If She Doesn’t Support Your Purpose She’s The Wrong Woman For You

Why a woman who doesn’t support your purpose is the wrong woman for you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is long distance with his girlfriend. They see each other every couple of months. He’s a professional musician who does well for a living. However, she wants him to get a “normal job” and trashes his music and career. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “If She Doesn’t Support Your Purpose She’s The Wrong Woman For You”.

So this particular email is from a viewer who’s a musician. And he I guess he’s been long distance with his girlfriend. He’s in Louisiana, she’s in Arizona, and they see each other every couple of months. And she sent him a long message praising his confidence in his dreams, but also questioning his music career. And she basically implies that she doesn’t think it’s a legit career. She wants a guy that’s stable and a regular, normal type of job.

And so that’s obviously really, really bothering him. She even came right out and said, “oh, I absolutely hate one of your, one of his songs.” She’s like, “it’s terrible.” Even though he’s a full time musician and he does well. He’s not too happy about his girlfriend trashing one of his songs. And on top of this particular album, he’s been working on like two years, and she just doesn’t support it. And if, as a man, in order to accomplish your grandest goals and dreams, your girl has to be your biggest fan and cheerleader.

And when she doesn’t support what you do, she’s going to be constantly sandbagging your success and trying to make you doubt yourself so she gets you to comply with what it is that she wants you to do. So just imagine trying to be a musician and you’ve always got your girl chirping in your ear, making you doubt yourself, doubt your music, doubt your decisions. Because she doesn’t support it. That’s going to make it really hard, because you basically have somebody in your inner circle who’s doing everything they can to sabotage you and your success.

So you make choices that she thinks are better for you and ultimately her. Where she’s trying to take the wheel of the fun bus and in essence, drive it off a cliff. So you don’t want to die with your music still in you. And I got a story I’ll tell you about somebody I used to know. I’ve talked about it before, but.

Viewer Email:

Coach Corey,

Thank you for all of your videos. They’ve helped me stay sane through my 20s. I’m 28 now, still young, still learning. Here’s the situation. My girlfriend and I are long distance. I’m in Louisiana, she’s in Arizona, we see each other every couple months. She sent me a long message praising my confidence and dreams, but also questioning my music career. She said she loves me, but she’s craving “something real” under the words, a foundation of stone. She pointed to her grandfather, a cop, as an example of a man who provided stability and was “in his King energy.”

So despite the fact that he’s a successful musician and doing well, she doesn’t see him as having King Energy. That’s a deal breaker.

She asked me to consider building a more structured life alongside my music, even joked about “normal jobs”, and brought up kids.

So instead of her encouraging you to go for it, she’s basically telling you why you should probably give up.

The night before, she flat-out told me she hated one of my songs. I’m a musician for a living and do well. and didn’t believe in the album I’ve been building for two years.

So she’s not supportive of your music and your work. Disqualified. You can’t have that. She’s got to support what you do. And if she doesn’t, she’s gonzo. Because what’s going to happen if you stay with her, say you marry her, she’s constantly going to be working to sandbag your success.

She also said she wants to get pregnant and admitted she likes being in control. I told her no, that she needs to trust me, that we’re a team, and I see her as my equal. She gets worked up over text, but I calmed her down over the phone. My question, is this her being a sensitive, emotional woman, or is she pushing for control in a way that’s going to derail me?

Well, she’s not coaching you and cheering you on. She’s basically telling you that your music sucks, and the album you’ve been working on for two years is not good enough, and she’s trying to get you to choose a normal job. That’s what she really wants. She wants you to give up on your music. You’re not going to achieve your full potential in your music career if she’s successful at derailing you.

I love her, but I won’t abandon my vision. I need to know if this is the normal testing of a feminine woman, or a red flag.

Thank you,

Bob

It’s a major red flag because she doesn’t support what you do for a living. She wants you to do something else for whatever reason. I mean, you said you do well, so you’re a full time musician. You’re obviously able to pay all your bills with it, but yet she wants you to do something else. And so my old business partner, James, that I wrote about in Mastering Yourself, which you guys can read for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com, just subscribe to the free Email Newsletter. He had always been, I think it was when he was 30, 32, 33.

He decided that he was going to teach himself how to play guitar, and he was going to become a musician that wrote and performed all of his original music. And pretty much everybody in his family laughed at him and snickered at him and thought he was a moron. He’d lost his mind. He was delusional. Well, he did just that. Taught himself how to play guitar. Had his good friend Wayne, they ended up forming a band called The James Wayne Duo. And eventually, years later, his partner Wayne, his wife, did not support him being in the band.

She wanted him to take a more normal job, and I think he basically became a carpet installer for a living. And so, this guy’s wife, derailed their music career. But by that point they’d been performing and, as a musician, you go from place to place, you play in venue to venue. And when people know, “oh, hey, The James Wayne Duo is going to be playing tonight. People would show up just to see them play because they really liked their music. And obviously people go to a restaurant or a venue where they’re going to, they’re gonna eat food, they’re gonna drink.

And so he had power coming into these places because he brought a big audience with him that, you know, helped the venue owner make good money. And that’s why they kept having them back over and over. Because they’ve been doing that for so many years. This was his very best friend in the world. But this guy’s wife, you know, had him by the balls and convinced him that he needed to do something else, partly because she didn’t like the attention that they got from women, because, I mean, if you’re a musician and you’re performing and everybody likes your music, women are going to be coming up to you after the show and wanting to fuck you.

And Wayne’s wife was incredibly jealous of that, and she didn’t like that. And eventually she was able to derail him right out of the band. But since James had been performing that way for so long, he ended up changing his last name to be James Wayne. And, um, even though Wayne wasn’t his actual last name. And so he continued on and he eventually got offered a record contract. He was playing with guys, like old school guys like Joe Cocker, B.B. King, a bunch of other acts, and he was on the verge of making it. But, you know, they’d spent eight to him and his wife, eight, ten years driving around in their station wagon with their cats. I think they had 2 or 3.

They had the Manxes, the ones that don’t have tails. And eventually, you know, because he was in his thirties, he was around that time when he decided to do that. I think he was 33 when he met his wife. She was 18. So when she’s in her late 20s, she’s like ready to have kids, wants to settle down, have a normal life. She didn’t like being on the road all the time, and she started complaining and bitching at him and nagging him. And eventually, you know, when they got pregnant with their first child, she convinced him that he needed to go get a real job. And so he took a job in sales, which he absolutely hated, but he was great at sales. One of the best salespeople I ever met in my life.

And he did it to please his wife, and it made him fucking miserable. Because he absolutely loved music. It was the only thing he loved doing more than anything. And back in the day when we were in real estate, it’s, you know, 5:00 or 6:00, you’d be like, “hey, go get us some beer”, because there was a ABC liquor store, right next. Literally, you know, we walk out of our office, it’s literally right next to us. So we’d have a few beers, we’d order a pizza from like Domino’s and smoke a joint. And he’d play music and we’d hang out till eight, nine, 10:00 at night. Just having a good time. He’s putting on a private concert for me because I really liked a lot of his songs, and they were very inspirational.

And he and his wife were just constantly the whole time that we were in business, even years later, it’s like he’d start acquiring more guitars. He’d put a band together And it would piss her off and she’d start giving him a hard time. They would have these knock down, drag out fights about it, and she would nag him and be so mad and so much that he’d be like, “you know what? I’m just gonna sell all my guitars and not deal with it anymore. I don’t want to deal with my fucking wife always on my ass about it.” And I was like, “man, you need to tell her that you can’t give this up. And she needs to support you.”

And so he’d sell most of his guitars and equipment, and then slowly, he’d start buying it back. He’d form a new band, and then the same process would repeat. And, you know, he never even though he always wanted to do that, she never was supportive of it. And basically the last, you know, year or two that he was alive, he was going to the studio. He was recording a lot of his music that he hadn’t recorded. And uh, I remember, you know, one of his Facebook posts, he was saying that you gotta finish. And he didn’t finish his mission. He died with his music still in him because he allowed his wife to constantly derail his music career.

Because, you know, she’s like, “oh, it’s going to take time away from the family. I don’t want to go on the road again.” And then even after the kids were grown and started their own families, it’s like she just was not supportive of it. She told him how much she loved his music, but she didn’t like the idea of him being a musician for a living. And it robbed him of that. And same thing with his best friend and former musician partner. You know, whenever they would get together, they would play. It was really amazing to watch the two of them play. And just to me I looked at it and it was like, that was so sad.

These two women totally derailed these guys from their true mission and purpose and their calling, and they probably could have made it big. I mean, they got it. They got a record contract and he walked away from all of that to please his wife, which is really fucking sad. But, you know, he was fucking tormented his whole life. The thing he was most passionate about, you know, it sent his wife into orbit. Even though when he met her, he was performing, and she walked up and approached him at the end of one of his sets. And, um, so that’s how that’s how they met was because he was great at what he did.

And, you know, women would constantly come up to him and want to sleep with him. And, and then he got serious with her and, and for the most part, they lived happily ever after. But, man, that dude was so tormented. I remember we were sitting in the office one time, and he had a couple checks from some of our some closings that we had done, and they were big checks. And he had his guitar and we were smoking and drinking and eating pizza like normal late one night, and he’s like, “you know, Corey, like, I absolutely fucking hate this. I fucking hate selling houses. I don’t want to fucking do this.”

He says, “but you know what? When I get these checks, it makes it all better.” But the thing that he was most passionate about was guitars and his music. He even had a guitar store for a while, and he was kind of torn between the two because, you know, he had to spend time there. And then he also had responsibilities in the business, and eventually he ended up shutting the guitar store down because he couldn’t juggle both. But really, what he wanted to do was be a musician and perform. And he just gave that up to please his wife.

