Is She Interested In Me Or Just My Attention?

How to know if a girl is interested in you, or just likes your attention.

In this Members Only Video Coaching Newsletter, I discuss an email from a 24 year old viewer. He met a girl at church he really liked. They had a couple of dates, and he knows some of her family and went on some group gatherings with them. He was watching soccer with her brother, and she invited herself and all seemed well. However, she canceled their date the next day with a BS excuse and no mention of a reschedule. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne. This is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Is She Interested In Me Or Just My Attention?”

So this particular email, this guy is 24. He met a girl at church that he really liked, and they had a couple of dates, and he knows some of her family. And I don’t know if he’s just brand new. He says he’s read the book six times, but he’s clearly violating principles in the book, and cherry picking like he’s going on group dates and doing group things with her and her family. And so he was actually at a soccer game with her brother and they were watching it.

And so apparently she invited herself. And so she joined him and her brother and he’s kind of like holding her hand and he can tell he’s just kind of timid and shy because he’s worried about what her brother thinks. And this is one of the reasons why it’s in the book. You don’t do group dates until she’s head over heels in love with you. And you guys are exclusive. There’s a reason that that’s there. But he’s not; he’s maybe reading the book, but he’s clearly not following it and it’s causing him problems.

Again, this stuff’s laid out in the books. Tried, true, and tested. 20 years worth of doing this stuff. And yet he’s trying to reinvent the wheel and think it’s not going to apply to him. And so after she met them at the soccer game, the next day they were supposed to have a date. Well, she canceled at the last minute, just basically, “oh, I’m busy. Work’s crazy.” This, that just, you know. So obviously what happened the day before is her interest went down instead of up.

And so that’s really why she didn’t want to see him the next day. Because this way, you know, he’s hanging out with her and her brother, and the brother is kind of the cock blocker that prevents anything from happening. And so instead of being alone with him one on one, where sex and romance can happen, she canceled that. But she still reaches out and she clearly likes his attention, so he’s kind of; now that she’s done the cardinal sin, because Doc Love’s attitude was, “one chance per girl for lifetime.”

If a girl cancels a date on you for any reason without offering a reschedule, that’s it. She’s out forever. You don’t give her another chance. He was pretty harsh about that. Because it just shows a lack of respect, a lack of appreciation for your time, and it will manifest in other ways. It just shows that she’s able to get away with disrespecting you and your time like that. And there will be other ways that she disrespects you down the road.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

Background: I’m 24, started to take this stuff seriously and am on my 6th read and aiming for 15 by the end of the summer. 

Well, the quickest way to get through the book is to put the audiobook on 2X while you follow along in a digital or physical copy, instead of listening to the audiobook as background noise, when you’re in the gym or you’re driving in your car, or you’re playing it through your speakers in your house, your Sonos system, or whatever, when you’re kind of distracted. You want your brain and your eyes listening to the words as they’re being spoken, while your eyes are seeing the words. And if you put it on 2X, you can get through the book in four hours.

It’s the most effective way, and it forces your brain and your eyes and your ears to only focus on the words being spoken and seeing the words on the page as they’re being spoken. It’s the most effective way to learn without any distractions. The more you drive around or you listen to the audiobook when you’re doing other things, you’re just not really paying attention most of the time. So it’s just harder, and it takes you longer to absorb the information. And if you’re going to spend the time concentrated on it fully, like a great student would somebody that takes this stuff seriously.

My situation is that I met this girl Jessica at a church youth group back in December 2024.

So now we’re in July of 2025.

I didn’t really see her romantically yet as I was interested in another girl. Over the next few months I noticed Jessica get more touchy, reach her hand out for mine, give me big hugs and just generally around me when she was at the church events. In May at a group hike, one of the times she reached her hand for me to help her, I helped her and started holding her hand. She didn’t let go and the rest of the hike we were talking and walking together. Keep in mind her brother and sister, who I get along with very well, are seeing this. 

So you and her, neither one of you are going to be natural when there’s family or friends there. Again, this is why, this is kind of how a obviously attraction evolves under normal circumstances. But you should have made a date. You should have done things right away. And it looks like he just kind of hesitated. So if you hesitate, you’ll masturbate. So instead of asking her out when she’s touchy feely with him, he waits a few days.

I asked her out a few days after the hike, and we got drinks, watched a movie, and kissed several times. Over the next couple weeks, we saw each other at the events and still flirting and touching, she even invited me to her sister’s 15^th birthday party where all her family was.

Well again, I wouldn’t have done that. And the other thing is going to a movie that’s right out of the book. First dates should not be going to a movie. I don’t know if that happened before he came across the book or after.

However, we didn’t set a 2^nd date until two weeks later because she said she had finals and wanted to focus on that.

So what does that tell us? She’s not really super excited about seeing you again. As the book says, you want to go to three different places and by the third place, she’s kissing you and she’s all over you. That typically can lead to sex at your place or potentially hers if she has her own. Or maybe she lives with family. Probably not going to do that at her house if she lives with family.

So we set a date for Saturday, June 21^st to go to the park and possibly drinks afterwards. This is the problem.

