Is She Just Needy & Clingy Or Love Bombing Me?

Some things to consider if she seems needy & clingy & is love bombing you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who came across my work after getting dumped by 2 different women for the same reasons. He recently met a new girl and after 1 date she says she’s determined to spend every day with him and wants to become his girlfriend. He doesn’t see a future with her and is hesitant to sleep with her because he worries she will get too attached. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne. This is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Is She Just Needy & Clingy Or Love Bombing Me?”

Well this particular emails from a viewer. He came across my work after getting dumped by two different women over the past year for the same reasons. And so he recently met a new girl. But after one date, she’s like really overly interested in him saying things and talking about the future. I even got some texts that I’ll go through here in a second.

That just shows some of the things she’s saying is, I mean, because he hasn’t even slept with her anything. He likes her, but he’s thinking maybe I shouldn’t get involved with this girl because she’s like really coming on strong. And he’s afraid if he sleeps with her, she should get super attached. And he doesn’t want to break her heart because obviously he’s a good dude.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

Never did I think I’d be writing to you about my dating life, especially not on a topic such as this. To keep the history short, I have gone through two break ups this year, both of which were ended on the women’s part for exactly the same reason. That reason being they don’t know why, but they feel different towards me and can’t see a future with me in it.

So it’s just a lack of masculinity, a lack of acting attractive, a lack of acting like the leader. And instead of their interest going up over time in him, it went down over time, because he just was not doing and saying the right things. But thankfully he’s reading 3% Man. Hopefully. Hopefully the 10 to 15 times.

As It’s no surprise to you, it caught me off guard when I thought things were good and could never get proper closure as to why things ended.

Yeah, you get dumped by a woman and all. She’s like, well, my feelings, I don’t feel the same. That’s what women focus on, is they just know that it’s not. They’re not feeling it. And if you’re going to ask for closure or why you’re not going to get a straight answer because women are going to tend to sugarcoat it because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. And more often than not, they don’t understand how attraction works anyways. All they know is they don’t feel the same way, or they know they should feel more into you than they do.

After the second break up, I came across your work like most guys. I am humble enough to say that I didn’t realize until now how incredibly clingy and controlling I was of my past relationships. If only I had known.

Well, the reason why you’re clingy and controlling is you’re full of fear. You’re so used to women dipping on you, and it’s more like you probably grew up in a family like me, didn’t get enough hugs and I love you’s from mom and dad. So you start to think there’s something wrong with you, that you’re unloved and you’re unlovable. And so when there is that space and that time, in between here and from a woman and wondering if she’s going to apply or reply to your message.

More often than not, you’re going to presuppose that she’s losing interest and she doesn’t care. And you’re not going to get the love that you want because, quite frankly, you’re emotionally anchored to being that way. That’s what you’re used to. And so it causes you to call too much text too much to not wait for her to get back to you because you’re worried she’ll never get back to you. And then once the woman sniffs that you’re needy and you’re clingy, and you get upset that she doesn’t do what you expect, all it ends up happening is you start to turn her off. You start to chase more and pursue more, and then you end up chasing her right out of your life to where she doesn’t want anything to do with you.

Now, after a month and a half of leaning into your work, I am about to start my third read of your book, and have listened to hundreds of hours of your work. Last night I went on my first date since the breakup and the difference in attraction level by implementing your advice is night and day, maybe even a little too good. I got a girl’s number on a train ride home, and called her six days later to arrange a date.

Since then, she has been non-stop blowing up my phone up until the date which was only three days later. I kept conversation to a minimum, and now that the date has passed and I know more about her, I realize that she isn’t aligned with someone I would like to be with in the future. I’m 24 and on the date, I found out that she is only 18, in-between jobs, doesn’t have a good relationship with her parents, and had a fucking miscarriage with a three-month-old baby four weeks before meeting me.

Oh, okay.

The only problem is, I feel she is so incredibly infatuated with me, and sounds like she has already planned her whole future with me, after the first date.

So you’re either getting love bombed and it’s phony, or she really does like you. But she’s needy and she’s clingy and she’s insecure. And this is kind of the way the universe works. If you’ve always behaved this way with women, more often than not, the universe is going to send you a woman that behaves exactly the way you used to behave. So you get to see how unattractive and repulsive it is when a woman does it to you.

