I Set My Relationship Boundaries, But Is She Respecting Them?

How to know once you set your relationship boundaries if your girl will respect them or if she’s untrustworthy.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update from a viewer whose email I answered in my video newsletter titled, “Am I Insecure, Or Is She Not Trustworthy?” He shares what has happened since he talked with her about the guy “friend” from high school that she Snapchats throughout the day everyday. She gave him access to her phone and he went through it.

He shares what he found and what has happened since then. It’s a good email to see what happens and how a woman will respond once you have set your relationship boundaries. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this email is actually an update from an email that I answered in another video newsletter about a month or so ago, and that video was titled, “Am I Insecure Or Is She Not Trustworthy?”

So this particular email or the problem he had going on, is that his girlfriend is constantly texting or Snapchatting some dude because he was like constantly popping up on the phone. He’d walk into the room, she’d be on her phone, she quickly put it down, that kind of thing. So it doesn’t look good. You can go back through and check out the previous email and the other things that were going on.

This update is what’s happened since he confronted her about it and what she said and how things look with the boundaries that he set. Is she respecting them or not? Because with all women, at the end of the day, if they look up to you, they admire you, they respect you, when you set a boundary, a healthy boundary, they’ll respect it. If they don’t respect you or they’re just a ratchet that belongs to the streets, they’re going to keep trying to see what they can get away with. If they’ve done something that’s dodgy and they have low character, they’ll do it again. Then at that point, you’re just enforcing the boundary that you set and then you tap out.

In this particular case, this guy is setting the boundary. Now we’re going to basically have a wait and see a “trust, but verify” kind of attitude towards this girl to see if long term, she will respect it, because if she does, then there’s hope for her. If she doesn’t, then she’s going to have to belong to the street.

So he does some really good things in his email and just really did a good job. However, it’s still on the girl to show that she can be consistent and show respect to his boundary, and if not, he’s going to throw her back to the streets.

Viewer’s Email:

Dear Coach,

Thank you for your response to my email, “Am I Insecure Or Is She Not Trustworthy?”

Since the time of my email I have talked to my girlfriend about the red flags she had been displaying which were coming across as her being untrustworthy. I brought up that I’ve noticed her Snapchatting one guy in particular frequently throughout the day, everyday and asked who he was and what this is all about.

Yeah, he’s in a relationship with the girl, and she’s constantly Snapchatting another man, like all day, every day, throughout the day, several times and he’s like. “What’s up with that?”

That’s obviously not appropriate, because the dude that’s on the other end of that Snapchat streak is not a guy who’s just thinking he wants to exchange cooking recipes for her. He’s probably some beta male orbiter from long ago in the past. In this case, it’s some dude from high school. I guess she, based on what he says, that’s like five years ago. So then that would mean that five years after she graduated, she’s still talking to this guy who’s probably some beta male that’s carrying the torch and figuring at some point in the future he’s going to get his chance to date her. That’s the real reason.

No self respecting man that has options with women is going to be Snapchatting a girl who’s in a relationship with another guy all day, everyday, seven days a week, 365 days a year, just to keep a Snapchat streak alive. He’s hoping to get his chance in her love tunnel or love tunnels, depending on which way you like.

She told me that he is a friend of five years from high school who is in their circle of friends.

That guy does not just want to be a friend. Unless he’s gay, he’s just not interested in being a friend. If the other dude had a wife or a girlfriend, he’s not going to be doing this shit all day long. It’s like, come on.

I asked her if they have ever dated or has he ever tried to hit on you and she replied, “No.”

Remember, the longer the excuse, the bigger the lie. So if you want to tell for determining whether somebody is being honest or not is if you ask them about something, they give you a yes or no answer. If you ask them and they give you some long diatribe, especially like if you ever watch a politician answer something, you go, “Nah.” The longer the excuse, the bigger the lie.

