Is She Worth My Time?

How to know if she’s worth your time or if you should move on.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer whose previous email I answered in, Should I Wait To Date To Work On Myself First? He has been dating and hooking up with different women while working on his music career. He’s been dating a girl he likes but worries she’s not as interested as before and wonders if she’s worth his time.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from same viewer whose previous email I answered in, Should I Wait To Date To Work On Myself First?

This guy is a musician who’s doing well in his musical career. In the last email he was thinking, “Why don’t I just focus on my career and to heck with women?” I told him he can do both things concurrently. So he’s been doing that. He’s meeting a lot of girls, and he’s started dating a girl he really likes, but it seems like she’s getting a little colder, a little distant, and she seems to be not as interested as before and he’s wondering, “Is she worth his time?”

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I’ve been following you for about six years and you’ve been an immense help for me. I’ve read the book well over 25 times. you answered my last email in your video, Should I Wait To Date To Work On Myself First? And I have a update. I have been dating around, created a solid roster…

Good job!

…And I have a good revolving door being the singer in a cool local band and bartending in NYC.

The city that never sleeps.

I was just brushing the dogs and fucking hair got all over me. Like, jeez! So if you’re wondering, you ever see me going like this, it’s because there’s like little hairs floating around or about to hit me in the face. So I kind of blow them away. I just had one that was kind of partially in my nose. That’s fun…

I met one girl that I’ve dug, and it’s been a bit of an adventure. I met her while bartending and invited her to a house show I was playing that night.

So just a couple things to point out: He’s a bartender, so he’s in a position of authority. On top of that, he’s a musician. So he gets up on stage, which is very brave and very courageous. We’ve all heard the sex, drugs and rock & roll, the whole nine yards that musicians have enjoyed for decades. If you’re a public speaker or you’re a CEO of a company, you’re in a position of leadership, and to get up in front of an audience and rock out like that, it’s very attractive. Guys like that, they take a break or they have a break in between their set, girls are going to come up to them, especially if he’s working at the venue where he also plays, that’s just a great situation for his social life. Women literally are coming to him.

She said she couldn’t but wanted to come to the next one and asked for my Instagram. She messaged me the next day to message her for the next show. She looked cuter on Instagram than when I’d met her…

Those filters are amazing.

…So I asked her out for a drink to which she agreed. We had a blast on the first date and ended up at her place almost hooking up but she ended it early. She texted me two nights later at 10 p.m. to hang out, but I was out with another girl.

So in normal conditions, she’s texting you at 10:00 at night, you’d be like, “Hey, come over.” That’s if you’re already hooking up, or at least if she’s been to your house and you almost hooked up.

She did this again, but I parked my bike just before 1 a.m., but she said she was tired and wanted to go to bed, basically blew me off. I deleted her number and wrote her off after that since I felt jerked around. 

So she’s reaching out wanting to know if he’s available, and he wasn’t, or I guess he wasn’t until later, and she said, “Oh, I’m just tired.” I can see and you look at that and go, “She’s just looking for attention. Wants to know that the guy’s available.” Might be she’s feeling lonely, Chad Thundercock is not available or things are going sideways with Chad Thundercock, and that’s why she puts you on the back burner and not actually agree to meet up even though she’s the one texting you, but it looks like several hours went by before he’s able to reply and then by the time he did, she was unavailable.

However, I kept bumping into her around town…

Well, usually that means the universe is trying to tell you something.

…Until one night I blew her off and she texted me apologizing for putting her foot in her mouth.

See how what an attitude change? This is so important. If a woman treats you like you’re an afterthought, jerks you around or blows you off, like just dish it right back to him. Go spend your time with people who are excited to see you and be with you. Girls that are on the fence, or even when it comes to friends, if they’re not sure, go make plans with other people. Don’t try to keep people in your life that aren’t really making the same level of effort to keep you in theirs.

Later that night, she saw me on a date with a different girl.

So what’s going to happen? A switch gets flipped.

She also overheard guys at the bar saying, “That guy’s the lead singer in a band. He brings a different girl in here every night.”

That’s helpful. That’s his reputation. He’s popular with other ladies. So she’s not talking to him? More than likely, he’s talking to somebody else.

The next time I bumped into her, she was all over me. She invited me to go home with her after her friends left and we hooked up. Rinse and repeat a few times afterwards. 

See? She’s kind of indifferent, could take it or leave it. Then as soon as she finds out about his reputation, there’s lots of ladies after him or around him, complete attitude change. I mean, that’s what you guys will notice. You do this enough, especially you meet a chick who’s kind of got an attitude or if you’re getting introduced, I remember that happened to me one time many years ago, when everything was coming together and the light bulbs were going off. So we went out. I know I’ve talked about this particular instance over the years, but it was amazing. I mean, this girl was cute, and one of the girls that I worked with had invited her to come hang out with me and one of my other buddies who was hooking up with a girl that I worked with. The three of us worked together, so she brought one of her friends to introduce me, and she just kind of had an attitude and was a little condescending to me. I’m just thinking, “You’re coming along in my party,” because she was kind of rude and dismissive and she had an attitude, but she wasn’t hot enough to have the attitude that she had.

So we had a VIP table set up, and there were other girls coming, and a few of them might have been strippers actually, that were coming to hang out with us. So when we get there, I just kind of walked in front with my buddy, and I really paid her no more attention the rest of the night because I was like, “I’m not gonna deal with her attitude. Screw her. She’s not even that cute.” So she sees me talking to these other women who are very beautiful, who I had invited and I don’t know, 11, 12:00 at night, she came over and whispered in my ear and just said, “Can we go somewhere where we can be alone?” I was like, “Oh, check please!” So we went back to my house, hooked up, and it was funny.

