Is It Me, Or Was She Just Not Interested?

How to determine if you’re turning women off or you’re pursuing women who aren’t interested.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 26-year-old guy who says he’s read 3% Man over 20 times and used every technique from the book, but he still can’t get a girlfriend or a date. He’s clearly frustrated, full of fear, self loathing and angry, which repulses women. He shares how he hit on a girl that works in his building over several weeks before asking her out, but she canceled their 1st date via text after saying yes in person.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, if you have to ask, it’s probably a little bit of both.

in this particular email, this guy is 26. He claims to have read 3% Man over 20 times, and he says he’s used every technique from the book, but he still can’t get a girlfriend or a date. He’s clearly frustrated. He’s full of fear, self-loathing and he’s very angry. If you’re a very angry, unhappy man, you’re going to repulse women. They’re just not going to feel safe around you. They’re going to feel like something’s off because they can feel that bubbling just below the surface, you could explode at any minute.

He sends in a story about a girl, I guess, works in the same building that he does. Over the course of a couple of weeks he said, “Hello,” he tried some things from the book on her, then he asked her out on a date, makes a date on the spot and then she texts him later canceling the date. I mean, he’s 26 years old and he’s like, “Oh, it’s the end of the world. It’s never gonna happen for me.” Dude, he’s 26. Like when I was 26 years old, I was getting married and making a mistake. I was marrying somebody I shouldn’t have been marrying, I should say, but I was afraid, I was fearful, I thought, “If I don’t marry her, I’ll probably never find anybody else.” I was in a total scarcity mindset. Plus back then, I didn’t understand how attraction worked.

Let’s go through this guy’s email because like dude, he’s 26, he’s a baby, he’s just starting out. He’s very kind of nihilistic and, “I’m successful, I got cars, I got money, I got a house. I’m the man. Where are all these girls kicking my door down?” He thinks just because he’s got stuff that girls are going to be attracted to him. Women don’t care about your stuff or your good looks or that you’re six feet tall or how much money you got. The only thing they really care about is how they feel about you. If you’re angry, you’re unhappy, you’re frustrated, you’re miserable, you’re not enjoying your life and then you start talking to a woman, she’s gonna flee from you like somebody that’s got the plague. It’s just the bottom line. So it’s usually the vibe.

For you guys that are in a fearful state, you’re angry or you’re unhappy, something that you should start doing three times a week is go to the home page of my YouTube channel, Coach Corey Wayne, and then scroll all the way down to the bottom to the Consciousness Exercises Stage 1 through 12 with Dr. D’ Anna and Gracie. I would highly recommend that you put it on your big screen and just go through stage one through 12 three times a week, like a Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Block out an hour, hour and a half and just take your time and go through every single stage. Just follow the video of Dr. D’ Anna and Gracie demonstrating the exercises. Especially if you’re going to go out with your buddies and normally you’re kind of in a state of fear, you’re worried and you just don’t feel good about talking to people or women in general, do all 12 stages, all 12 consciousness exercises, and you’ll feel a lot better. It’ll be really helpful.

This guy especially should do that because again, after I read his whole email, this dude like, his nervous system is jacked, he’s emotionally hijacked, he’s freaked out, he’s probably not very happy, he’s not really enjoying his life very much. Doesn’t doesn’t mention anything about his social circle or his friends or what he does for fun. He just thinks because he’s got all this stuff now and he’s got some success, a house and some cars, that that’s all it takes to for women to drop their panties. If you’re full of fear, if you’re displaying unattractive behavior, if you’re nihilistic, kind of like this guy seems to be, or you’re just ready to give up altogether and you’re 26 years old, like come on, you’re barely even starting out. I mean, you’re probably only a few years off of having your parents supporting you and putting you through college. Just because you read my book doesn’t mean that everything falls into place. You still got to practice it.

