What you should do if you just started dating a woman and things started to go really well for the first two to three dates, but when you try to set up the next date, she doesn’t respond for several days and then once you get a hold of her, she tells you she does not want to see you again, and says it’s because it just doesn’t feel right.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who went out on a few dates with a woman whom he felt like he had really great chemistry and attraction with. The last time he saw her, when he was dropping her off at the train station, he said he would like to see her again and her response did not seem to be very enthusiastic. She sent him a text later that night saying that she had a really great time, and he responded the next day that it was his pleasure. Four days later when he reached out to set the next date, she never returned his call. Three days later, he sent a follow up text and she said she would get back to him later that night, but she didn’t. Two days later, she finally texted him and said that something he did on their last date really put her off and that it just didn’t feel right. She said she didn’t want to see him anymore. He’s scratching his head wondering what happened because he thought his game was pretty tight.
I’ve recently discovered your videos and have since gone through as many as possible trying to glean as much information as I can in my relentless pursuit of understanding women. I’ve also since purchased an e-reader and I am awaiting delivery so that I may download your book.
I recently met this girl online, and we decided to meet up for coffee. She’s 31, very pretty, well put together, well spoken and bubbly. We got along beautifully and discovered we had a shitload in common, including shark diving of all things. At the end of the date, we parted ways for the night, and she sent me a text a few hours later saying, “I had an awesome time chatting with you, looking forward to hopefully getting to know you better.” She proceeded to light up my phone for the next few days, but I was selective in my responses and response times so as to not look overly available. (If you become overly available, then women may expect it and text you at all hours of the day and night. The phone is for setting dates, and as a man you should be busy and focused on your business or career.)
I called her four days later to set up a date, to which she eagerly accepted. I told her what I had available, a Wednesday night, and she said she’d move a few things around to make it work. (That tells me she had a high level of attraction for you at that point.) I told her I was working on a few ideas for the date and she said she loved the fact that I was taking the lead, and that I get bonus points for the surprise. She also said she had an idea for another date if we “get past the upcoming one.” I arranged to pick her up at the train station and took her bowling for the night. As we had to wait for a lane to open up, I bought her a few drinks and we talked. We continued getting along beautifully, and she opened up about her ex-boyfriend who’s an alcoholic. She claimed he wasn’t in the picture anymore, but I could sense a lot of emotional charge centered around the issue. (That tells me she’s not over the guy yet.) She also revealed that her dad is terminal. We finally got our lane after a few drinks and had a great time. I kicked her ass and rubbed it in a little just to be a bit cheeky, to which she responded very positively.
As I was driving her back to the train station, she said to me, “Is there anything you’d like to ask me?” I was a bit taken aback by this question as I’ve never heard it before, but I didn’t let it show. I asked her if there was something on her mind, to which she replied, that I’m unlike anyone she’s ever met online before, that I have a good head on my shoulders, I’m super funny, and I have my shit together. I thanked her for the compliment, parked the car, and then walked her to the train. I told her I wanted to see her again, and she replied, “yeah, okay.” (It sounds like she’s disappointed about something. Perhaps she wanted you to take her all the way back home. She has an idea in her head about what she wants you to do, but she’s not being very forthcoming about it.) It didn’t sound like a resounding yes to me, so I then looked at her for a few seconds, and she said, “You make me shy.” I said that’s a good thing, and she said, “Yes, it’s definitely a good thing.” We said our goodbyes, and she texted me later that night to say thank you for the great time. I responded the following day that it was my pleasure.
Four days later, I called to set up another date, and I got her voicemail. I left a message and made a joke about her being off practicing her bowling skills. She didn’t call back, so I sent a follow-up text three days after that. (If three days go by without her contacting you, that tells me she’s blowing you off.) She replied right away that she apologized for the delay, but she was busy finishing a work project and would get back to me later that night. She didn’t. (You are not a priority to her.) Two days after that she finally got back to me and said that she really enjoyed our dates and chatting with me, but that it really “put her off” that I didn’t drive her home, and though she’s been trying to get past it, “it just doesn’t feel right.” (That sounds like bullshit. She didn’t communicate what she wanted, and she’s expecting you to match her expectations.) I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what happened when all seemed to be going well. I called a mentor of mine, and he said with women, the answer is never the answer, and it could’ve been so many other things that caused her to bail. I never responded to her final text and have since gone no contact, but I’m left wondering, what the hell? (If you read the book, you will have a better understanding of what you may or may not have done.) Is it an ex-boyfriend hang-up, is another man in the picture, or did I shit the bed somewhere? (Either you didn’t kiss her, the ex boyfriend is coming back in the picture, or she had unreasonable expectations about what you should or shouldn’t have done.) She has since stopped logging into her online profile, so I’m thinking it was another man. (More than likely she’s using an excuse to not see you anymore. She has an emotional attachment to the ex and probably got back together with him.)
Thanks Corey. You’re doing a great public service. Keep it up. I’m looking forward to reading your book 15 times.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When you’ve just started dating someone new, and they start talking about a recent breakup or an ex of theirs, you should pay close attention to their body language, physiology, tone of their voice and facial expressions to see if they still have an emotional charge or do not appear to be over their ex. Why? If they bring up the ex, and it appears that they still have a strong emotional charge about them, you should proceed with caution and the understanding that if they’re really not over their ex yet, it is highly likely the ex could come back into the picture causing them to blow you off for the ex, even if your game is really tight. When you are a rebound or a new romantic possibility after the other person has had a recent breakup, their ex is usually going to be able to pull them away from you because of the strong emotional bond that they share, because you simply haven’t had enough time with them to build a strong enough emotional bond to prevent it.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne