“It’s Not You, It’s Me…” (Bullshit!)

Dec 15, 2011 by Coach Corey Wayne

When a woman says “It’s not you, it’s me”, what’s she’s really saying is… “It’s you, you’ve turned me off.”

Men and women both tend to become blinded to reality when they have a high level of romantic interest in someone. Men are especially prone to projecting their own high level of interest onto women they like, and ignoring the fact the interest is not mutual. Men tend to overrate their chances with women. Men often assume that just because they like a woman and that woman is engaging them in conversation, that she likes him also. When men are in a relationship with a woman they have high interest in, they also ignore the fact that she is becoming less and less enthusiastic about seeing them, and less and less interested in sex. This happens slowly over time, and they usually never notice before it’s too late.

Men are often stunned and shocked when their wives or girlfriends dump them seemingly out of the blue. They don’t understand what happened. They thought everything was fine, or that maybe that little rough patch, really wasn’t that big a deal to her. The problem is, most men do not understand women. They don’t understand how to communicate with women effectively. They don’t understand how to read body language or a woman’s physiology. They simply don’t know what to look for when it comes to signs and indicators of romantic interest, therefore, they are constantly making mistakes that are causing their women to lose interest that they are totally oblivious to. When they get rejected, most men never see it coming. They find out when it is too late.

Women will stay with a man long after her romantic feelings for him are gone. They will stay with him until they have lost all respect and feelings for him. Why? It’s easy for a woman to walk away from a man she no longer cares for. Most beautiful women who are a catch, will already have several replacements lined up by the time she gives him the ax. Women will always hope that the man will end the relationship when it is time. If he waits for the woman to end the relationship, she will usually do it long after she has lost all romantic interest in him, and after she has replacements lined up and waiting in the wings. However, before it gets to the point where a woman ends the relationship, she will start telling him things like, “Maybe we’re not a good match. I think you can find someone better for you than me. If you want to break up with me, I’ll understand. You can see other people if you want. We don’t have to be exclusive anymore if you don’t want to. It’s not you, it’s me. I’ll understand if you want to date other people. I want a guy who is… etc.” What do most men do when they hear statements like those from their girlfriends or wives? They use logic and reason to try and persuade her why what she’s saying is nonsense and that they really are perfect for each other. What this really does, is tell her he really doesn’t understand women. This lowers her interest in him even more.

The following is an e-mail from a reader who was dumped unexpectedly by his girlfriend. She is using her cervical cancer as the reason why she has dumped him. It’s BS. The real reason she is dumping him is because he lowered her interest level in him to the point that she now has no romantic interest in him anymore. If he was her lover, her rock and her mountain in her eyes, she would pull him closer in this difficult time. As it is, since he doesn’t get it, she is rejecting him because being in a relationship with him is adding additional emotional stress that she simply doesn’t want to deal with anymore. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Hey Coach Corey,

I love your site and your insights. (thanks) I just had a question regarding my recent relationship with my girlfriend. A few months ago she got diagnosed with cervical cancer, and ever since, I noticed she hasn’t been the same. (That’s understandable) She tells me its not me, (Bullshit! Translation: “It’s you. Not me. You have not treated me properly, and therefore, you have lowered my romantic level of interest in you below 51%. Therefore… you’re out”) and that she’s having a hard time dealing with everything. (Translation: “I can’t deal with my cancer and the emotional drama of you and me at the same time. Because things are not flowing, and you don’t know how to go with the flow. I don’t FEEL safe and comfortable and like I can be myself around you.”)

She basically told me she just needs some time to figure out how to get herself back to normal, because she literally hasn’t been herself for a few months now. (Translation: “I don’t feel like I can be myself around you. I feel like I have lost who I was being with you.”) She’s just a little lost with everything lately and doesn’t want to drag me down, (Translation: “I have low romantic interest in you, and I don’t want you dragging me down when I have cancer.”) because she feels like she has and just wants both of us to be happy. (Translation: “I want to find a new man so I can be happy. I’m not happy with you. You can’t possibly be happy with me, because I am not willing to make the effort with you anymore. You deserve someone who will make the effort; and who wants to make the effort.”)