When I read his email, the way he talks is like he’s some expert that has all this experience, but the reality is, it takes him several weeks of seeing this girl and talking to her before he works up the courage to ask her out. As I say in the book, if you hesitate, you will masturbate. So that just tells me he hasn’t practiced making small talk enough and he’s asking girls out and he can’t tell that they’re not even interested. You guys that are a little more familiar with the work and are better students than this guy is, as I go through this email, you’ll be like, “It’s pretty obvious the girl’s not even into him,” and he thinks it’s the end of the world because she cancelled the date. The only reason she made the date is because she made it in person, knowing full well she was going to reject him later on. Again, when I go through it, their interactions, it’s pretty obvious she wasn’t into him, but he thinks it’s the end of the world. He’s taking it personally because this girl didn’t like him. He liked her, but she didn’t like him. That is going to be the case most of the time, maybe even 99% of the time.

For most of us average regular guys, you just can’t take it personally. You’re looking for a girl who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, who likes talking to you, who’s enthusiastic to talk to you, she lights up when she sees you. If you want to see what chemistry looks like. I had my ex-girlfriend, Katie, the English girl, from my book. We had her on the podcast a couple of years ago. Actually, it was last year, I should say. Those are in the Members Area, so you can watch that. Even despite the fact we haven’t been together in 15, 17 years, whatever it is at this point, the chemistry between us is undeniable. The mutual respect, the admiration, the humor, the goofing around, it’s all still there all these years later.

After reading this guy’s email, it’s pretty clear he’s never had that kind of experience with anybody, ever. More than likely, if I look at how he handles approaching this girl instead of just asking her out the first time he met her, he kept interacting with her and working up the courage because he was kind of a coward. He wasn’t brave. He didn’t roll the dice the first time out. If you keep talking to women, they can tell that you’re interested. Then every week you get a little more bolder. You converse a little bit more. They can tell you’re working up the courage because you’re too scared to shoot your shot initially. If a girl is just borderline marginally interested in you, where on a scale of one to 10, her interest is a five maybe, and it takes you three or four weeks of interacting with her and seeing her before you work up the courage to ask her out, she’s going to think you’re kind of weak just because you didn’t pull the trigger right away. Women can usually tell when you’re interested. You’re not being clever by hiding your interest. She knows if you’re coming up to her to talk to her, you’re interested and you like her. If you continually talk to her and interact with a girl that you’re interested in but you don’t have the guts to ask her out, then eventually after many weeks or months you finally work up the courage to ask her out, nine times out of 10, she’s going to reject you because you weren’t brave enough to go for it the first time you met.

With that in mind, let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach,

I’ll keep this short and simple. I’ve read your book over 20 times and still can’t find a girlfriend or a date.

Well, you’re not trying to find a girlfriend, you’re just trying to go out on dates and see if you like the girl. See if she likes you. Do you like talking to her? Do you have fun with her? Is she interesting to listen to? Is she fun to be around? Is she nice? Does she come from a good family? Did her dad do a good job of raising her? Is she feminine, girly and submissive? Does she pay her bills on time? Is her car clean? Can she pay her apartment and her rent on time? Is her house clean? Is it organized? Is she organized? Does she show up on time? Does she mean what she says? Do her words and her actions match? I mean, those are pretty basic things. If you’re meeting somebody, just because she’s hot, you shouldn’t be considering her for your wife, but that’s what draws a man in is typically, “Wow, she’s beautiful. Let me go talk to her and see what she’s like.” If you like talking to her and she likes talking to you and you notice that she’s playing with her hair, touching your arm and she seems like she really enjoys chatting with you, then when you end the conversation, it’s almost as if you ended it a little too soon in her eyes and she kind of wished that you’d have lingered a little bit more.

Again, if you’re impatient, you’re angry, you’re full of fear and you haven’t practiced approaching, like one of the things that I did when I was really young is I worked a lot and I worked in customer service jobs. Then when I was in high school, during that same time, I was out every weekend, every Friday, every Saturday I was out with my buddies, hanging out, going to parties. When we were old enough, we were going to bars because all of us used to congregate. It wasn’t just random bars. We would go to a bar and there would literally be 50 or 100 people that we all went to school with that were some of them were two or three years ahead of us, some of them were two or three years behind us. So it was a good community of like-minded people that we all grew up and knew. So when I would go out, I would be with friends that knew girls that I didn’t know and had never met and then I’d get introduced and we’d start chatting and I had social proof. Now granted, most of the time when there were girls that were interested in me, I would fuck it up because I wrote about it. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing wrong back then.

