If You Start Pursuing After She Breaks No Contact She Will Dump You Again

Why you should not pursue after she breaks no contact to avoid getting dumped again.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update from the viewer from “No Contact Success Story & What To Do Next”. After she broke No Contact they started hooking up again. However, he started pursuing her again and trying to lock her down to a relationship commitment instead of letting her come to him to earn another chance. She recently broke things off once again after he took the bait and started pursuing her more at her request. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “If You Start Pursuing After She Breaks No Contact She Will Dump You Again.”

Well, this particular email is actually an update because a while back I did a video newsletter from this guy. “No Contact Success Story & What To Do Next”. Well, he’s back, but unfortunately, he did not really exercise self-control. He did not let his ex-girlfriend do all the calling, texting and pursuing. She basically said she wanted him to reach out and pursue more because he was a little focused on the relationship and locking her back down again. And then, so, he took the bait and started pursuing her.

And guess what? She dumped him again for exactly the same reason she dumped him the first time around. All I can do is suggest and gently lead, and if you’re going to do the opposite, well, you’re going to suffer the consequences. But it is a good email to learn from because, it’s just again, another example of what happens when you apply 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back properly, and what happens when you don’t.

And so this email is what happens when you initially follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, but you violate it and you start pursuing the woman. Because the idea is that if she dumped you, she fucked it up. If she fucked it up, she’s gotta fix it. She’s got to do all the pursuing. Even if she insists that you need to reach out and do it also. It’s like, “hey, you broke up with me. I’m willing to give you a chance. So I want to see significant effort coming from your end. So I’ll give you a chance to earn me back.”

“But it’s like you’re gonna have to do the reaching out. You’re going to have to make the effort. You’re gonna have to show me that you’re serious, that you mean what you say. Because after everything that’s happened, it’s like I’m pretty skeptical. But again, because of our past and our history, I’m willing to give you a chance.” That should be your mindset. And that’s what’s laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey, 

I wrote to you in late 2024 after the girl I was dating broke things off. Thanks to your book and your videos, I handled it well, stayed centered, and walked away with self-respect. To my surprise, two months later, on Christmas Day, she reached out. We eventually reconnected at the end of January this year. 

During our first meetup, we caught up and shared how things had changed in our lives. I told her I was doing much better, and she saw that. We ended up having sex, which caught her by surprise. She later said she hadn’t expected intimacy at all because she thought I’d still be angry at her.

And so you could see at that point, what’s he thinking? What’s she thinking? She’s thinking that she’s got to earn another chance with him. That’s the power of “No Contact”. That’s the power of 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. At that moment in time, she’s in the mindset of, she’s got to earn him back. She’s got to earn another chance with him. And she’s glad he’s not angry. And she was willing to hook up. But when you start pursuing and acting like a girl again, as you’ll see, he starts to do. It quickly goes sideways and the sex gets cut off.

That night, she also apologized for how she had ended things before. 

You see, this is what’s supposed to happen.

From that point on, I made sure she did 100% of the pursuing.

Well, until he didn’t, obviously. So the idea is she continues to always do 100% of the pursuing and you make dates, and eventually she’s going to be the one to try to get you to agree to be back together. But he didn’t do that. He became impatient. He became needy. He started pursuing. He started acting like a girl, as you’ll see. So he was good initially. And, you know, the last email was a success story, but he just couldn’t maintain it. He couldn’t control himself. Or I say he refused to control himself. He refused to be disciplined and exercise self-control.

Two weeks later, she reached out again, we met, and again ended up being intimate. Then she went traveling to Panama for three weeks, and I didn’t hear from her until the day she returned, she messaged me right away.

Again, this is what you should be doing. She fucked it up. She’s got to fix it.

This time, though, she felt colder. About 12 days after that date, I happened to walk past her flat and saw her on the balcony.

He just happened to walk by. I’m sure. He probably was trying to create an interaction.

