I Turned Off My Girlfriend With Needy Behavior & Now She’s Unhappy. How Do I Fix It?

How to fix your romance after you displayed weakness & turned her off.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a former Army Ranger of the 1st battalion of the 75th Ranger Regiment. He’s been following my work off and on for a few years, but only read 3% Man, once. He says he acted needy and made his girlfriend his purpose. He stopped working out and being the man she fell for. Now he’s unsure of what to do to turn it around and asks my opinion on how to fix his relationship. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “I Turned Off My Girlfriend With Needy Behavior, & Now She’s Unhappy. How Do I Fix It?”

Well, this particular email is from a guy who’s a former Army Ranger, and he’s been following my work off and on for a few years. I guess he found me like a lot of guys did back in 2021 when he went through a bad breakup. But it doesn’t look like he really considering the fact he was a former Ranger. And what’s their motto? “Rangers Lead The Way.” All the way. And so he never really read The Book. And so since then he started dating, I guess he’s in a relationship with somebody else. But he admits he did a lot of needy, unattractive behavior and is totally turned his girlfriend off. And now he’s like, “What the hell do I do?” He’s got The Book. He says he bought it earlier this year and he just completed it in June. So it took like six months.

It’s like, come on, man, this guy’s got to step up his game. You got to participate in your own rescue. And the email that I answered for today’s first video newsletter, that was for everybody. That particular guy had a similar issue. He was only having sex with his girlfriend once a month. He’s been following me for a while, and he’s read The Book a few times, but he completely hasn’t changed anything. He’s mad and butthurt about getting no sex. And so he wasn’t dating and courting his girlfriend. At some point a long time ago, he stopped dating her.

And so he thinks he’s just going to be able to start having sex, and then he’ll start dating her again. So you got to do the things that a man does. A man is supposed to lead the relationship. It’s your job as a man, as I discussed in The Book, to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, to have fun while you’re hanging out, and to hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, that are all detailed in The Book. The formula is hang out, have fun, hook up.

The hookup comes at the end of the date, not at the beginning, but at the end. If you’re following what’s in The Book and you’re applying it, your girl is going to be wanting more sex from you than you actually want it. And so therefore, when you come home after a hard day’s work and your girl jumps into your arms, you can start kissing and making out and put your hand down her pants and start fooling around with her, and she’s going to get real wet, and you can take her pants off and drill her right over the back of your couch, in the living room or your kitchen countertop, and she’ll love it.

But if you haven’t been leading, if you’ve been acting needy like this guy has. If you’re not hanging out, having fun and hooking up, if you’re not making her feel heard and understood, if you were jacked when she met you, and now you turned into a fat slob, you just let yourself go. Like this guy says, he’s no longer working out. It’s all the things that he was when she met, he stopped doing. And the biggest complaint that women have in long term relationships is that he was romantic at first, and then he changed. And most guys think, “Well, we’re done with the courtship. Now we’re together. We don’t have to do that stuff anymore.”

But as The Book says, the courtship never ends. The family that plays together stays together. Hang out, have fun, hook up. It’s a pretty simple formula. And a lot of guys, like one of the things that this guy said he did was he kind of made his girlfriend his purpose in his life. And so everything else just kind of went by the wayside. His hobbies, his interests, probably his friends. Stop taking care of his body. He stopped being an attractive man, the attractive stud that she fell in love with. And you have to get back to being that guy. What you do to get her is what you do to keep her.

And in my phone sessions that I have with guys that are in long term relationships, they all do the same two things over and over. I’ve been doing this 20 years. I just see the same patterns over and over and over and over again. The guys stop dating and courting their girlfriend or their wife, and they don’t make her feel heard and understood. And then they wonder why she doesn’t want to sleep with them, because they’re no longer being the man. They’re not being the leader anymore. And the word lead means to go first.