First and foremost, before you even think about dating, are you happy? Do you enjoy your life? Do you get up every day proud of yourself and proud of your life? Are you excited about what you’re going to do during the day? Because you need to get to a happy place first, where you’re calm, you’re relaxed, you really enjoy your life, you can talk slowly and deliberately, and this guy just absolutely reeks and stinks of fear, anger and frustration. If you get around a woman, she can tell that something’s off with you and they’re going to be trying to flee from you. They’re not going to want to be around you.

So first and foremost, you need to focus on you and getting to a happy place. Fill your life up with activities with other like-minded people that like the same kinds of things that you do, because when you’re out having fun with other like-minded people that love doing the same things, you’re going to meet other like-minded guys that you can become friends with. You’ll meet other like-minded women that you potentially can date, and it’ll be easy to talk to them. They’ll be excited to talk to you because you have social proof, you know other people in the same peer group, you have similar goals, similar values, similar interests versus wasting two or three weeks like this guy does, working up the courage to talk to some random chick he happens to see in his building. If he’s read the book as many times as he claims he has, it should be pretty obvious that this girl really isn’t that into him. So it shouldn’t be surprising that she cancelled the date. She was just being nice in person because she knew later on she was going to text him and cancel it.

I’ve practiced every technique on your book from first making eye contact and saying hello to a girl, to asking for her number and on a date. Am I missing something or doing it wrong? I feel hopeless and seriously want to give up on dating.

You’re 26. You haven’t even started yet. Like, come on. That kind of mindset and mentality, that’s going to crumple you over into a depressed state. If you’re meeting a girl when you feel hopeless and you want to give up, like you’re not a guy that’s happy. You’re not a guy that’s enjoying your life. You’re not a guy that’s fun loving, easy going. You sound like an uptight, unhappy man that’s got a stick jammed up his ass like you jammed a broom handle up your butt, and you’re walking around with it and you’re wondering why you repulse everybody you encounter.

I’m in good shape, I have a good job, cars and a house. I thought if I got all that…

In other words, if I had stuff, instead of developing myself, my stuff would attract women. The women are there for you. Attraction is not a choice. If you’re focused on your stuff and hoping that your stuff and your success is going to attract women, you’re not going to have very much success at all. You might get some girls that will go out with you because you’ll spend money on them, but they’ll look at you as kind of like a transaction, and you’ll tend to attract shallow women that are there for your stuff or what they can get from you or what you can do for them, not because they actually like hanging out with you.

Again, you don’t sound like you’re a very happy guy. First and foremost, you need to do what you need to do to get to a place where you really happy and you’re really loving your life, because when your life is complete, you’re doing well financially and you have nice cars and nice stuff, which really is just evidence that you’re successful at getting the things that you want, but if you’re not successful at making yourself happy, well you need to get to a happy place first, because then you meet a girl who’s also happy and you can share your happiness together. If you’re not happy, you’re hoping that if you meet the right girl, Mrs. Right, or the one that’s going to change your life and that’ll solve all your problems and you will be happy for a while, six to 12 months later, when the infatuation and honeymoon period wears off, you’ll realize that you’re not happy, and then you’ll stop doing the things that kept your relationship together and eventually your girl will dump you and leave you.

…Girls would be all over me or at least a few.

Well, are you a fun loving man who when you go to the office are the girls happy to see you that you work with or that they just ignore you when you go hang out with your groups of friends? Are the women that are part of your group happy to see you? Do they engage you in conversation? Are they nice to you? Because people who are well liked by men and women have lots of opportunities. If you’re miserable, you’re unhappy and you really haven’t developed your peer group or your group of friends, well you’re just another unhappy, lonely dude that doesn’t enjoy his own company. If you don’t enjoy your own company, you don’t love your life and you’re not proud of your life and excited about it, then how are you going to get a girl excited about it? You’re not even excited about living your life.

Well that’s not the case because I still have to be the one making the first move, and when I do, I get turned down or flaked on.

