Why women who cheat on you belong to the streets and are never to be trusted again.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a forty-nine year old viewer who found out that his woman of thirty-one years and the mother of his two adult children who still live at home has been having an affair with another man for the past six years. He says that over the last eight to ten years they drifted apart.
Life happened and all kinds of things got in the way of their relationship and him being the man he should have been. His wife supposedly broke off all contact with her sidepiece, but she guards her phone like Fort Knox and still claims there is nothing to see on it. He asks my opinion on what he should do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Obviously he’s wondering, “Do I forgive her? Should I believe her when she says it’s over?” He’s like, “I don’t trust her anymore,” which obviously is a good thing. And you’ll see as we go through the email here. I’m going to get a lot of grief, because I always do when I discuss these topics, especially when people who are cheaters and liars themselves or have a history of it, they get really upset at my view on this, but I don’t care. Their lack of integrity is not my problem.
I’m just telling it like it is. I’m just the messenger. I’m a guy sitting here who’s done tens of thousands of phone sessions, and I don’t know how many thousands and thousands of emails I’ve seen over the last 15, 16 years of doing this, that you see the same patterns over, and over, and over. It doesn’t matter what country or cultural background. Character reveals everything.
I listened to your 3% book recently, along with many of your YouTube videos. All because of my search for truth and answers to the current situation I’m in. I’m 49, wife is 47. Married 22 years, together 31.
So, it looks like I guess they probably met in high school, maybe they’re high school sweethearts. You think, hey, everything looks good on paper. They’re supposed to live happily ever after. That’s what they told us in all the movies and the TV shows. Just find “the one,” and you’ll be perfect forever and ever.
I’ve always been 100% faithful.
I believe you.
I admit to putting her on a pedestal, never needing to attach a leash of any sort. In the last 8-10 years, we’ve drifted. I lost my mom, causing some depression and gained some weight.
So, typically when I’m doing phone sessions with people that are like, the wife has lost her attraction, or wants a divorce, or is not interested, or they’re having problems, it’s always one of two reasons in long term relationships. It’s either A) he stopped dating and courting her properly, or B) he didn’t communicate with her properly. And part of dating and courting your wife properly is taking care of your body, working out, eating right, looking good, looking sexy.
I mean, look at me. I’m fifty one. I look pretty damn sexy for a fifty-one year old dude, but it’s a lot of work and I’ve got to keep up with it. But most people, they get married, they get comfortable, they’re like, “She ain’t going anywhere. We’ve got a thirty year mortgage, we’ve got two two kids. A little bit of extra pounds here, extra pounds there.” Maybe in two or three years, you go up a little inch or more in your waist size.
“Yeah, it’s just an inch every couple of years. It’s not a big deal. It happens. Everybody gets a dad bod.” That’s the attitude. That’s the story that we use to justify it. But it happens, and if you stop dating and courting your wife, eventually some other guy will come along and do that for you. He’ll take her off your hands.
My wife feels not emotionally attached, although says sex is good.
Well, it’s obviously good for her, because she’s getting drilled by you and her sidepiece.
One or two times a week. She says she does it to keep me happy.
Oh, so she’s throwing you a mercy fuck a couple of times a week. That’s just delightful.
I buried my head in the sand not wanting to admit we were falling apart. She tried a bit to wake me up, but not real hard in my opinion.
So, at the end of the day, obviously, you gave yourself permission to gain weight and get out of shape and wallow in your sorrows. You made that choice, for whatever reason, good or bad. I’m not judging you. I’m just saying that’s what happened. You stopped being the guy that she fell in love with. But it doesn’t excuse cheating.
February 14, 2021…
So, we’re at about two months ago. Valentine’s Day, it’s supposed to be the day for lovers and couples and soul mates that have found each other and just have the most perfect relationship that everybody else should be jealous. Now, there’s a small percentage that do, but you’ve got to work at it, obviously. And the reality is most people just don’t have that. They’re just kind of going along to get along. They don’t want to rock the boat too much. Don’t want upset the missus because I don’t want any problems with accessing the box when they want.
…I picked up her phone and stumbled on a text from a guy. Through searching her phone, I found that my wife has had an on/off affair with a guy I don’t know for about 6 years.
I’m HEARTBROKEN! Kids are 20 & 19, still in the house. She admits she made the worst mistake of her life.
Yeah, she’s been making the same mistake for six years. The worst mistake of her life really is getting caught. That’s what she’s really remorseful about, because it kind of messed up her little thing she had going with her sidepiece. And she had you completely bamboozled.
She stopped contact with him, she says. She deleted all messages and correspondence with him. But I’ve screenshotted some.
Well, that’s good of you to do that, because you may need that if you decide to go through with a divorce. Because I know in some states, if somebody has been cheating or there’s infidelity, it affects the outcome. And the first thing, I would stop you right there if we were on a phone session to say, the first thing you should do if you haven’t already is go talk to a divorce attorney and tell them what’s been going on, and that if you decide to leave or end the marriage, you want to get all of your ducks in a row.
Let her continue thinking everything is great and wonderful and you’re contemplating giving her a chance, but you need to talk to an attorney, dude. You need to get legal advice based on the laws in your state or your country. First and foremost, you need to do that. You’ve always got to know your downside risk and everything.
So, when you get done with this video newsletter, the first thing you should do is make a call and an appointment with a divorce attorney. Sit down and talk to them, because you may need to do some things to get some things lined up before you serve her with papers if you choose to go that route. And bottom line is you got cheated on, and you need to avail yourself of all of your legal options and rights.
I’ve never been a jealous person and was totally secure in our relationship, trusted her to no end.
You sound like a good dude.
I actually told her if she thought the grass was greener elsewhere, go for it. (I guess that worked well for me.)
So, he actually said that and she thought, “Okay. Well, I guess I’ll just go get myself a little sidepiece, a little side sausage, a little hot beef injection, a little flesh rocket, another man to beat up my pelvis when I’m not feeling it with my husband.”
We’ve decided to try to make it work out, but we have a MAJOR sticking point. She won’t be 100% open to telling me about the affair.
Because she knows you’re not going to like what you hear. And she’s deep down figuring she can just tell you enough and bait you enough, and you’ll just be a good little boy and do what you’re told.
She claims it will be too hurtful.
Well, I’m sure that’s actually a true statement. To know the level, the depravity and how many lies in six years. Can you imagine the amount of lying and deceiving that she’s done for six years? She’s basically been an actress. You trusted her, thought she was completely being faithful, and unbeknownst to you, while your kids are going through high school and teenage years, your wife has been fucking somebody else. That’s like the ultimate betrayal.
Six years? How weak and pathetic is your wife if she’s not happy, that she maintains a six year affair? People who have high character and high integrity, they try to work things out. They try to communicate, because they made a commitment and they’re going to honor their commitment. That’s what good, high integrity, high character people do. Anybody else that bitches and complains, because they’ve been a low character, low integrity person, I don’t care. Go yell at a lampshade. I really don’t give a shit.
If you have high character, you have high integrity, you’re going to try to fix your relationship. If you can’t fix it, then you’re going to leave, you’re going to take time to heal and then eventually you’ll start dating again. That’s what people with high character, high integrity do. And if somebody’s watching this, hears that and gets butt hurt, it’s like, I don’t care because this is how I behave.
I’m fifty-one and I’ve never cheated on any girl I’ve ever been with, and I’ve had plenty of opportunities. But if I make a commitment I stick to it, because I’m a man of my word. But I realize we live in a world full of people where that means nothing to them, even if they say they want to be faithful. They may want to, but they don’t really value it. And at the end of the day, people’s actions tell us everything they need to know.
I say it’s not time to protect me, it’s time to be 100% honest.
That’s also a true statement.
I can’t trust her at all now.
And you know what, you never should. And you know why? Because she belongs to the streets, brother!
I feel I’ve lived a lie the last 6 years.
Well, you haven’t, but she has.
She guards her phone like Fort Knox. But claims there is nothing to see.
It’s not that there’s nothing to see. It’s just there’s nothing that she wants you to see. Because if she was really being honest, she’s just trying to maintain the facade that she’s pushed this guy away. Because it’s been off and on, and so she can take a little pause and when things get back to normal and she thinks you’re you’ve been put back in your place and you’ve kind of gone back to sleep and aren’t paying attention, she’ll start getting drilled again on the side.
That’s assuming that she’s still not getting drilled in the side, because I wouldn’t believe anything she says. Six years, dude. I mean, she’s told probably thousands of lies at this point. I mean, wow, six years. That’s just brutal. Talk about a turd in the punch bowl. Holy shit.
My question is, how do I apply the things in your 3% man book to this without causing harm and resentment?
