If You’re Confused About Her Interest, She’s Probably Not Interested, But Likes The Attention

How to tell if a woman is really interested in you or if she just likes your attention.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He asks about a girl from college that he met on Instagram. They text often, but every time he tries to make a date to meet in person, she says after exams are finished. Now she has other excuses that she needs to meet with other friends and people she knows, but says surely they will meet after that. He’s confused and doesn’t feel like a priority at all to her and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “If You’re Confused About Her Interest, She’s Probably Not Interested, But Likes The Attention.”

Well, this particular email is from a young guy, he’s in college, it looks like. And he met a girl online because more than likely, he’s probably weird and awkward in person, really hasn’t done anything to develop his social skills, and is leaning on the internet and dating apps to take the place of that. And so if that’s your only way to meet people, because it’s a low risk way, that you don’t really have to risk rejection and going out into the real world and participating in humanity, if you will.

Then what oftentimes happens is that you get involved in these messaging back and forth, and it’s pretty clear that this girl that he’s talking to really likes the attention and validation that he gives her. And they’ve been talking for, I guess, a few months now. And because he slid into her DMs, she followed him back. And so, she’s kind of dangling the carrot just to kind of keep him on the hook. But the one thing she’s not doing is making time to see him in person.

So this is, I mean, pretty obvious for a guy like me and for, you know, you guys that have been around the block and are familiar with my work, but he’s brand new. Just bought my Book five days ago. He’s already on his second read. And this is what happens. You can tell he’s just wasting his time and this girl is enjoying the attention and validation. She has excuses that makes sense, but the bottom line is she won’t make time for him. And if a girl likes you, she’s going to make it easy to get to her front door to go out with her.

And if she doesn’t, you’re probably going to be confused about her interest. And because she does do things here that seem like she’s kind of interested. But if we bottom line her actions, she still hasn’t met him in person. So if she won’t meet him in person, and always has what seems like a good excuse. Well, she likes the attention and validation. She likes the fact that she’s got a guy interested in her, gives her attention, spends time texting her. But at the end of the day, she’s probably fucking Chad Thunder cock when she has time.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Love your videos and bought your book 5 days ago. I’m already on my second read. Without wasting your and my time, I met a girl on Instagram she was my previous college junior. I sent her a follow request, long story short we started talking. So here’s where it begins. I asked her out and she said, “we can meet after exams.” But not a specific date.

So again, that’s where she’s dangling the carrot. A girl that really likes you, if you were Justin Bieber and you slid into her DMs, she’s going to make time in her schedule for you. Girls that have interests, they make time for you. Girls that don’t, they make excuses. This sounds legit, but the reality is, they just won’t make time for you.

We both had our exams and were texting daily although I didn’t text her fast and I used to avoid texting.

Well, again, the phone is for setting a date, not getting to know somebody. And so you’re already violating one of those principles even though you’re on your second read. You’re trying to get to know this girl through text, and you’re ignoring the fact that she won’t meet you in person because now the exams are over. So now what’s the excuse? Right?

I also had her number, then I went to my grandma’s home which was close to hers and asked her to meet me, not a date just a meet. She again said she wanted to meet after exams all relaxed.

The bottom line is she doesn’t want to meet. I would have said, “Hey, no problem, get in touch after your exams are over.” And if she reaches out, “Hey, what are you doing?” Especially if it’s like nine, 10:00 at night. “Why don’t you come by? There’s a cool place we can go grab a drink around the corner.”

This was the second time I asked her to meet. So, we continued talking but I wasn’t convinced, and again I avoid texting too much, maximum 20 minute text exchange each day.

Well, again, the phone is for setting dates, not getting to know somebody. And so if you’re meeting through Instagram and you’re chit chatting back and forth and you exchange numbers, you should text and say, “hey, let’s chat on the phone for a bit.” And talk to her on the phone, see if you have a conversation with her. See if it flows.

Instead of wasting months of your life just talking on text, you want to be able to hear a voice. Does a conversation flow on the phone? Because if it don’t flow on the phone, there’s no reason to get together in person. And you don’t want to get caught in this trap of just being a attention and validation tool for a woman who’s lonely, or when she’s sad that Chad Thunder Cock doesn’t want to come see her, or whatever happens to be.

She was willing to text I wasn’t. Then I got a feeling she’s just wasting my time, but I was confused as she gave her number, we used to talk even talked on call and she even sent good morning texts.

Dude, you should use periods, because I don’t think this guy used any periods and everything’s like a comma. Like, this whole email is one long run on sentence. I can just hear my seventh eighth grade English teacher. It’s a run on sentence. Use a period.

Some days she used to send me her pictures, I again asked her out and she sent a voice note saying “I actually want to meet a friend that’s coming from UK, then go out with my girls and night with them, travel with my family, that’s the problem and then we can meet, but we’ll surely meet.”

Yeah, look at all those excuses. “But we’ll surely meet.” Okay. I totally believe her. She loves the attention. Doesn’t want you to stop giving it to her, but she won’t make time for you. She’ll make time for her friend from the UK. She’ll make time for girls night out. She’ll make time to travel with the family. But she ain’t making time for you.

Again no specific date. After listening to this I was like what the fuck, I’m literally at her last priority.

Yeah, exactly. Now you’re getting it.

So, I sent her the takeaway message, and told her “When her schedule is fee, hit me up and I won’t disturb her anymore.”

I wouldn’t have said, “I won’t disturb you anymore.” If she’s like, “oh, I’m so busy.” I would just say, “hey, well, when your schedule frees up and you want to get together, hit me up.” And don’t ever reach out again. If she sends you a meme, “Hey, what’s your schedule like so we can get together and meet up?” If she gives you an excuse, just say, “Well, check your schedule and get back to me.”

And then the next time she reaches out, when she reaches out first, sends you a meme or “Hey, how you been?” Like, “I’m doing great. We should get together for a drink sometime. When are you free?” If she gives you an excuse, then just heart her message and then don’t ever reach out again. If she reaches out after that, sends you a meme, just like it. “Hey, how are you doing?” Just thumbs up her response or heart it. And don’t say anything because it’s clear she’s wasting your time.

She said, “Cool.” I’m not hurt or anything nor my message conveyed anything like that. I was cool.

Well, the fact, “I don’t want to disturb her.” You’re like, “oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I just want a piece of the pussy.” That’s not masculine. Just say, “hey, when you schedule frees up, hit me up.” That’s all you got to say. But reaching out and texting and all this, you’re trying to get to know her. It’s going nowhere, man. You’re just like a dog chasing his tail.

So my question is:

Should I call her after two weeks for a date?

Nope.

Or just leave it as I’ve already asked three times?

Yeah, you’ve already asked multiple times, so I wouldn’t even bring it up again. So as a matter of fact, now that I say that I take back what I just said. So next time she reaches out, don’t even bring up getting together. Try to cut your conversation short. Just say, “Hey, awesome hearing from you. I’m about to step into a meeting. I’m about to go into class. Talk to you later. Hey, can’t talk right now. Nice hearing from you. Have a great day.” I just wouldn’t even bring it up.

Be the guy that’s almost like, it seems like he’s trying to get off the phone. Like he doesn’t want to talk to me. Because, again, you should be looking at this going. She doesn’t want to see you. She’s not making time, but she likes the attention and validation. So stop giving it to her. I’m not saying be rude or ignore her, but unless she brings up getting together because you’ve asked her so many times.

Three times, as a matter of fact. Because as I talk about in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and in The Book you ask twice. And if after that she still won’t bring up, if she still won’t make time for you, then just don’t bring up getting together ever again. Until or unless she brings it up first.

I don’t want to bother her as she’s very pretty and I’m sure guys bother her. My question is should I call her or not?

No.

What do you say sir. I know I’m a catch and don’t want to seem needy. I don’t know if she just wants my attention or what.

Bob

Yeah, that’s all she wants. She wants your attention and your validation. As soon as she gets her fill, she blows you off. Then she goes back to fucking Chad Thunder Cock or wanting to know when Chad Thunder Cock is going to be available to come over and rearrange her insides. But it’s pretty clear this girl ain’t feeling it. So don’t ask anymore.

And the only way you should be willing to try to make a date with her is if she brings up getting together. Simple as that. And if she doesn’t bring it up, like I said, any time she reaches out or texts you, cut it short. If she sends you a meme, just heart it. Take your time hearting it. And unless she brings up seeing you or finally getting together to meet, then think about it from this perspective.

How would you behave if you were bored of this girl? You were tired of fucking her and you met somebody else that you really liked. You wouldn’t be rude, you’d be nice. You like the fact that she’s still reaching out, but you’re not going to be bringing up getting together because you’re actually fucking somebody that really likes you and you really like her. So if you’re bored with this girl already, you’re going to be nice and respectful.

Give her a little bit of attention because you don’t want to ignore her, but then you’re going to disappear from the conversation, because you got, you’re stepping into a meeting. You got to go, you’re about to go into class, you’re about to get together with friends, or you’re about to jump in the shower, whatever happens to be. And one of two things will happen. She’ll either bring up getting together or she will disappear.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.