Well yeah, just because you read the book 20 times and you got stuff doesn’t mean you just sit back on your ass with your thumb up your butt and women are going to kick your door down and come and tear your clothes off and have sex with you. That’s not how it works, dude. His attitude was like, “Well, I’m successful. I got all this stuff. Women are just going to kick my door down.” You have to be a man of value. You have to be the kind of guy that men want to hang out with and women want to date and sleep with. Like I said, you don’t even seem like a guy that enjoys your own company. Dudes are not going to want to hang out with you when you have that attitude, and girls surely are not going to want to date and fuck you when you’re miserable and unhappy.

Every girl I talk to is either taken or not interested.

Great attitude… That tells me you haven’t talked to enough women, because the reality is most of them are not going to be into you. 99% of them are probably not going to really be that into you. So you just need more interactions and you need to do something to improve your life socially. Again, the first thing you should really be focusing on is not really dating women. You should focus on creating a great life and lifestyle that you’re proud of. So when you’re not working, you’re hanging out with your friends and having a blast, because when you’re hanging out and having a blast, you’re smiling, you’re laughing, you’re having a good time, you got an easygoing vibe and you feel safe to be around, and then women are going to gravitate towards that, but your attitude, “Every girl I talked to is either taken or not interested,” you’re going to scare the shit out of women. You’re going to repulse them just like the dudes in the red pill community do.

I’m 26 and never had a girlfriend or a real date.

Well, that tells me you need to work on your social group. Do you have friends? Do you have a close friend? Do you have a best friend? You should develop your life in your social circle first, because it sounds like you’re kind of a loner. Maybe you’re successful in business and life, but other than that, personally you’re kind of sound like a dude’s kind of personally bankrupt. You got just nothing going on.

I’m pretty short (5’3) and have come to a conclusion that maybe that’s why but can’t understand why women can’t over see that despite my success in life.

Again, they don’t care about your money, they don’t care about your car, they don’t care about your good looks. The only thing they care about is how they feel about you. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s going to be next to impossible to get a woman to feel good about you, because you’re just simply not going to allow them to. Love is allowing, after all. I you don’t even love yourself, you’re certainly not going to allow a woman to love you or be interested in you because your mindset is you’ve already given up before you even try. You already presuppose the worst. You already presuppose it’s not going to work out.

Here’s my most recent encounter with a girl who flaked on me:

There’s this girl who just started working in the same building as me. I’ve said hi to her a couple times when I pass by and she’ll say hi back. I decided one day to see how interested she was by doing the “Name” technique.

Again, the name technique really is just a low risk way to see if potentially she has mutual interest. Women that are interested will ask you what your name is when you don’t volunteer it after they’ve told you theirs, but it’s also true that maybe they’re just being polite, so that’s one thing. You want to take the totality of all of her interactions, all the signs that I talk about in my book that she’s potentially interested. Just because a woman says or asks for your name, doesn’t mean she’s interested and wants to have sex with you. Just because she gives you her phone number, doesn’t mean she actually wants to go out on a date with you. Just because she makes a date with you, doesn’t mean she actually wants to go on a date with you.

I wrote about all these kinds of situations in my book, because I had the same problem when I was in my, especially my 20s. I’d get phone numbers and then I’d never get a call back, or I would, or the date would get broken, or I could never get them on the phone. They would leave a message for friends or family members and I would never hear back. I’d be scratching my head going, “What? She gave me her number. Why would she give me your number if she’s not interested?” Well, typically when women come across a guy like you who’s angry and unhappy and then you ask them for their phone number and they tell you no or, “No, thank you,” then you tend to get pissed off and upset. So they’ve just learned that it’s better to give out the number and then dodge the guy later on.

Again, the book is giving you a bunch of tools so you can kind of go through a checklist, if you will, or run her through a bunch of different things because you’re looking for evidence that she’s really interested in you before you risk getting rejected, especially if you’re going to bump into her and see her often if you work in the same building.

So I asked her for her name and she asked for mine, I was shocked and really thought I was in.

