How to know if your ex is using the no contact rule on you or if they have simply moved on.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who just read How To Be A 3% Man for the first time. Things were great for the first year of their relationship. Then he lost two close family members and one of his best friends. He was devastated and depressed. She got into feminism and told him to talk about his feelings because he was displaying toxic masculinity. He did, but then started becoming soft and gaining weight.
She dumped him and told him her feelings were gone. Six months later, he wonders if he should reach out and if she is using the no contact rule on him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
It goes to show how much displaying unattractive behavior, being soft, acting like a woman turns a feminine woman off. Even though with feminism, and you hear a lot about this in the media about, “Oh, guys should talk about their feelings with their girlfriends” and basically act like a chick. And so, here you can see this as an example, this guy did that and it didn’t end well for him.
All you’ve got to do is look at history, it’s pretty clear. Those who drank the Kool-aid say, “Oh, capitalism is the reason Marxism didn’t work.” Well, if Marxism was so great, why couldn’t it work outside of capitalism? You can’t ever answer that question.
I just finished reading 3% Man again a few days ago, just regret I didn’t discover your work before getting dumped.
Well, that’s usually why a lot of people seek me out is they got dumped and they’re wondering “What the hell happened? Why did it happen? I did what she said she wanted, and she broke up with me.”
I had a great relationship that lasted 1.5 years. We met on a trip and the attraction was automatic.
Attraction is not a choice. When you meet somebody whose goals and values are aligned with your own, it just comes together effortlessly, provided you don’t talk them out of it. And obviously, in the beginning, he did all the right things or enough of the right things. But she had really super high interest, so he was able to get away with doing small signs of unattractive behavior, versus some guy that’s just barely holding on by his fingernails.
So, it really helps to meet somebody who really likes you from the get go. It’s very rare. They’re worth the wait. But it’s a night and day difference between somebody who’s just kind of, “Eh, yeah, I guess I’ll go out with him. Eh, yeah, we’ll see what happens.”
We spent the first three months of the relationship traveling, visiting beautiful places, and having great sex. When we came back, her attraction level was so high (9-10) that sometimes we were kissing, and she would just start crying thanking me for making her life so beautiful.
Sounds like something out of a romance novel. He’s acting like a man at this point in the story, and she’s putty in his hands. He’s acting like a masculine man. She’s acting like a feminine woman following and trusting his lead, trusting his masculine core.
The problems started when, after a year of being together, I lost two close family members and one of my best friends during this pandemic. I felt devastated and depressed. She started reading about feminism and started telling me things like, “Being afraid of crying because you are a man is toxic masculinity. You just cry, I’m here for you.”
Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with experiencing the emotions, but when you get into that trough, and it just goes on month after month, and then you turn your girlfriend into your mommy or your therapist, you can do it for a short period of time, but when you’re in the dumps for six months, you’ve stopped being the guy she fell in love with. She was following your lead, and now you’re not capable of leading, because you’re wallowing in your sorrow at her behest, because that’s what feminism told her to do.
In the next months, I became soft, gained some weight, stopped following my goals, and dressed like a bum. She started becoming masculine and bitchy, (just like the book).
Obviously, he’s talking about “How To Be A 3% Man.” So, the sexual polarity has totally flipped at this point. She’s being the man in the relationship. He’s being the woman. He’s just doing what she said. That’s what feminism told her.
Every time she started bringing up the idea of breaking up, I always said I resolved the problems instead of abandoning them, and that if a relationship ends, it’s forever, like I always did in my past. (Now, I realize how stupid I was to say this.)
Well, as we discussed, Dominick, Jennifer, Caroline and Walker discussed in a recent video, “Why Women Never Mean Anything They Say,” women typically say these things. You could say, “Oh, it’s a communication thing.” Older women may pose it a little more eloquently. Like, if you notice how Walker phrased it with her boyfriend versus the way that Caroline phrased it with her boyfriend, it’s like they’re basically giving their guys an easy way out if they’re not into it.
