I Want To Move To Another State. My Girlfriend Wants To Stay Here. What Should I Do?

What you can do if you want to move to another state but your girlfriend doesn’t.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who lives in Michigan. He’s about to finish up his Master’s degree in December and wants to move to a warmer state. However, his girlfriend doesn’t want to move. She asked if she didn’t want to move if he would leave her. She’s told her parents she thinks that he’s the one. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s video Newsletter is, “I Want To Move To Another State. My Girlfriend Wants To Stay Here. What Should I Do?”

Well, this email is from a viewer. He lives in Michigan. He’s 28, and he’s been in a relationship for about five months with a 24 year old girl he really likes. And he’s in the process of pursuing a second Master’s degree, so he expects to graduate in December of this year. So we’re early March. So by December he wants to move somewhere warmer. I think he said he was deployed in North Carolina or stationed in North Carolina where he was in the military, and he just knows he wants to move south.

Obviously being up there in Michigan, it gets cold. But his girlfriend, she’s 24, her family’s all around where she lives, and she really wants to stay there. And she asked him the other day, she said, “Well, if I didn’t want to move and you did, would you leave me?” And she apparently has already told her parents that she thinks that he’s “the one.” And so now he’s kind of like, “Ah, how would I do?” It’s not like they’d have been together for several years and have kids and everything. I mean, they’ve been dating for five months and he knows he definitely wants to move somewhere warmer.

So because I get a lot of emails like this. Typically what happens. And I’ve done lots of phone sessions with guys that have done things like this, where guys have moved countries to be with women. Sometimes it takes like up to two years for a position to open up. Then they do an internal transfer in the company that they’re at. They sell their houses, they sell their investment properties, they sell a lot of their furniture and art and stuff like that, and they uproot their whole lives and then they move.

And then two weeks after they get to where they’re going, because the woman didn’t want to live where they were, they were just chasing the girl, basically, they get dumped. And then two weeks later they find out she’s fucking somebody else and the same company. So he sees his ex, who he spent two years trying to move for diddling some other dude in the company. And now he’s in a place that he doesn’t like the weather, doesn’t really want to be there, and now he’s stuck.

And so now he’s like, “Ah shit. Now I gotta go back.” So I’ve just seen typically when a guy moves to the girl, the only time he should move is if it’s an upgrade for him as far as the area. Men should never move someplace they don’t want to move in order to please a woman. Because if they do, they’re going to be less happy. And she’s going to resent them for the fact that they didn’t have the balls to stand up for what they want. And they certainly don’t like it when a guy says, “Oh yeah, this is great.”

And then they move there and then they’re miserable. So you got to have the balls to stand up for yourself and what you want. And in some cases you gotta understand the downside risk. Like in this guy’s case is, if he decides to move because he’s considering North Carolina, Georgia, South Carolina and Florida. Just someplace obviously, any place further south of Michigan is going to be warmer. And so he’s excited about that. And so it would be a mistake for him to only stay in Michigan to please his girl, and besides, they’ve only been together for five months.

But if she’s telling her dad or her parents that she thinks that he’s the one. I mean, at the end of the day, a woman should be submitting to and following a man’s lead. She will respect you more. But the downside risk is, is that she may stay. But typically when a woman is head over heels in love with you, she’ll follow you to the ends of the earth to be with you.

So with that in mind, let’s go through this guy’s email.

Viewer Email:

Good evening Coach Wayne,

My name is Bob, I am 28 years old and in an almost 5 month relationship with an amazing girl she’s 24 years old.  Currently, I am pursuing my second Master’s Degree at a top 25 University. My first Master’s was at another top 25 university, major was Business Analytics. I am expected to graduate this December, and I hope to have a job lined up by then. I’m an Army Vet and after returning home I’ve realized there’s more amazing places in the U.S. to live. I’ve called Michigan home for most of my life, since 2000.

So obviously for 25 years now.

And after being stationed in North Carolina for a year. I know I want to move south.