That statement, I’m going to read that again: “So I asked her for her name and she asked for mine. I was shocked and really thought I was in.” Does that sound like a guy who’s talked to hundreds of women at this point in his life, since reading my book? No, that sounds like a dude who read the book 20 times and is just now starting to work up the courage to talk to women. If you knew the book that well and you had practiced this enough, you would know that just because a woman asks for your name doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with you and have your children. Sometimes they’re just being polite or maybe she was interested in you a little bit, but the fact that you still didn’t ask her out and you were cowardly because that’s what you were, let’s be honest. If you were courageous and brave, you would have told her right on the spot, “God, you’re fucking beautiful. We should get together for a drink sometime,” or ask her for her name or just start chatting with her. Does she walk with you? Will she stop in the hallway and talk with you? Does she seem interested as her body language pointed towards you? Or does it look like she’s trying to escape and get away and just looking for the right pause in you talking to say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I have to get to my I have to get to work. I don’t want to be late?” You got to look at all of these things.

I would ask her questions and she would ask them in return too. That was one day.

Why didn’t you ask her out? If you hesitate, you will masturbate. So he started a conversation and had a bunch of questions and went back and forth, but he wasn’t brave enough to ask her out, so he wilted like a little lily.

The following week, I talked to her again and asked her what she was doing this weekend, she said she was going be busy…

“Hey, what are you up to this weekend?” “Oh, I’m going to be busy.” Does that sound like a woman who wants to make herself available to you in hopes that you’ll ask her out? Or is that a woman that’s going, “Oh, I’m busy. Don’t ask me out. Please don’t do that. I know why you’re talking to me and why you’re asking what I’m doing this week. Don’t ask me out. I don’t want to reject you in front of everybody.” That’s kind of what that sounds like, but again, I can tell that he hasn’t really had much experience with women interacting with them, talking with them. As he says, he’s never had a girlfriend. Who knows, maybe he’s barely been on two or three dates in his whole life, but the way he puffed himself up in the first paragraph, “I read the book, I did everything and it’s not working for me.” It’s like you haven’t practiced. You’re an amateur. So despite the fact she says, “I’m going to be busy…”

…So I asked, “What day are you free so we can hangout?” She kind of look shocked…

She’s probably thinking, “Oh, fuck. This fucking guy. He’s not getting the hint that I’m just being polite. Not really interested.”

…But proceeds to say she’s free Friday afternoon. So I said, “How about Friday at 7 p.m. we meet at this place? Does that sound good?” She said yes to all of it and I grabbed her number and texted her the address of the place and I also said, “See you at 7 p.m. tomorrow.”

So he made a date. This must have been a Thursday. He made a date for Friday.

This is where I don’t know what went wrong: A couple hours after texting her the address she responds with, “Hey, I’m sorry but I’m not looking for anything serious right now or am ready to go out on dates. We can be cool and say hi but that’s it.”

I mean, this is pretty obvious that she wasn’t interested, but he couldn’t tell because he was only focused on his interest in her and he just assumed, “Oh, she asked my name. She’s in, I’m in,” but she was just being polite, that’s all.

This is one interaction. It shouldn’t have taken several weeks because probably more than likely he was thinking, “Oh, I hope I see that girl again and I can talk to her some more,” but by the time he finally works up the courage, the moment has passed and the fact that she says, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now,” the vibe that he gave off was that he’s thinking, “Oh, this is going to be my next girlfriend.” So she wanted to make it clear, “Hey, I’m not looking for anything.” In other words, what she’s really saying is, “I’m not interested in you dude. I was just being nice.” Guys would say, “Well, why didn’t you just say that?” Because they’re women. They don’t want to hurt your feelings. So what she’s really trying to say is she’s not into you and to please leave her the fuck alone.

I was left puzzled with her response, all I did was make a date that she agreed on and this is what I get.

Well again, you haven’t practiced enough and it should be obvious that this girl wasn’t interested in you from the beginning, but at least you did one repetition. You talked to one girl and you got rejected. “Oh no!” I’ve been rejected thousands and thousands and thousands of times over the course of my life. It’s like every weekend I would go out and most of the women were taken, not interested, unavailable, the conversation didn’t flow or something was weird or off with them or whatever. It’s like, you can’t take it personally. You got to give yourself permission to fail. You got to give yourself permission to be a novice because you are totally a novice. You’re barely at the beginning stages of trying to get numbers and dates so, “Oh, I’ve never had a girl. I can’t get a girlfriend after reading your book 20 times.”