And a big reason why I say the reason why women stop sleeping with their husbands or their boyfriends is because they don’t feel safe anymore, and it’s usually because the guys have completely abdicated their masculine leadership role in the relationship. And so it’s ruined the sexual polarity. So the woman feels like she’s with, in essence, a male chick. And then she has to do the leading. She’s not going to want to feel safe enough to sleep with that guy. So with that in mind, let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I want to start out by saying I watched your videos after the worst breakup I had in 2021. She left me for her ex and aborted our child. I failed to see her red flags because I didn’t know what to look for. I was an Army Ranger with the 1/75, and while I had an amazing understanding of warfare. I knew very little of relationships.

Well, the good news is you have The Book. But you got to do the work, man. There’s no shortcuts to success. If you would have made the same level of effort in your relationship and reading The Book, and taking that same half ass effort, you would have never become an Army Ranger. So you were willing to put in the time and the effort to become an Army Ranger and go through all those crazy things you had to go through, jumping out of perfectly good airplanes with lots of weight on your back and then, you know, blowing up your knees and your ankles and everything else, jumping out of planes. It’s like you’re willing to do all that and get beat up physically, but you haven’t been willing to spend the time with The Book that you needed to.

You shouldn’t be surprised that things haven’t got better in your relationship once you notice that things are going sideways. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue. It says in The Book, in the very beginning, you’ve got to read it 10 to 15 times. Because if you don’t, nothing’s going to change. You have to get to the point where you know The Book backwards and forwards and you literally teach a class on it. Because maybe, hopefully someday you become a parent. And especially if you have sons, you want to be able to teach your sons this stuff.

And if you have daughters, you want your daughters to understand this, so they know what kind of a man to look for who actually knows how to be a competent, confident man. So it is your duty as a man to understand this stuff, because you need it for yourself and your girl and your family, and potentially your future kids are going to need it because they sure as hell aren’t going to not going to learn it in the school system. They’re not going to learn it from their teachers, especially with so many of them being woke idiots. So back to our email.

I grew up in a chaotic household with my mother as a drug addict and my father a truck driver who was never there. So healthy relationships have always been a struggle for me. I bought your book earlier this year and read it all the way through for the first time completing it in June.

Well, I’m going to assume you bought it in January. And so it took you six months to get through a 240 page Book. I talked to a guy two weeks ago. I think it was two, 2 or 3 weeks ago. He’s been following me for about three weeks, and he’s already been through The Book seven fucking times. So what he did is he put the audiobook on 2X and he followed along in a digital or physical copy. You can get through it in four hours. He did that in three weeks. You’re a ranger. You should have smoked his ass by now. But instead, it took you six whole months to get through The Book once. Every time you go through The Book, you’re going to maybe retain 7%, 8%, 9% of it, maybe.

Depending on how smart you are. And then you got to understand every time you turn the TV on or you go watch a movie, you’re being propagandized and emotionally anchored to dysfunctional archetypes that are just not the way men and women are supposed to behave. And it’s pretty clear that it’s being done on purpose. And so obviously my Book will undo all that bad programming, but it’s not going to help you if you don’t read it. You know that Book you don’t read, it’s not going to help you. So you’ve got to apply the same level of effort to learn The Book and applying it that you did to become an Army Ranger. Because again, if you’d have made the same level of effort to become an Army Ranger that you have trying to turn your life and your relationships around, you would have never become a ranger. So you can do better. You know you can do better. You got to take this seriously.

I met this absolutely amazing girl in March and we clicked like crazy. It’s as if the heavens opened up and God finally gave me everything I wanted in a woman.

Well, life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans, and God does have a sense of humor. So.

However, in comes the problems. I started to act insecure and needy. In your words, I started acting like a bitch.

Well, if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. That’s the thing with the Red Pill crybabies have a problem with is that they expect to be able to act like a bitch. And a woman is just supposed to love them, like their mommy or something. If you don’t act attractive, she’s not going to feel safe and the legs are going to close. It’s just a fact of life. You don’t like it, don’t date women.

