the level of character or lack thereof of your girl will determine how nice or how nasty she is about dissolving the relationship.

She also mentioned a guy from her past – Let’s call him Bob – that she once had feelings for.

So she’s ruminating over feeling. She doesn’t have the same feeling she used to have for her boyfriend because he’s not behaving the same way, so she wants to feel that way again. Remember, the most important thing is how a woman feels about you, and she doesn’t feel the same. So she starts thinking about guys who used to make her feel this way.

He recently reappeared in her friend group, and that brought back some emotions. She wondered what could’ve been and said she wanted to meet him again – but also wrote she’d talk to me first.

So it would be interesting if say, he never had read this and then she would have approached with, “Oh, I met this old friend. He asked me to lunch. Are you OK with that?” It would be interesting how she would have approached that and what she would have said. Women tend to say, because in their mind they’re living in the moment. “He’s just a friend,” until his dick ends up inside of her. Then, “It just kind of happened. I couldn’t say no.” The excuses happened later, but she put herself in the position where he could potentially seduce her because she was fantasizing about it.

Later entries showed she still believes I’m the right guy, but felt like I wasn’t open to new experiences or adventure at the time.

So the relationship became dull and boring. This is pretty much what happens to every long-term relationship. There’s a book. What the fuck is the name of it? There was a woman author. It’s very famous book. It still just sells a shit ton of copies. It’s not Why Men Love Bitches. Maybe it is, but one of the big things in the beginning of the book is all women have the same complaint. “Why are guys romantic at first and then they stop?” They like the love story, they like being courted, and when the guy stops they think, “What’s wrong? Does he not care anymore?” This is the effect that it has on how she feels about you.

Since then, things have shifted. She’s still loving, sweet and close. We’ve talked more, and I’ve realized I do want to live more, travel and lead again. I had become passive – Stopped planning, sex got predictable and we’ve been living together for a year now. I get how that might’ve dulled the spark.

Yeah, he’s just phoning it in. He’s not really making the effort anymore, and now he sees the net effect of how it makes her feel. A ratchet chick with low character will act upon these feelings because she wants to feel wanted, desired, loved, appreciated, whatever happens to be. She’ll go monkey branch and line up a guy behind your back. Then you find out she’s cheating on you or she just ups and leaves you, says she doesn’t feel it anymore. Then a week later, she’s with the new guy. A woman with high character is going to think about this, she’s going to ruminate about this and if they get to the point where they’re just not feeling it, then they’ll leave, they’ll take some time to be single and then they’ll start dating again.

Now I’m changing, but I keep looping on those fantasies.

My questions:

How do I stop obsessing?

Well remember, inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage. You stopped dating and courting your girlfriend, and you obviously probably didn’t make her feel heard and understood. She probably told you about things she wanted to do or would like to do, and you were dismissive. You didn’t feel like it. You didn’t want to spend the money, whatever happens to be. So over time, she just starts to feel like her ideas don’t really matter and you don’t care, because if you cared, you would listen and you’d do something about it.

So what you should be doing, because any long-term relationship or guys having problems that I’ve done over the last 20 years, they all do the same two things: They stop dating and courting her and they don’t make her feel heard and understood anymore. So you have to get those two things done in order for the relationship to last. That’s assuming you got a good quality woman who communicates, who’s nice to you, who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, loves her dad, respects her father, that kind of thing.

So in order to stop obsessing, because right now, it doesn’t seem like you’ve really done much to change. So you’ve got to get back to dating and courting her. Do more things like she wanted, like some adventure, and maybe some of the things she suggested to you or told you. “Oh wow, that seems interesting. Oh, I’d like to travel there. Hey, it’d be kind of cool to go to a bed and breakfast. It’d be fun to go to this restaurant,” or whatever. Just surprise her with those things in your future dates. That’ll show you’re listening. Then it’ll show you that you care because you’re actually doing something about it. You guys are young, you don’t have any kids, you should be at least having one date night per week where you go to dinner or you go out and do something fun together. It can’t just become the same dull, boring routine every single week and nothing changes.

So if you start doing that, the other thing is there’s a chapter in my book, It’s All In The Numbers, if you pay attention to that, you can tell where your woman is at. In other words, on a scale of one to 10, how she feels towards you. Obviously, nine to 10, she’s in love with you. So you got some work to do because she’s kind of fallen out of love and it will take time by dating and courting her properly, making her feel heard and understood, to get her to open back up and get her back to the place where she does all the things where a woman who has an interest of nine to 10 does so you can honestly assess where you’re at, what she’s doing and seek to raise it from there.

Over the coming weeks, as you see her interest starting to go back up, because you’re doing the things from the book again, that’ll make you feel better, because success is making progress. So you’ll be able to see the progress of her interest for you, her desire for you growing again, she’ll want to spend more time with you, she’ll be more affectionate, she’ll be more interested in sex, she’ll come on to you more, she’ll compliment you more again. She’ll do all the things right out of the attraction table from the beginning of the chapter It’s All In The Numbers. It’s not an actual like flow chart. It’s just says from nine to 10, she does this. From eight to nine, she does this. From seven to eight, she does this. So based on her actions, it’s pretty easy to tell where she is and how she feels towards you.

