Is She Giving Me The Friend Or Lover Vibe?

How to tell if a woman is giving you the friendship vibe or the lover vibe because she likes you romantically.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a 19-year-old viewer from Europe who has read 3% Man 10 times. He says a smokeshow in his social circle he’s known for 5 years who he sees occasionally is potentially giving him the romantic vibe. However, he’s unsure if she’s really interested.

Recently, she has given him several romantic signs that I discuss in my book, and he wants to know, if she does it again on an upcoming group trip, if he should finally make a move on her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

The key is, if you are going to make a move, you want to be sure that she’s definitely interested. And, quite frankly, in these kinds of situations, if this girl has developed feelings or had feelings, and he’s kind of indifferent to it and never really thinks of anything… because I think he mentioned that they were they were both involved with other people anyway. He had a girlfriend, she had a boyfriend, so they were never really available at the same time. But now, I think they’re both single and the potential is there for something more.

But how do you tactfully do it without looking like a jackass? Because the bottom line is, in your peer group, you’re never going to live it down, you’re never going to hear the end of it. Plus, if she rejects you and you’re still going to see her occasionally, that’s not a lot of fun, unless you’ve got a cute girl with you.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

I’m a 19-year-old guy living in Europe. I’ve read Your book 10 times and am an up-and-coming 3% man in the 3% Youth Academy. 

I need your advice on a situation. This girl and I have known for 5 years. We’ve been in the same social circle for a long time but don’t really hang out with the same people except for parties and at school. Although she’s a 10 and an absolute smokeshow in my eyes, I’ve never really thought about going out on a date with her since we’ve always been dating other people and, therefore, never been available at the same time. She always compliments me about something and says I’m her favorite guy to be around at parties.

Well, that’s a good sign. When women like you, they compliment you. They tell you they like your shirt, or they like your shoes, or the way you’re dressed, or the way you wear your new haircut or your beard, or the fact that you shaved your beard off, or whatever it happens to be. They notice something about your physical appearance and they compliment you on it, or they may compliment you on some part of your personality. But the idea is you’re trying to gather a bunch of different signs to be able to tell, especially something like this.

The comments and compliments have a more “friend”-like vibe to them than a “lover” vibe. For example, she would say, “I adore Your smartness.”

Well, she likes that part of your personality.

Or “I feel so comfortable around you.” 

That’s a good sign. Women want to feel safe and comfortable around a guy.

Last weekend, however, when we were sitting next to each other in the backseat of my friend’s Tesla, she rubbed her hand on my thigh for a moment.

That’s a sign of romantic interest. Touching your thigh? Yeah.

And I think she looked at my lips a couple of times while we were talking.

Another sign that she wants to kiss your lips. She’s touching you and looking at your lips. That’s a pretty good sign. So, if you see that, you see that she’s looking at your lips, look at hers. And then you can kiss her later on.

Now, trust me, the situation and the line-up of friends in the car made it impossible to make a move right then and there.

Well, you’re just young. That’s okay and it’s understandable. Everybody starts out as a beginner. Nobody starts out as an expert.

In a few weeks, we’re going to our friend’s mansion out of town for the weekend with a friend group. Should I make a move?

Well, if you see those signs. I mean, at the end of the day, if you’re hanging out with a bunch of people there, she’ll come find you. Especially if you’re talking to the other girls in the group. She’ll come over, stand extra close to you, bump into you physically, touch your arm, touch your thigh, look at your lips again. And then, just kiss her. Just go for it, dude. When you see that, if you’re standing next to her talking, you look at her lips and then to her eyes, and then her lips and then her eyes, and she looks at your lips as well, kiss her.

The reason I would hesitate is because, although she showed signs of attraction the last time, the tone of her voice has that “friends” vibe when we talk, if you know what I mean.

Love your work! Keep it up. So many young guys like me can have the best experiences life has to offer.

Greetings,

Bob

Well, you can’t look at any one sign. Guys that don’t know that are like, “Oh, she complimented my shirt. She definitely wants to have sex with me.” It’s a combination – complimenting you on what you’re wearing, complimenting you on parts of your personality, looking at your lips, touching your thigh. Those are all signs of romantic interest.

And if you’re going slightly slower than she is – because now you’re both maybe recently single, and the fact that she feels really comfortable around you – a guy that’s giving off that kind of a vibe, she’s going to try harder to get your attention and validation, versus some other dude in your peer group that doesn’t know what he’s doing, or maybe is clumsy about it and makes things weird and awkward. Because when you’re calm, cool, collected, that’s what masculinity is.

Masculinity is calm, cool and collected, not a hothead. You don’t blow your top. It’s always better to be calm, rather than a jack in the box, if you will. (I assume most people know what a jack in the box is.) You want to be calm, cool, collected and go slightly slower than she is. Because the more you’re kind of indifferent to what she’s doing, the harder she’s going to work to get your attention. In other words, the more obvious she will make it.

She might start talking about you to other people in the group, asking questions about you – if you’re single, if you’re seeing anybody else, things of that nature. Or she might come right out and say, “Do you have a girlfriend?” Or, “Hey, I heard you’re not dating so-and-so anymore.” Those are all good signs. But, based on what you shared here, dude, it’s pretty obvious that there is enough evidence.

And so, since you’re going to see her in a few weeks, just hang out, have fun with everybody, talk to the other girls there, and she will find you. She will come and find you, and stand next to you, and probably stand extra close to where she’s bumping into you. Say you’re standing around a campfire or something – I don’t know if there’s a campfire there or not, maybe it’s on the beach somewhere – but if she’s bumping into you, put your arm around her, and then she’ll probably reciprocate. If you put your arm around her for 20-30 seconds, and she never reciprocates, then you could slowly take your arm away. But, based on the evidence that you have shared, I would say it’s a good chance she definitely is a little sweet on you.

So, if you’ve got a question or achallenge you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.