In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who’s been following my work for about 16 months now. He said he was always good at picking up and seducing women, especially on the first date, since he was a teenager. However, he’s always had trouble keeping the sexual attraction going and successfully causing women to want to stay in his life long-term. He says he’s had a major paradigm shift in the past year because he has been focusing on his inner game, not chasing, and learning the balance between moving forward and knowing when to back off. He shares some of his successes, what he’s learned, what he does differently now, and the powerful effect it has on women he’s dating. He even shares a recent success story about a woman who blew him off a year ago, but who’s now totally into him once again. His email is another inspiring success story of how changing your belief system and the way you look at things can create a dramatic improvement in your social life.
So, I want to share my own experience because it proves that even when you THINK you’ve completely fucked up, you really didn’t. I’ve been following your work for 16 months, and during this time I’ve had so many failures and successes that I cannot possibly describe them in an e-mail. The bottom line is, when you stop chasing them, women change completely. Their affection level seems to grow BEYOND imagination. Now there is ALWAYS a change in my imagination and belief system before their behavior changes, but then it becomes even better than I imagined. (He would chase and pursue, but if you are pursuing a woman and in their face all the time, you aren’t giving them the necessary time and space to miss you, think about you, wonder about you, and time for thier feelings to grow.)
In one particular case, it took one year for a girl, after our first sexual encounters, to start showing strong affection for me. That’s the time it took for me to change my belief system about her. There seemed to be no hope anymore, and I didn’t know if I was going to see her again. She seemed to have faded out of my life. However, it happened, and now I have proof that it is all about ‘Inner-Game.‘ I no longer care about this particular girl anymore, but I feel enormous satisfaction for the attention she recently gave to me. I felt worthy, desired, interesting, and important. (What is happening is, his belief system and what’s going in his physical life are actually now a match. He started to perceive himself as a catch and started feeling worthy, which changed the way he interacted with women.)
I’ve always been naturally good at picking up, and I pretty much always get laid on the first date, my choice, but if there was a principle that I really wanted to reinforce, it was the principle of not chasing anyone. I think that is the most important principle of your teaching, because even if you make “minor” mistakes, she is always “hot” for you because you are scarce. (If you’re a scarce commodity, you are a valued commodity. If you perceive yourself as having self-worth, you’re only going to go where you are valued and appreciated, and move away from people and circumstances where you are not appreciated.) It’s a basic principle, the most important one, and that is what I’ve always instinctively applied with all of the girls I was successful with as a teenager.
Now I’ve learned to apply it with ANY girl, and it is like a paradigm shift to me. I always knew this, but sometimes it seems like “speeding up the process” will make life more significant. It’s actually the contrary. (When you force the situation, you get rejected.) The more you back-off, the faster you get to really know the girl, and the more time you save. (Less really is more when it comes to attraction.) I write this e-mail because I’m the proof that it doesn’t matter if a woman told you to “leave her alone” or to “have a nice life, I wish you the best.” She tells you those things because that is how she feels in the moment, but you never know how she’s going to feel today. Another day, she might be missing you. (That’s why when someone pushes you away, the most powerful thing to do in that moment is nothing.) Even if she seems completely gone, if you two had something together, and you still desire her, and STOP CHASING her, she WILL miss you. (She will only miss you as long as there is still attraction and interest there. By doing nothing, it will reveal that interest.) It’s a scientific fact that time tends to heal negative memories and bring to surface positive ones. I am another proof that as soon as you stop chasing and gradually CHANGE your belief system, “miracles” can happen.
Thanks for your work Corey!
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Being successful in any area of your life requires an effective and empowering belief system to make your internal inner game rock solid. Having a strong inner game is essential to doing and saying the right things at the right times in negotiations, your career, your financial life, taking care of your body, your romantic life, and all of your relationships. When you start to believe in yourself, your self worth, your own sex appeal, and you start to perceive yourself as a gift, you will act and speak in ways that are consistent with this perception. When you value and respect yourself, you’re not going to chase after people who are ignoring you, disrespecting you, or taking you for granted. You will consciously choose to spend your time only with people who appreciate you and want you around. When your inner game becomes unshakeable, you’ll never again allow people to treat you like a doormat, take you for granted, or allow yourself to accept anything that is less than what you truly deserve.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne