James Bond Doesn’t Kiss & Tell & You Shouldn’t Either

Why you shouldn’t kiss & tell & talk about your personal life with anyone.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 39 year old viewer who made the mistake of being weak and involving a woman to help him land a younger woman she worked with because he was being a coward. Not only did she not help him but she torpedoed his chances with her on purpose. Now he blames the “community” for his poor operational security and lack of success. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “James Bond Doesn’t Kiss & Tell & You Shouldn’t Either”.

So this particular email is from a 39 year old viewer. And he made the mistake. He did really, really bad operational security. And what’s interesting is after he screws up, then he says, “well, now the community is an issue.” Because he’s 39. He likes to date women that are in their 20s. And it seems like some of the women in his community are Orthodox Jews, and are interested in him. But he’s getting torpedoed by the people in the community.

And the big reason is because he opened his mouth and didn’t follow instructions. And instead of just asking this girl out and being discreet about it, he elicited the help of another woman who worked there. And I guess apparently, he said this woman had tried to set him up with several other girls, but it was always the fat, ugly ones that he tried to set her up with, so he didn’t want anything to do with her setting her up with anybody. But he asked for her help with this cute, I guess she was 22 I think. 22, 24 years old, that worked in the same cafe, I guess, where he frequents.

And not only did she not help him, but she absolutely torpedoed it and said things to this girl, were now she totally avoids him. And on top of that, when he does come in, she talks shit to his face in public about this other girl, as you’ll see here. And I mean, gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell. It’s much better to keep your mouth shut. Because, as the old Indian proverb says, “If tribe not to know, keep mouth shut.” Especially if you tell a woman. Women typically can keep a secret for a matter of seconds before they have to tell somebody, usually.

Just don’t do these kinds of things. You should be a man, and you should be responsible for asking women out. It’s really fucking pathetic and weak to go to other people, to ask them to be a go between because you’re worried about rejection. And so he was so worried about rejection that he goes and he opens his mouth and shares his feelings with somebody who clearly it was not warranted, clearly somebody that didn’t have his best interest at heart.

And now she’s kind of ruined his reputation, if you will, and is doing everything she can to clam slam him and prevent him from being successful. And so now he blames it on the community, even though this whole thing started because he was basically a big coward. So it’s a good example of why you keep this stuff to yourself. If you’re dating the hot secretary from the office, shut your mouth. Don’t tell anybody. Keep it to yourself. The only way anybody should find out is if the girl you’re dating decides to start telling everybody. But when you start blabbing, “Oh, hey, guess who I boned over the weekend?”

That’s just stupid. If you’re a frat bro and you hook up with one of the hot girls from your sister sorority, and then you blabbed all your friends about it and tell them all the gory details. One of them, more than likely, is going to talk to a girl that knows her. And then now your reputation is going to be torched with all the rest of the girls in the sorority. You want women to walk away from their experience with you, thinking highly of you, admiring you, respecting you, and appreciating the fact that you didn’t tell anybody and you kept things quiet and secret.

Because in the sorority case, if that girl, even if you just hooked up, if she has a good experience, “oh, he was great in bed. He was amazing. He was this, he was that.” That’s good for your reputation. Then her other sorority sisters are going to want to hook up with you. And if you do that and you don’t tell anybody because you keep it a secret, that’s great too. But when you can’t keep your mouth shut, or you’re too weak and cowardly to do things on your own, and you make the mistake of trusting the wrong person like this poor guy did.

It really muddies the water for you. I mean, I say these things, I’ve been doing this for 20 years and people still don’t listen, and they do the opposite. And then they’re surprised that the shit blows up in their face. It’s like you want to try and reinvent the wheel, you want to think you know better. It’s like, whatever, man you do you boo boo. But the rest of us can enjoy listening to these emails so we can all learn from them, so we don’t make the same mistakes.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I seem to be running into the same problem again and again.

Well, it’s a problem he created, by the way. You’re not a victim, dude.

And I am hoping you can help me out. I come from an orthodox Jewish environment where most of the easy going fun girls are married by 24. I am 39 years old and never married but I am young at heart and like good fun people. Especially easy going girls. I have noticed that as I age and get a little gray in my beard the 20 to 26 age range girls seem to be giving me a ton of attention. But I seem to be coming up against forces in the community I haven’t been able to get around. Hope you will be able to help. I will give you the latest example. Jessica is an orthodox 22 year old that works at the local kosher restaurant as a hostess. She used to always give me just the cutest smiles and was engaged in conversation.

That’s why you should have pulled the trigger and asked her out. Instead of taking the coward’s way out and trying to get a woman to help you.

She even made sure the kitchen put a candle in my steak for my birthday. As the hostess we only have a few seconds to chat as she shows me to my table, and she is a very shy girl so I didn’t think it made sense to ask her out in front of all of her coworkers.

