Is “Girls Night Out” OK or A Red Flag? 

Some things to consider if your wife or girlfriend wants to do a girls night out without you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for 3 years and is on the 13th read of my book, 3% Man. He asks about girls night out road trips with single girlfriends or just hitting the bars with her friends and when it crosses the line and becomes inappropriate. He’s gotten into some red pill content, and it’s made him a little paranoid and he wonders what the right answer is.

I discuss the differences between women who are loyal and use blockers to prevent unwanted advances, and disloyal women who use girls night out type of events to monkey branch to a new guy or to cheat when they are not happy. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

When you’re dating, especially if you’re one of the guys that wants to get married and involve the government in your relationship, you got to know what you’re dealing with. You’re trying to properly vet the girl to see if you’re dating a girl that’s the kind of girl you take home to your mom, or the kind of girl that you keep away from your mom.

In other words, you don’t introduce your mom to her because she wouldn’t approve. That’s the party girl, the friends with benefits, the sex playmate, not somebody that’s really got the value system for loyalty, monogamy, exclusivity, that kind of thing. And every guy is going to encounter these women, but all too often what causes a lot of the problems in relationships is guys just didn’t do a good job of properly vetting the girl that they’re with, or they project their high interests onto the girl, and they ignore her reality.

A woman who’s loyal, believes in family, she was raised right, her parents raised her right. I mean, if you guys have had this experience when you’re dating and you’re trying to set a date one on one with a girl and then she invites friends, or it always seems like when you try to be alone with her, there’s other people that are there. Maybe this girl is in your friend group, and you want to date her, but every time you try to do something with her, somebody else gets invited or shows up or whatever.

That’s what we call a blocker, a cock blocker or the clam slammer, if you will. When women want to prevent anything from happening, they will have a blocker there or make sure that there are blockers so no inappropriate behavior can happen, and no inappropriate advances can happen. Now, if a woman is in a relationship, that’s typically what she’s going to do. So, say everybody’s going out for happy hour after work. She’ll go out as a group and hang out.

But when most of the people leave or the last of the girls leave, that’s when she’s going to leave, she’s going to leave with them. She’s not going to stay there one on one, or just her and 2 or 3 dudes from work. Especially when one or multiple of those dudes are hoping to sleep with her. Because the reality is those guys know how men typically are, and there’s a lot of dudes out there they don’t give a shit that the girl is married.

They don’t care if she lives with her boyfriend. They just want to smash, and there’s a percentage of women that are just disloyal and they don’t have the value system for it. And if they’re pissed off at their boyfriend or their husband, they’re typically going to put themselves into a position where they can meet new guys and interview guys and potentially monkey branch from the guy that they’re with, to the new guy.

What happens is this is how a lot of cheating happens, everybody goes out for happy hour and then what happens it’s the one guy that wants to sleep with her and she stays there one on one. In other words, she puts herself into these situations where she’s one on one with a guy who wants to get in her pants. She has too many drinks. She agrees to go back to his place, or just the type of girl that’s working and there’s a guy in the office, he’s a friend, and you don’t have to worry about him. Yet she’s meeting him out one-on-one for drinks. 

A woman who values loyalty, monogamy, exclusivity is never going to do that because you’ve got to think about the flip side. If she’s in a relationship and her friends, family know she’s married, she lives with her boyfriend, or she has kids with her husband or whatever, these women are typically not going to go out one on one with another dude. So you can imagine somebody that’s concerned about loyalty and family is not going to go out and be in a restaurant one on one with some dude that is not her husband or her boyfriend that she happens to live with.

I mean, can you imagine what would happen with a woman like that who values her relationship and then her boyfriend or her husband’s parents happen to be at the same place and they’re like, “Hey, I saw your wife last night.” Or, “Hey, your mother and I were out having dinner and your wife was hanging out having drinks at the bar with some guy one-on-one, and they didn’t see us, but they sure seemed really friendly to one another?” And I hate to be telling you this, son, but you might want to look into that. It’s like, they seem to be more than just kind of co-workers.

So you can imagine a woman who values loyalty is not going to put herself in a position where something like that could potentially happen or if she’s out with a guy one on one and then your best friend and your best friend’s wife or girlfriend happens to see your wife or girlfriend one on one with some dude that’s not you. Women that don’t really give a damn one way or another they’re going to go out. They’re going to risk it, they’re not going to care about those things.

