What you should do if you feel like you have lost a bit of the drive that you once had, so you can get it back and reach your full potential.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a twenty-year-old guy from Scotland. He says he has been following my work for the past seven months. He says it has changed his life completely. His physiology has changed, and he looks older and manlier. He’s finally taken control of his personal and professional destiny.
He recently got a new job in sales and thought he had finally found his purpose. However it did not last, and he decided to quit his job before lining up another opportunity. Now he is unemployed, fearful and feels like he has lost a bit of the drive he had. He says he has no idea what to do now and asks my opinion. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
How’s it going Coach?
I’m a 20 year old guy from Scotland. I’ve been following your work for about 7 months now and my life has changed completely. My physiology has changed, when I look in the mirror I can see how much I’ve developed in these few months, I look older and manlier. At first I followed your work for the women aspect, but then became focused and fixated on my own personal growth and development.
(The reality is, being more successful with women really is a direct result of being successful as a man, because masculine energy is about purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers and overcoming challenges. When you focus on your purpose and your mission and you take care of all the little things you’re supposed to be taking care of as a man, you’re naturally going to be more attractive to women, and they’ll notice you more.)
After starting to read your work, I made the decision to change my life. I left my university course, which I hated, and decided to find what drove me. Strength became the focus of every day. I knew no matter what happened, I had to be strong and masculine, leading to the most exciting times of my life. In the last 6 months, I’ve been to Paris, Barcelona, Krakow, London and Dublin.
(Dude, that’s fucking awesome. You went on an adventure. When you’re young, get out there and experience the world. You don’t know what you don’t know at that point. You haven’t experienced enough things.
When something sounds cool or seems cool, go check it out. Go do it. Go immerse yourself in it. Go get a part-time job. Go interview the owner of that business, or go interview the person that works in that career you think may be appealing, especially if you’re going to college to get a degree in it.)
I’ve started building my hobbies, I go to drawing lessons and am learning guitar. I speak to new people and find new experiences. For the first time in my life, I genuinely smile and I choose every day to express myself fully.
I’ve adopted a new mind-set, which revolves around good questions, positivity and envisioning success. I also made a decision to live on my own terms and no one else’s, I even had to walk and never look back from a girl I was interested in.
(Those are all good things that build your confidence and your strength to stand up for your goals, your values and your principles, and they’re necessary. When you don’t really stand for anything and somebody comes along, it’s pretty easy to compromise your integrity.
When you don’t really have a set group of principles you stand for, you’ll tolerate mediocre people in your circle. You’ll tolerate mediocre friends, lovers, clients and a mediocre, shitty job and not do anything about it.)
This is a total 180 from my old ways, which I inherited from my parents. My Mother is a serial worrier, and my Dad is borderline weak.
(When you think about it from that perspective, you’ve got two decades of imprinting that consciousness, that vibration and that way of living and being on you. By understanding where you came from and how that’s going to affect you, you’re naturally going to put yourself into situations where you’re going to have to worry, i.e. quit your job before you have something else lined up.
Your dad being borderline weak results in you not standing up for yourself and being treated like a doormat. Obviously, you’re recognizing you need to stand up more for yourself, and you’ve been doing that, so it’s a great thing.)
My thinking before was incredibly feminine and fearful, constantly worrying and stressing. I cared way too much what others thought and lived with the belief that I was not strong enough to deal with whatever came my way.
(Yeah, that’s the total imprint of your parents, their emotions, their feelings. You’re literally emotionally anchored to that. The way to undo that is to continually take action and do things to move your life to the way you want it. Because when you’re not doing anything and you’re not taking any action, you’re going to sit around and worry, but when you’re too busy taking action and focused on doing the little things you need to do, you don’t have time to worry. It’s like Dale Carnegie said, “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.”)
My Dad, while a good man, did not instill lessons in masculinity, and this lead to me being unsure and deferring to others. My teenage years were incredibly painful. I always felt I wasn’t man enough and had difficulty expressing myself without thinking what others may think. A perfect example of this situation is the movie, ‘Rebel Without a Cause’, where James Dean’s character only wants his father to be a man.
(The other thing is, expecting other people to match or meet your unreasonable expectations is setting yourself up for unnecessary suffering because when people don’t do what you expect, obviously you’re going to be upset about it. The way I look at it, we’re spiritual beings having a human experience, and we all choose our parents anyway. From a soul’s perspective, you chose this experience so you could transcend it, overcome it and become better.)
I cannot be upset with my Dad though, as it’s in the past and I am at an age where it’s up to me now.
(You’re taking personal responsibility. That’s great.)
I recently got a new job in sales; I thought I had finally found my mission and purpose. It was not to be, the travel there and sitting down all day drove me crazy, no enthusiasm. I made the decision on my own to leave.
