What you should do if you feel like your life is a pointless existence, your friends and family don’t understand you and you feel lonely after cutting people out of your life who don’t appreciate you and who tend to treat you like a doormat.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says he is in a dark place. All his life, he says that he feels like people do not appreciate him, treat him like a doormat and generally take him for granted. Out of anger and frustration, he has simply stopped communication with several of his family members. He feels lonely now that he has given so many people the boot. It is obvious he is depending upon other people acting or being a certain way as a precondition for him to be happy. Since he has unreasonable expectations of others, he is upset and disappointed on a consistent basis when people let him down. He says that standing up for himself feels so empty. He does not feel he has a reason to get out of bed and is sad that he does not belong to anyone. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
I think I have cut nearly everyone out of my life for various reasons, but the underlying common thread would be because I feel that I am unappreciated, disrespected, and walked on. (You should learn to appreciate yourself first. You shouldn’t be looking to other people to appreciate you.) Sometimes I wonder if there is a sign hanging from my neck that says, “Take Your Shit Here, and Wipe Your Ass Here.” I know you say, we teach people how to treat us. (No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. You have to lovingly communicate to other people how you want to be treated. If you don’t like how they’re treating you, you have to give them the gift of missing you. Otherwise, you’re enabling their behavior.) I feel like most of my life, I’ve been treated like a doormat, and I’m not sure how to turn that off now, especially since people are so accustomed to treating me this way. (You’ve put up with this for a large majority of your life, so there are a lot of people who treat you this way.) My solution recently, out of pure anger and fire, is to just start pulling the plug on relationships, and it’s turned out to be pretty much everyone – a lover, several friends, and the one that hurts the most, my brother and his family. I believe my Dad is next. (I can understand.There were a lot of years I did not hang around with my dad, because he didn’t have anything positive or uplifting to say. Sometimes you have to cut people out of your life.)
I’ve been in very low, dark places in my life, and I’m no stranger to heartache and heartbreak, (Everybody deals with it. It’s not unique to you dude. You should give things an empowering meaning, and look for the gift in everything that happens), but I woke up Saturday morning to know what it was like to not to belong to anyone, and this is an all time new empty. (The story you’re telling yourself is that you need someone in your life to make you happy. Have a compelling mission. Have something exciting in your life that you are working towards.) It feels like a pointless existence. There was no reason to get out of bed, not belonging to anyone or anything. (Your story is that if you have somebody in your life, then you have a reason to get out of bed. Come up with something exciting to pursue. Compelling goals will give you a reason to get out of bed, and you will move with a purpose.) I’m so tired of people shitting on me, and my solution lately is to walk away, literally, cut off communication, dates, everything instantly, no explanation, just walk out the door. Now that no one is left, I’m not sure if it is best to just shut my mouth and keep going along with it, or walk away like I’ve done. (Now you’ve got time on your hands to figure out what you really want. Ask yourself, “What would I do if I knew I could not fail?”)
This has all unfolded and fallen apart within a matter of weeks. (Things fall apart so better things can fall together. Now, you have space in your life, and you get to choose what you really want, so you can create the life and lifestyle you want.) This is an all-new low, I believe. I’ve had to pick up the pieces many times in my life, but this time feels different. What’s the point? (You’ve got to have something compelling that you’re working towards.) I’m not sure why standing up for myself feels so empty. (This is because you don’t have a compelling vision for your life.) I’m absolutely heartsick over this last one, my brothers family. I’m not sure where to go from here or where to turn. Are you able to offer any words of hope to help work through this? (Again, what would you do if you knew you could not fail? You need to focus on you. Forget about relationships and dating for now. Your goal needs to be to focus on making your life awesome.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The most important relationship that you will ever have in life is the relationship that you have with yourself. You decide whether or not your life and life circumstances make you happy. Until you can enjoy being single, having fun by yourself and not needing anything or anyone outside of yourself to make you happy, you should focus on taking care of you first before getting into a relationship. You should love your family and carefully choose your peers and the people who you spend your time with. It is better to be by yourself than to spend your time with people who belittle, criticize and discourage your goals and dreams. When you love yourself, are proud of yourself and believe in your own value, you will attract other like-minded people who love you, who are proud to know you and who see your value.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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