If You Hesitate, You Will Masturbate

Why you must make a move romantically on dates or you will get rejected & friend zoned.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who recently came back to my work after 10 years and not taking it seriously. He went out on a date with a girl he’s worked with for 2 years recently. He didn’t plan ahead and showed up to her house after a 13 hour shift dead tired. He never made a move. On their next date he acted like a statue and didn’t make a move once again. Then she friend zoned him due to his lack of confidence and initiative and over pursuing. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Member’s Only Newsletter is going to be, “If You Hesitate, You Will Masturbate”.

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. He recently came back to my work after about ten years. He says he didn’t really take it seriously back then. So he went out on a date with a girl from work that he’s worked with for about two years. And he kind of goes through the process of how she kind of reveals she was interested. So she ended up inviting him over to like paint her house or whatever.

And, uh, so he works like a 13 hour shift and then goes over there. I guess he hasn’t gotten any rest or any sleep. So he’s dead fucking tired. Which, you know, looking back on it, he’s like, he should have canceled the date and rescheduled because he was tired, but he thought, “Hey. You know, I’ve got to be a man of my word.” And he goes over there, never made a move.

And so then they have a second date, and he just basically acts like a statue, doesn’t make a move once again. And then she friend zoned him. So it just shows that if a girl is into you and you go out with her and you don’t try to kiss, you don’t try to make a move. You act like a statue. You act like you’re afraid.

You’re worried about getting rejected. Women love confidence more than anything. When you ask women like, “What do they look for in a guy?” Looks are usually third or fourth on the list. Where as most of us guys are like number one, hot face, hot body, because we’re visual creatures. That’s what gets us interested in the first place.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

Hope you’re doing well man. Thanks for everything you’ve taught us men about dating and relationships. 10 years ago, I read your book so many times. It was definitely above 15 times, but I lost count. My last relationship didn’t last long, about four months, but it was about two years ago.

She was great but also had a lingering ex in the background that I found out about a month in. They were broken up for about 11 months, at least that’s the timeline I was given. I have no hard feelings for her anymore and wish her the best in life and I don’t regret what happened because it truly taught me through experience that loyalty and integrity are values, I hold highly.

So if she’s still messing around with the ex, even though she supposedly is single and then is hanging out with the ex behind your back when you’re supposed to be dating and in a relationship, that’s not what you want. She doesn’t display the qualities of loyalty. If she’s displaying low character and low integrity which it appears that’s what happened here, he did the right thing by dipping. It’s not your job to be Captain Save-A-Hoe and fix a messed up girl.

At that time I was a newly graduated Physician at a busy hospital. Once that last relationship didn’t work out, I put myself to work on improving my life. I moved from California to Vegas, not because of her but because California is so Liberal and Democratic and expensive as fuck. I spent two years working hard at my career.

In those two years I finally paid back my loans and also bought a new beautiful house that I am proud of. I think I may have obsessed about these goals but truthfully, I was also likely not ready to date anyone new. I did go on dates but never with any true desire to meet anyone. But as you have always quoted, “Repetition is the mother of skill.” And that’s something that I did not follow. Sorry man.

Hey, dude, it’s your life. You’re the one that gets to experience the consequences.

My most recent situation in question with a new flame happened these past two weeks. We had known each other for two years at work. She was in a relationship when I first met her so I dropped my effort in getting to know her down to zero. It wasn’t until about 10 months ago that her Instagram messages and memes to me up ticked by a lot, but I didn’t give it much thought. At that time, I was actually out of the country traveling to places I’ve always wanted to go to but couldn’t, due to Medical School and Residency.

It wasn’t until 5 months ago that I found out about her breakup. She offered me advice on houses, and I found out she had just closed on a new house which confused me because she had lived with her ex. In that Instagram conversation, she revealed she had broken up with her ex around the time I was traveling out of the country. Right then and there, I asked her out to dinner. When we met up, she wasn’t dressed up so I felt she wanted platonic or wasn’t in the right headspace to date.

Yeah. If a woman’s attracted to you, she’s going to show up looking hot. If she shows up with no makeup and baggy clothes and looking like a slob, that’s kind of like a buddy or a pal type of vibe. And he did work together for a long time and did a lot of talking through text and Instagram before he got around to asking her out. So he could have friend zoned himself already with that behavior.

She asked me great questions about my life as did I. And we ended the night with an awkward hug. I dropped off my contact because I did not feel she was interested in me in that way and the signs of attraction were not there. And I moved on with my life.

So again, he didn’t go for the kiss, he just went for the hug, and that’s why you do it. Because as I wrote about in the book, there are times where you go out and the girl is showing you no signs of interest, and you think, “I don’t think this girl’s even into me.” And then you go for the kiss, and she sucks the tongue out of the back of your throat and invites you up.

So that’s why it’s best to go for it and know one way or another. But for whatever reason, he just determined that she just wasn’t making enough effort. And again, if she shows up looking like a bum, you know she’s probably. Because again, if a girl likes you, she’s going to show up looking hot to impress you.