So he had a second date set up after all of these interactions, holding hands and stuff like that, but then waiting to ask her out. Women could pick up that you’re lacking confidence. Because the man who has confidence is going to go for it. If you’ve got the balls to hold her hand in front of her family, you should be making a date on the spot when you’re doing that when you leave, instead of waiting several days later to make a date. Granted, you went out on the date, but you went to a movie. And then after that, when you tried to set the second date, she’s like, “oh, I’m really busy.”

So it shows her interest is going down instead of up after your dates. So that tells me there’s things you’re doing and saying when you’re with her that is turning her off instead of turning her on, even though you kissed. Because even though you kissed, she wasn’t willing to open up her schedule and she was telling you how busy she was. The reason she’s telling you how busy she is, is because quite frankly, she didn’t want to see you. She wasn’t excited to see you. She wasn’t enthusiastic to see you.

The day before, I went to a soccer game with her brother that we planned last minute, and she invited herself because she wanted to see the game too (she’s very into soccer). I was fine with that because I did like her, and throughout that day we held hands, kissed when the brother wasn’t looking, she was touchy, I reciprocated. 

Again, she’s not going to be fully normal and natural when she’s got family around, and you guys are just kind of sneaking around like little kids, even though you’re both old enough to drink.

The next day we have our date, she cancels. I will have the texts attached.

So I basically I look through the text. Some of it’s in Spanish and it’s kind of discombobulated wasn’t in order. Oftentimes when you guys are sending these, you know, screenshots, they’re all completely out of order and kind of hard to follow. But the gist of it was, “oh, I’m busy. Work is crazy. I got this. Oh, I have to go hang out with my aunt. Oh, I gotta go babysit my nieces and nephews.” Just basically BS excuses. She’s throwing roadblocks up, because again, they hung out and they kissed at the soccer game on a group date with her brother there. But then she canceled the date the next day, just basically saying, “oh, I’m busy. Oh I gotta do this.”

It looked like from the text initially, she said she was “going to have to babysit her nieces and nephews and drive far away to do that”. And then she said, “oh, somebody else is going to do that instead.” And then she gave some other, “oh, I got to go help my cousin do this.” So she came up with another BS excuse, you know, because the babysitting didn’t happen. Then she’s got a BS excuse after that. So it’s pretty clear she’s not super excited about being alone with him.

Pretty much she started to be flakey overnight.

Eh, no. Not really. You just didn’t pay attention to what was going on.

So I backed off. The next time at church two weeks later, she was very distant and cold. She said everything was fine when I finally sat next to her and asked her if she’s good. 

So you’re like, “what’s wrong? You’ve been so distant lately?” So you’re going over and sitting next to her. I wouldn’t have gone and sat next to her. She cancelled a date on you and so I would have gone and sat where you wanted to. And if she wanted to come and sit next to you, that’s fine. That just tells me you’re focused on your interest and her, and you’re not really paying attention to that she’s cold. And the fact that she blew you off for a date for a bullshit reason. She blew out from the date because she didn’t want to see you.

And then when you see her, she’s cold and distant, but then you go and you sit next to her. So you’re kind of doing the chasing and the pursuing because you’re kind of acting like a chick. A man who loves and values himself, when a woman does that to him, he’s like, he’ll be nice. He’ll be respectful if he sees her. But he’s crossing her off the list because she canceled a date at the last minute. What was you know. Because again, I looked at the text exchange. It was total bullshit. She just blew him off because he turned her off the day before.

What should have happened was she should have been more excited to spend more time with him the next day. But instead, it’s like every time he got together with her alone in person, her interest dropped and then she became too busy. So this just tells me, based on her actions, that he’s doing and saying things that are actually turning her off instead of turning her on. This is where reading the book and learning it will help him clean up his mistakes.

I just saw her again this Saturday for another hike event.

Remember, this was May that all this was. And now this is like two months have gone by.

I took my time to say hi to her as I was talking with other people, and when I did it a was quick hug and I proceeded with my day.

So that tells me once again he goes over to her. I wouldn’t go over to her. Because again, this girl blew you off. She made up an excuse that she was busy. Her work was crazy. Then it was, you know, I got to babysit then that didn’t happen. And then she had to go do a favor, an errand with a cousin, if I remember right. It’s just bullshit. She blew him off because she really didn’t care to see him. So you should not be going up to a woman.

As I say in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, if you see her and you make eye contact, smile, wave, and then go about your business. You don’t go over and sit next to her in church. You don’t work the room and then go over to talk to her. You got to let her come to you. And so it doesn’t really seem like he’s following the book at all, even though he claims to have read it six times.

About 30 minutes later she comes to me and says “why are you running from me” I said I’m making new friends and in a playful not playful way she says, “new friends?” And storms off. I laugh it off and don’t chase her. The rest of the day she’s not cold anymore, she’s following me around, eating with me, sitting next to me at the beach, being touchy.

There you go. It’s like the power of indifference. She’s pretty cocky and full of herself. Thinks how much you care, and then you don’t give her attention. And then she comes over and tries to get your attention. Women are designed to get a man’s attention, and you’re just not giving her the space to do that.

Sitting next to me at the beach, being touchy. I kiss her hand when she starts touching my arm a lot. 

Why not kiss her on the lips? You’ve already kissed her lips before.

She throws a barb at me saying that I’m taking out everyone but her, since she sees my posts when I’m going out with friends. I tell her, “I want to take you out too, but when I say let’s hangout you say you’re busy, so what you want me to do?” She then says she really has been busy, and I ask when she’s free this week, and she says she’s working Monday and Tuesday.

So it’s kind of a game. She baits him into trying to bring up a date. “Oh I’m busy.” So your job, as the book says, is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Make a date. Your job is to be the appointment setter. And women, when their interest is low they’ll throw roadblocks just like she’s doing here. “Oh. I’m busy. I’m working Monday and Tuesday.” Well, she didn’t say she was working the rest of the week. She just says, “well, I’m working Monday and Tuesday.” And your job should be to keep hold your feet to the fire, plan a date, or get her to say “no she’s unavailable.”

Because in this case, she’s come over to him and she’s basically bringing up the two of them spending time together. So since she’s the one bringing it up, it’s okay to ask her out, but he doesn’t really follow through. He lets her basically derail a conversation which is more beta male thinking, because men are confident and competent, and they make things happen. Your job is to be the appointment setter, not throw it in the girls lab or allow somebody interrupting you, which is what happens to derail that conversation.

She then says she really has been busy, and I ask when she’s free this week, and she says she’s working Monday and Tuesday. Then we are interrupted by something quick and when we start talking again she doesn’t bring up that topic anymore, so I don’t either.

Well, that’s your mistake. As soon as the person came up and distracted you, I would have said, “okay, so you said you’re busy Monday and Tuesday, well, what day are you available this week?” It’s your job to be direct, decisive and get to the point and make the date. And you didn’t do that. You missed an opportunity.

The rest of the day was us teasing and playing, and when I left, I said goodbye with a hug and she tugged on my hand because I did it quick and not intimate as I usually do. So coach, what do you think. I want to go out with this girl again, but she cancelled on me once, and said she was busy the second time.

All she told you was she was busy Monday and Tuesday and you basically gave up. You didn’t even try to say, “hey, well, when are you available?”

It’s been three weeks since my last text to her. From your book, I’m pretty sure I don’t do anything and let her reach out, but I would love your insight. 

Bob

Yeah, at this point, because it was kind of a missed opportunity I wouldn’t reach out, I wouldn’t mention anything to her. And next time you’re at an event or church or some church event or a group event, don’t go over to her. Let her come to you. If you make eye contact, smile, wave, and then go about your business. And she comes over and she does the same thing. She complains like, “oh, I don’t ever see you. I haven’t heard from you. Uh, you know, we never we never hang out anymore.” Then make a date on the spot. But be direct. Be decisive and fucking follow through. Make the date happen.

Or get her to tell you, “no she’s unavailable or she’s too busy.” But it looks like her interest went back up. But again, you allowed her to derail you really easily, and then you just kind of gave up and walked away. That’s not what a confident guy would do. That’s what a beta male would do. If you hesitate, you will masturbate. So at this point, like I said, I wouldn’t do anything next time because again, you got to remember the cancel date and it’s been three weeks and she still hasn’t even reached out to you. So when you’re hanging out and you know she’s there, I’ll be talking to other girls and other people.

Let her come up to you and complain again that she hasn’t seen you, hasn’t talked to you, hasn’t heard from you, and just say, “well, every time I ask you out, it’s like yeah, you’ve just been, you’re too busy with work.” “Oh, well, I have been busy.” “Okay. Well, when are you free? When are you actually free? Don’t tell me the days that you’re taken or you’re working. Tell me what days you’re available and then we’ll plan something.” And I’d give her one more chance. Say you make; she brings it up. Because usually when a woman brings up seeing you, she’s not going to cancel the date because it’s her idea.

But let’s just say, for argument’s sake that she does cancel. You make a date, she agrees to it. And then the day of she gives you “oh, I’m busy. I gotta do this. I gotta do that.” Some stupid excuse. Her response is flat. It’s short, and she doesn’t mention her reschedule. Then in that case, I would never, ever ask her out again for any reason, even if she brings it up. So if she comes to you after she’s cancelled two dates, says, “oh, we never go out.” He’s like, “look, I made two dates with you and you cancel both of them. So, you know, we could be friends, but that’s it. I want a girl. that’s attentive, that’s nice.

That keeps her word and you’re just kind of flaking all over the ice. And it’s like, I’m not really down with that. I like a woman that is reliable and dependable and you’re just not. I like hanging out with you, but you’re just too flaky for me. And you don’t really keep your word. And I don’t like that.” So you want her to beg, and that if that happens, you want her to be begging you to give her another chance. So you’re a little too soft, a little too nice.

It does seem like there’s interest there, but you’re just really sloppy in your approach. You’re not following the book. As I pointed out throughout the video. This is why the things are laid out in the book are the way they’re laid out. So you come off as a guy that knows what you’re doing instead of coming off like an amateur that’s, you know, going out on his first few dates of his life.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.