We exchanged a casual hello, and I didn’t push further. A few hours later, she messaged me and asked to meet up that same evening.

Well, that’s still a good sign. He’s still in the running, at least at this point.

After that, she started texting me random things like songs, and invited me over the next day. I was calm, focused and letting it unfold but things were moving slowly. 

So there’s the issue. It wasn’t moving fast enough for him. Things are moving too slow. This is normal. It takes time for a woman to fall in love, and it takes time for her to fall out of love. And it will take time for her to fall back in love. But we could tell he became impatient, and he became needy.

After she spent a week in another town, we met again. That date was the closest we’d ever felt, emotionally and physically. Unfortunately, during sex that night, the condom broke. She was shocked as having a child is a huge thing for her and I could see she was overwhelmed. I tried to reassure her in the moment, but I decided to leave shortly after to give her space to process. The next day, we exchanged some texts, she kept me updated and appreciated my support. 

So this is where things the power starts to go back the opposite way, where everything goes right out the fucking window. Despite the progress he’s made. Because he feels it’s not moving fast enough. Remember, your job in the courtship is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. And hang out, have fun, hookup, not get back together. Not be in a relationship. Again, remember, she was the one that fucked it up. She apologized for the way she handled things. She apologized for breaking up with him.

A few days later, she asked to meet and brought up the conversation: “What are we doing?” She said the scare made her realize this is real and not just fun and games. I told her that I’d be here for her if something ever happened and that I wouldn’t leave her alone with it. When I gently asked what she wanted out of the relationship, she admitted she wasn’t convinced we could make it work.

So that tells you she’s not ready to get back together. So what should you do? You keep doing the same thing that you had been doing. You wait to hear from her and you make dates. It was her idea to break it up. And it’s got to be her idea to fix it. And right now, in the middle of this.

She admitted she wasn’t convinced we could make it work. She said we were both too set in our ways and she claimed she wanted to be with me but was waiting for me to make the first move and bring things forward.

So this is where she’s like, hey, I want you to chase me.

I reminded her that she had ended things previously, and that if she wanted to rebuild, it was on her to fix things.

Which is the right thing to say.

But I don’t think that fully landed with her. She said she wanted to see “more effort” from my side. 

Even though she says she wants this, you don’t give it to her. Because again, you just you got to be congruent with what you said. You told her you wanted to see her fix things. And then the next statement she says, I want to see more effort from your side. And he became worried and fearful that he was not going to get her back. So he started to pursue. And here’s where it goes sideways. Again, this is laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

This is why you don’t do this. I did all these things when I was younger. I learned the hard way. And over the last 20 years, I’ve taught this to tens of thousands of people that have done it successfully. But if you want to go against it and think that you’re going to be different, well, you’re going to suffer the painful consequences of getting dumped once again for exactly the same reasons that you got dumped the first time. History will repeat itself.

The following week, I texted her and we met again.

You should have never texted her, dude.

That day, she told me her birthday had passed a few days earlier, and that I had forgotten it. She admitted she was angry at the time, though had calmed down by the time we met. We had a long talk about the relationship.

Again your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, and you’re going over to her. Again, the first three days she’s supposed to come to you. It doesn’t sound like that happened either. Again, he’s walking by her place and sees her on a balcony. He probably walked by when he knew she would probably be out there because he hadn’t heard from her. Because again, what is he doing? He’s trying to force an interaction. He’s trying to speed things up because, as he said, it was moving too slow for his liking, which is just needy, insecure behavior.

Unfortunately, I pushed her for a decision during that meeting.

It’s like, that’s not what you do, bro. It’s like you were good for a couple of weeks, then you just completely came apart.

She eventually agreed to a “trial phase”.

So now you’re trying to get her to agree to something instead of her seeking your attention and your approval.

Where we’d both give it our best and see how it went. But I could sense the agreement felt a little forced for her. I accepted it without resistance, but something shifted after that. 