This might still be the people pleaser in me, which I am constantly working on controlling, but how does a man go about letting a woman down in a mature way, when her feelings seem to be in their most heightened state. Attached is a screenshot of the messages I received after I dropped her home on the first date.

So again, this is not normal and we know she comes from a broken home, doesn’t have a good relationship with her father, and so she’s going to be incredibly insecure and she’s gonna lay it on too thick. Maybe she’s totally feeling this. Maybe she’s not. Maybe she’s infatuated. Maybe she always behaves this way and just chases every guy away.

Because again, dad was never around, so she never felt safe growing up. She doesn’t know which guys trust or are trustworthy. And so she leads with her heart and her feelings. Maybe she embellishes it a little bit, but this is not normal behavior. You just go out on one date and the girls text you stuff like this. So here’s what she sends. This is like right after the date.

“Okay. You’re so fucking me. I’m gonna make it my mission to be your girlfriend. And I want to do the white Christmases with you in your arms every day. I want to do every single day with you. I just hope that you want to do the same.”

They haven’t slept together. This was one date. This is like, right after he dropped her off. Maybe she had a buzz, but that’s not normal. A girl that’s raised right is not going to talk that way. That is the bottom line.

At the moment, I’m honestly just down to hang out, have fun and hook up, but I feel like it might not be the best thing to be intimate with this woman and get her even more emotionally attached to me, only for me to tell her it’s not going to work out. Your advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for all the wisdom that you so generously share with us guys. I can’t tell you how much of an impact it has made on my life in such a short amount of time, and I am forever grateful of that.

So if you’re down for that, and I mean, it sounds like you’re open to seeing her, but if she’s needy, she’s like I said, this is either very needy, very clingy and annoying, or she’s just love bombing you. Or maybe it’s a combination of two. We know she kind of comes from a broken home, but, you know, you don’t want a long term relationship. Obviously, if she just had a miscarriage, she’s probably not on the pill, probably doesn’t have an IUD or any kind of, um, so if you slip on past the goalie, do you want to get somebody like this knocked up?

You definitely should be practicing safe sex no matter what. So do you know, as you’re saying, you want to hang out, have fun, and hook up, but nothing more. So, I mean, I can’t make your decisions for you. Dude. You’re the one that has to spend time with her. You’re the one who has to live with your decisions. It’s your dick and where you stick it. That’s your business. All I can do as a coach is advise you of your downside risk, giving you the tools, the techniques, and the strategies to help you get what you want.

But at the end of the day, you got to put your big boy pants on and make up your own damn mind. So if you make another date with this girl and you hook up with her, she may become more like that. It may. She may be a narcissist. She may love bomb as shit out of you. And some of it is real. Some of it is B.S. she might not react too well, but you could go out with her again and just be honest with her. You say, “I like you and I have fun with you and I’ll be down to be friends with benefits, sex play mate, fuck buddies. But I’m not looking for anything serious. And I don’t know that long term you and I would be a good match.

But if you’re open to that and you’re cool, would just being friends with benefits that sounds like fun to me. But if you’re adamant that you only want a long term relationship and that’s what you’re working towards, and I’m probably not the right guy for you.” And then she can make her decision either way. But if you start boning her, she might become very needy, very clingy. But that’s up to you. I again, I can’t make that decision. You have to judge her based upon how she’s showing up. Maybe, you know, you guys were drinking and that was the alcohol talking because she really did like you.

Maybe her interest is an eight on a scale of 1 to 10 right out of the bat. Or maybe again, she’s love bombing you, but you don’t know what you don’t know you. You did say that you’re down to hang out, have fun and hook up, but you don’t want to get attached, and you don’t want her to get attached. So you could make another date. See what happens. And if your guys are about to smash you, be honest with her that you don’t see her as somebody, that you want a date long term, but you be down to be friends with benefits if she’s open to that. And see what happens from there. Let the chips fall where they may. Because again, if she gets a little too obsessive or becomes obnoxious, you can say, this is just too much. You need to back off.

And again, a girl that was raised without a father, is she going to be able to chill and relax? Probably not. Because she’s young. She’s 18. So, you know, she might not react too well when you decide to move on. So again, because she’s just so young, it’s like you’re kind of playing with fire there a little bit. But again, it’s your life. You do what you want. My goal is to give you the techniques, tools and strategies to help you get that. But at the end of the day, you have to decide whether or not the risk is worth it or not. And so if you do decide to move forward with her, it’d be great if you could send us an email down the road and let us know how it turns out.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.