I focused on the things she wasn’t doing and started nitpicking those things, seeing them as red flags that she’s falling out of love with me.

Well, if she’s falling out of love what’s happening is you’re acting unattractive. And so her interest was going up, and then it started going down. Because as you said, you started acting like a bitch. In other words, she was more masculine than you were. She was with you because you were the jacked ranger. And so what happened?

This really hurt our relationship and it’s driven a wedge between us to the point she said she’s unhappy in the relationship.

You got to become the guy you were when she first started dating you.

I understand that my upbringing may have harmed my ability to have a healthy relationship.

Well, I wouldn’t look at it so much as your upbringing, it’s that your strategy sucks and your game sucks. Your approach sucks. That’s all it is. You have a flawed approach. You basically probably learned, like I did from the movies and the TV shows, of how to act around women, and it ain’t working, obviously. It’s designed to not work. It’s designed to fuck things up. And again, that woke ideology is just in everything now.

And I’ve reached out for therapy services to address these issues. However, I’m terrified I’ve already lost her at this point.

Well, the only thing you have control over, you got to control the controllables, as we say in the coaching industry. And so what do you have control over? You have control over your body. You have control over taking care of yourself, doing your cardio, doing your weight training, eating healthy. As Jocko Willink says, “Discipline equals freedom.” You got to be disciplined, and you know how to be disciplined. And that means you got to be disciplined with learning The Book.

And because each time you go through The Book, you’ll recognize there’s behaviors in there, there’s mindsets in there, and there are things you’re doing and saying that are clearly detailed is unattractive. And if you only go through it one time over the course of six months and you got maybe 6%, 7%, 8%, maybe. There’s so many things you’re still doing, you don’t even realize that are unattractive because you haven’t spent the time with The Book. There’s just no shortcuts to success, Dude. What happened to the guys that tried taking shortcuts when they were trying to become a Ranger? They got fucking washed out. That’s what happened.

And I’ve reached out for therapy services to address these issues. However, I’m terrified I’ve already lost her at this point. She said she’s been patient with me and given me chance after chance already and asked why she should give me another one? She said she loved who I was.

In other words, the guy you were when she first met you.

And not who I am now.

That’s another big complaint women say. It’s like, “He was a romantic in the beginning. And then he changed.” You’ve changed.

That she no longer feels the way she did about me in the beginning.

Well, duh. If you act unattractive, of course she’s going to lose interest, attraction and respect. It’s as inevitable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. You have to clean up your unattractive behavior not only for yourself, but for her, potentially. And if it doesn’t work out, for any future woman that you attract. Because if you don’t fix this stuff with your current girl, the next girl is going to dump you for exactly the same reasons.

You’ll be great out of the gate, and then within a few months, you’ll revert to needy behavior. You’ll start acting like a little boy, treating her like your mommy and your therapist. Your emotional support human. Looking to her for direction instead. Again, what is the. What’s your motto? Rangers? Lead the way. All the way, all the fucking way. You forgot that dude. Come on, man. So listen to what he did. He stopped being the guy she fell in love with.

I stopped going to my MMA classes.

You can’t do that. That’s masculine energy. That’s a part of your purpose. That’s part of who you are. That’s part of what makes a woman feel safe with you. Is being dangerous but kind. Instead, you became a squishy marshmallow man.

Stopped going to the gym regularly.

You’re like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Come on dude.

And started making our relationship my focus. After consulting your book, I realize where I went wrong.

Again, 10 to 15 times, Bro. If you put the audiobook on 2X and follow along with a digital physical copy, you can get through the whole Book in four hours. There’s no reason that you went six whole months and barely got through The Book one time. That’s a terrible effort. I’m disappointed. I have to say, I’m personally disappointed. I have a good friend who’s a former Army Ranger, and he’s one of the most disciplined dudes that I know. Good, good, good man. Good family oriented dude. And a good dad and a good husband. And a good friend.