Well, at the end of the day, you should be going to the gym, you should be working out, you should be taking care of yourself. You should be reconnecting with your friends. You should be getting back to being the guy that you used to be — the guy that loves his life, that has fun. And as far as the wife, she’s going to have to completely jump through her butt and make a lot of changes, because right now she’s got to be the one to try to get you back and convince you that everything is over with the other guy. And it’s obvious she’s not willing to do that.
And why is she not willing to do that? Because she believes yet again she can lie to your face and say, “Oh, it’s over, but no, I won’t let you see my phone. But hey, there’s nothing for you to see in my phone anyway, so you don’t need to see it.” She’s a liar, a woman that lies for six years, has told so many lies she probably doesn’t remember what lies she’s told. She’s told lies to cover up other lies, and she’s still lying to you. If she won’t be 100% forthcoming, says, “Oh, it’ll hurt you. But yeah, you can’t see my phone,” yeah, she belongs to the fucking streets, man. I wouldn’t believe anything she says.
So, back to your question, “how do you apply things,” well, you’ve got to be a man always, whether it’s with her or anybody else. And your attitude should be, “I need to get myself in the best shape of my life. I need to be looking hot again.” If your wife is offering the box and you want to hook up, I’d be wearing a raincoat.
And the other thing, it’s like you’ve got to question yourself. Well, this went on for six years. Are you 100% certain that your kids are even your kids, even though they’re 19 and 20 years old? You don’t really know. I’ve had lots of phone sessions over the years with guys that, as it turned out, some of their kids weren’t theirs, because they married a chick that belonged to the streets. So you don’t know what you don’t know. You don’t know how deep the betrayal is. This may just be the only affair you’ve found out about.
Another thing that’s interesting is, when I’ve done phone sessions with guys that are in long term relationships, like multiple decades, and then the cheating comes up, “Oh yeah. Well, she cheated on every boyfriend that she was ever with before we got together. But, hey, we met in college,” or “We met after college in our mid 20s, and I just figured I’m such an awesome guy and we got along so well, she would never do that to me.”
And then they find out that she’s been cheating constantly the whole time they were together, and then they’re shocked. I was like, “I’m not shocked.” “Current events form future trends,” as Gerald, Celente says. If she cheated on you for six years, she’ll cheat on you for the rest of your marriage. She’ll just look for the right opportunity. She’ll wait until she feels like she can get away with it again. That’s reality. I don’t care what comes out of her mouth. Six years, dude. Thousands of lies. Like, no. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.
We are still in the same house, kids still here. Sleep in the same bed. Sex is better than ever, but then I crash and fall on my face.
Well, enjoy the sex while you decide what you’re going to do and line up all your ducks in a row. Maybe you consider having an open relationship. But the one reality that you need to accept is that your wife belongs to the streets, and that if you’re going to choose to stay with her, you could do everything right that’s in “How To Be A 3% Man,” and become the best husband, the sexiest guy at 49, and she’ll be jumping your bones, and she’ll be happy. But as soon as, a year or two down the road, three years down the road, you get lazy and complacent — maybe you stop going to the gym again, maybe you lose contact with your friends that you’ve re-established contact with and you go right back to being the old guy you were — she’s going to be texting the guy of six years or somebody else.
I mean, the reality is you have no idea how many guys there are. There might be multiple guys. And I’ve done phone sessions with guys that have women that were just nymphomaniacs. They cheated with everybody. They literally fucked every guy, friend, business partner and next door neighbor that they had. It happens. There are women like this out there. You just don’t know what you don’t know.
I want to try to stay together, but I need to hear all the details before I make my decision. You wouldn’t go buy a house or a used car without all the details, right?
The only way she’ll tell you all the details is if she falls head over heels back in love with you again. Then, in a moment of guilt, she’ll tell you what’s really been going on. But right now, you’re not going to get the truth out of her. That’s a fact of life. It has to be when her emotions are engaged and she’s completely in love with you, then she’ll tell you what really was going on — or most of it, or a lot of it.
And the reality is, you’re not going to like what you hear. The question you need to answer is, are you okay staying married to a woman who you know is going to cheat on you again if you slip up in the future. Do you trust yourself enough as a man to be 100% right and make sure your game is always tight and never get lazy and complacent again? I know I’m not perfect. I’m fifty-one, and I still get lazy and complacent and it happens to me.