So in this case she just replied, “No.” So that’s good. So she’s not being evasive. At least from her end, he’s never tried, probably because he doesn’t have the balls. No man, five years after he graduates, is Snapchatting a girl because he wants to discuss yoga routines. That’s just not happening. He’s hoping to get his chance.

Obviously the dude has no game and he’s a beta male and mostly has no choice. As a man, if you’re in a relationship, you don’t want some other dude who’s carrying a torch for your girl to be constantly in contact with her, looking for some kind of opening.

I asked when was the last time you’ve hung out with him and she replied, “In high school.” I asked, “Why do you feel the need to Snapchat him everyday? Do you have some sort of emotional connection to him?”

This guy asked really good questions. Really good, deep questions.

She told me that the Snapchats are pointless pictures of random things to keep their streak alive and there isn’t any emotional connection, just strictly friends and for the Snapchat streak.

Again, I assume this girl is 23, 24. Really all day long you want to Snapchat some dude you haven’t even seen in like five years? That just sounds absurd.

I voiced my boundary on how I saw the whole situation and asked her, “How would you feel if I had a girl friend from high school who I was Snapchatting throughout the day, everyday but I was never Snapchatting you? Would you like that?” She said, “No, I wouldn’t like that.”

Obviously.

I told her that I don’t mind if they are friends and chat from time to time, but it being an everyday thing isn’t cool with me.

Yeah, exactly. That’s absurd. That guy wants to fuck her. That’s the bottom line. The dude from high school wants to fuck her. He’s not Snapchatting her just to send random pictures. He’s looking for an opening. That’s what he’s looking for.

I told her that I do have friends that are girls from the past, but we only talk once or twice a year to catch up and keep it moving. I also told her that I don’t want to have a mediocre relationship, I want an awesome relationship where we both give each other our all. I told her that I don’t divide my attention between her and other girls. I give her all of my attention when I have the time and I expect the same in return.

Great statement, dude. Good job. This guy’s a very clear, direct and decisive communicator. This is good. It’s the way to do it.

I said that I don’t think she is putting in all her effort when she has to divide her time to talk to me and this other guy.

Yeah, that’s annoying. You’re out on a date, you’re sitting there watching TV in the weekend, watching a football game, and your girlfriend’s talking to some dude she hasn’t seen in five years. It’s like, give me a break.

I told her I found it disrespectful when I leave the room to do something and she Snapchats him back while laying in my bed. I asked her why she is only on her phone while I leave the room? She said because she doesn’t want to be rude and wants to give me all of her attention when I’m around.

It’s a good answer, but the reality is she shouldn’t be Snapchatting this guy in the first place.

I told her it seems as if she is trying to hide something when I leave the room and when I come back she quickly puts her phone down. She then told me she has nothing to hide, opened her phone and showed me everything. She showed me all the people she Snapchats which consists of her mom, roommate, other friends that are girls and the one guy who has been her friend for five years.

Friend? That dude ain’t no friend. He wants to beat up her pelvis. That’s the reality.

She opened their conversation and it really was pointless pictures, no flirting. She told me that she will delete him if I want her to. I told her she doesn’t have to delete him but to keep the Snapchatting to a minimum because it’s not appropriate.

Yeah, it’s like every once in a while, but all day, every day, it needs to stop. So this is where he draws the line in the sand, and I love the way he phrases to her. Very direct, very decisive. Take it or leave it. Totally indifferent, not butt-hurt, just calm. Matter of fact, this is the way it’s going to be. “If I’m going to give you all of my attention and my exclusivity, you’re going to do the same thing in return, and if you’re not, that’s cool. Here’s how we’ll modify our relationship.”

I told her if she wants to continue to talk to him everyday or whoever that’s fine, but I won’t take her seriously and we can go back to casual dating or friends with benefits.

That’s beautifully put.

She said that she doesn’t want that, she only wants to be with me. I said, “OK, then keep it to a minimum.”

Now we got to see, will she actually respect that?

