If She Cuts Your Date Short It Usually Means She’s Not Interested

Why women will cut a date short if there’s not enough chemistry or interest.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who met a woman at a bar and had a first date a few days later. She changed the plans on the date he had setup and they had drinks at a rooftop bar. She cut the date short saying she had to meet a friend, but it wasn’t because she didn’t need saving from him. However, when he tried to set a second date a few days later she said she wasn’t feeling it. He wonders what happened. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “If She Cuts Your Date Short It Usually Means She’s Not Interested”.

Well, I’ve got an email from a viewer. He wasn’t sure if either they didn’t have chemistry or if he just thought maybe he failed to make a move romantically because he thought she might have been hinting that she wanted him to. And so she ends up cutting the date short. And then she says, “well, I’m not cutting it. I have to go meet a friend.” And she’s like, “well, I’m not cutting the date short. You know, my friend’s not bailing me out because I don’t like you.”

And you think, “well, why did you mention it? Why did you even bring it up?” But after three hours, she cut the date short and dipped. And then when he tried to make a date a few days later, a second date, she told him that “the attraction wasn’t strong enough.” And so now he’s trying to look back and go, “did I screw up? Is there something I could have done better?”

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach, 

I’m a guy in my forties from Northern Europe. Six years ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. It was one of the best decisions of my life, but still very painful.

Well, all breakups suck. They’re not fun. Even when you’re the one doing the dumping.

Anyhow, my search for a new life led me to your work. Your material helped me understand masculine/feminine energy, shift from seeking validation to being calm, grounded, and present. It’s been a true game changer, and the last years have involved quite much fun, quite much sex and a romance or two. Fast forward. I recently met a stunning woman just a few years younger than me in a bar. Let’s call her Maria. We flirted, laughed, touched, and other people thought we were a couple after an hour. As she and her friend were about to leave, I suggested we should meet up for a drink sometime.

She smiled, eagerly agreed, and we exchanged numbers. She also told me she had a child but was happily separated. A few days later I called her, and after just a short chat she enthusiastically suggested we meet for drinks. Our date happened one and a half weeks later due to actual logistical challenges. She takes care of the kid every other week. I texted her the day before the date and suggested a photo gallery followed by a walk to a bar where we could get drinks. She texted back suggesting drinks first and then maybe the gallery. I agreed as I preferred that option. 

So you notice she’s changing the plans, but going to a photo gallery? I mean, what does he say? He’s in his 40s. Yeah, he’s in his 40s. I can understand doing stuff like that if you’re a young guy and you don’t have a lot of money, but photo galleries, going for walks around the park, typically not something that dudes in their 40s or 50s are going to be doing. That can make you look like you’re broke as a joke. Maybe you are, but it’s just something to consider because you’re dealing with a woman that’s got a child and you’re basically taking her on something that’s a very inexpensive date.

Again, by the time you’re in your 40s, you should be a little bit more successful, have more money coming in because you’re supposed to be growing, improving your reserve of knowledge and developing your gifts, your skills and your talents so you can earn more. So, as the book says, you should be doing evening dates, not doing things during the day. Because if you do things during the day and you like say you’re going to be at 2 or 3 in the afternoon, oftentimes the woman will plan something for a few hours after that with one of her friends. And so if you’re trying to create the conditions or an opportunity for sex to happen, you should be starting out at a first place, going someplace cool for drinks.

And then if that goes well, you can go someplace for dinner. And if that goes well, a third place like shooting pool, throwing darts, bowling, miniature golf, throwing axes. Just something, shooting pool, whatever, something that can facilitate physical interaction so you can start making out. And then when you’re all over each other, then you can invite her back to your place for a glass of wine or whatever it happens to be. And so, as the book says, if you go to three different places, it gives the woman an experience of like being on three different dates all in one night, especially when you’re getting in and out of taxis or buses or trains, or in and out of your car and driving from one place to the next, or even walking from one place to the next.

So you got to think of the logistics of these things, because if you’re just going to meet for like a quick drink, you’re opening yourself up for the day to end early. And as you’ll see in this particular date, it looks like he made a date during the day. And then so she made plans afterwards. And then she dipped, saying she had plans with a friend. So if you want to prevent those things from happening, that’s why you do dates in the evening. Everything is laid out in the book. The more you strive for it and the lower a woman’s interest starting out, the fewer the mistakes you can make before she gets turned off or loses interest and decides she’s not really that interested.

But if her interest is super high, then it’s not going to really matter what you do and where you go. She’ll should just be happy to be with you. But again, for most women, it’s going to take about 4 or 5 hours with them in order to get to the point where they’re typically open to being seduced. So if you shortcut that process, it’s just going to take you many more weeks and dates, and especially if you put your foot in your mouth a few times, maybe that’s what happened here. Maybe he said some things, talked her out of liking him. We don’t really know. It’s hard to tell.