The other thing is that you’re married, or you live together and your girlfriend wants to go out with say, she’s got a new group of friends and all these friends from work or wherever they’re all single and hey, it’s girls’ night out at the nightclub. They got a VIP table or bottle service or one of the girls is hoping to get with some guy who’s rich or older or whatever, has more money and he’s got a VIP table and she and all of her single girlfriends are invited. And so, 2 or 3 of your wife or your girlfriend’s female friends who happen to be single or going to a club and they want her to come with them. But you’re not invited. You’re not allowed. Or you have a situation where it’s girls’ night out, but there’s a couple boyfriends and husbands there, but you’re not invited.

In those situations, that’s not a good thing where you’re not invited. Girls only trip to Las Vegas for the weekend and your girlfriend or your wife and you’re going to stay home with their kids or whatever is going to go to Las Vegas with women that are you barely know or maybe you don’t know them at all. And all of them are single and looking to go out there and hook up, and yet your wife or girlfriend is going to go with them, but you’re not allowed to go. That’s not a good sign. A woman who’s a lady and who values her family is going to be like, “Hey, my single girlfriends are going, it’d be great if you can meet them, and why don’t we go, and we’ll take the kids and we’ll stay close by, and I can do some things with them. This way the whole family can be together and enjoy Vegas together.”

The bottom line is, a woman who’s a lady is not going to put herself in a position where something could happen. She’s always going to have blockers around. And if a woman is going out one on one or small groups where there’s other dudes that it’s well known are going to be hitting on them, then obviously that’s not appropriate. And so, especially if you’re still in the dating phase, and you’re trying to determine, maybe you’ve been together for a year or two because, I mean, the longer you’re together, you want to create the conditions where your girl completely thinks you trust her because it’s when she thinks she’s got your trust 100%, that you really see what you’re dealing with.

Again, a guy who is married and got a loyal wife, she’s just not going to go out one on one with some dude from work. She’s not going to go hang out one on one with a male client of hers, and have dinner at 7 or 8:00 at night while you’re home with the kids or you’re home with the dogs or whatever by yourself, they’re just not going to do these things. And so, with that in mind, again, loyal women are going to have blockers, disloyal women, there’s going to be no blockers, and they’ll give you a hard time. “Oh, you’re being jealous, you’re being insecure.”

It’s like, well, you want to go to a nightclub, and you don’t want me there and you’re going with nothing but single girls. And these single girls are going and invited you to go because some dude that one of them is trying to sleep with has a VIP table. It’s like, why wouldn’t you invite me to that? That doesn’t seem right. But a woman who’s a lady, is like, “Hey, my single girlfriends are going, and there’s a VIP table and I want to go, but I want you to go with me,” and she’ll get you to go with her.

Those are the kind of things you want to look out for or be aware of because, again, character is destiny. 

Hey Corey,

I’ve been following you for 3 years and I’m on my 13th read of the book right now. It’s really redefined how I look at the world and relationships, and it helped me to secure and maintain a solid relationship with a girl I really dig for the last two years.

I’ve heard from some other coaches and talking heads in the red pill space that are adamant that letting your girl go out for “girls nights” is putting your relationship at unnecessary risk.

Well, it’s with the caveats that I mentioned. Like I said, if it’s girls’ night out and they’re going to the nightclub and you’re not invited, you’re not allowed. And you know, she’s going with women that are all single and none of them have boyfriends or whatever, and they don’t want you there, that’s not a good sign. I mean, the reality is going to clubs is kind of neat when you’re young and you haven’t experienced it. But if you’re in a relationship or you’re married, it’s like typically you don’t want to do those things.

You’d rather hang out on a Friday night or a Saturday night with your significant other, maybe pop a bottle of wine, make some nice dinner together, maybe you go out to dinner or whatever. You come back, have a bottle of wine, or a glass or two, you watch a movie, Netflix and Chill, or whatever happens to be, pop a movie in to keep the kids entertained while you and the wife go upstairs, or whatever. That’s typically what’s going to be happening.

In other words, does your girlfriend act like she’s still single? You know, so in a lot of these cases where there is cheating and lying and deviousness going on, you got women giving out their numbers like, say, it’s a hot bartender and she’s giving out her number to a guy. Well, he’s a regular and well, it’s just a dinner and he’s been coming into my bar for two years and he spends a lot of money, and I kind of feel like I owe him to go to dinner. It’s like, no, you’re my girlfriend, we live together, you’re my wife, and you want to go hang out one on one with one of your regulars and go to a dinner, that sounds like a date. It’s like, why would you even ask me that?