So he didn’t say, I think I want to move south. It would be nice to move south. He says. “I know I want to move south.” So you could tell just the way he states that he’s congruent in his mind that’s what he wants to do. And he needs to do that. Even if it means he loses his girlfriend. Because if she truly, deeply loves him and she feels that he’s the one for her. She should move with him.

She should submit to him. But if she’d rather lose the relationship and stay in Michigan with her family, well, obviously she wasn’t head over heels in love. And at the end of the day, you want a woman who’s your greatest cheerleader and fan, and she just is happy as long as she’s with you. And if she doesn’t feel that way, she’ll stay behind. Attraction level cuts through everything.

However, my girlfriend has a fear of doing so despite earlier bringing up the topic by saying, “Maybe we should get out of Michigan”.  

So it’s clear she’s open to it. This is why you have to be certain. You can’t be like, “Ah, well, maybe it’d be nicer in the South.” You move because you’re certain of it.

I agreed with her, I told her that I would love to move to either Florida, North Carolina, Georgia, or even South Carolina. She’s afraid that if she moves away that far and something were to happen back at home then she would be devastated. It’s also worth mentioning that she’s never lived outside of Michigan before. I of course have being stationed in Georgia, North Carolina, and after my discharge went to my first Master’s program in Indiana.

So I know my way around different states. I reassured her that if anything were to ever happen that we could come back swiftly to help her family; mine too. She then asked, “if I weren’t willing to leave, would you leave me?”  

Well, judging by that earlier statement, what did he say? “I know I want to move south.” He knows this. He’s not thinking it. He’s not contemplating it. He knows he’s done this before anyways. So he has experience. So that’s the right move for him is because he already knows it.

She then asked, “If I weren’t willing to leave, would you leave me?”  

I didn’t want to answer that question because yeah, I want to leave this state and move somewhere nicer.  

Well, if it was me, I would have said, “Unfortunately, honey, I love you as devastating as it would be to lose you I’ve got to be happy. And if you’re not happy enough with me to want to go be somewhere that makes me even happier than I am, then. Well, you know, you got to do you, do you, boo boo? I’ll do me. But if it’s meant to be, it just seems natural. Because again, we’re three four hour plane ride away. If anything happens, we can always fly back. Or you can fly back, or I can fly back. If something happens with my family, it’s like, we’ll figure it out.”

So as a guy, because women tend to go, “ah!” They speak in hyperbole. They take the little things and they’re like, ah, it’s the end of the world. And so as a man, he’s got to be like, “Ah!” “It’s not a big deal. We’re a plane ride away. Piece of cake. Besides, the weather is warmer, I should say.”

She also mentioned she wouldn’t mind North Carolina but again is hesitant about the thought of being away from family.

So that’s understandable and normal that she’s hesitant. But at the end of the day, if she truly loves you and thinks you’re the one, she’s going to follow you. That’s just what women do.

I know we’re nowhere near such a decision.

But yeah, because he’s about nine months, eight, nine months away from graduating and being able to move. So he’s about; and then you figure if he graduates in December, he’ll probably spend the holidays, maybe January, February you’ll be packing up and moving. So he’s about ten, 11 months from actually leaving.

I know we’re nowhere near such a decision but we both like to plan for the future. I love her and I really see a future with her, she even told her parents she thinks I’m the one when they asked her. And she said she loves me so much and doesn’t want me to ever leave her.  

Well, it’s not that you would be leaving her. She would be leaving you because she would stay behind. If she truly loves you. She’s going to come with you. And at the end of the day, if you guys are going to live happily ever after and have a family, obviously for some period of time, you’re going to want her to be a stay at home mom and take care of the babies. So you’re going to be the sole provider anyway, so it shouldn’t be a question of her having to work and earn a living and things of that nature.

I don’t plan on leaving her, but I plan on leaving Michigan.

Well, again, she can come with you or she can stay behind. And if she stays behind and wants to do long distance, then she’s not really that into it. Women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, it means they voted for you.

I remember watching one of your videos and you state a woman won’t leave her king.