Well, if she shows you to your table and you go in there a lot, and you ask questions like, “Hey, how you been? What have you been up to? What are you doing this weekend?” And she likes you, she’ll linger a little bit longer than she should and want to chat with you. And then you could just say, “Hey, we should get together for a drink sometime. Let me get your number.” And just hand her your phone with the screen already open.

I know your gonna say if you hesitate you will masturbate. But I’m a long time follower of your work.

That doesn’t mean anything if you don’t follow what I teach.

I have zero problem boldly asking girls out. Just wanted to build a bit more rapport and find her away from her coworkers before I went for it. 

Well, in other words, what he’s really trying to do is hide his interest because he’s worried about getting rejected, and he’s worried too much about what other people think. And so he does the worst thing possible.

Anyways, there is another girl that also works there that I am friendly with outside of work. Call her Karen.

Karen is an appropriate name.

Karen is 27 and kind of a slut and is always trying to set me up with overweight ugly girls.

You know why she sets you up with the ugly fat girls? Because she knows you’re not going to want to fuck them, because she’s probably hoping to get with you. That’s the real reason why women do this. Just like when women see their girlfriends cut their hair off and they go, “Oh, it looks so beautiful. It’s great. Just keep that hairstyle.” It’s like they’re doing it because it makes them less attractive.

That’s the way women are, man. They’re kind of ruthless like that. So if you’ve got a girl who is, in this case is 27 and a slut, and always setting you up with overweight, ugly girls. It’s like she’s doing that on purpose. She doesn’t want to set you up with anybody she thinks you’re going to date. And, like, probably because deep down, she wants to hook up with you.

Like a darn fool I had mentioned that I am into Jessica.

Dude. Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. It’s like you’re 39 years old and you’re eliciting the help of a 27 year old, who is the town bicycle, to help you with a 22 year old, and then you’re surprised that this blew up in your face. It’s like, come on, dude. You say you’ve been following me for a long time, and yet you thought it was okay to involve other people, especially women in helping you talk to this girl? This makes you look like a bitch. No matter what you say or what you do, it makes you look like a bitch. And like you don’t have enough courage to ask this girl out in person.

Like a darn fool I had mentioned that I am into Jessica and asked her if she can just let me know when Jessica’s working and I’ll take care of the rest. 

Dude, that is just so stupid and unnecessary. But I mean, he already kind of knew it, because of what happened after.

Obviously, she has made things extreme awkward and went out of her way to cock block.

Or clam slam in this case.

Besides announcing to the world that I’m a creep for wanting to date younger girls.

See how that works? She tries to make it ruins your reputation, so nobody else will date you. And sets you up only with fat, ugly girls. Probably because she wants to smash. When women talk shit and say, “Oh, he’s such a jerk. He’s this, he’s that.” Usually it’s because they like him and they’re trying to hide their interest.

Which I don’t really care about. If I end up with a fun cute fertile 22 year old you can call me a creep all day.

Well, it looks like a creep just because you didn’t have the courage to do this on your own. I mean, if you see this girl all the time, it’s like you just wait for the right opportunity. But instead, you got impatient and you involved a Karen. Not a good way to go.

Karen would do things like when Jessica would walk by say, “Hey Bob. Look who it is, it’s Jessica. Did you say hi to Jessica yet?”

That’s awful. You deserve it, Dude. You didn’t follow instructions. So again, this stuff has been tried and tested for decades. Over 20 years, I’ve been teaching this stuff, from people from all over the world in every cultural and spiritual background. The hard work has been done for you, but you want to cherry pick. You want to modify things. You want to go the opposite of the book, look what happens.

Loud enough for her to hear. And I have no doubt she actually mentioned something to Jessica, and other annoying cock blocking moves. 

Well, you torched your own reputation, dude.

Bottom line is for the past few months. Jessica has been very cold to me. No eye contact, no cute smiles, just short answers. 

Well, it’s pretty clear whatever this girl did, she doesn’t like you. And you burned that opportunity, so I’d be nice and polite, but I really wouldn’t pay her much attention. Don’t ask her questions. How would you treat her if you were tired of fucking her? Obviously, no, you never did. But you’d be nice. You’d be respectful. But other than that, you wouldn’t give a flying fuck.

This so just the latest example. But I’ve noticed a pattern that when I’m flirting with young girls under 27 that really excite me there is always someone to cock block in a similar manner.