How would you feel if the new hot secretary from work wanted to go out, take me to dinner one on one because she’s going through a difficult time in life. And oh, by the way, she’s got a crush on me, and has been hitting on me for months and and has been trying to sleep with me. And but, you know, we’re going to go out and it’s going to be just friendly. Your girl’s not going to be cool with that. So, she can’t expect you to be cool with stuff like that either.

But it’s important when these things come up that you have these conversations and hopefully, they come up sooner rather than later in your relationship. So, in other words, does your girlfriend or your wife, does she act like she’s single when you’re not around? Is she giving out her number? Does she have a bunch of male orbiters? Does she have a bunch of exes that are hoping to still get with her at some point, constantly reaching out to her every so months. It’s like and then meeting them out for drinks or dinner or whatever.

It’s like a woman who’s loyal is going to insist that you are there and she’s not going to be hanging out one on one without a man who is not her boyfriend or her husband. She’s not going to do it. And she’ll hang out in a group setting. But if the group is dissolving and there’s just going to be 1 or 2 single dudes and just your girl, she’s not going to stick around for that because she’s excited to get home to her man, and if she’s not excited to get home to her man, then obviously, you got problems. 

When I say girls night, I mean going on a trip to Palm Springs or hitting up the bars with friends.

Well, if she’s going friends, more than likely she should be inviting you. But if these are friends, you don’t know, and she insists that you not go, then it’s like, why? Why would you not invite me to go? Wouldn’t you be proud to show me off to all your girlfriends? This is my boyfriend. This is my husband. He’s the love of my life. But she wants to go out and you’re not there. You’re not going to get introduced to all these strangers. That’s not a good sign. Women in love want you there because they want to show you off to everybody. Women that don’t give a shit are going to do things and they don’t want you around. 

These people seem to think allowing such behavior is weak and could result in dicey situations with other guys, so it’s better to set a hard and firm boundary with your girl — no exceptions.

Well, like I said, I just went through a long diatribe in the beginning of this video. And that’s because, again, character is destiny. We’re trying to find out what are we dealing with? A loyal woman is just not going to put herself in a position where she’s alone with a dude that wants to sleep with her. A disloyal woman will do that and make excuses, call you jealous, say you got problems or whatever, and blame it on you. 

I can’t help but find this advice hypocritical. I love and trust my girl, and I know she feels the same about me. I would never be on board with her telling me I couldn’t go out to the pub with my best guy friends, so it feels unfair for me to demand that she stay home.

Well, again, that’s not what we’re talking about. Her going out with her girlfriends and just having a few drinks as a group, that’s fine. But when it starts to be like, she’s going out every week with the same group of friends and you don’t know them, and all these girls are single, and you’re never invited and she doesn’t want you to go, that’s not a good sign. A woman who loves you and is proud of you, wants everybody to know that you’re her man and she’s proud to show you off. And a girl that doesn’t give a shit, she’s not going to want you there. So, these are things you want to pay attention to. 

Curious what your thoughts are on this topic. Thankfully my girl isn’t much for partying these days, but every now and then an event will come up and I’m wondering what the proper way to handle it would be. Wouldn’t it be insecure and controlling for me to imply that I don’t trust her out at a bar with other men?

Well, as long as she’s there with a group. Because again, all of all of us guys have had this experience at one point, we wanted to go out with a girl, we wanted to date a girl, and she’s inviting friends and the friends are there to be blockers. The friends are there to get in the way of a seduction happening. And so, when she doesn’t want blockers there, that communicates that she’s open to potentially a seduction and doing stuff one on one with a particular guy or a group of guys, for that matter. 

Or is setting a boundary the stronger position to take? If she places her trust in me, shouldn’t I do the same?

Well, again, based on what are the conditions? Who are these people that she wants to go hang out with and what is the context of their hanging out and what is the relationship with all of these kinds of people? If there’s going to be plenty of blockers there to prevent any kind of seduction, or some dude getting too drunk and hang all over your girl or whatever, I mean, you guys have also probably had this experience where you’re talking to a cute girl in a bar and maybe it’s not going well, or it is going well. And then her three friends come over because she’s had a little too much to drink and then they drag her away because they know she’s probably going to go home with you.

It’s again, it really is a case-by-case basis. Is your girl putting herself in a position where she can get seduced and hit on by other men, or is she keeping other guys at a distance? That’s pretty much the bottom line. Loyal women keep them in a distance. Disloyal women enjoy the attention from other guys, and it’s usually the girls from broken homes. They have a bad relationship with their dad, or they never knew their dad or they have a nonexistent relationship with them, whatever it happens to be. 

Thanks Corey and keep up the great work! 

Bob

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