If She Moves Away For A Job Your Relationship Is Likely Over

Why your woman moving away for a job will likely be the end of your relationship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for over three years. Two years ago, he got into a relationship that was the best he ever had. However, after a year she moved to the UK for a job, supposedly for only one year.

They tried long distance, but she dumped him right before he was coming to visit her after a year of living in the UK. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who’s been following my work for about three years, and then two years ago, he got into a relationship that he said was the best that he’d ever had. I believe he said it was the best girlfriend he ever had, up until that point. However, after about a year together, she got an opportunity for a job, but it was in the UK, and she’s always wanted to live there, but it was just going to be for a year and then she was going to come back. It was good for her career. So they did the long-distance thing, but he noticed that towards the end she was just kind of being a little distant and it was his turn to go visit her. Literally days before he was to fly over there, she basically tells him not to come, so he cancels his flight and dips on out.

So it’s a good email because there are some you that date long-distance, and the reality is, if you’re living together in the same city, in the same country, and then your girlfriend gets a job opportunity and she decides to take it in another country, well that in and of itself tells you that her interest is not high enough for her to want to stay. If you’re the love of her life, she’s just not going to be OK with moving away from you, but if she does leave and move over there, on some level, that shows she’s not 100% committed to you and your future together. So for those of you that are going to date long-distance, this is a good email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I dated this girl for two and a half years in the same city, then one year of long distance with an eight-hour time difference.

So I guess they were together about three years.

We both had great jobs and lives and enjoyed the best relationship we had both ever had. Thanks to your work I discovered after a previous breakup three years prior. 

She is beautiful and a very smart/talented girl, but very much aligned with boss girl values.

So the career is more important than the relationship and the family. Again, women vote with their feet. If she’s with you, it means she voted for you.

She would consistently tell me I was the love of her life…

Which, when she was saying that, obviously she meant it in the moment, but again, women vote with their feet.

…And that she just found her forever person early (She was 23 when I met her and I was 26).

Last summer, she tells me her company is giving her an opportunity to live and work in the UK, a dream she has always had, and she pitched me to come with! I was calm and stated that it may or may not be right for us to stick it out if she gets it since I recently accepted a new job two months prior and that I could not and would not be going with her. She gave a ton of loving affirmations and said not to stress because “We are a team,” and she didn’t want to leave me in the dark on anything.

But at the end of the day, she’s still leaving. So on some level, if she’s thinking this is the man that is really, truly her forever person, she’s not going to like the idea of working in another country, even though that may have been something she always wanted to do, but what was more emotionally compelling to her was living and working in the UK, and she was OK with leaving the boyfriend behind.

She got the job and we had a mature conversation and decided a year of her out there would work as I could vacation and explore Europe with her and she could come back and see me too. Neither of us wanted to end a clear cut good relationship when we had it and she would reiterate we are going to get through this.

Well, talk is cheap. Always look at what a woman does, not what she says. She said all the right things to keep you engaged and keep you committed while she went to go explore life in the UK without you, and you correctly stayed behind because you really didn’t want to go there. You were where you wanted to be.

I visited her for multiple weeks with her twice around Thanksgiving and Christmas and she mentioned the job promotion they want to give her and I ask directly, “What are you going to say when it hits the one-year mark?” She says, point blank,” I will leave and move wherever you are.” Felt great to hear in the moment.

Well, she said it, but then again, it’s just words. We gotta look at what a woman does, not what she says.

Time went on, she came back to see me two and a half months later in March, we always had fun together, but I noticed we had slightly less sex than our previous trip. She then flew out again in May for 48 hours for my best friends wedding, which I thought was a big action for her to take, but again I noticed slightly less desire for intimacy. 

So it’s almost like if you look at it and you take a step back, she wanted to keep her relationship together. She’s not ready to blow that up, but it was more important to live in the UK. When you notice she’s not putting as much effort in it, plus they’re only seeing each other maybe once a quarter, which is not a lot, you go from living together practically and being on top of each other, and now she’s in another country and you hardly see each other, maybe a handful of times a year, it’s not going to survive.

So it looks like she was holding on to him. In essence, a monkey branch. An international monkey branch.

After the wedding, I earned the opportunity to rotate jobs internally to live and work in the UK. I investigated and negotiated for months, since I did truly enjoy my time out in the UK when I visited and could see a short stint as doable, but I clearly saw it as a risk since it was at least 51% because she was there.

So it’s not like he’d always wanted to live in the UK like her. She’s kind of like the deciding factor. He was like “Take it or leave it.” Well if she’s there, that’s a little bit of extra incentive, but it’s not like that’s his purpose and mission and he wants to be in Europe.

When I had the offer on the table, I had a conversation with her, her response was tepid. She, of course, wanted me there, but said she didn’t want to live with me right away and said she may not want to be out there the about two years I would have to commit to.

So she’s basically saying, “Oh well, if I have to go back, I don’t want to be stuck here for two years.” It’s like you look at her words and her actions, they are not really matching. Like, this is the boss girl energy. She’s all in her masculine who wants to pursue her career.

I took that as a clear sign to step back. Thankfully another internal job was poaching me concurrently, and it is the best job I could’ve gotten and one that I was happy with, so I took it. 

Good fucking job, dude! That’s what you need to do. You’re the one with a the penis. She’s the one with the vagina. She’s supposed to submit to you, not the other way around. She doesn’t want to let you lead the relationship and the family. Well, she’s clearly not a family-oriented girl.

Her response (via text) was that she happy for me and would wholeheartedly support me no matter what and couldn’t wait to see me and have more trips together. 80-90% of the time, I would hear from her first and she would share tons of “I miss you’s” and “I love you more’s” over the course of the summer. I had my flight booked for a two-week stay with her in August and I wanted to be in-person to discuss the fact that we were brushing up on the one-year mark.

So it’s almost a year since she’s been there, about the time she’s supposed to return. Remember what she said? “Oh, I’m definitely coming back. Even if they want me to stay, I’m leaving because I want to be with you.” Again, this is what she says, but clearly, what were her real true intentions? We’re about to see.

She calls me two days before my flight and tells me not to come.

The perfect person. She found her perfect person! The love of her life, so she said. So excited about your future together, that two days before you’re supposed to come, after your flight and everything is booked, you’ve uprooted your schedule and you spent money, “Yeah, don’t come see me.”

She said she feels like she’s in limbo, “You are more settled then I am, I will realistically be out here another year…”

Remember, she was just telling him months earlier that there’s no way she’s staying another year.

…And after she doesn’t know where she wants to go after, yada yada yada.

So basically she’s saying, “I have low interest in you. I don’t really care anymore. I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. I don’t want to be tied down.” Probably because she met somebody else there that she’s probably struck up a friendship. Maybe it’s a co-worker. The bottom line is, that they’re seeing each other barely once a quarter, and whoever the dude is, or dudes, they’re there all the time.

I was very poised on the call and said if you aren’t willing to make the effort I am going to have the self respect and drop the flight and plans and say goodbye. 

She was sobbing and was clear of her “love” for me…

Well again, that’s nice to say, “Oh, I love you,” but at the end of the day, women vote with their feet. So she was more in love with being in the UK and working there than she was being with her supposed perfect person. So he clearly wasn’t her perfect person like she let on.

…But her not wanting to invest in a loving romantic relationship is all I needed to hear.

Yeah…

It SUCKS, but now we are both free.

Well I’m sorry to hear that, dude, but she made her choice. She chose the career, UK and probably somebody else she met over there.

It baffles me that I had only seen her about 12 calendar days this year and I also am reminded her words (Mostly texts) of love and commitment say one thing and her actions say another.

Yeah well, if you think about it, we’re in what, September? And you see your for not even two full weeks of the year, that’s like an international booty call at that point. Even though you’re talking on the phone, it’s like when I’ve dated international we didn’t go that long. It’s usually every other month where somebody’s traveling. So usually we spent maybe five or six weeks apart when we were together. If I was in her country, probably be there for about two weeks. When she’d be here, she’d be here for like 90 days until she had to go back because we followed the immigration laws, unlike the Joe Biden people.

Her attraction slowly faded and I probably helped her get comfortable and settled in a new country just enough to leave me in the dust, LOL. Long distance is SO much harder than in-person romance.

Yep, you found out her real level of commitment. Like I said, if you’re only spending a handful of days together and she’s around other dudes, she’s in the UK where she really wanted to be, then as you come up on that year date where she’s supposed to return, she clearly had no intention of returning. She was happy to BS him. Then when things probably look like they were going to go well with whoever else she met there, she doesn’t even want him to come visit. Are you kidding me?

So you have to assume most of everything she said was bullshit. She didn’t mean it. She told him what he needed to hear to stay around and stick around so she could successfully monkey branch because again, a woman who’s head over heels in love with you and thinking about a future with you is not going to move to another country, even for a year. The thought of being away from you for that amount of time, she’s not going to be down with it, but the fact she was excited about it shows that’s where her heart really was.

Again, women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, it means they voted for you.

Thankfully, I did not stop leveling up in my personal and professional life and I am surrounded by my best friends in the same city, and my family a short flight away.

I am so glad I did not move…

Yep, see if you’d have moved, you would have only been moving for her. It wasn’t for you even though you were like, “Hey, this would be a cool to check out.” You weren’t like, “I have to do this.” It wasn’t a must for you, let’s put it that way.

…And will now invest even harder in MY OWN health, wealth, and experiences. I am on-week into never reaching out for any reason ever and I am letting ACCEPTANCE heal my emotions and prep for the next bout with love when it comes. 

I look forward to sending you an update with my future success story.

Bob

Well I mean, it sucks, dude, but at least now you know you gave her the benefit of the doubt, and it’s pretty clear again that she didn’t really mean the things that she said. Just look at her actions. She said a lot of nice things in text, but again, women vote with their feet, and where is she? She’s in the UK. So that’s where she wants to be. She’s probably with Chad Thundercock in the UK now.

So you need to move on. I would not give her another chance to come back, even if she reaches out in a few, “Oh, I made a mistake. I lost the love of my life.” If you look at her level of effort over the last year, I wouldn’t give a woman like this another chance. She needs to experience losing you forever so you can find somebody who the thought of moving to another country and being away from you would be absurd.

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