Why you must be who you are in relationships in order to create and maintain attraction, but why you also must be charming, easy going and have a positive attitude, instead of a negative one, to prevent from turning members of the opposite sex off.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is obviously very jaded and frustrated in his personal life and with women in general. He does not enjoy his work and only does it for the money. He is fifty years old, and says he is tired of bending over backwards for women who are poor, picky and fickle. On one hand, he is frustrated and unhappy with the results he is getting with women and the quality of women he attracts, but he is so bitter and pissed off, that he is not really open to changing his unsuccessful approach to women and life.
I tell him what he needs to focus on so he does not feel like he must change who he is, but also point out how his bad attitude and outlook need to change in order for him to achieve the kind of success he really wants. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Okay. Frustration. Women are boring. On top of that, they make life way too complicated. It seems to take too much effort to find a woman who just wants to get together, listen to music, prepare and eat good food and have sex. (This is the story you tell yourself.) It’s not easy being a 50-year old, single guy with a full time job, house and car, and who has a personality along with opinions. It’s kind of like Peter Pan who is looking for Tinkerbell. I think a lot of women don’t seem to get that a guy works all day to make a buck doing something that is just not that fun. The money allows us to have choices, but many jobs aren’t ones we can just pick up and take a week off and travel to far-off, exotic vacation packages four times a year. (The idea is to work at a job you enjoy.) That vacation begins at home, and what self respecting guy wants a woman who has young kids, wants us to take them traveling and make them laugh. Leave the baggage somewhere else ladies. (Don’t date women who have kids. Create a dating profile, and put in there that you don’t want children. Look at my article, “How To Create The Ultimate Online Dating Profile,” follow what I teach on creating your profile and focus on what you want.) Just give me the passion without the drama.
Like, really? Do I have to make all that effort of grinding through all of that rejection at coffee shops, bars, and I don’t drink, and shopping malls to find a female who is in shape, just wants to hang out and doesn’t want to veg out in front of the TV? (If you don’t like going out to meet women, then use online dating. Be friendly to people wherever you go, and work on becoming a more approachable person. If you’re enjoying yourself, love what you do for a living and you’re proud of yourself, you will be joking around and having a good time. If you have a shitty attitude, you will attract the same kind of people. You need more ambition and self confidence.) Why is it that I feel I have to bend over ass backwards to make myself available to their interests or end up with relationships through the stupid cell phone? (Don’t stay involved with somebody who doesn’t reciprocate interest. When you stop circulating and you get stuck with a negative, pessimistic worldview, that’s all you see. You get what you focus on. Like attracts like. Since you’re in a crappy vibrational state, you will only attract women in the same state and with the same worldview. Try being more optimistic, and talk about the positive things you’re looking for in your dating profile.) The women I’m attracting are poor, picky and fickle. They only want what they want, and I’m not changing who I am anymore to accommodate their baggage. I feel like I’ll be old and broken by the time I find a fun loving relationship. (You’ll feel like that sometimes, but you need to practice infinite patience. Success takes a long time. From this point on, as I mention in my recent article, “Focus Only On What You Want,”you have to become what you want to attract.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Your attitude determines your altitude. In other words, a bad attitude, being inflexible and not being open to making positive changes when things are not working for you, will limit the amount of success you are able to achieve in all areas of your life. Successful people tend to take personal responsibility for all of their success and failures. Inferior people tend to blame others or their circumstances when things don’t go the way they want or when they fail. Superior people blame themselves when they have a setback, learn from the experience and resolve to change and adapt their approach and keep trying new things until they succeed. The story that you consistently tell yourself is what determines if you will achieve your dreams or never reach your full potential. Either way, your story will be your reality.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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