(You should have lined something else up. The thing that was great about this was you went and got a job in sales to see what it was like. You experienced it, and it wasn’t what you thought it was, so the key is, what’s the next opportunity? Remember, you’re going to be naturally inclined to do things that are going to put you in a fearful state, just because of how your mother is imprinted in the way she shows up in life. In other words, she’s a serial worrier.
You quitting your job without anything lined up, you’re acting completely consistent with the way your mother is. In other words, you didn’t take a balanced approach to leaving and setting up a new job. Instead, you put yourself in the position where you’re going to worry now. But you’re young. I’ve made mistakes like this as well.)
I am now unemployed and feel a little bit like I’ve lost a bit of drive that I had. I’m sitting writing this letter and have no idea where to go from here.
(Well, the only thing you’re lacking is another idea. You’ve already done this before. You went out and got that sales job, so what other job would you like to go and explore? It’s not necessarily that sales was bad. Maybe you just weren’t selling a product that you loved and you believed in. Any great salesman loves the product, loves the service and believes in it, because it’s pretty hard to convince people of things you’re not convinced about. Especially if you’re just there to earn a paycheck.)
I don’t even know what I like to do, and the old fear is creeping in that I need to settle soon.
Any advice Coach, how can I grow from here?
(Well, you’re going to have to resist the urge to settle. You’re 20-years old dude, and figuring out your purpose and mission is something that is going to continually evolve over the course of your life. Something that you’re doing tomorrow, a decade from now you may not be interested in it in any way, shape or form.
I like your strategy. You did the right thing by trying something in sales, because you thought it would be cool. You went and experienced it and you realized, it wasn’t as cool as you thought, so look at it from the perspective of what did you love? Was there any aspect of your job that you loved to do? Maybe you love people. Maybe you’re a people person. I don’t know. You have to ask these questions to yourself, because you’re the only person that knows what you feel inside.
As I’ve discussed on all the other videos I’ve done on discovering your purpose, you’ve got to make a list of the things you like to do, your hobbies, your interests, your passions, the things you spend your spare time studying and looking into, and go research it. See what kind of careers and job opportunities are out there.
The bottom line is, you’ve got to go where your curiosity, your heart, your intuition, your passion lead you, because it’s a process. It may take you ten years to really completely figure it out and find the right path for you. Maybe there’s a lot of education and experience you have to go though. Maybe there’s talent you need to acquire through time and repetition.
The reason why you’re feeling fearful and unsure is because you’re not doing anything. You’re not taking any action to help yourself. Like most people, you’ve got bills to pay, but you’ve got no income coming in now, because you’re unemployed. You’ve got to do something.
Ask yourself high quality questions like, what’s good about this? Your full-time job should be doing research, banging the phones, talking to people, meeting people, putting your resume together and getting out there and experiencing. The only thing you did wrong was you stopped moving forward. You stopped taking action.
When you find out something is not the right path for you or the right calling, ask yourself, what’s the next thing that’s more exciting and more emotionally compelling? The idea is to improve your situation. Every day, your goal is to try and get a little better. In other words, find a job, company, opportunity, career path where more of the things you love to do are part of the day-in, day-out activities of that particular career path or business you’re thinking of getting involved in.
Deep down, we all know what we want to do, but we’ve got a story that gets in the way of us doing anything to take action and point us in that direction. When I work with people who feel stuck and they say “I don’t know,” it’s like they know, but they really don’t want to say it. When they look at all the things they have to accomplish and all the time it’s going to take, they get overwhelmed and they do nothing. They’ve invented a story of who they are, what their capabilities are and also what their limitations are.
Ninety nine percent of the time, when you decide you want to do something in life, there’s a lot of things you need to do and experience that are going to make you uncomfortable, you’re probably not going to want to do, and you’re going to try to avoid having to do them. But in order to get where you need to be, you got to do these things. If you’ve created a story that tells yourself I’m not smart enough, maybe I’m just too old, I don’t have the education, the looks, the money, the time, I’m not in good enough shape, I’ve got to get my car fixed, I’ve got to go back to school first. There’s always something that gets in the way, and that’s part of the story.
When you have a story like that, it absolves you from any personal responsibility or doing anything to help yourself, so you do nothing. Your self-perception and beliefs interfere with your ability to take the actions you need to take in order to get from where you are right now to where you want to be down the road.)
“Everyone must have some kind of emotionally compelling reason to get up and live every day. If you don’t know what you should do with your life or what your purpose is, you should go research and/or experience activities, interests, hobbies and career paths that you are curious about, that seem exciting and interesting and that you naturally feel drawn to. Working in something you love doesn’t feel like work. It comes easily and naturally, because it’s so enjoyable to be immersed in. Since we will become better at anything that we practice, it makes sense to practice and do things we love and that are emotionally compelling. The only way to become exceptional at something is to be absolutely in love with it and the process of getting better at it. Exceptional and enthusiastic people who love what they do are usually rare, and therefore highly valued and coveted by top employers and entrepreneurs. Focus on becoming a person of value who has exceptional skills, by developing your natural talents and innate interests.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne