Is She A Fruit Loop? Hot, But Too Crazy To Date Long Term?

How to know if despite her being hot that she’s too crazy to date long term.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who wonders if he’s dating a fruit loop. A woman who despite being hot, is just too crazy to date that makes an easy and effortless relationship impossible. They’ve been dating for about 2 1/2 years and are long distance from each other which complicates things.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, if you have to ask. So this particular email is from a viewer. For the last two and a half years, he’s been dating this woman. And they’re also long-distance, which throws another little wrinkle into the whole process here. It’s hard to really vet somebody when they’re long-distance and you only see each other for short periods of time, so it takes longer to figure out what you’re dealing with. And if you’re talking online a lot or you’re doing FaceTime chats or Zoom calls, you know, weekly dates and stuff like that, the other person can basically hide their nuttiness longer.

And the problem with that is that you get hooked sooner emotionally. And so, when you start to see these red flags further down the line, you tend to dismiss them because by that point you’re already goo-goo, goo-gaga. And it doesn’t matter because you’re emotionally invested. That’s—I mean, you look at the power of emotions. Just look at what happened with that, uh, the woman that, that, that killed her three kids, and all those liberal women on the jury were like, “Oh, she suffered enough. She just needs mental health.” They were totally willing to look past the law and the fact that she premeditatedly killed her kids and excuse it and let her off. “Oh, she just needs, uh, mental health counseling.” And the one lone juror, a grown-ass man, said, “Uh-uh. She broke the law.” They went out of their way to try to manipulate him, and he wasn’t having it. But those women were all hijacked by their emotions.

People, human beings, make their decisions based upon their emotions, and then they use logic and reason to justify those decisions. So when we’re really into somebody, we will basically bullshit ourselves. And so that’s why it’s important. You got to keep your wits about you and vet for character, because character is destiny.

And so the reality is, women that come from broken homes, or they have a really bad relationship with their father, or even if their dad’s in their life and he just did a, you know, a shitty job because he’s not a good dad, those women are going to be a lot harder to be with, and they’re going to have more problems. A Type A alpha male that sets the masculine standard in the house—all the women feel safe and comfortable. Daddy’s the—he’s the patriarch of the family that everybody admires, respects, looks up to, and he rules with an iron fist, if you will, not because he’s abusive, but because they trust his judgment. And he knows that he ultimately cares about them and wants the best for them. But he’s not going to tolerate any fuckery or any kind of BS or manipulation or nonsense. He’s going to hold his daughters, his kids, his sons, and his wife’s feet to the fire when it comes to having high standards of character for the family.

And so a girl that’s been raised in that kind of environment had guardrails and a dad that wouldn’t tolerate any fuckery. But women that don’t have that, it’s like they don’t learn that. And then you try to date them and have a relationship. They don’t respect their dads, they’re not going to respect you. And you got to pay attention to that. If the dad is weak and soft and basically a beater and she doesn’t respect him, it’s like she’s just not going to respect you because she, in her mind, her whole world growing up was—the dad wasn’t worthy of respect. And so she learned that men are not worthy of respect.

So it’s not your job to fix her or to save her or undo the bad parenting. It’s like, if she’s not willing to fix herself, you gotta move on. So let’s go through this guy’s email and see where he’s at.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I don’t think you have analyzed a similar situation on your channel before.

Everybody always thinks their situation is unique, but we’re all basically doing the same things and making the same mistakes because we get all up in our feelings, and then we just basically ignore reality. As Ayn Rand said, “You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.”

I already emailed you earlier, but my journey continued and got “interesting.”

I’ve read your book twice, am on my third read now, and have watched hundreds of your videos.

I’m 42. I’ve been dating this girl, who’s 35, for 2.5+ years now. It’s long-distance; she lives about 120 miles from me.

So you’re about an hour-and-a-half, two-hour car ride, depending on how fast you go.

We met on Tinder, hit it off instantly, and have been seeing each other approximately once or twice a month.

I mean, once or twice a month. Ideally, if you’re that close and you’ve been dating for two and a half years, you guys should be seeing each other at least every week. Somebody should be traveling. And if you’re not willing to do that, it tells me that you guys are not that into each other, especially when you’re 120 miles apart. So what is that, 60 miles an hour? The normal speed limit on the highways, what, 65, 70 in some areas? So I mean, it’s like, what’s the reason for that? If a woman’s really in love, she’s not going to be okay with seeing you once or twice a month unless you’re just a long-distance booty call.

She’s a former professional model (not the first one in my life, so I kinda knew what to expect). Her dad left the family years ago and is a low-character person whom she kinda loves but does not really respect.

Well, there you go. What are the ingredients? You’re making a cake, and what do you get? You get a girl that comes from a broken home, and you can’t really fix it. She doesn’t respect her dad. She’s not going to respect you. Typically, you can set healthy boundaries, but more than likely, she’s going to violate them.

Our love life is amazing. I’ve slept with over 100 women, and I can attest to that…

So she’s experienced. But are you experienced? As Jimi Hendrix said.

…She says I am also her best partner in bed. For the first 7 months, it was great. We had tons of fun and almost zero arguments. She’s been doing about 90% of the pursuing. On many occasions, she said words like, “I adore you,” “I love what you do to me,” but she never said “I love you” until last week.

Well, again, if you grew up in a fucked-up family, I know, like I was talking about this a couple of weeks ago in 3% Man, I mentioned in a video, I remember just telling my girlfriend and her daughter, “I love you.” I’d whisper it to her daughter at first because I felt awkward saying it because I never heard those words growing up. My parents never said that to each other. Nobody in my family ever said that, so it felt weird inside, and it took a while to get used to that. So, I mean, if she comes from a screwed-up background, that would be understandable if she feels it but has a hard time saying it.

On two occasions, the idea of a relationship came up (from her), but she kept calling it a situationship…

That’s why, again, like the book says, your job is really to create the opportunity for sex to happen. If she wants to be in a relationship or be exclusive, she can hint at it or bring it up or ask you where you see it going, that kind of thing. But again, what jumps out at me right away is you said in the beginning, two and a half years. I mean, you only see each other once or twice a month, so it can’t be that serious. It just sounds like a bimonthly booty call. So the thing is kind of weird. He says, “For the first seven months, it’s been great. We’ve had tons of fun, almost zero arguments.” But didn’t he say they were together for two and a half years already? So here it sounds like he’s been with her for seven months.

…Never mentioned exclusivity, and still, that only happened during year two of us meeting. I should’ve asked her what she wanted, I know. She sometimes calls me her boyfriend, sometimes her man, sometimes her friend.

So I assume it kind of sounds like you’ve been following me for the duration of this relationship, but yet you read the book twice, so you’re kind of flying blind. You got a knowledge gap, and it seems to be biting you in the ass because you don’t really know where you stand.

Month seven comes by, and I caught her texting with her female friend, who wanted her to meet up with her male friend, an established, 25-years-older Hollywood director/screenwriter old dude, to which she replied, “He’s adorable. I’d so ride him.”

Yeah, that’s exactly what you want to see from your girlfriend of two and a half years. It’s not good. Again, when you’re only seeing each other once or twice a month, that’s not really even a situationship. It’s just an occasional booty call. So you’re clearly not priorities to each other.

I kept that part of the knowledge to myself for the time being, but told her I saw some messages she exchanged with him. She said it was nothing and that she would stop.

Remember, she doesn’t respect her dad.

For the next couple of months, it was quite good, no red flags. However, another 6 months passed by, and our contact seemed to loosen up. I found her very active on the director’s Instagram, and when asked, she acknowledged having traveled to meet up with him, which she called “meeting a friend, as he often meets girls just to exchange philosophical ideas on life…”

And on top of that, blowing out her back. Or maybe it’s the Harvey Weinstein routine. Remember, she said to her girlfriend, “Oh, I would totally ride that guy,” and she went to meet him, probably. This is what women do. They make it easy for you to get in their pants when they like you.

I told her that we’re not together officially, but I do not appreciate that. She vouched that nothing happened…

Sure…

…And that she would never meet with him again.

Sure…

She later acknowledged that by then, she was not sure what she wanted with me.

OK, so when a woman says she’s not sure what she wants with you, that just basically means she knows she doesn’t want to be with you. That’s why she’s going and getting with director guy. Because again, in two and a half years, you barely read the book twice. Now you’re on your third read, so you weren’t really paying attention. Probably. I suspect you were cherry-picking videos but not taking me seriously when I said to read the book 10 to 15 times.

