If She Doesn’t Respect Her Father, She Probably Won’t Respect You

Why women who don’t respect their fathers typically don’t respect men in general.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 24-year-old viewer who was dating a hot 19-year-old. Things were great in the beginning of the relationship, but progressively got worse when he didn’t comply with or follow her orders. She started jerking him around and being rude and disrespectful. None of the women in the family respect the father. She basically treats him the same way they all treat the dad. Eventually she blew him off and started dating and hooking up with other men.

It’s another email that perfectly illustrates why dating women whose fathers did a bad job can be difficult if not impossible. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

In this particular email, this guy is 24 and he was dating a hot 19-year-old. He said things were going great in the beginning of the relationship, but they progressively got worse when he didn’t comply or follow her orders. As he put it, she started jerking him around, being rude and disrespectful. Then as he got to kind of know her family a little bit, the mother and both the daughters, none of them respect the father at all. He’s a little beta male. They’re verbally abusive, they’re mentally abusive, they’re emotionally abusive and dad runs after the wife like a little bitch, and she stonewalls him and jerks him around. It’s like, nobody respects the father and the family.

So if a girl grows up in a family where mom doesn’t respect the dad, the sister doesn’t respect the dad and she doesn’t respect the dad, they just don’t respect men in general. Typically, that’s what you’re going to see. However she treats her father is the way she’s going to treat you. This is a really good email that perfectly illustrates that, because then she started jerking around and going out with other guys and hooking up with other men. When she didn’t get her way, she blew him off. Obviously he’s stinging from it, but this is part of the vetting process and sometimes it’s not pretty. It’s kind of messy.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I hope you are doing well. This is Bob, and I been following your work for the past three years. I been together with a 19-year-old and I’m 24. I read your book 10 times in three years, still got work to do. She comes from extra religious family. The relationship was great in the beginning, but the problems started because I didn’t follow her orders to visit her at work.

Remember what I always say? Easygoing, easy to get along with. Nice to you, communicates well, calm. If her dad’s calm and got his shit together, she’ll be calm. If her dad is an emotionally out of control lunatic and loses his cool all the time, the daughter is going to be the same way. Unfortunately, that’s what she learned. That’s what was modeled for her at home.

It’s really important when you’re dating and vetting to see how the parents interact with one another, how the parents interact with the kids, and especially how the women and the family treat the father. If he’s not the head of the household and the man, the alpha male of the family that everybody respects, admires and looks up to, in this case, as you’ll see, this guy is like a doormat, and he constantly acts that way and everybody treats him like shit. So she’s emotionally anchored and conditioned to think this is just how you treat men, because men aren’t worthy of respect. She doesn’t even respect her own father. It’s not your fault, but it is your job to recognize when that’s a bad combination. You can try to set healthy boundaries, but more often than not, they’ll probably continue to violate them.

I said, “Let’s go somewhere else. It would be much more fun,” and she went wild like I didn’t care. She sent wild texts and went to the holiday with family. During the holidays, she send me a text that we need to talk and said that she didn’t handle the situation pretty well. When her father knew about this, he went into a jack-in-the-box mode.

So if dad is a jack-in-the-box, he goes crazy, loses his temper, screams, yells and gets all emotionally upset all the time, that’s not good, because the daughters aren’t going to feel safe. The women aren’t going to feel safe if dad’s constantly losing his shit. If women don’t feel safe, the legs are going to close.

After the holiday, she said, “Let’s just be friends,” speech and I said, “Sure, let’s be friends with benefits.” She was shocked.

Yeah, if a girl tries to friend-zone you, just say, “We can be friends with benefits. That’s a great idea,” but not platonic friends where you’re just friends. That’s a big no to that.

Then after a fun time, she said, “I want to be girlfriend/boyfriend,” and I said, “OK.” Her father on the other side, is a complete pussy and mother runs the household. She runs the finances, her hair is short…

That means that mom is totally in her masculine because dad is in his feminine. He’s acts like a little girl. So when women don’t feel safe, when they’re forced to be the man in the family, they stop wearing makeup, they gain weight, they wear androgynous clothes, they cut all their hair off. Again, these are things you need to look for. If the woman is very feminine and girly, she’s going to grow her hair long. If she’s not, she’s going to butch the hair. It’s just a fact of life.

…And she doesn’t respect him, she’s calling him names and the relationship doesn’t look good.

So that’s what’s been modeled all this girl’s 19 years on planet Earth. It’s all she knows. To her, that’s what’s normal.

When the mother is angry, she left the conversation and the father starts to run after her, “What do you want to do honey? Where do you want me to take you?” My ex-girlfriend sees that and finds it funny, but I don’t. She also does that to me. When she is not happy, she goes to the party till 3 a.m.

