Why you should never beg anyone to keep you when they want to get rid of you, are confused about their feelings for you or are pushing you away, and what you should do instead to cause them to start valuing you and making a sincere effort to keep you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for about two years. His original problem was he literally chased women right out of his life that liked him. After he started applying what my book teaches, he got focused on his purpose and mission like never before. He moved back to Canada after living in Hong Kong for nine years to pursue acting and stunt work in the TV and film industry. After six months, he got a job as part of a stunt team for a popular Netflix show that shoots in Europe and Asia for seven months a year. One month after his career started taking off, he met a really beautiful woman who knocked his socks off. She fell in love quickly and said she would prove to him she would be better than any other woman. Once he left for Europe to shoot the European located scenes of the TV show, things went south with his relationship. She was supposed to come visit him in Europe. Two weeks before she came to visit, she bailed and said she felt emotionally distant from him. It was at this point he did some email coaching with me to get his power back and start turning things around to get her to start wanting him, instead of discarding him. I also discuss a recent email update he sent me that details some of the success he has had turning things around by standing up for himself strategically to amplify his value to her and demonstrate his time is a precious and scarce commodity. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
I have a dilemma. I found your YouTube videos and booked 2 years ago when a relationship went south, and I got desperate and chased this girl like crazy. Obviously, she ran for the hills. I was that guy I have never been, and it was when it mattered the most to me. (In other words, you weren’t exercising emotional self control. When you’re not sure, you make your woman feel unsafe and uncomfortable, and then she doesn’t trust your masculine core or trust you to be the leader.) Anyway, I decided to move home to Canada after having lived overseas for 9 years in Hong Kong to pursue acting and stunt work in film and television. I focused on this, and after 6 months of being home, I got the call to be a part of the stunt team for a popular Netflix show that shoots in Europe and Asia for 7 months. SCORE!!! Of course, I met a great girl one month out from my departure. (You were doing what you were passionate about. You were happier, you were more confident and you were taking better care of yourself, which made it a lot easier to attract somebody in your life.) In short, things were amazing. I did everything I was supposed to do, hang back and wait, make definite dates, etc., and within 2 weeks, she told me she loved me, (That’s pretty fucking quick. That sounds like somebody who’s run by their emotions, and I would see that as a red flag), and she wanted to prove to me she could be a better woman to me than anyone else. (Typically, people who act that way tend to be insecure and needy.) When I left, she cried at the airport, and messaged me, telling me I that I’m her once in a lifetime love. (As I discuss in my book, when a woman says something like that, it’s what she’s feeling in the moment. Look at the attraction table in my book, and look at her behavior, so you can figure out what her actions communicate about her true interest and attraction.)
Things went south once I was gone. She got a ticket to visit me in Europe for a week, and 2 days before she came, she called me to tell me she felt emotionally distant from me. (In other words, her attraction is dropping.) I, of course, saw this as a huge problem. I almost got emotional and upset, and then I stopped myself and started to ask her questions to get her to talk. It didn’t work, so I told her that if she changed her mind to give me a call. (She is not even making the effort.) She did after a week and a half. She was angry with me for not having done anything to save the relationship, (She’s pushing you away because, more than likely, you expressed some weakness. Women don’t dump guys that they’re head over heels in love with), and I stood up for myself of course, because it was her idea not mine. (If you’ve been acting weak, she’s going to say it was all your fault.) I told her I wasn’t cool with her not wanting to be with me anymore, but if she changed her mind, to give me a call. She drunk dialed me once and then texted me pics of her in a bikini with her girlfriends at some pool party. I didn’t respond.
I got the idea of walking away, because she fucked it up. (That’s exactly what I teach in my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” If she pushes you away like she can live without you, then you can live without her too. It has nothing to do with her, but everything to do with how you value and respect yourself.) While I may have done things to turn her off, she didn’t come out and say them. The thing is, she is going to call me back for sure. I have already asked her out twice, and I am overseas until December. What’s your take, and what would your response be to her should she reach out before I get back? Should I just tell her, I will call her when I get back and see what happens? I’m studying your book when I’m not at work and doing my due diligence, because I know I’m not great at the material yet, so your help is greatly appreciated. (It’s good that you’re seeing things as they are.)
Thank you Coach.
My response to him:
If you have already asked her to come visit you twice and she has shot you down both times, you won’t ask anymore. You need to bottom-line her actions. She did not do what she said she was going to do on more than one occasion. It does not really matter the reason why at this point. She blew her chance. Never contact her again. From now on, you will only send 2-3 replies max to her texts/messages and if she calls you, you will only talk on phone for 2-3 minutes max and then always end texts/messages/calls with, “Hey, it was great hearing from you, but I’ve got to run. Keep in touch.” She will either bring up getting together or stop contacting you for good. Maybe she is emotionally messed up or a fruit loop, etc. You just simply don’t know, but her actions communicate that she is out. Use my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” as a guide going forward.
Follow-up response from him:
I want to thank you for your amazing work with both the book and the videos you make all week, every week. They only show us all how simple and easy things can be. A girl I was dating before, who previously broke up with me, has basically been doing ALL the things you outlined in your book, as well as your video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” The best part about this is, I am 41, and during my younger days, I did ALL the stuff right. I’d say around 3 years ago, I did literally EVERY single thing wrong with a girl I absolutely loved, and I screwed that one up BEYOND any sort of salvage ability possible. It makes me laugh now just thinking about it. Anyway, this girl who dumped me around 3 months ago, has kept chasing me. She opened herself up to me again, by telling me she loves me and misses me, and so I obviously told her how I felt. The thing is, I’m not back in town until December when this TV show I’m working on wraps up for the season. I’m not at all worried, because I know how these things work now. I just keep reading your book every day, and I’m now up to 5 times. (You didn’t read the book so much it became instinctual over the past two years, which is why you had problems.) Just another 10-15 more times to go.
I just wanted to extend my thanks to you for the simple and sound advice you provide to anyone and everyone. You’ve basically set out to help us for free and given us the choice to pay for your one-on-one coaching. (I give all my best stuff away for free. You can even read my book for free on my website by subscribing to my newsletter.) I have to say that your coaching is the absolute best there is for any man to not only meet women, but to set out and build themselves a happy life no matter how lavish or simple they desire it to be, and to have EXACTLY what we want out of life is NEVER too much to ask for. (It’s your birthright to be awesome.) Thank you, and keep up the good work. I tell ALL of my friends, male or female, about you, and they really dig your stuff too. (Thanks for the emails and the update.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“It’s not always easy to be yourself, stand up for yourself and live your personal truth of who you really are. This is especially true in a world that tends to place a higher value on conformity and fitting in, instead of being uniquely spectacular and standing out from the rest of the crowd. All of life is a negotiation and therefore, you don’t get what you deserve, you only get what you negotiate. You must give people the freedom, space and time to mutually choose to not only have you in their lives, but also make the effort to show you that they want you through their actions. However, when you notice someone does not value what you offer, you should not hesitate to walk away and continue searching for someone who will. Not being wanted or valued should be a turnoff to you and should cause you to withdraw and continue your search elsewhere. Being with you is a precious gift and a privilege, not a right. Make sure people earn and appreciate your time.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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