Is She’s Jerking Me Around, Or Is Her Interest Too Low?

How to know if she’s jerking you around or her interest is simply too low.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 29 year old viewer from India who is new to my work. He met a girl in his gym who canceled multiple dates when he called to verify they were still on. Now he’s in No Contact once again after breaking it and asks why she’s jerking him around. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Is She’s Jerking Me Around, Or Is Her Interest Too Low?”

Well, this particular email is from a 29 year old viewer from India. He’s kind of new to my work. So he met this girl in his gym. He made multiple dates with her, and he was always calling to verify the dates beforehand. And every time he called to verify, she cancelled a date. And so now he’s in No Contact. And he’s like, “why is this girl jerking me around?”

So this is one of the reasons, like, if you have really good rapport with somebody and you know them and you’re going to go pick them up, maybe you met them at a, through a mutual friends gathering, or a party or whatever, and you talk and hung out for several hours. In that case, you’re going to get her address and go pick her up. If you met her on a dating app or you talked to her for 5 or 10 minutes, probably on your first date, you’re going to meet her out.

And as I lay things out in the book, it’s like you got to take these things on a case by case basis. Sometimes you can meet a girl and make an instant date on the spot and have an instant date. Sometimes you can make a date and meet her a few hours later that evening or the next day. But most of the time you’re going to be getting phone numbers and later setting dates.

And so depending on your level of rapport, how well you know each other, you know, if you know each other well enough and you spend enough time, you met through mutual people or you met at work, you’re going to probably get her address and then go pick her up.

And so there’s no reason to call to verify. But if the rapport is low and you didn’t spend, you know, maybe you talked to her for 2 or 3 minutes and got her number and then made a date a few days later. But since you don’t know her, she doesn’t know you. You don’t have any mutual friends. There’s no social pressure that if she jerks you around, she’s going to get, you know, her friends are going to rip her a new one for jerking you around.

Then what you can do on those type of dates is, instead of saying, “hey, are we still on?” Which is the kind of thing a guy who’s used to getting stood up and blown off usually says. What you can do is if you’re supposed to meet at say 7:00. You can say, “hey, I’m running behind it at work. Can we meet at 7:30 instead? Does that work for you?”

And because if you’re in one of those situations, you’re like, I don’t know if she’s going to keep the date, especially if you met met online. That’s something you could do. And she’d go, “oh, I forgot about it. Oh, I haven’t talked to you. Oh, I made other plans.” But it gives her an easy out. In this way you make sure you don’t get stood up. You know, that’s again, that’s in a case where you don’t have a lot of rapport, and you’re not going to be going to pick her up.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey,

I hope you are doing well. I am Bob, 29 years old from India and the girl I am talking about is 21. I started watching your content and reading 3% Man from Jan 2025, I have read your book 7 times till now.

He’s talking about 3% Man and if you haven’t read it, it’s free to read in the Members Area of the Website.

I watch your 3-4 videos daily. trying to better myself and not be in this kind of situation again. I met a girl at my gym, and we quickly grew close—working out together, with a lot of physical contact initiated by her. Things seemed to be going well. So I asked her out.

So it seemed like he knew her. They’ve been working out for a while. Maybe he was hiding his interest and she could tell that he always liked her, but didn’t have the balls to ask her out. And so when he finally did. As you may have heard me say in the past, if you hesitate, you will masturbate.

So I asked her out. She said no, and we stopped talking for about a month. During that time, her behavior was inconsistent. Some days she greeted me, some days she ignored me, and I mirrored her actions.

Yeah, if you ask a girl out and she just flat out tells you “no”, that’s not a “hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you.” That’s like an, “Eh. No.” She didn’t feel bad by telling you no to your face. She was totally honest with you. Because again, you want somebody who’s excited to see you and excited to be with you. So in that case, maybe in the future you ask her out one more time to give her a chance.

After a month, she started trying to get my attention again.

So he withdrew his attention because she’s like, yeah, I don’t want to go out with you. I was like, okay, on to the next. And so which is the right thing to do?

I asked her out a second time, and she declined again but suggested we talk on the phone.

So that’s a counter offer. So if you want to go out on a date, you don’t say, okay, let’s talk on the phone. I would have said, well, we can talk over dinner or we can talk over a glass of wine, or we can talk over tea and coffee, maybe a little like wine bar or something like that, maybe have an appetizer type of thing. And so part of this you’re going to see as you get used to applying what’s in The Book when women have borderline or minimal interest in you. They’re going to test you. They’re going to do stuff like that. You’ll ask them out. She’ll say, “no, thank you, but hey, let’s talk in the phone.” Because if she gets you to agree to talk on the phone, you’re being compliant.

In other words, your actions are kind of showing that you’re willing to do something platonic. And remember, the phones are for setting dates. So she says, “well, hey, let’s talk on the phone.” I was like, “hey, well, let’s talk over a glass of wine or some coffee or tea or something like that.” Because it’s not like he just met her and talked to her for two minutes. He’s known her for a period of time. They used to work out together a bunch, and then that stopped. And so it’s not like she’s a complete stranger, so there’s no reason to just talk in the phone. The reason why she suggested the phone it’s a compliance test. Did he have the balls to stand up to her and pass on something that was platonic, or something that could be a waste of his time?

That night, we spoke, and she said she needed a day to decide.

Again, it’s there’s not a “hell yeah.” “Oh, I got to think about it.” When a woman says, “I’ll think about it”, it usually means “no.” So it’s pretty clear she’s not super excited, she’s not super interested. But it’s possible she’s open to it. And that’s why you’re seeing her throw roadblocks up when he’s trying to make a date. She doesn’t like him enough, but if he stands up to her, if he doesn’t let her push her around, she might go out with him. But when you just comply with all of her wishes, instead of making a date, you agree to talk in the phone. That’s what you get. “Oh, I need to decide.” So in other words, she wants to do nothing and see how she feels a few days later.

Just an hour later, she messaged me saying she was ready to go out.

Well, that’s unusual because usually that does not happen.

I set a clear day, time, and place. The night before our date, I texted her to confirm, but she canceled, citing a messy situation in her life. I stayed calm and told her to reach out once things were settled. She suggested rescheduling for the following week. Again, the night before the new date, I texted to confirm, and she called me to say she just wanted to be friends and wasn’t ready for a relationship. I politely declined the friendship and told her to contact me if she ever changed her mind.

Well, you got to be congruent with that. Because you got a girl blowing you off. She’s not even that interested in you. So if you say, “hey, reach out.” If you change your mind, you got to be congruent with that. But was he. No.

A week later, against my better judgment, I texted her to ask if she’d changed her mind else I am moving on. She said no, and now we’re back to No Contact. Can you please guide me how can I have handled things in this situation. This was going on from February 1^st 2025 when I asked her out for the first time. 

Thanks 

Bob

So this went on for several months. So like I said, other than the critique about, you know, “hey, are we still on for tomorrow?” What I would have done is 4 or 5 hours before you’re supposed to meet, I would have just texted her saying, you know, say you’re supposed to meet at six. Just say, “hey, I’m running a little late. Can we meet at 6:30 instead? Does that work for you?” She can say yes. She can say no. She can say, oh, I’m not really feeling it. Hey, let’s just be friends. She could have said something like that, but it’s pretty clear the woman has low interest.

And so in these, in a case like this where the interest is really low and she’s just like, ah, maybe I’ll go out with this guy. You’re like, just barely holding on to your fingernails. And so this is what I would classify when you look at the attraction table in The Book, the chapter, “It’s All In The Numbers”, her attraction towards him is probably a five out of ten. In other words, he’s just barely holding on by his fingernails. And so just simple things like her saying when he asks her out, she says, let’s talk on the phone. So in other words, she’s open to it.

But she wasn’t really willing to set a date, but she never did go out with him. And so just those little compliance tests that he was willing to basically submit to her agenda. If he’d have stood firm in and would have when she said, “hey, how about we talk on the phone?” I would just be like, “well, let’s talk about it over a glass of wine. Let’s just me for a quick glass of wine. Let’s meet for a cup of coffee. Let’s go meet, you know, have a macchiato or a cappuccino. There’s a great little coffee bar.

I know there’s a great little wine bar where we can have some coffee and appetizers and. And there’s some music. We have nice conversations. It’s not too loud. It’s really intimate. Let’s do that.” You should have been ready with a comeback. Because this is going to happen. You’re going to see a grow. You’re going to really like her. And she’s going to be like, “ah, I don’t really.” And you’re a five in her eyes. That’s when you’re going to get these kinds of responses.

But when you just fold like a cheap deck chair and go along with what she wants, That’s enough for her to go. So in this case, where he’s at now, you’re in no contact. I’d never reach out for any reason. If she reaches out to you. Assume she’s changed her mind and wants to go on a date. So make a date. Definite date, definite time, definite place. But other than that, I mean, if this girl has high interest, she would have been like, hell yeah, she would have made a date.

But. And so what we’re trying to do is clean up and fine tune our behavior a little bit. Because maybe this girl, or maybe the next time he meets a girl like this, he’s a little less inclined to go along with the phone call or calling to verify that, you know or text in order to verify the night before.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.