Two weeks ago she started messaging me a lot more and asked for me to help her paint her house. I took this as an invitation to come over and be intimate. I showed up with beer and she had bought us pizza. It probably wasn’t a good idea to come over because I had been awake since 4 A.M. because of my job and was dead tired.

I was like, yeah, it’s on you, dude. If you’re making a date, make it for a day when you’re going to be well rested. That’s kind of common sense. But when you’re sloppy, this is probably one of the reasons why he got back into my book after ten years.

It was a 13 hour shift. But I also gave her my word I would come help her. She specifically told me not to bail. In retrospect I should’ve just cancelled and rescheduled. Once I entered her house, I realized there was no furniture, just a bed. I took this as a red flag. Five months after closing and her house wasn’t put together.

Yeah, that is kind of weird. Maybe she’s got no money. Five months later, you would think she decorates it a little bit. It’s just a bed. That’s makes it sound like a college kid.

Danger Will Robinson. While we were there, I had mentioned I never went ice skating before, and she said we should go. The night ended and I ultimately did not make a move on her and left. My gut feeling told me not to.

Well, maybe you were just afraid to get rejected.

Several days after that, she messaged me and I told her we should go ice skating. We set up a night for the following week at a nice hallmark event that included ice skating. Turns out the night she was free was Christmas Eve. I picked her up and again her outfit didn’t have much effort to impress a guy.

I was dressed nicely because, hell, its Christmas eve and I want to look good. The night went well. Turns out I’m good at ice skating and she sucks. But we held hands as she did not want to fall. We then went back to my place and shared a bottle of wine. But the cues that showed me it’s ok to touch were not there until randomly she fed me an orange slice.

Yeah, that’s when you make the move. Because again, he’s thinking, “Oh, she doesn’t like me. She doesn’t like me.” And he’s talking himself out of doing anything. But again, going for the kiss will clear that up one way or another.

I’ll be honest it took me by surprise because I did not see the fidgeting, hair twirling etc. I still did not make a move. I probably bitched out to be honest.

Yeah you did.

I took her home and we hung out at her place for a bit. I ended the night by giving her a kiss.

Okay, so he did kiss her.

The next day I messaged her.

Which this is Christmas now.

Yeah, I know man.

So he’s like starting to over pursue and get a little carried away here. I would have just left it at that. Again, I wouldn’t have been doing a date with a first date or a second date with a girl on Christmas Eve. But it is what it is. Because that communicates you got nothing else going on in your life. Because Christmas and the holidays, or Christmas Eve or New Year’s is for spending time with people that are close and important to you. And if you’re hanging out with somebody you barely know, that means you got nothing else going on.

The next day I messaged her. Yeah, I know man. And asked what she was doing for New Year’s and said I’d like to see her again. She invited me to her place and said she was having friends over. I politely declined and told her she should enjoy time with her friends and maybe we would do something another time. A few days later I listened to my friend’s advice. Yeah again, I know.

Hey, if you’re gonna do the opposite of what I teach in the book and listen to people that don’t know what they’re doing, you shouldn’t be surprised at the shitty results. Because he told her that he wanted to do something else other than see her for New Year’s.

And I asked her to an early New Year’s dinner beforehand. We went to dinner and I took her back home, and we kissed but I could feel her hesitate for a split second before the kiss. I think it’s at that point that I realized I fucked up multiple times consecutively and also the first subtle sign of rejection. But rejection breeds obsession, right?

Yeah. So initially he didn’t make a move and then he’s over texting, calling too much, pursuing too much, telling her he didn’t want to see her on New Year’s. And then he calls her back, basically because his friend said he should take her out. And he did. And she’s hesitating. Because remember, she’s got friends coming over for New Year’s. And he basically told her he couldn’t see her. So it was like, something’s not adding up his words and his actions he’s not congruent with.

The next few days I over pursued and we had planned to meet up the following week but then she gave me the dreaded “I see you as just a friend and I don’t see this getting romantic” text and asked me to get me a refund on tickets I bought. I replied by saying, “Okay. I am not interested in being just friends with you. Let me know if you change your mind. If I’m still single and interested, we can get together. Take care.”

So I don’t know what tickets he bought, but he went overboard.

The first few days after stung because I found myself enamored by this chick and I know I fumbled. But it’s now five days after we last spoke and I have set up three dates with three different girls over the next week and I’m looking at the future with confidence. I’ve also listened to your book seven times and a large number of your videos. I’ll be honest that I do have a hope she reaches back out.

It’s possible. Flip a coin. It could go either way.

So I can invite her over to make dinner. But if it doesn’t happen then whatever, at least I got to review your work again Coach. And it’s damn good to see you again. I’ll let you know what happens.

Best wishes, and thanks for what you do.

So even though he was kind of hesitating initially, that’s part of the problem. He gets together, doesn’t make a move, and then he starts like chasing too much and listening to bad advice from guys that have no game. And then he ends up chasing her out of his life to the point where he friend zoned her.

So you know, because you do work together and it’s quite possible in a few weeks or a month, she starts reaching back out. And if she does assume she wants to see you, and invite her over to make dinner at your place, hang out, have fun and hook up. Keep it pretty simple.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.