I made her my purpose instead of focusing on the 3Hs and my purpose.

Well, you got to get back to doing all of that. You got to get your ass in the gym today. You got to get back in your MMA classes.

I also didn’t create a safe space for her feelings to be expressed.

Every day when you get home, first thing you should say to your girl, “Hey babe, how was your day? What’s new? What did I miss? Oh, really? Tell me about that. How did that make you feel? Oh, wow. What happened next? Oh my God. Wow. That’s crazy. What happened next?” That’s all you got to do. “Really.” And then every five, ten minutes. “So this, this and this happened? This made you feel like, wow. That’s unbelievable. I’m sorry that happened to you, babe.”

I was always trying to give her advice or solutions to the issues she was bringing to me.

Yeah. It’s like most of the time women solve their problems by talking about them. You and I, we go to the man cave and we contemplate and we think. We put on our smoking jacket, we have our stogie, we have our glass of wine, or we have a nice Scotch whiskey and a snifter, maybe Johnnie Walker Blue or something. Or, you know, 21 year age Scotch. You can sample the aromas. Put a little music on, contemplate our problems. And then when we figure it out, we come out and we implement it. But with a girl, you got to facilitate her talking, because she’ll arrive at her own solution.

And if you feel compelled to give her solutions and she gets pissed off, “You’re not listening to me, you’re not listening. You’re always trying to give me advice. You’re not listening.” Just say, “Do you want my advice or do you just want me to listen? Do you want my advice or just want me to listen?” There’s a Video that I did and I highly recommend you watch it. It’s probably at least ten years old or more, maybe 15 years. “How To Communicate With Women Effectively.”

It’s also referenced in The Book. It’s a, I don’t know, a short ten 15 minute video you should watch. Really gets to the heart of the issue. Because it’s the quality time together when you get together. She should be doing most of the talking. Women say 8000 words a day. Guys tend to say about 2000. So this is how it’s supposed to be.

Corey, I feel like this girl is my invisible string theory come to fruition.

Well, we have more than one soul mate. We have groups of souls. There are people lined up that have come into our life and will come into our life at the perfect right moment, so I wouldn’t look at it as, “It’s the end of the world. Oh my God. If I don’t get this one, it’s over forever.” It’s just another girl, man. The right chick will stick around if you treat her properly. If you act attractive and masculine and like the leader.

We matched each other so well in the beginning. What do I do to fix this?

Um. Apply what’s in The Book. And by this point, she should be doing 90, 95% of the pursuing. And if it’s gone the other way, because again, if you’re acting needy, I would say probably you’ve gotten closer to 50/50 pursuing, which is way too much. And so what you should do over the next few weeks is slowly back off a little bit. So say you’ve been doing 50% of the pursuing. So the next week or two, I want you to back that off to where she’s doing 70% of pursuing. And then you just slowly over the course of a month, month and a half, get to the point where she’s doing 90%, 95% of it.

Your job is really just to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, to have fun while you’re hanging out and to hook up. And the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced. Stop acting needy. When you’re acting needy. You’re acting like you need her approval. Like she’s your emotional support human. As if your life is going to fall apart unless she calls you back or texts you back, or tells you that she cares about you or that she loves you. We know her interest is low.

You whining about it, crying about it, bitching about it. It’s not going to make it go up. You’re not going to negotiate her attraction for you. You have to act attractive in order for her to be attracted to you. It’s all in The Book, Dude. You’ve already done this once in the beginning. And she said, you stop being the guy who fell in love with. So MMA classes need to start again this week. You need to get your fucking ass back in the gym and stop acting like a bitch. Any friendships that you let go by the wayside, you need to reconnect with those friends. Go see your family, your aunts, your uncles, people that you’re close to.