Because they’re not feeling their strength, they’re not feeling the presence of their man anymore. And so, if the guy is not into her because they’re not dating and courting her properly, they give them an easy out by suggesting they break up or they take time apart. Because they don’t want to stay with a guy that’s not into them.
And obviously, that sent a lot of the red pill guys and the incel guys just totally into orbit. You can just look at the comments. I mean, it’s just kind of over the top. And I told a bunch of them, I pointed out that it was just pure soy, because it is. You’re supposed to be the leader in a relationship. But you’ve got to understand that women speak a different language than us guys, and you’ve got to learn to read between the lines.
It’s easy to just say, “Oh, dump her, forget her. She’s out. She’s a poor communicator.” That’s just not going to help somebody that’s in a relationship, because all women, if they don’t feel you, if they don’t feel your strength, your presence, if you’re no longer there anymore, women know that if you care, you’ll make the effort. And when guys stop making the effort, when they stop dating and courting them properly, they feel like they don’t care.
That’s why they throw things out there, like “taking space.” Or maybe they “should take a break” just to see what the guy says. Because they’re making it easy for him to say, “You know what, you’re right. I don’t really want to be in this relationship. I do want to take some time apart.”
But a lot of guys misinterpret this. Me included, because I’ve done that in the past. I had a relationship where things were going really well, and I was kind of a dick one day on a Monday. I went from hearing from my girlfriend two to three times a day to, by the end of the week, I hadn’t heard from her. I knew something was wrong, so I called her, we talked and she suggested time apart, and I chose the wrong thing. And it created a series of events, until about a month later we ended up breaking up, and I talked about this in the video.
The idea is, I don’t want guys to make the same mistake. I want them to learn from my mistakes and everybody else. And that’s why I had the girls on, so you could hear their perspective. But a lot of guys got triggered by that particular video and didn’t listen to anything any of us said. And some of them I interacted with, they admitted they didn’t even watch the whole damn thing. So, they’re running their mouths, talking shit, insulting me and insulting the girls, when they didn’t even watch the video or didn’t even listen to it.
But that’s kind of typical for our society. People listen with the intent to reply, not to understand, telling me that, “Oh, it’s a contradiction to your book.” No, it’s actually part of the book. But if they knew the book, they would have known what to do, instead of getting butt-hurt, but I digress.
I see this a lot when I’m doing phone sessions with somebody who’s been married or in a long term relationship, it’s always the same two reasons why the breakup happened: they stop dating and courting her properly, or they didn’t communicate with her properly, she didn’t feel heard and understood. Pretty simple. Almost 100% of the time, that’s what the issue is, out of the tens of thousands of phone sessions I’ve done over the years.
Until one day she just broke up with me. I told her the last months were really hard for me, and that I still believed in the relationship but respected her decision and left with honor. A couple of days later, she asked me to pick up some stuff. I sent an Uber and entered no contact. She sent a long letter thanking me for “being the love of her life” and that she was going to stay away and respect “my decision,” because I said exes should never come back.
That letter destroyed me, so I took the bait and called her to say I still believed in the relationship. She said she didn’t have feelings for me anymore, and that we could go have some coffee but just as friends. I politely declined friendship and said goodbye.
So, at the end of the day, she really was over things.
A week later, I was on a trip with my cellphone off and she reached out to say my friends were looking for me. When I answered, she took a week just to reply, “I’m happy everything is fine,” so I left that message on read and that was our last interaction.
She waited a week to get back to him, so she didn’t really care. Probably, she was doing it on purpose just to give him the middle finger.
Now in month number 6 of no contact, I’m in the best shape of my life and my market value is going up. I hooked up with a friend in common, and two days later my ex stopped following me on all social networks. Is there a chance she is applying no contact to me because of what I said about never talking to an ex?
Well, at the end of the day, you went back on that try to get another chance with her, and she said, “Well, I don’t have any feelings for you, but hey, we can be friends and I can give you blue balls if you like.” So, you have to look at that.
Maybe she found out I was dating other people too soon? Should I reach out to her?
Absolutely not. She blew you off, she waited a week to respond, so I would assume that it’s over. Put a fork in it. Because again, after a year together, you go through a difficult time, you displayed a lot of unattractive behavior, so she lost interest. I mean, it’s pretty predictable if you read the book. You say, “Well, that’s harsh. Women are harsh.” So okay, well, what if you were married? It would have been a lot harder for her to leave. Maybe she would have stuck around, maybe not.
But at the end of the day, if you look at her actions, women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, it means they voted for you. And she’s not, and you haven’t heard from her. And the fact that she unfollowed you, I would move on with your life and assume it’s over and you’re never going to hear from her again, because you did try to fix things, and she said no.
It takes both people, two people, to make a relationship work. And when one of them is not trying and won’t make the effort, there’s not a lot you can do. You have to assume, based on their actions, that they’re not into it. Besides, she tried to friend zone you, and you said “no thanks.” So, lesson learned. It’s a painful one, but I would move on with your life, dude. Maybe she comes back, maybe not. I mean, maybe a year or two down the road you hear from somebody like her, but it’s best to move on and get better.
Apply what’s in “How To Be A 3% Man” and attract somebody new. And don’t make your girlfriend your mommy or your therapist. They don’t like it. They signed up to follow your lead and your leadership. And then when you fall down and stop being the leader, there’s a time limit on that. That’s the harsh reality. Guys don’t like hearing that. Guys want to hear that they can go wallow in their problems for months and years on end, and the girl just stand by them.
Now, some women will, but most women, quite frankly, it doesn’t feel natural to them to be masculine and be the leader for extended periods of time. So, the guy’s got to step up. He’s got to participate in his own rescue. He’s got to help himself. And this guy wasn’t basically willing to do anything to help himself until she left.
I see that a lot in phone sessions. Guys go through a difficult period and they get depressed. I had a phone session recently with a guy who did same thing. He went through like a year, year and a half, and his wife basically stuck around until her feelings were totally gone. Then she left and she moved on. And then it wasn’t until she left and served him with divorce papers that he got serious about helping himself. And so, if she hadn’t left him and moved on, he would still be wallowing in his misery and his depression.
I mean, you have to participate in your own rescue. You’re looking for somebody to share your completeness with. And if you’ve got two complete people and then one of them goes through a difficult time and just keeps going through that and won’t do anything to help themselves, how long is a woman supposed to stick around for? Or for that matter, if a woman is going through a difficult time and she doesn’t get her act together, how long is a guy supposed to stick around?
Life marches on, so there’s a time limit to these things. You can only wallow in your misery and your problems for so long. And unfortunately, in this instance, he got all caught up and did what his girlfriend told him to do, because she got involved in feminism, which is cultural Marxism, and it wrecked their relationship, it ruined the sexual polarity.
So, whenever you hear that feminist nonsense, you’ve got to dismiss it outright. It’s not healthy. It’s not going to help you. It’s not going to help your relationships. Like I said, it’s not good for society. Divide and conquer commie Marxist nonsense.
So, if you’ve got a question or challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Feminism has mostly become toxic, Marxist nonsense that is destroying the sexual polarity between men and women and ruining relationships and families. This is causing men to act like women and women to act like men, resulting in a loss of attraction and respect. The reality is that feminine women are naturally attracted to confidence from healthy and balanced masculinity. Masculine men are naturally attracted to healthy and balanced feminine women who are joyful, submissive and playful. Marxism is designed to create division, chaos, polarization and friction between people instead of bringing them together. Marxism is a scam by the elite and other trust fund babies to reorder society the way they think it should be. Marxism is toxic to society, male and female relationships and anyone who embraces it.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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