Because she would get on his ass if especially if he started to become successful and got a bunch of gigs and, you know, they had to travel or whatever, it’s like she just did not support it at all. And it’s like, I believe it shortened his life because it’s like, man, there’s so many times I sat and listened to him complain and it’s like he was like on the verge of divorcing her many times. He’s like, and she drove him nuts and he just to stop her from fucking nagging. He would give it up for a period of time, but because that was his calling, he would keep going back to it. And he always had at least one guitar. He had one acoustic guitar.

And sometimes, you know, when he was flipping guitars, he had like hundreds of them. Because I was doing what I loved. I mean, I loved Real Estate. I loved the business we were in. It’s what I dreamed of doing since I was a kid. I never imagined I’d be a Life Coach one day. But I was always pushing him to, “man, you gotta do this. You gotta put your wife in in her fucking place, Dude. Your kids are grown now. There’s no reason for you not to do this.” This was even after we weren’t even in Real Estate anymore. But it’s like, man, it’s just. She was just like a brick wall. She was not having it. And now he’s been dead seven years and she has a new boyfriend. She’s like, you know, to me, I think that’s a tragedy.

There’s probably just millions and millions of guys all over the world that never really went for what they wanted because they got derailed by their woman. You know, he had a great life. He had a great family, but he didn’t get to do what he really wanted to do, and maybe he would have made it big. But we will never know because he gave up to please his woman. And I look at that as a tragedy, and I just saw the way that it fucking tormented, and he agonized over it. There were so countless conversations we had where he’d come into my office and sit down, and he’d just just torn up about like, “oh, man, we had it out last night.”

Knocked down, drag out fight. And it’s like always over the music. I was like, “man, it’s like, you need to fucking put her in her place and tell her that this is, you know, this is what you’re gonna do. And if she doesn’t support it, well, she can kiss your ass.” But he wasn’t willing to to stick with it. He would do it for a while, and then she would just get on him, and it would just drive them nuts, you know. That’s why most guys have the attitude of, “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” Because the woman just makes you fucking miserable to the point where you just fuck it. And so when I read something like this, I know what the end result is. I lived in it.

I was a business partner with a guy for a decade, and I saw how it tormented him. And, you know, the conflict that it created in their home life because like, she kept doing it, she kept being an ass to him and kept sandbagging his success. And she was fucking relentless. It’s like, that’s the way women are. They don’t fucking stop when they when they get their mindset on something, they would just nag and nag and nag and nag until you either leave them or you submit. And you know, again, so when I read this, you’re already successful, you’re already doing well at it, and your girl is trying to derail you in the same way that my old business partner, his wife, was able to derail him and the wife of his former band mate was able to derail him right out of the band because she nagged him to death until he finally gave it up.

Because she didn’t like the attention that they got from other women. She didn’t like him being on the road, and she wanted a normal life, and he was a fucking carpet installer his whole life. He made a decent living, but he was not rich by any means. And, you know, both those guys have have long like Wayne, he dropped dead of a heart attack. And, um, it’s just sad because you think, “what could have been? What if those guys would have done it anyway and just gone for it?” I mean, I probably would have never gone into business because I would have never met him because they’d have been a musician. So it was good for me ultimately.

But it was sad to see what had happened and how it ended for him. So don’t die with your music still in you. If your woman does not support your purpose, get a new woman who does. Because life is hard. Relationships are hard. Business is hard. Being a musician or an entrepreneur, doing what you want to do is really fucking hard. And you need people in your inner circle that support you. Because you’re going to have days where you’re going to doubt yourself. And if you’re doubting yourself and you already got a woman in your inner circle doesn’t support it, she’s going to make you doubt yourself even more.

So if you’re already succeeding at it and doing well for a living, then keep doing it. And tell your girl you don’t ever, if she doesn’t have a supportive word to say, shut her fucking mouth. And if she doesn’t stop nagging you about it, you’re gonna dump her. And she can be single and go find another man. And plus, on top of that, your long distance. Why would you want to be long distance from somebody? So it’s like, you know, why is she not living in your city? Why is she not living close to you? You have the advantage of this book. You’re a musician. If you do well, like you say you are, there’s got to be so many opportunities for women that come up to you that love your music at the end of your shows and want to sleep with you.

It’s like, it’s like an all you can eat pussy buffet. So it’s like, why put up with this shit with a girl that’s in another state who’s nagging you and giving you a hard time? Because if you stay with her, what I’ve seen happen is it will fucking derail your career and your life. And like I said, my friend, he was just fucking tortured over and agonized about it. He walked around angry all the time. Every job he ever had he was good at, but he didn’t like it because it wasn’t his true calling in life. And it’s like, if you’re walking around pissed off and upset all the time and angry that you can’t do what you really want to do, it’s going to shorten your life.

And you’ve got to think about that, too, is this woman really worth it? Who’s long distance, who doesn’t support what you do? And if you stick with it, we’ll probably shorten your life, because you’re going to make yourself miserable by not doing your music anymore. So I’d put her in her place, tell her that she needs to support you, and if she doesn’t have another word of encouragement, then to keep it to herself. And if she can’t do that, then she doesn’t belong with you and you’re going to find somebody else.

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