You got to take the time. Just reading the book doesn’t solve your problems. You got to read it and you got to apply it. You have one simple permutation. You talk to one girl who wasn’t interested in you, and you couldn’t even tell that she wasn’t interested in you. She was just being polite and nice. Again, you take the totality of everything. Well, if I look at her words, she was trying to say, “Look dude, I’m really not interested in you romantically. I don’t want you to think. In other words, don’t ask me out again. Leave me alone. I’m not interested in you.” That’s what she’s saying, and he’s like, “Well, why didn’t she tell me that in person?” Because you probably couldn’t have handled it. You might have gotten upset. It might have created an awkward moment because when she was younger, she would do things like that and guys didn’t handle it too well. So they give you the number, they make a date knowing 100% that later when you’re not around, then they’re going to break it, and she just waited a few hours and said, “Hey, I’m not interested,” because she was worried that you couldn’t handle it if she told you that in person. So that’s why she did it.

This is going to happen to you a lot. This may happen to you a hundred different times until you find somebody that you really like and who really likes you, but you can’t let the first time you talk to a girl and get rejected, “OK well that’s it. I’m 26. I guess my life’s over.” Like give me a fucking break. I mean, Bill Belichick, 72 years old, dating a 24-year-old who came on to him. Why would she come on to Bill Belichick? Because his reputation precedes him. He’s one of the ultimate alpha males in the NFL. He’s the greatest fucking coach ever. Coached some of the best players to ever play the game, and he’s got the rings to show it. Even before he got all those rings as a coach, he had Super Bowl rings as a defensive coordinator. He’d been doing that his whole life. He’s famous, successful and he’s a man’s man. He does what he wants to do. He doesn’t care what you think.

Have you ever seen on to Cincinnati press conference, one of the greatest press conferences ever, it’s like he does things his way. He don’t fucking care what you think. He was in a relationship with somebody else when he met this girl that he’s dating now. He gave out his number because they were on a plane flight talking about philosophy. She had her philosophy book and he signed it. Then obviously had given her phone number, he gave her his phone number and she reached out and they talked and it kind of developed a friendship. Then at some point, he broke up with his long-term girlfriend and they started dating. That’s typically how things happen, but his reputation, his life’s work had preceded him and she pursued him. It’s pretty obvious, but a guy like you who’s miserable, unhappy and can’t even really handle a couple conversations with a girl without fumbling over his words and putting his foot in his mouth, you make a date and then you’re shocked that she wasn’t interested. It should be obvious to you, but you haven’t practiced it enough.

This is why you got to talk to, you got to interact with and you got to meet as many women as possible and engage them in conversation. What you really need to do is practice your small talk and work on your life, getting to a place where you’re happy and having a good time because then you’re going to be calm and you’re going to be relaxed. You’re totally emotionally hijacked, you’re very nihilistic, you’re very negative, you’re pessimistic, you’ve already convinced yourself that shit’s not going to work out for you. I felt that way a lot when I was younger and I was your age, but my attitude was always, “Well, maybe the next one will say yes.” All you need is one good one. All you need is one to say yes to you, but if you give up at 26 years old, like tapping out at 26? Come on, dude. You haven’t even got started. “You’re still wet behind the ears,” as the old expression goes.

You have to get OK with potentially going through thousands of these interactions until you meet the right girl or your first girlfriend, because your whole attitude should be on vetting and finding a woman who, like when I start at the beginning of the video, all those things I went to or went through, that’s what you should be focused on instead of, “Oh, she’s hot. I want her. This is perfect.” She could be nuts. She could be a drug addict. She could be a liar and a cheater. Her family could be a bunch of lunatics. You just don’t know what you don’t know. Just because she’s hot, got a nice body, cute face and nice boobs, doesn’t mean she’s the perfect woman for you to be with. So you got to judge people and vet them properly and take things on a case-by-case basis.

I responded with, “I was looking forward to going out but if you can’t that’s OK. Let me know if you change your mind.” I left it at that because you said to be congruent with what we say so I’ll wait to see if she texts back or brings it up when I see her again. Did I do the right thing?