Also, on a couple of occasions, she changed the story about the month she met up with him.

Again, it’s clear she’s lying. She doesn’t respect her dad. She’ll lie to him. She’ll lie to you.

Since then, I started noticing more and more, mostly white lies from her. She became more distant and started contacting me less frequently.

Yeah, probably because the director is blowing her back out now.

She had about 4 outbursts of week-long drunken/drug-related periods (she is also diabetic and takes medicine for that and has other issues, with her younger brother being killed in a motorcycle accident a couple of years ago, her mom being ill and her having to take care of her mum, and probably borderline)…

So I guess her mom’s got mental health issues going on as well.

…Of contacting me and being rude/lovely within a matter of seconds.

Yeah. So you got a family with a history of nuttiness, fruit loop-like behavior, so the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. So what do you expect? “But I can fix her. Coach, I got your book.” Nope. No, you can’t.

Throughout this time, I tried staying calm, not always succeeding. I also brought up the director messages thing a couple more times, which was weak on my side, and she did actually call me out on it and called it that way.

Well, at the end of the day, she’s just your once- or twice-a-month booty call. If it was me, I’d never call or text her for any reason. Let her reach out, make a date happen. But there’s clearly something missing here because she’s not really trying to spend time with you. And on top of that, she’s going and getting together with this other old guy. I mean, that tells you everything you need to know. It’s not fixable.

So clearly you don’t understand how attraction works because after two and a half years, the fact that you’re seeing each other once or twice a month is kind of like Aaron Rodgers just recently acknowledging that—what’s her name? Shailene Woodley. He proposes to her, and afterwards she says, “Well, before we get married, I gotta go and fuck this other guy.” And he’s like, “What?” I mean, she was dead serious about this. So the fact that he’s proposing to a girl that’s thinking that way. And then on top of that, she wasn’t sleeping with him anymore. And then he later acknowledged also that she stopped sleeping with him. So he clearly—and then same thing, Danica Patrick, she lost interest in sleeping with him.

So listening, like I said, it was a podcast a couple of weeks ago. I mean, Aaron’s gotten roasted over it. So he clearly doesn’t understand how attraction works because both of those two famous girlfriends, neither one of them wanted to sleep with him anymore. Now, they could be totally cuckoo. But at the end of the day, even if they are cuckoo, if they’re turned on and attracted to you, they’re still going to want to have sex.

And so he said, “Well, we got—we tried to get together to try to fix things.” And then basically the actress Shailene Woodley said she didn’t want to be with him anymore. And so he’s pursuing a girl that doesn’t want to be with him. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. So you got to pay attention to those things. Because if a guy doesn’t understand how attraction works, like in this case, the viewer, he didn’t take time to read the book. And so he’s basically behaving like Aaron Rodgers, bamboozled, doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong, doesn’t really seem—I mean, he is reading the book for the third time, but still, after two and a half years, it’s like, come on, man.

Between September and December of last year, we’ve only seen each other four times. We agreed to try and spend New Year’s together abroad, in the US (we’re both from Poland). So far, we’ve only gone together on a trip just once. However, the closer we got to that date, the more problems started piling up (she has to be with her family, it’s too cold, she has no money, etc.), and in the end, we didn’t go. Even though I “resolved” all of the problems, she kept finding new ones.

That’s because she didn’t want to see you. It’s pretty simple. Women help you when they like you, and when their interest is low, they throw roadblocks. That’s why you fix all the roadblocks, and then she comes up with a new one. And the reality is, she doesn’t want to see you, and you got to pay attention to that. Again, Aaron Rodgers didn’t realize that either. And on top of that, the girl he ended up marrying, they were dating previously, and then she left and moved to Europe and broke up with him. So all three of those women left, and he said also in the interview that if he didn’t know better, he would have chased after her the first time when she moved away. I was like, “Yeah, that’s probably not going to end well unless he fills in his knowledge gap.”

We ended up spending New Year’s in my city, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling that something wasn’t right. For the first year and a half, her phone was accessible to me; she didn’t have a PIN code.

Again, when you’re only seeing a girl once or twice a month, that’s not serious. You’re a once- or twice-a-month booty call.

This time, she kept taking the phone with her all the time, established a PIN, and even shouted at me once when I touched it. Still, we were all cuddly, laughing, and having a lot of sex.

In February, I came to her city three times (she invited me for Valentine’s weekend; however, on the last day, she got drunk and started throwing things, tried to throw me out of the hotel room, then apologized in the morning).

That sounds like a barrel of monkeys. So much fun. Sign me up.

The second visit was great. She organized a beautiful hotel and weekend overall, but the third time, she didn’t want to see me when I came (it was midnight and a surprise on my behalf)…

The second visit was great. She organized a beautiful hotel and weekend overall. But the third time, she didn’t want to see me. When I came, it was midnight and a surprise on my behalf. So it was your idea, not hers. So this tells me that you’re pursuing a woman with low interest, and you don’t realize what you’re doing and that she’s turned off, and it’s not her idea.

…And when we saw each other the next day, she didn’t want me to stay nor have sex (for the first time ever that happened).

Because again, you’re chasing her. You’re acting like a girl.

That made me lose my shit a bit, and I got butt-hurt and showed it by shouting and being accusational. I lost my cool, but I also lost my keys at a restaurant, so it wasn’t a good day overall.

More than two months passed without us seeing each other. She got a second job, and I had my home remodeled, so those 2 excuses became the theme of us not seeing each other.

Again, she doesn’t want to see you.

During one of our talks, she briefly snuck in something like, “Oh, you’re such an expert on girls and relationships. You should know that something’s not right with the way I behave…”

Yup.

…But did not want to elaborate.

Again, women don’t want to teach you how to be a man. You got the book, the little blue book, for that. But you’ve been kind of slacking, my man. It’s why you’re getting your ass handed to you by this little girl.

She brought up our relationship status again, but when I asked, “So you think we should be exclusive?” she said something like, “It’s too late for that.” Since then, we’ve seen each other 3 times, once in her city, then she came to me on two occasions. Every time, it was amazing, no fights. She eased up on her phone having to be in her vicinity, and we again had tons of sex.

She organized a weekend trip for the first month of August. However, it turned out she had a trip planned to Milan for her friends’ wedding (she used to live there for a couple of years), where she was supposed to stay with her model girlfriend, and they were supposed to go hiking as well in the Alps, which she labeled as a girls’ trip. She did go, did not contact me for that entire time, but came back and posted a lot of photos and reels from that trip.

Well, maybe she was going to hook up with Chad Thundercock or Mario Thundercock, since he’s Italian. She did go, did not contact me for the entire time, but came back and posted a lot of photos and reels from that trip.

It turns out there was someone else with them.

I’m shocked. I can’t believe it. Can’t believe she would do that. A girl that you only see once or twice a month.

Her Italian ex, whom she dated and lived with more than 10 years ago.

See? Mario Thundercock rides again.

He is also friends with the married couple and the girl model friend. She posted a picture riding a scooter with him and labeled it, “The best people, the best place in the world.”

Yep. She’s getting her back blown out by Mario Thundercock, it looks like.

All the hiking and fun they did involved him. She pretty much barely mentioned his existence during the time I’ve known her.

Well, her interest is low, and you guys weren’t together, and you didn’t know what was going on. Again, you were like Aaron Rodgers. If any of you know Aaron Rodgers, give him a copy of the book. Otherwise, he’s gonna have a very expensive divorce. And he also should not go on a podcast and say his girlfriends all stopped sleeping with him and left him, basically, and didn’t want to be with him. That’s not good.

She came back, did not call me, but liked my Instagram story (which she never does), posted on my recent Instagram pic (which she never ever does), did not mention her trip, our planned weekend, nothing. When she finally called me, according to 7 Principles to Get an Ex Back, I treated it as her wanting to see me, so I invited her to come. She tried, but she has no car and is also a pet sitter and had dogs scheduled to take care of.

She didn’t care.

So she invited me to come. It was my birthday week, so she said she would organize an amazing birthday for me, with hotels paid for and all the fun. I agreed (hopefully only altering the 7 Principles to the situation).

Well, you’re doing everything on her terms. That’s why, again, she’s totally cool with hardly ever seeing you. But when she’s in between Mario Thundercock and Chad Thundercock in the United States and she’s got nothing going on, she’s happy to hook up with you occasionally.