How do I rebuild polarity and mystery?

Well I mean, you said it, and I’ll go back to reading it. It says: “I had become passive, I stopped planning, sex got predictable and we’ve been living together for a year.” So the way to rebuild the polarity is to start being the leader again. Start planning dates. Maybe you take her away for the weekend. Maybe you make plans and you don’t tell her where you’re going to take her. Let it be a surprise.

Again, these things are all laid out in the book. Women love mystery. They love not knowing. They love you taking the initiative and making plans. Whether it’s dinner reservations, booking a hotel, a trip, a bed and breakfast, or maybe a stay-cation in your city. Just go stay at a cool resort or something in your city just for the day or the evening just to change things up. Doesn’t have to be super expensive. So when you start leading again, if you’re passive, when you become passive and lazy, then that forces the woman to kind of make up for your lack of masculinity by being the one planning things and suggesting things. Then what happens is she starts to resent it after a while, because you basically made her the man in the relationship, and she doesn’t want to be the man in the relationship.

Should I bring up the “Bob” part if she doesn’t?

No, because then she’ll know you’re going through her diary. Remember, you’re James Bond, operational security. So it’s much better if she thinks that you trust her implicitly. So I mean, overall, I would look at this as a good thing. You kind of went through it because now you can understand her deepest thoughts and how she really feels about you without her worrying about holding back and hurting your feelings. So at the end of the day, if you start doing the things in the book, you start dating and courting her properly, you start being more attentive, making her feel heard and understood, she’s going to really feel like you care the same way you did in the beginning, and as her interest goes up, she’ll focus more on you and she’ll think less and less about Bob. What you’ll notice if you go through her diary in a couple of months, she’ll be talking about how much better she feels about you and your relationship and how you’ve turned things around and she won’t be thinking about Bob because she’ll be so focused on you. In a relationship, when you’re experiencing pain, it’s typically because you’re focusing on yourself.

Thanks for all your work. It’s helped me a lot.

Best,

Bob

So again, this is what I see over and over again, 20 years I’ve been doing this, thousands and thousands of phone sessions. Every guy is the same fucking thing. They stopped dating and courting the girl and they don’t make her feel heard and understood. If you start doing those things again and you start being the leader, that’s masculine energy. Then the more you get into your masculine energy, you lead, you plan dates, you make things happen and you’re the leader in the household, she’ll relax, she’ll move back into her feminine energy, she’ll become more playful, more girly, she’ll wear sexier clothing, she’ll dress up for you more. You’ll just notice it because she’ll feel beautiful inside, because you’ve lit her up and you made her feel beautiful. Therefore, she’ll physically become more beautiful, sexier, making sure she’s always got her makeup on and looking hot for you and desirable.

What you notice in long-term relationships where you get a dead bedroom or whatever, what typically happens is they both gain weight, the woman butchers her hair, cuts it all off basically and has like a boy’s haircut, she doesn’t wear any makeup, she gets overweight and then both of them wear the same clothes, the woman walks in front and she’s kind of bitchy, angry and unhappy, and she doesn’t look very attractive. When a woman feels loved, desirable, beautiful, attractive and she’s getting her brains fucked out, she radiates more of this beauty, she goes to the gym more, she takes better care of herself, she makes sure she goes and lays out in the sun, gets some vitamin D and a little bit of a tan because she feels beautiful on the inside. So she’ll radiate that on the outside, and as she radiates that on the outside, guess what? You’ll become more attracted to her because she’s more in her feminine and she looks hotter, she looks more desirable, if she gained a couple pounds, she’ll lose the extra weight just because she feels beautiful. She’ll want to look hot for you. So that’s what you’ll see happen is if you do these things that are in the book and you get back to the basics, you’ll notice over the coming weeks she won’t be fantasizing about these other dudes. She’ll be fantasizing about things she can do with you, to you or that she’d like for you to do to her. This is a really simple thing to fix.

So if you start taking action again, like I said earlier, inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage. Again, don’t ever bring up this stuff about Bob unless she brings it up because you don’t want her to know that you’re going through her diary because quite frankly, you got good intel out of it. This can really help you. It’d be a different thing if you went in there and she’s fucking Bob and five other dudes and you’d be like, “Holy shit, I don’t even know this girl,” but so far, everything looks good. You just gotta turn it around, dude. Just like I said, this is an easy point in the relationship where things are kind of off, where it’s very easy to turn it around. In a matter of weeks, you can turn it around, get her back head over heels in love with you, obsessing over you, and then she’ll start doing things for you, cooking dinner for you more, buying you things, writing you sweet notes, telling you how much she loves you and all the things that she loves about you. So get it together, dude.

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