The date went really well. We started with rooftop drinks, then walked to a cozy bar. I focused on eye contact, presence, and letting her do most of the talking. She leaned in, laughed, and even commented that she liked how natural it felt that I sometimes just let her keep on talking and sometimes took the lead myself. At one point, she commented on her outfit, saying something like “Oh, but what am I wearing!? It looks like I’m going to a fashion gala.” But in a way which sounded that she was not sure she had dressed appropriately. Looking back, I wonder if that was her way of opening the door for me to make a move. 

Maybe she was overdressed, maybe she was expecting to go to dinner or something like that and haven’t eaten anything late in evening. Like again, you guys are in your 40s. You’re not 20. You’re not broke college students. I mean, at least I would hope you’re not. So it could have been possible that just what you were doing, it looked like you were trying to save money. You know, again, it looks like something. This was all like during the day.

After almost three hours, she said she needed to leave because she had agreed to meet a friend, but she made a point to say, “This is not one of those dates where a girl has her friend call to get her out of it. I’ve had a great time!”

Well, why’d you bring it up, then? So women will do that if they’re not really sure of a guy, they’re like, “eh, I don’t know. Do I really like this guy? Uh.” They’ll make plans afterwards. And again, if you make a daytime date, there’s a pretty good chance she’s going to do that. And so, I mean, it’s possible that you raise her interest enough. And then she blows off her friend or whatever and wants to hang out with you. But in this case, she’s cutting the date short. After three hours, you went to two bars, just basically had a bunch of drinks. Doesn’t really sound like you had a plan.

Maybe she got the vibe that you didn’t really want to go to dinner or do anything else. Again, you’re in your 40s. That’s just that’s normally what human beings do in their 40s. I can understand if you’re young and you’re broke, you’re going to be doing things that are inexpensive. But at the age you’re at, she’s a mom. She’s got a teenager. You got to think of those things. She may have just thought you were broke and inexperienced, didn’t have your act together. Or maybe you just put your foot in your mouth. And she didn’t like the way some of the things went in your conversation. And you talked her out of liking you. That’s quite possible.

But the bottom line is she had plans lined up after you. So that tells me she didn’t leave her evening open. Only for you, because that tells me she kind of already presupposed it probably wasn’t going to go well, but she was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, because she always could have cancelled. If she was really liking hanging out with you, she would have canceled the other plans. So if she says something like that like she had a great time. It’s like, well, why don’t you just cancel your plans, just hang out with me? But again, it looked like Elvis had left the building there.

When we walked outside, I kissed her goodbye. She was surprised at first but then leaned back in and kissed me softly and sensually. She even giggled and asked, “So what now, do we see each other again, get in touch or what do we do?” I said, “Yes, we’ll be in touch.” with a cheeky smile. 

Well, if she saying something like that? I was like, what do you mean? What would you like to do? We could continue and go somewhere else. Why don’t we go grab some dinner and then you can meet your friend later. Or tell your friend you’ll meet him another time. But these are just like I said it doesn’t look like she was really super into you to begin with, just from her actions. And so again, there’s like, I don’t really see anything huge and glaring that you did wrong other than maybe doing a daytime date and not really having a plan, not really having three places to go. It just looked like it was going out to drink and get drunk and hopefully you’d be hooking up.

A couple of days later I texted her to ask her out again. She responded to my text the next day.

Well, that’s never good. So she waits 24 hours. When a girl does that, she just don’t give a shit.

With a long message thanking me, saying we had a good talk, but that she didn’t feel the attraction needed to meet again. In the past, I would have chased or over-analyzed. Instead, I thanked her for her honesty and let it go. But my question to you is did I fumble it by being too friendly and not escalating enough, missing her signals? Or was it simply a lack of chemistry? 

Thanks 

Well, other than a few things I suggested, unless you left something out of your email, when you say being too friendly, I don’t know what you mean by that, but the fact that she’s saying, hey, look how I got dressed up and all you’re doing is taking me to a bar. Maybe she was expecting you would go to dinner afterwards if the drinks went well. That’s what should have happened. That’s what normally happens. That’s what I always do. I like to go eat. I like to have a nice, healthy meal. I like to break bread with the girl. And then afterwards, your bellies are full and you can go do something fun that leads to physical interaction or a place like Top Golf is a lot of fun.

You go meet for drinks and things go really well and you say, hey, let’s go to Top Golf and hit some balls and eat some food and have a few more drinks. Because that way the Top Golf, especially if she doesn’t know how to golf, you could facilitate showing her how to hold the golf club. Put your arms around her, show her how to hold the club. It’s really great. Makes it easy. Makes it easy to kiss and for things to happen afterwards. So like I said, if her interest is really high, what you did probably wouldn’t have really mattered.

She would have just been happy to be with you and she would have stayed hanging out. But it looks like her interest was low, and after three hours she was bored and realized she didn’t have enough chemistry with you, didn’t like you enough, and she dipped. Like I said, other than that, it’s kind of tough to tell. But like I said, if I’m a betting man, and I’m in Las Vegas. I would say her interest wasn’t too high to start out with. And afterwards she was just like, eh? She didn’t want to see you again.

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