Totally rebelling. You can imagine her parents are ultra religious and, “You can’t do this! You can’t do that!” Then she just lies to the parents, goes out and does it anyways. That’s typically what happens in those ultra religious households. It doesn’t matter which religion they follow, because they all kind of behave the same way. They just find good ways to be deceptive and do things that aren’t going to get them in trouble by just lying to the parents and covering things up.

I said that if she doesn’t respect my boundaries and if it happens again. she is no longer my girlfriend. Guess what? she did it anyway.

Yeah, because that was what was modeled for dad. “You don’t take men seriously.” They say one thing and dad probably just caves, so she just assumed he’s going to cave, like probably every other guy that she’s probably dated.

When we’re having sex, after the sex she starts to cry like, I don’t feel her confident and “I don’t care” stuff. That stuff really destroy my self esteem. Every once in a while, I surprise her like you said in the book, but to her it’s not enough. My mother on the other side said that she is a very quiet person and shy, and she didn’t like her.

Mom doesn’t like this girl. You should listen to your mom. Mom’s right. Mom’s intuition.

My parents, when I was younger and I was a teenager, early 20s, I was always, “Whatever, man.” As I got older and I looked back, I was like, “They were so right about so many things,” but hey, you get young and full of yourself, especially when your parents are controlling, then what do you do? You rebel, and you got to go find out your way and hit the wall a few times and they’ll be like, “I told you so. You didn’t want to listen.”

Also, my aunt said that, like she is hiding some stuff. I got her a job that pays pretty well, but after two months she said, “I don’t want to work there anymore.” She was depressed most of the time, not into eating healthy not into fitness. It seems like to her, the most important thing is partying, friends and male orbiters. She also sometimes give me a timeout during the relationship and went back to me. That’s passive aggressive behavior. Her father doesn’t give her compliments and doesn’t cherish her enough. He only gives her a critique, and he said to her, “Don’t wear that make-up anymore. You need to be serious when you are in a job.”

During the new year, when we supposed to meet with her family, she was in a bad mood and I said, “Get in touch when you are ready and feeling better.” I didn’t come because she wasn’t feeling good and ready. She started crying and her mother told her, “Don’t worry about guys in general. It’s just one guy.” I’m like, “What the fuck?” She came to my house and we spoke about it, I said, “I want girlfriend that is confident and happy, not someone who isn’t ready and happy in the beginning.” Boy, after a while, it didn’t get any better.

When she was not happy, she went to the party she started to add guys on Instagram. Her father told her, “Bob isn’t your boyfriend anymore.” Even though we spent a good time together, her father also said, “You need to change boyfriends,” after six months. Her father also got the sister to change boyfriends like a bus stop. When I heard that, I said, “Boy, I deserve a better girl and family.” Her father is controlling jack-in-the-box and she hides stuff from him and lies.

Yeah, the parents did a shitty job. It’s not your fault, but at least you now recognize it.

I’m asking myself, “How many boyfriends did she have in the past? Is she hiding stuff from her parents?”

That’s who she is. Lying is a way of life for her. You’re not going to turn her into an honest woman. Again, this is the vetting process. This is also why you got to check out the parents and see the way they’re like.

She also said to her mother that she didn’t respect her ex-boyfriends, she jerked them around pretty much all of the time. Boy, those girls can destroy your self-esteem quickly and she also started to call me names like, “You’re a jerk,” and “You don’t have a big biceps,” even though I hit the gym and do cardio every day. When I said to her, “Let’s go to the gym,” she said, “No, people will be laughing at me.” I went like, “Whaaat?” In the end, when we’re supposed to have a lunch with the grandparents, she saw that I was watching porn…

Come on dude! That’s a stupid mistake.

…And she went wild. “I’m not going to do this anymore.” She left the house in anger…

Yeah, if you’re watching porn, then she’s going to think that you’re not that into her. She’s going to take it as a rejection. Come on, dude!

…And gave me another time out. Three days went by and she sent me, “We need to talk.” We talk and she said, “We are not meant to be together.” I said, “I respect your decision. Get in touch if you change your mind. Guess what, Corey? She went to a holiday with other dudes, probably fucking them, and I said, “Come on man! She belongs to the streets!”

Yep!

I deserve a better girl and a better family that is not toxic.

Yeah, you don’t want these people being grandparents to your kid.

Also, I’m starting to drink your green smoothie. It’s doing wonders!

Bob


Yep, he’s talking about the recipe that’s in Mastering Yourself, which I highly recommend that you guys read.

Again, all my books are free to read on my website, and obviously you can get audio-book copies. They’re everywhere, in iTunes, they have it at audible, you got paperback/hardcover copies.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.