Why focusing on locking a woman down to a commitment and a relationship when you are trying to get her back after a breakup, or making a new woman you just started dating your girlfriend, will lower her attraction, cause her to friend-zone you and prevent a relationship and commitment from ever happening.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been trying to get his ex-girlfriend back after he got dumped for being a “pussy” instead of acting like a man. After the breakup, he tried being friends only to get her back. He says what got in the way of that happening was, he went to talk to another woman while he was hanging out with his ex, who obviously liked him. His ex later told him that he was close to getting her back, but she lost her feelings for him when he went to talk with the other woman. He then sent her a “clean slate email,” which he says worked, but she was not showing any sexual attraction towards him. Then he began to apply what he was learning from me. They started hanging out, having fun and hooking up again. However, she still does not want to get back together, and he wants to know what he can do to make her his girlfriend again. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
I recently came across your book and your newsletter. I am about a quarter of the way through your book, and I’m already seeing results. I first came across all of your coaching when my girlfriend broke up with me, and now I know exactly why. I was being a pussy; I poured all of my feelings, devotion, time, and money into her. (It sounds like you didn’t have a mission and purpose in life, and you made your girlfriend the center of your life.) Since we split, I tried to be friends with her. I was so close to getting her back, and she told me that, but she said she lost feelings when I left her for 20 minutes to talk to this girl. (This is the excuse she gave you, but that’s not really what turned her off. She saw you were not being who you really are.) The girl had an obvious crush on me, and she touched me A LOT, so I could understand where she’s coming from. (Again, that’s a BS excuse.) I fixed all of that by a method called the “clean slate email,” and it worked. (It sounds approval seeking.) After that, I noticed that she was happy with me, but not showing any more sexual attraction, so I began applying your methods. (You sent an email apologizing. Apologizing for what? Why would you apologize for being sexually attracted to another woman who actually expressed sexual interest when your ex-girlfriend had put you firmly in friends-zone?) I put my head on straight, stood straight, and held my head high. I began being a man, letting her text first, and being firm on what I wanted. (That’s where the power shifted. You said, this is what I want, and I’m not into this friendship crap.) I became an alpha male, I paid her less attention, and I stood out between my friends. She would walk up, mind you we work together, and I would smile, remembering to keep a firm posture. I did what I wanted, I put my arm around her whenever I damn well pleased, and she reminded me the next day that she loved the way I was acting. (She’s basically saying, wow, you’re really starting to act like a man. I like that. That’s attractive.)
Since then, we began having sex again, and she devotes her time to me, finally setting definite dates, and no longer beating around the bush. (This way it’s her idea to get back together, but you’ve got to be direct, decisive, be the man and make the date happen. Your job as a man is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up.) She still doesn’t want to get back together though. (You’re taking the lazy way out by watching a couple of videos here and there, but you’ve got to read the book 10-15 times to learn the fundamentals. The videos are based upon the premise that you know the fundamentals. Obviously you don’t know them, because you are asking me a question that is answered in the book.) We are basically best friends who go on dates and have sex, just no label. (Then what’s the fucking problem? Hang out, have fun and hook up. That’s it. That’s your responsibility.) I do want a relationship, but I feel pretty damn good for myself. The basic question I have is, how do I get her to want me back? (Nothing. Wait to hear from her, and when you do, assume she wants to see you and make the next date. If you’re focused on a relationship, locking her down to a commitment and getting the label, you’re still acting like a woman.) She’s showing obvious attraction, we even still say “I love you,” but I know what I want. I want her to be mine, and only mine.
Thank you for listening, and I hope to hear from you soon. (The idea is, she needs to talk you into being her boyfriend again. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You’ve got her back, you just don’t have a label. If you just allow her to keep coming to you, everything will be her idea.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Societal conditioning pounds it into our heads that we must find our “one true love,” make them ours and then have a family while we live happily ever after together. This is a delusional fantasy and not anywhere close to being a reality for the overwhelming majority of men and women. Life and relationships are often messy and unpredictable. There is no one-size-fits-all type of magical relationship solution. Instead of seeking to lock someone down to a commitment and possess them so you feel better about yourself, validated and loveable, instead, seek to enjoy each other without any attachments to the way you think it should be. Simply focus on hanging out, having fun and hooking up without any labels or rules. That way, over time, a relationship can happen naturally from a place of unconditional love and giving, instead of manipulation, fear and control.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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