If she truly loves him, she won’t. She’ll give up her religion. She’ll let go of her family. I mean, even some women let go of their kids. I mean you know, we all see the news when that kind of shit happens. But that’s how powerful emotions are for a woman who’s emotionally invested in a guy. She will follow somebody that she loves to the ends of the earth and let go of everything that’s important to her just so she can be with her man.

I want to take her with me, should I take her to visit North Carolina and hopefully it’ll change her mind?  

That would be a great thing. You should do a tour. Do a tour of all four states. You guys should have fun with it. Sit down and do some research on the internet together. Check out some cities, look and see what the sights are. What the things are to do. What the quality of life is. What the things for fun are. The social activities, obviously the climate. And then take a tour. Go visit them. Take a week or two off and go drive around or fly there and stay in each city or state for a few days and see how the vibe is. See how you feel about it, because that’s the best thing, especially if you’re looking for a house, you’re in the market or you’re thinking about moving somewhere. Just drive around.

Get a feel for the energy and the vibe of where you’re thinking about moving to. Because that’ll tell you everything. Because if you think you want to move to North Carolina, then you guys drive around and one of the areas you’re really thinking about and it just feels off. And then say you go someplace in Florida or Georgia or whatever, and it just feels right to you. It’s like I had the same experience when I was thinking about moving to Orlando. I just went up there with a close friend of mine to hang out and party for the weekend when we were in our early 20s. I just loved the vibe of the city. It was so different.

There were so much of the area that was new and being built up, Plus, the cost of living was a lot cheaper in Central Florida versus South Florida. And I went up to visit a couple more times, and it, just again, it just felt right for me. And so that’s where I decided to move. And even when I moved back, even though I’d been a realtor, when I moved back to Orlando in 2013, and I knew the area like the back of my hand, I stayed at like one of those extended stay type places just because I wasn’t sure. Do I want to live downtown? Did I want to live in Winter Park, College Park? If I want to live near the Butler Chain of Lakes or out in Claremont? It’s like, what felt right?

And I ultimately decided, you know, for 5 or 6 years, I was back up there to live in downtown Orlando. And then I moved to Baldwin Park, which is a little better, because downtown Orlando just smells like a fucking cesspool. It smells like piss and shit everywhere. It’s got homeless people everywhere. And you know, the lefty was Buddy Dyer, who’s been the mayor forever there. They won’t do anything about it. Just like any other liberal places. The Democrats just let that happen and they won’t do anything about it. So that’s why I left. I left downtown, moved to Baldwin Park because there was a lot safer, nicer, lots of cute girls around there.

Because, you know, cute girls want to live in a nice, safe area. And it’s not that they don’t want to live downtown, but family oriented people, that’s why Baldwin Park was so cool. So that’s where I ended up ultimately moving to. So definitely, you guys should make a vacation out of it and have fun and just see how you both feel when you’re driving around. But ultimately, at the end of the day, the decision rests with you because you’re the one with the penis. You’re supposed to be the leader, so congratulations, you’re in charge.

Will she eventually come around?  

She may or she may not, but at the end of the day, if she’s head over heels in love with you she’s going to follow you anywhere. And if she’s not head over heels in love with you, she’s not that into it, she’ll stay behind. And then you’ll really know where you stand again. Women vote with their feet. If they’re with you they voted for you.

Would something like this lead to a potential breakup?  

It’s definitely possible.

My girlfriend is a nurse, and she isn’t worried about finding work, so that part regarding moving isn’t a concern.

Yeah. Health care. Those jobs are always in demand. She can work anywhere.

Thank you, Coach Wayne, I truly appreciate all your content, and I look forward to hearing your words of wisdom.  Have a great evening!

Very Respectfully,

Bob

Yeah, like I said, that’s what I would do. Make a vacation out of it. Go have some fun. Feel the vibe. You know, when you drive around in an area. Because I do that a lot, you know, if something looks cool on paper or the internet or the listing. And then you drive around the area, the city, the neighborhood, and you’re like, eh, I don’t like the vibe here. And then you can cross that one off your list. But when you get to the right place, you’ll know it’ll light you up on the inside and then you can pull the trigger.

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