Bob

I mean, there’s nothing you can really do. She made it clear that she’s not interested, so if it was me, I’d probably just delete the number. Then if she reaches out a couple of months later and is like, “Heyy,” you would be like, “Who’s this?” “Oh, this is so-and-so.” “Hey, what’s going on?” “I wanted to see what you’re up to.” It would be like, “Well, let’s get together for a drink. When are you free?” And then make a date. If you see her, wave, smile and then go about your business. Don’t go over to talk to her. “Hey, how you been?” If you happen to get into an elevator, you go, “Hey, how are you? What’s new?” Then when the elevator opens, “Hey, have a good day. See you around.” Just be nice. If you were tired of fucking her, how would you be? You’d be nice, you’d be polite, but you’re not going to do or say anything that gives her the impression that you want to take another trip around the world with her, or that you’re interested in doing the Indoor Olympics again. So at least you should be looking at this and going, “Hey, you know what? Even though it took me a couple of weeks to work up the courage with this girl, I finally did and it’s clear she wasn’t interested. What did I learn from this? What’s good about this? What’s good about this rejection?”

You can’t take it personally. This is just data. This is data for your analysis. When all is said and done, if you really want to master this, there should be hundreds and hundreds of women that you go through this process with before you get to the point where you find the perfect girl or it clicks, because you have to talk to enough women, you have to go out on enough dates, then you got to be able to progress the dates to kissing and heavy petting and ultimately seducing her, encountering last minute resistance when you’re trying to seduce her and then transitioning from date one, two, three, four, five, six, all the way up to week nine or 10, getting into a relationship.

There’s a lot of things you got to practice. It’s like your attitude is kind of like a guy that joined a gym, trying to lose some weight. Say you got to lose 100 pounds. You’re really overweight, “I got to lose 100 pounds” Then you go the first day and you have this great workout, you’re a little pumped up and you’re wondering why there aren’t 10 women who are in amazing shape wanting to come home and sleep with you that night. Then you walk out and you’re like, “Well, I’m a failure at getting in shape,” and then you never go back. You’re ready to give up. Bro, you talk to one girl. It’s not the end of the world. This should be like breathing to you. This should be a daily occurrence. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Anytime you see a girl that’s cute, talk to her. Chat her up. Does it seem like she wants to talk to you, or does it seem like she’s trying to get away? What’s her body language? Is she facing you, or is she kind of turned sideways and her answers are kind of short, hoping to get the hell away from you?

Again, just because you see a lot of signs that it seems she’s interested and then you ask her out, she might have a boyfriend and you’re like, “Well, why did this girl flirt with me? Why did she ask me if I had a girlfriend or not?” Well, maybe she’s not that happy, and if you ask her out and she says she’s got a boyfriend, I would be like, “Well, I think you’re amazing. If it doesn’t work out, hit me up. Let me know. Take my number.” You never know what can happen. That should be your attitude. When women walk away from you, they should have a smile on their face. Not like, “Oh, that guy was a prick. Boy, that dude was unhappy. He was miserable. He really couldn’t handle what I told him.” So don’t take yourself so seriously, dude. It’s one chick. One girl. Onto the next.

You need to get through hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of these before you can hope to really get better, because it sounds like you’re 26 years old just now starting to talk to women and practice your conversation skills. Again, like I said earlier, first and foremost, you need to focus on getting to a happy place because you sound miserable, angry, unhappy and frustrated, and women can feel that. They don’t feel safe around you when you’re in that place. So you need to work on yourself first, dude. Keep practicing. Keep talking to women. Keep pulling the trigger. Keep a log of everybody you talk to, everybody you ask out because it’ll get to the point where your list is so long you won’t even remember most of them. Each time you do and you write down what happened and what the result was, you get a little bit more data. You get a little bit more comfortable. Each approach will get a little easier, and in time you will see yourself making progress, but if you’re just ready to give up after talking to one girl, it’s like come on, dude. Life is nothing but dealing with failure because most of the time at anything in life, you’re going to be failing and things aren’t going to work. It’s just part of the process. So commit to the process to getting better.

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