Well, if you’re doing the same thing with everybody else, it’s like you’re doing it to yourself. You can’t point a finger and say it’s everybody’s fault because you’re trying to absolve yourself from any blame. Because the real issue here is instead of being brave and courageous and going for it, you took the chickenshit route, which is trying to do a circuitous route and use other people to help you. And again, gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell. It’s right out of the book, but you don’t listen. So all I could do is suggest and gently lead if you want to try it your way. I mean, the book is written the way it’s written because I did all the mistakes. I learned this stuff the hard way decades ago. But if you want to reinvent the wheel, you do you boo boo.

Almost as if the community.

The community that you. You did this to yourself, dude.

Almost as if the community has decided that it would be sacrilegious for me not to marry a girl my own age. 

You invented this whole story here to basically try to absolve yourself from your cowardly ways. Let’s face it, you were being a coward. You chickened out, and now it’s blown up in your face, and it’s damaged your reputation. And now you want to blame other people. But at the end of the day, it was you. You did it.

I’m not gonna bore you with other instances. But logically I can understand. A young girl from a healthy religious environment is going to probably deal with a lot crap she will get from friends, family especially her father, and the community at large they would accuse her of having major daddy issues if she brought home a man almost 20 years older than her. 

Again, this is your story. If gentlemen don’t kiss and tell and you just started dating this girl and nobody knew about it, and you’d have actually followed what I teach instead of cherry picking and doing stupid things like this. By the time anybody found out you guys were dating, she’d be head over heels in love with you. And then it wouldn’t matter what they thought she would defend you to everybody else. She wouldn’t care. But when her interest is low or it’s brand new, you have zero emotional leverage.

But now you’ve created a story that just basically makes you feel ashamed of your interest in younger women who, even when they seem to be interested in you, you’re worried about what everybody else thinks. Well, if you’re worried about what everybody else thinks, and how about you shut your mouth and not tell anybody anymore? That’s the big issue here, is that you’re involving other people in your personal life that you should not. Because you’re not following what the book teaches. And then you want to say it’s the community.

It’s like you’re the one that broadcasts this to the community that you were trying to date these girls. If you were doing things right and acting like James Bond, nobody would know. The next thing they would know is like, “Oh, wow, look at those two together. Oh, they have a 20 year age gap. But they’re so in love.” It doesn’t matter. They’re cute together. And he treats her great. That’s what should be happening. But instead, the reason why you look like a creep is because you acted like one.

Because you didn’t act like a man. You tried to go around and get another woman to help you ask this girl out. That’s basically what was going on here. Why do you need her to tell you when the girl works? It’s like, what’s going to be different? You’re afraid to make a move when she’s there and she’s working, so how is knowing when she’s there going to make any difference? If you see her often, just when the time is right, you pull the trigger.

If I had to summarize the problem, I would say that I get along great with the girls around that age group. But is it delusional to think that a girl will fight such severe social pressure.

Well, again, this is why you keep it to yourself. And you didn’t do that. And you probably haven’t been doing that for a long time because you’re involving other people as a go between, because you’re too scared to roll the dice and risk it.

Will fight such severe social pressure. In such a tight community to be with me. Or do you think there is a way I can break through without being royalty?

Thanks as always,

Bob

Um, how about follow the book? How about keep things to yourself? How about being discreet? How about before you ask a girl out, make sure that she really likes you, instead of only focusing on your interests and how much you like her. That would be a big clue, because again, the book is laid out to tell you when a girl is into you and when she’s not. You assume she’s shy before, but maybe it wasn’t that she was shy, maybe she could tell you liked her and she was just trying to be polite and respectful, and you misread her being polite and respectful as she was romantically interested in you?

So again, you said you’ve been following me for a long time, but when you behave this way, it just makes you look like an amateur that hasn’t practiced what’s in the book. So again, the book is laid out the way it is. That’s another reason why you don’t do group dates. Because if you just started dating, and now you’re already meeting friends and family, and there’s somebody in the group that doesn’t like you, then it doesn’t take much to cock block you and ruin your chances. Whereas when you start meeting everybody in the peer group, if she’s already head over heels in love with you, it won’t matter what they say.

Even if it’s her own family. She’ll defend you to the death. But again, when you do things this way, it blows up in your face. And so you can’t just say it’s the community, you did it to yourself with your piss poor operational security. I know I’m being harsh, but there is a reason for that. It’s because I want you to associate pain with behaving this way so you never do it again. And pleasure would at least roll in the dice. You know, maybe you should have tried talking to the girl first before making all these assumptions that, oh, she’s just shy. You know, maybe it’s not that she’s shy.

It’s just that she doesn’t like you and didn’t want to give you the impression that she liked you, and she was just being polite, because that’s part of her job as a hostess. So apply what’s in the book. Trust what’s in the book. Because, again, it’s been perfected over multiple decades. Or you can try to reinvent the wheel and get burned like this and do stupid things. Totally your choice. It’s your life. That’s the beauty of it.

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