On Thursday, it was amazing. We had lots of fun, sex, and she ended up telling me, “I love you and want us to be together forever.”

So I guess things, even though she hooked up with Mario, weren’t looking good.

The next day, however, she was moody and grumpy. Her phone kept ringing. She said it was work, but I did not believe that. We were drinking and having fun. She acknowledged being grumpy and apologized. Finally, I caught her talking in English; she did not want me to hear the conversation. I asked who that was, and she said, “A friend.”

“A friend who’s been rearranging my insides when you’re not around.” Well, she didn’t say that part, but she might as well have.

I kept asking, she kept deflecting, so I finally asked if that was her Italian ex. She acknowledged it and told me he calls, but she told him she is with me and not to call her again.

Sure…

However, she muted her phone afterwards, and I caught her texting him and calling him two more times.

So again, remember, in the beginning of the email, he’s catching her in white lies? You just can’t fix this. This is who she is.

When confronted, she said, “I’m stupid to even think there’s anything going on.” They only spent 3 days together because her friend suggested that and that she would never want to do anything with him, as their relationship ended 13 years ago and was very immature.

But I’m sure she likes the sex.

She was smiling and telling me that I am silly. That night, we had a fight. She threw things, wanted to hit me, and decided to leave, only to come back at the last moment and go to sleep.

Yeah. What? A woman’s getting violent with you, dude, and throwing shit at you. It’s like, “Check, please.” You’re continually making excuses for this.

The next day, I felt bad in every way and wanted to find out if she thinks there’s a way out of it.

Uh, my man, her dad screwed her up. You can’t fix her.

She said she doesn’t want to dwell on what happened but will make my last day the best, which turned into her buying wine and champagne, telling me that she loves me for the second time, puking in my car, and calling her ex when I went to get our suitcases, which she again lied about when confronted.

Yeah, good times were had by all.

I told her that this level of absurdity is something I cannot tolerate, and I left. It’s been three days. Since then, she has called me about 300 times, sent me hundreds of messages, threatened me, harassed my parents and my friends, and posted on my socials that she wants me to pay for the room that we were supposed to stay in about 100 times. She calls me things that I will not bring up here, but everything is aimed at my masculinity.

Well, if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch, and you have been being soft, as I pointed out.

She is definitely not sober (any combination of alcohol/drugs/medicine/borderline interacting with each other)…

So I assume she’s on psychotropic drugs as well.

…And it’s been three days. She has had two similar periods like that, but then she acted at about 1% of what is happening now. The only quasi-rational thing she said during this is that she can’t handle that I walked away and left her there.

Well, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.

She keeps coming up with new reasons to call and harass me. I’ll deal with it. Was she a CW-defined “fruit loop…”

Uh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You could put her in that column, my man.

…And someone to definitely stay away from?

Well, you know, if she’s throwing things at you and getting violent and threatening you and your family, that’s not normal behavior. You’re not like, “Hey, can I sign up for another batch of that? That was just so much fun. My mom really loved you calling and cussing her out. That was great too. Yeah, let’s have some more of that. Sign me up. Sounds exciting.”

I love her still, since it’s fresh, but she never heard that from me (she asked today what my feelings towards her are, right after she insulted my parents during a call).

What a lovely woman. Can you imagine trying to have kids with somebody like this? That’s insane.

Keep up the good work, and even though I’m far from being a rightist and a believer in any higher power running the world, I surprisingly agree with you on over 95% of relationship-centric topics that you mention. Just so you know that you’re not always right, but you’re never wrong. 😉

Best regards,

Bob

It’s like, it is what it is. But, I mean, this chick—put a fork in her. I’d stay away from her because she sounds cuckoo. She sounds—as a matter of fact, after the football games over the weekend, guess what? The local news came on, and we got problems in Hialeah again over the weekend. More cuckoo shit going on with crazy exes and stuff. It’s like, “Oh man, I wonder, is this girl—is this girl in Hialeah by any chance?” I would stay away from it, but you’re not going to fix that. You know, she showed you who she is. If you want normal and healthy, find a girl that loves her dad, respects her dad, not somebody that acts cuckoo like this. She’s cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, which is a great cereal. But you don’t want to be dating a girl that’s cuckoo in the head. She’d be hot and crazy, but it’s just—the juice ain’t worth the squeeze, my man.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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