Yeah. You gave all the power away. You went from having her seek your attention and validation to now you’re pursuing her.

Over the next three weeks, her texts were very responsive.

What does that tell me now? He’s doing all the texting. This is not what you’re supposed to do, dude. It lays it out for you in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But because you were impatient, you wanted everything now, you threw it out the window, and you wanted to do it your way. Which, predictably will get you dumped again.

But emotionally cold and distant.

Because again, you’re chasing her. She’s not trying to get your attention a validation. She’s not worried about getting another chance with you. Now she’s wondering if she actually wants another chance with you. Because now you’re doing all the pursuing.

We saw each other, but never got intimate again.

You’re pursuing a girl that now won’t have sex with you. That is just fucking stupid.

That’s when I started to feel the dynamic changing, and I became a little more pushy during our last date. Shortly after, she broke things off again. 

It’s like you weren’t a little pushy as soon as you started pursuing her. That’s where it came undone.

I know I made mistakes. I likely pushed too hard at a time when I should’ve stayed in my center and let things unfold.

You should have been letting her do all the calling, texting and pursuing. You bought her bait when she says, I want to see more effort from your side. It’s like, “no, sweetheart. You ended the relationship and you said you were apologetic for the way you ended things. And so if you really meant that, I want to see more effort from your side. You have to go out of your way to convince me you deserve another chance. Because, quite frankly, after the way you behaved, I should have just blown you off and never spoke to you again. But I’m a good guy, and I’m willing to give you another chance. I’m willing to give you the opportunity to redeem yourself and fix what you fucked up.” But instead he didn’t. He didn’t listen. And that’s why he’s suffering the painful consequences.

At the same time, I felt confused, she wanted me to step up, but also wasn’t showing clear investment herself.

Again. You’re not following what I teach at this point.

Now that she’s ended it, I’ve gone completely silent again. But part of me still wonders: was this salvageable?

Well, it was until you started pursuing her. It was until you threw the book and 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back right out the fucking window and started letting her tell you what to do. You made her the man in the relationship again. And you dried her up. And that’s why she blew you off and stopped having sex with you. And yet, despite the fact she was rejecting you in the bedroom, you kept pursuing. I mean, that’s just stupid. Sorry. That’s the way it is, man. Gotta call a spade a spade.

Or was she just too unsure, and I misread the situation?

No, you didn’t follow instructions. That’s what happened. This is a you problem here. She was doing what women normally do, and you fucked it up when you started pursuing her again. And it’s amazing at this point in the email, you can’t even see that. You don’t even recognize that.

I’d love your insight on how I handled this, what I could’ve done better, and whether there’s anything left to do now, or if walking away truly is the best path forward. 

Well, again, everything was working great until you got away from 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and started pursuing her. That’s where it came apart. And that’s why you got dumped again. Because she lost attraction and respect for you all over again.

Thank you for everything you do, your work is helping me become a better, calmer version of myself, and I’ve grown a lot thanks to it.

Best, 

Bob

Well, again, the book’s only going to help you if you follow it. 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back is only going to work if you stick to it. If you cave after a few weeks and start pursuing her again. All you did was chase her right out of your life. So there’s where you’re at. Stay in No Contact if she reaches back out, same thing. Invite her over to your place to make dinner together. She’s got to come to your place three dates in a row. Stop creeping on her apartment. Stop walking by her balcony hoping to see her. Stop calling her. Stop texting her.

Even if she says she wants to see more effort from your side, you’ll say, “look, I gave you effort. I gave you a second chance, and you fucked it up again and you ended it, and now you’re back for a third time. It’s like, no, you’re going to have to make the effort. If we’re going to get back together, it’s going to be on you to prove to me that you can treat me properly, consistently, because you didn’t. You fucked up twice now. And so now you want me to give you a third chance. It’s like you’re going to have to work for it, babe.” So the book and 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back only works if you actually apply it. If you don’t, then this is what happens.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.