Check in with those people that maybe haven’t checked in with in a while, and get back to being the well-rounded man she fell in love with. I mean, she told you what she wanted. She hasn’t dumped you. She hasn’t broken up with you. She’s telling you what she needs from you. “Hey, be the guy you were I fell in love with.” But she doesn’t want to teach you how to be a man. She doesn’t want to tell you to get back in your MMA classes. She doesn’t want to tell you to get back in the gym and stop being so squishy and becoming the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and start opening her up.

“Hey, babe, how was your day?” Every man, the first thing you should do when your girl comes home, or you haven’t seen her. “Well. Hey, babe. How you been? What’s new? What’d I miss this week?” It just shows you care. And it starts the conversation. It starts her talking. And if you feel the urge to give advice, just say. “Do you want my advice and opinion? Or do you just want me to listen?” “Oh, no. I just want you to listen.” “Okay, babe. What else? Tell me more, tell me more. Don’t leave anything out.”

The military taught me to be good and reacting and finding solutions, but for the first time. I’m lost.

Please help.

You’re not lost. You’re fucking lazy. You got away from being disciplined. That’s what happened. The solutions are in The Book. But you went through it once over six months. Of course, you’re hazy and foggy. So again, all the things you gave up, you got to do, and that may mean you’re not available to see her or spend time with her as much as you may want. If you’re busy with your MMA and you’re busy going to the gym and you’re catching up with friends, you may be hanging out and having a boys night out, catching up with the guys. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen.

Again this week you got to back off at least 20%. Pursue 20% less than you have been pursuing. And then a week, week and a half, maybe the next week you pursue even 10% less. Because again, we got to get to that magical number where the woman is doing 90%, 95% or even 100% in most cases. I mean, if the way things get to be, if you have properly been applying what’s in The Book is your girl is going to be calling, texting you, FaceTiming you 2 or 3 times a day. And she’s going to be at your house every night, or you’re going to be at hers, or she’s going to be stuck to you like a sucker fish.

That’s just the way it works. That’s the way they are. They want your attention all the fucking time, to the point where they get annoying. Something that’s just, you know, that’s the way it is. But most men never get to experience that. Most men never get to experience the fact that sometimes they’re having sex with their girl, not because they’re horny and they want to, but because they feel obligated to give her the happy finish and she wants it. That’s what happens when you’re in a long term relationship and you’re 3% Man. It’s just they’re crazy about you. And so you gotta lay the pipe. You gotta make the little hooded bandit the man in the boat. You got to make that little fucker sing and vibrate and ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh.

You gotta make her feel good. Give her the happy finishes. The courtship. You got to keep dating and courting her as well. So, like I said, slowly back off and let her do more of the pursuing. Stop acting like a bitch again. Going through The Book. You need to pick a night this week. If you stay up late or whatever you got to do. Put the audiobook on 2X and follow along in a digital or physical copy, and you can get through it in four hours. You got to get through as many reads as possible to get this stuff into your brain, because you got to clean up the unattractive behavior. That’s the most important thing.

Clean up the unattractive behavior and get back to doing all the attractive things that you used to do. Like going to the gym, the MMA, reconnecting with your friends, your family, maybe picking up any other hobbies or interests that you had that you stopped doing. Take your fucking ass to the gun range, practice pistol rifle in your transitions and everything. Get out there and remain competent and confident. Be dangerous but kind, charming and playful. The couple that plays together stays together, and when you’re around her 90% of the time, you’re the charming James Bond. 10% of the time you’re breaking her balls. You’re teasing her, playfully treating her like the bratty little sister again.

The reason why you’re going, “I don’t know what to do.” It’s like it took you six months to read The Book one time. That’s again you would have never made it into Ranger school with that and finish successfully. If you to taken the same approach that you have to your personal life so. This should be more important than anything you do. Because really, what’s in The Book, it’s about being a man, a consistent man that women love and feel safe with and want to constantly fuck and get impregnated by. That’s just a fact of life, dude. You got to do the little things.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.