If you’re going to be in a long term relationship with somebody, it just happens. Life happens, kids happen, you get sick, somebody else gets sick, you start a business, you go through a difficult economic time, the gym’s closed or whatever. Things happen. The bottom line is when your wife’s not happy and you’re not the man she married, she’s going to cheat on you. And if you think you can be the perfect man the rest of your life, well, you’re a better man than I am. You know, good for you dude. Go for it. But as a coach, you asked for my unvarnished opinion.
I’m just saying, the question you have, the answer is, are you okay with staying married to a woman who you know will cheat on you if you slack off again in the future? If the answer is like, “Hey, I’m cool with that,” then stay with her. Or maybe you guys decide to have an open relationship where she can keep her sidepiece and you get a sidepiece for yourself. And then you’re going, “Why even stay married? The kids are adults now.”
Ideally, what the kids need is a healthy, monogamous relationship. That’s an example of that, if that’s the kind you want to show them. They’re never going to get it from the mom. That’s just not going to happen. You’ve been faithful and loyal to her. If it were me, I’d be the hell out of there. And then the kids will say, “Hey, dad left. Once he found out Mom was cheating on him for six years, he went to find himself a good woman. And he’s with her and he’s happy. And when my dad gives me relationship advice, I listen. When my mom talks, it goes in one ear and out the other, because I know my mom belongs to the streets. I love her because she’s my mom, but she wanders the streets.”
And I’m really watching my speech because unfortunately, the goalposts keep getting moved and I can’t say the things I really want to say anymore. So, the things I really want to say will end up being in the members area of my website, which we’re working on, creating content exclusively for the website in the coming months. Just because, unfortunately, this particular platform, which I will not mention, doesn’t allow these things anymore.
Do I ride it out trying to make peace, or give her an ultimatum?
Like I said, you’ve got to put your big boy pants on. Are you comfortable staying married to a woman who you know will cheat again on you in the future if you slip up? If you’re cool with that, great. If you want a relationship, that’s a possibility too. Give her an ultimatum, it won’t matter. She’ll just tell you what you want to hear. She’ll keep an act up for long enough, and as soon as you kind of go back to sleep and think she’s being loyal and faithful, she’ll go right back to her old ways. Six years, dude. It’s like, no, you can’t trust her.
Tell all, or I’m out?
It doesn’t matter. You can’t believe anything she says. She’s not trustworthy anyway. You have to decide whether you want to stay married to a lying, cheating woman, or not.
Because if she doesn’t tell me, I’ll ALWAYS wonder in the back of my head.
Well, she’s not going to tell you. And the only way she’ll tell you, most of it, is if she falls back in love with you, and that’s you deciding to be your best self. Let her do all of the pursuing. Let her make the effort to be a great wife. Make her get her ass back in the gym and work out and look good.
And I don’t think I can deal with that.
Looking for clarity. Thanks for listening.
So, I mean, the answer is pretty obvious what you need to do. Like I said, I’d be talking to the divorce attorney. That would be the first step, line up your ducks. But like I said, you’ve got to decide, as a man, are you comfortable living and staying married to a woman who you know is probably almost 100% guaranteed to cheat on you again in the future if the circumstances are the same?
That’s your decision, and I can’t make that for. Nobody can make that for you, and nobody should make that for you. That’s your job. And if it was me, I’m out. But then again, I wouldn’t have had a chick cheating on me for six years and not being able to spot it, just because I’m the coach. But then again, I haven’t been married for thirty years, so who knows.
I mean, if I was thirty years, I’d have gone to sleep myself as well, because this is what happens. People get in a rut. They’re just average and mediocre, they don’t put their best foot forward. I can understand she probably wasn’t happy, and this was the easy way not to blow up the family and get her needs met. But it’s because she didn’t value loyalty, monogamy. It didn’t mean anything to her. I mean, when you carry it on for six years, it’s like, “No. You’re done, babe.”
So, you have a big decision to make, my man. I’m sorry that happened to you, it happens to a lot of guys, but at the end of the day, she blogs the streets!
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“High character and high integrity oriented people do not cheat or lie, because it’s the right and honorable thing to do. Low character and low integrity people find excuses and reasons to justify their lying and cheating as an accident, moment of weakness or something that was an anomaly that will never happen again. Always look at what people do. Not what they say. Actions always reveal a person’s character or lack thereof. People don’t change who they are. They may become a better version of themselves, but the core of who they are never changes. Given a similar set of circumstances, most people are going to act consistent with how they’ve acted in the past.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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