What are your thoughts on how I should handle this? (You got dumped because you do not understand women. Over time, you lowered your girlfriends interest in you by not treating her properly. You need to immerse yourself in my book. You can download the Amazon Kindle version in under 60 seconds to your Smartphone, PC, iPad or Mac for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE. Then, book a paid phone coaching session with me personally, so I can help you attract & date a Goddess who is 100 times hotter, sweeter & more fun than your ex by CLICKING HERE! I guarantee it!

Women are easy to understand once you take the time to learn and apply the simple principles in my book. In the meantime while you are learning, walk away from her. Don’t call, text or contact her in any way unless you are responding to her texts/calls/etc. If you hear from her, chat for only a few minutes and then, ask if she would like to meet up for some drinks. If she says yes, then set a definite date. If she says no, then tell her you gotta run, but to give you a call if she changes her mind. Every time she contacts you after that, just do the same exact thing and handle it the same way. If she keeps calling, and you stick to your guns and what you want, she will throw in the towel eventually and agree to meet. You MUST let her come to you. You are a catch. You ain’t got time to waste talking to a chick who needs to get her head together. Go get laid and have some fun meeting new women and applying the skills in my book. Spend your time with women who WANT to see you. Never try to keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you.)

Thanks so much for your time,

Troy

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“We will act consistently with our view of who we truly are, whether that view is accurate or not.” ~ Tony Robbins

Published on December 15, 2011

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Corey thank you so much! Didn’t understand this lady I was interested in. You woke me up!!! This is priceless info. You made me realize how lost I was with understanding women.

  2. she broke up with me a few days ago and just said:I know I hurt you And I’m so sorry! I didn’t want to hurt you! I never in a millions years thought I would! I’m just so confused right now and feel damaged! You are the greatest guy I know! And deserve the best and a woman who can give you all of herself and her best! Hopefully one day I can be that woman for you but I know right now I can’t! I miss you tons and all our conversations!

    IS this the same as its not you its me?

    did she lose the romance, we were bf/gf for 6 months, dated a few month before that, she has been divorced a year and a half, and dated a few guys before me.

  3. Is there something wrong with me? As a women, I have never lined anybody up as a replacement! I find the behaviour, from women and men, to be very disrespectful and weak. I dislike people who do this very much.

  4. “It’s Not You, It’s Me…” The most disrespectful thing a woman can say to her man. It`s so obvious that it really is the guys fault she has lost interest in him. Just watch her actions, not words … because she cannot easily say the truth. Women avoid the negativity or upset as much as they can.
    Ignore all the chat about I still love you, care for you, need you … while going in an opposite direction … is just guilt or playing for time, for hurting your feelings and having in mind the nice times you once had.
    Maybe this can be a temporary thing, they are unsure, making some space to see how they feel when you’re gone and change their mind. But not if you are needy or chasing them. Sure let them know you still love them, want them but do the same as her … then go off and do your own thing and act is if you don’t need her.
    Obviously, many people never get back together again, they are just not compatible and the relationship is not suitable. Her words will make this difficult to know this. She wants to have an option to return in most cases – if there was love previously. No contact and making your life best as it can be does actually create attraction to an ex and if they don`t return you are in a great position for your next partner.

    I know this to be true. It happened to me. I supported her through cancer and health issues over a 2 years. She got better. We had great times for 2 years more. I treated her well. Then I had problems, a property deal fell through, I lost a lot of money. I became unwell and depressed. I admit I wasn’t much fun at the time. But I had stood by her, she got better so I would too was my thinking. Within a few months later … she was gone. I was no use to her anymore. I was low, I needed her to support me like I had her but that just put her off me even more. Within a week she was out, dressed to kill, going places we never went but while saying she still loved me … keeping me hanging on while going in another direction. Not nice.

    So when you hear those words fellas, they are alarm bells for a whole world of hurt. It will be hard to move on, it will hurt but No Contact and live your life. The more you hang on the more it will hurt.
    It will hurt. Be strong.

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