The next day the girl that I worked with, she was sitting in my office kind of laughing about it, and she was like talking to her friend and she’s like, “Did you sleep with him?” She’s like, “Yeah.” She’s like, “Did you like him?” She’s like, “No.” She’s like, “Well, why’d you sleep with him?” She’s like, “Because he wasn’t paying attention to me.” It’s just one of those things that when it happens, you’re like, “God, it makes no sense,” but again, especially it was that and a combination of all the other women that were there who, quite frankly, were a lot better looking than she was, and they had a better attitude. It was a fun evening. So it’s kind of the same thing that’s going on here.

The last time we hung out, she was feeling a bit sick, but wanted to go out for dinner. It was also a Jewish holiday, so she was supposed to be fasting but didn’t. We ended up at her place and I made her cum (I think). Then she said she needed to go to bed because she felt guilty fooling around on holiday.

Naughty! Attraction level cuts through everything. Even though it’s a religious holiday, she was really attracted.

I was cool with it, asked if I did anything wrong but she said no (Mistake, I think).

Yeah, I wouldn’t have said, “Did I do anything wrong?”

I kept it playful, tickle fight, kissed, she sat in my lap after that. She texted me the next day saying she loved my new song, sent a funny meme, and I invited her to hang out and come to my show that night. She had plans with a friend and I was going out of town in a couple days, so couldn’t see her. 

I got back into town and texted her at 11:30 p.m. that night saying I was out in our neighborhood, and she just said she was in a different neighborhood and I liked the text (I hooked up with some cute girl who approached me in the bar’s bathroom shortly after that, LOL). 

Really, what were you guys doing in the bathroom? A little booger sugar, probably? naughty. That stuff’s not good. Never done the booger sugar. Never touched it. Never tried it. Never wanted to.

When I heard, this was back in the 80s, for a lot of younger guys that are like, “What?” So back in like the mid 80s, Michael Jordan, his career was taking off. There was this player who was like number one draft pick, and they’re like, “Oh he’s the next Michael Jordan.” So to celebrate him being drafted number one and getting a nice rookie contract, he did a line of booger sugar. Apparently he had some heart anomaly. Len Bias I think was his name, if I remember right. He fucking died of a heart attack right there. So to celebrate, when I heard that as a kid, I was like, “Man, that’s some bad news. I wouldn’t want to do that stuff.” So I smoked and I drank, but I never did any of that shit. Didn’t do pills, any of that. I had half a Xanax once. That was as far as it went.

She texted me the next day asking how my trip was, said she was excited to visit that same place and that she was flying out the next day. I asked if she was free that night before she left to hang and she said no she was too busy. I just told her to text me when she’s back.

So you got to be congruent with that. That means you don’t call and you don’t text her for any reason, because you got to give women the time and the space to follow through on their plans and their commitments, or to flake out and disappear forever. So she’s not really jumping through her butt to make time for him. So it pretty much looks like he’s one of probably several guys she’s talking to, but in all fairness, he’s doing the same thing.

Did I over-pursue? Was this purely logistical problems?

Well, I’d say it was logistical problems. Who knows? Maybe you did over-pursue a little bit, but quite frankly, from what you shared here, it doesn’t look like that. You notice that when you’re a little difficult to get a hold of, you’re a challenge or she hears about you with other ladies, she comes after you just like the girl I was talking about, who in the initial part of the evening, she was so arrogant about it, and I was just like, “You’re not hot enough to have that attitude.” I didn’t say that, but I was thinking that, and that’s why I just paid her no attention the rest of the night. I was focused on the other girls that were there and having a good time until she came over and whispered in my ear like, “Let’s go,” basically, because it pissed her off, roughed up her ego a little bit. So she’s like, “Ah, huh!”

It seemed like she was super into me for a while, told me she only dates with intention…

Sure…

…But also complained about how guys never asked her out and how hard dating is in our city because hot girls are a dime a dozen (True). 

Would love your thoughts, Coach. Is this girl worth my time? She’s really hot, cute, and feminine. I’m a fan of her. Thanks for everything, Coach.

Bob

Well, don’t be her fan. Don’t think like that. At this point, remember, dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net and now she’s got to hit it back. You told her to get in touch when she was back in town and be congruent with that. Who knows? Maybe you don’t hear from her for a few weeks, and then you’re out, and she comes up to you and you say, “Hey, let’s get out of here and go back to my place.” So I wouldn’t do anything other than that. It looks like her interest is kind of like, mediocre. Maybe a six, just based on her attitude. Maybe a seven sometimes. I would just look at it as a potential rotation girl. Not do anything, not call, not reach out to set anything. Just let her do all the pursuing because she’s proven that she’s willing to reach out. She’s proven she will reach out and ask you out.

So in this case, I would say it’s better not to do anything and just let her reach out and make dates when you hear from her. Let her be the one pursuing you. You are the successful musician that’s on stage, and she knows you got other girls, she’s seen you with other girls, so let her do the work. Let her be the one to talk you into spending more time with her. She’ll like you more. She’ll get emotionally hooked. Then everything will be like butter after that. As long as she’s normal and healthy and not a lunatic.

So if she reaches out, make a get-together happen. If she texts you after 8:00 at night, just say, “Come over.” Other than that, I wouldn’t pursue her at all because it kind of looks counterproductive. She likes it more if she has to chase you. It’s just the way they’re wired, man. When you’re indifferent, you got a great life. There’s other ladies chasing after you. She wants the unattainable guy. A guy that has that club would say is a challenge. Other than that, this is a pretty simple situation with this particular woman. I wouldn’t do any pursuing. I just wait to hear from her and then make dates, get-togethers and booty calls happen when she does, because her attitude is completely different when she’s the one reaching out to you, because then it’s her idea. So there you have it!

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