If You Ignore Her Low Character You Deserve What You Get

The importance of vetting women for character to avoid abuse and heartbreak.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who shares a story about how understanding my work helped him to see why his cousin’s relationship became toxic, abusive and unhealthy. His cousin’s now ex-girlfriend came from a broken home and all the signs were there that the relationship was doomed from the beginning.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this particular email is from a viewer and he’s a pretty good student of my work. He’s actually writing in about his cousin’s relationship, because his cousin just broke up with his now ex-girlfriend and because this guy’s a good student of my work, he was like, “Well, tell me about it. What was her family life like?” And of course, family life was an absolute train wreck. So this relationship became toxic, abusive and really unhealthy.

These things are important. He said just watching his cousin go through this, hearing the video newsletters and me talking about other guys that go through things similar when they’re really having trouble with a woman and they may be doing most things right, if they’re dealing with a girl from a broken home, this stuff’s not going to work. It’s not going to fix the girl whose parents, especially the father, did a shitty job of raising her. That’s just a fact of life. You got to see reality as it is, not better than it is or worse than it is, but as it is. So it’s a good email to learn from.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach,

I am a 23-year-old college student and I have been following your work for the last year. I’m only on my second read of your audio-book so I’m still getting to know the material.

You’ve only got through the book two times. Come on, man! You’re in college. If you did that in one of your college classes, especially with the harder ones, you’re going to fucking fail. This part of your life. You gotta learn. You got to spend the time with the material. Don’t wait until you get into a relationship or you’re in the process of dating somebody that knocks your socks off before you decide to get serious about that. So you got to do better than two reads in one year.

However, learning this book has helped me a ton in my current relationship so I will continue to read it. 

I was talking to my cousin recently about his past six-year relationship that ended six months ago.

This dude put up with this for six years.

The relationship fell through due to infidelity on his girlfriend’s part for the last two years.

So this guy put up with her cheating on him for two years. It’s obviously a good dude that’s trying to make it work saying, “I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.” The bottom line is, character is destiny. It’s like once a woman cheats on you and you take her back, she’ll just cheat on you again when the circumstances are right because you forgave her the first time. There’s got to be consequences for this kind of behavior. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

I have not seen any situations over the 20 years I’ve been doing this, where I’ve seen some people in the comments talking about how they once cheated on a girlfriend, but they don’t do that anymore. I was like, “Yeah, whatever.” I’ll believe it when they have many decades of being loyal and faithful under the belt.

When he told me this, I had to ask him certain questions based on what I have learned from you. I asked him, “So have you met her family? What’s her family background like?” He told me, “Well her back story is actually super fucked up. She’s adopted and her biological dad r**** her mom.” 

Oh, that sounds lovely. So the father abused the mother, and who knows what else?

He did not mention everything, but I think everyone hearing this would bet that she didn’t have a stable home which reflects her character and dating life. 

Yeah, if the father is doing that to the mom, what kind of human do you think he is? Not a very good one. So dad did a shitty job of raising this girl.

He mentioned that they moved in together after two years of dating. The last two years of their relationship he was getting manipulated and she made him look like the villain.

That’s what the narcissist tends to do. Everything is always your fault. There are always a victim, no matter what. Nothing is their fault. They didn’t do anything wrong. It’s all you.

He mentioned that he paid to help her get her car fixed and she never paid him back.

Oh, big shock.

Intimacy was not as frequent. She would be texting and putting the phone down so he wouldn’t see.

Clearly indications she was cheating.

He also said that his ex still contacts him, even though she’s been monkey-branching ever since. 

I never want to go through this nor do I want anyone else to. What I learned from this story is that the vetting process never stops. A relationship is about giving love, but it is also important to look at the character traits of the people you date.

Yeah, it’s not your job to fix that girl, to save her, or to undo the damage that her dad did. You got to see reality as it is, because the other thing you’d be looking at is if you’re going to stay together and you want to start a family, those are going to be the people that are going to be your grandparents, aunts and uncles for your kids.

If they’re of low character people, well you either don’t have them working with, interacting with or taking care of your kids, or if the girl insists on involving her ratchet family in your children’s lives, I wouldn’t be having kids with her. That’d be a bad way to go.

My cousin got burned real bad. What can he do to recover?

Well number one, read the book and vet for character, because character is destiny. When a girl comes from a broken home, 99% of the chance she’s just too fucked up. I mean, the book is powerful and it’ll give you the tools you need, but you’re not going to fix a girl’s bad upbringing with the book. It’s designed for healthy, normal women. It brings out the best in the best right away and brings out the worst in the worst right away so you can dip early.

You know, if I was talking to this guy, I’m sure there were signs that were there the first year or two that she was not a good person, but because he was focused on his interests and his feelings towards her, he just ignored all of them because again, what do we do? We make our decisions based upon our emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify those decisions. So he put up with it, tolerated it, made excuses for it, and eventually she just cheated on him.

He mentioned that he might want to just be poly-amorous and doesn’t know if he can be in a monogamous relationship ever again. 

Well, you should only agree to be exclusive with a woman that comes from a good family, who loves her dad or respects her father, admires him, looks up to him, trusts his authority, trusts his leadership. In other words, she grew up in a stable environment where she got used to healthy masculinity. Clearly, the environment that this guy’s ex grew up in was toxic and unhealthy masculinity. Guy sounds like he probably belonged in jail anyways.

So again, it’s not your job to be captain and ride to the rescue and try to fix this girl, because it’s just not going to work. It’s not your job to do that. You gotta evaluate her character based on how she shows up. If she comes from a broken home, unless she’s done a lot of self-help and therapy, she’s probably too screwed up to have a healthy relationship. That’s why these kinds of women are better for fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate. That’s it.

Anyways Coach, I just wanted to reach out and let your students know that this lesson in life is crucial. I will continue to read your book so that my game can stay tight and I hope all your students do the same! 

Bob

Well, thanks for sharing dude. Sorry to hear about your cousin. Give him a copy of the book and remind him that character is destiny. Get him to follow and watch the videos so he can learn from these situations so he doesn’t make the same mistake all over again, because if I was talking to him, I’m sure there would be a lot of things he would tell me that the red flags were there early on, but he ignored them because he was really into her, and it came back to bite him in the ass six years later. That’s six years of your life you can’t get back.

He put up with this woman, cheating on him for two years, hoping that things were going to change, that she was going to be a better person, but character is destiny. She’s just a fucking ratchet. There’s nothing you can do about it. Can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, man. The damage was done by her dad and her family. Steer clear of those kinds of women because you’re not going to fix them.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.