Since our conversation, she has removed this guy completely from Snapchat, but still has him on Facebook as a friend, which is fine by me.

Yeah, quite frankly, that’s kind of like, I don’t ever go on my Facebook. The girls do all my posting and stuff for that. It’s nice that I have people from high school that I grew up with there that maybe occasionally every few years we might message back and forth, but other than that, I don’t use it. That’s why my social media is strictly for business. That’s all I use it for. It’s marketing to market my business. Other than that, I don’t post anything. I don’t talk about anything from my personal life.

This is what I do for a living. When the camera is off, I’m living my life. Trying not to know, keep mouth shut. It’s much better to be private and keep things to yourself. The world does not need to know every single thing about the in and outs of your personal life.

She has since started sending me Snapchats throughout the day.

She Snapchats him instead of the “friend” from high school.

If she gets a Snapchat or text while laying in bed, she will open it in front of me and it’s always from family or her girl friends.

This is a good sign, but it’s still early. What happens when she gets totally comfortable again?

She has also given me the password to her phone, leaving her phone around me when taking a shower or using the restroom. I don’t go through her phone, but I see this as a good sign. She posts pictures of us on her Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram and tags me in them.

This is what you would expect if you’re going to be active on social media posting shit about your personal life, which I have no interest in doing. I have enough people posting shit and hating on me constantly 24/7 every day, and I let the girls handle all the blocking and dealing with the trolls. I just don’t need the negativity. It doesn’t add any value to my life. Like I said, when the cameras are off and I’m not talking to clients, I’m enjoying my life.

We recently took week long road trip visiting multiple different states on week seven of us dating and afterwords she told me that she is in love with me.

So they weren’t like dating six months, this was like a couple of months into it.

We see each other practically everyday after work and on the weekends with her always asking in a round-a-bout way to see me. She always has her hands all over me, cuddling me and telling me I’m hot, cute, sexy and the best boyfriend of all time constantly.

These are the things that you see and hear. If you guys are familiar with the book, the chapter, It’s All In The Numbers, when you’re trying to determine a woman’s actual attraction, you can see that this girl is super attracted, but it’s early. There are only what, two or three months down the road since they started dating? Maybe 90 days at the most.

We also have sex damn near every night. I always thought it was crazy when you said women will be wanting sex more than you, but it’s so true.

I know. People look at me and they’re like, “You don’t look like the type of dude that would know this stuff, bro.”

I had a guy insulting me in the comments talking about how, “Corey is one of the best experts out there, but I could totally steal his girl.” Yeah, if you really had the charm and the charisma to do that, you’re not going to be talking like a bitch in my comments. You ain’t stealing nobody’s girlfriend, dude, because you got zero game. You’re just puffing yourself up to feel better about your shitty life, but lots of haters out there. The more successful you become, the more haters you get. It’s just better to let your work speak for itself. In this case, I let the client speak for themselves.

So I’ll read that again: “I always thought it was crazy when you said women will be wanting sex more than you, but it’s so true.” Yeah, because almost all men have the exact opposite problem. They never get sex. Especially the dudes in the red pill community always crying about women and complaining about them, “Gotta hold them accountable.”

I know this relationship is still new, but thank you from the bottom of my heart for your wonderful life wisdom.

Love,

Bob

Well Bob, keep your wits about you and just remember, you won’t really know what you’re dealing with until six months a year down the road, especially when she feels super comfortable. Women that have character flaws that are unfixable and you can’t work with them, at some point, what would happen in this case? She’ll re-add him back to Snapchat when she doesn’t think you’re paying attention, and then she’ll go right back to messaging them.

However, this guy did look through all the messages and he’s like, it’s just stupid memes. There was nothing there. Bottom line is this dude was Snapchatting her everyday not to keep a streak alive, but because he’s keeping he’s carrying the torch for some girl that he obviously had a crush on, but had no game and didn’t know what to do.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.