Keeping The International Booty Call Going With Realistic Expectations

How to keep an international booty call going with realistic expectations.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got drunk and dopey over his international booty call. She lives in the UK and he lives in Canada. She comes to Canada a few times per year to visit family. They hook up when she’s in town. He got too drunk when she visited recently and started straying from the book and she blew him off. He wonders what to do now to keep it going. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Keeping The International Booty Call Going With Realistic Expectations”.

Well, this particular email, this guy lives in Canada. And I guess when he was in Amsterdam he met this girl, they were both traveling. And she is from Canada also, but lives in the UK, and she comes back to Canada 3 or 4 times a year, and whenever she’s in town, she hits him up and they hang out and have fun and hook up.

However, the last time she came to visit, just recently, he got really drunk, put his foot in his mouth and completely screwed the pooch. So now he’s wondering, “What to do to keep things going.” Because after that episode, she invited him for a group date because he was wanted to apologize. He accepted the group date, even though he kind of knew he shouldn’t have.

And it just she just cock blocked him with her friends. So he ended up going over there and hanging out, and she was largely kind of ignoring him. And so after a while, he was like, “Oh, this is stupid.” And he left. But he’s still like, “I’ve got to apologize.” So he just kind of totally got away from the book there at the end.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

Bob here. I love your content, and recently purchased two of your books as gifts for close friends of mine because they are both in relationships where all seems to be going well and they are really into their partners. I want to make sure my friends get the women of their dreams. 

Well, it sounds like they already got them. The key is you want them to keep them, as long as they want to keep them.

I met a woman around last year in Amsterdam, she lives in Britain, and I live in Canada. It turns out she grew up 20 minutes away from me in my hometown. We partied and dated together a few times in Britain, and she visits her family back home a couple times a year and we squeezed in a date while she was here. So far, we’ve had four to five dates over the course of around a year and a half. Very little contact in between and I’ve let her reach out to me whenever she’s back in town. Every one of these dates ended up with the Indoor Olympics. Truly a great time. 

Well, again, in a case like this, I mean, she’s out of the country. She may or may not come back and live where you live. And in this case, I wouldn’t call, I wouldn’t text for any reason if that’s the way things are going. Because again, it’s realistically, if she’s only home 2 or 3 times a year. Do you really want to date internationally? It can be fun, but it’s also nice to have an international booty call that just happens when she’s in town. She hits you up. So it’s kind of nice. And since you’ve already aren’t really talking when she’s gone, let her hit you up when she gets back in town.

Even though I dated other women, I’ll admit I lost focus and allowed myself to fantasize about this woman for far too long due to a scarcity mindset.

So he projected his fantasy of what he wanted onto her, and kind of ignored the reality of the situation that she’s an occasional international booty call. Somebody to hang out and have fun and hook up with when she’s in town while you’re looking for somebody whose goals and values align with your own, and who, most importantly, is 10 to 15 minutes away from you.

Everything in life really does come down to your attitude. Even sleeping with three beautiful women was not enough for me at one point in my life, sloppy and ungrateful I know. On our most recent date two to three months ago. I had too much to drink and completely spilt my emotional beans all over her, on top of that, I started criticizing her for no reason.

If you tend to over drink, what I suggest is that, because I like to drink and I like the motion of drinking, but if I drink alcohol, it’s like hard liquor or whatever, and a mixed drink, it goes down just like a beer. And the problem with that is, you don’t really realize it, next thing you know, the room is spinning and then you’re fucking blowing chunks and that’s no fun. So if you’re going to drink. I wouldn’t be drinking craft beer because, or any IPAs, because those tend to be really high alcohol content. And I did an email a few months ago for a guy that drank a bunch, you know, a couple IPAs. There was like probably 8 or 9% alcohol in you know, the ones he was drinking.

And he got really fucked up and put his foot in his mouth. So if you’re gonna drink, it’s better to drink a watered down, light beer. Like Miller Lite is typically what I drink. If you’re going to the beach like a Keystone Light would be great because you can drink those all day long or drink water, and you’re not going to get too fucked up. So again, and then obviously you should be using Ubers, but I wouldn’t be doing shots. I know young guys want to do shots. Everybody’s like, let’s do a shot, man. It’s like, no, I’m gonna pass.

So after you go through, if you’re drinking two like Miller Lite bottles and you’re going to drink for many hours every two beers, I would suck down about a 10 or 12 ounce glass of water just to keep yourself hydrated and help flush the alcohol out. Because it takes about an hour, I think, for your body to metabolize one ounce of liquor or alcohol. So just keep that in mind. So if you’re hanging out over the course of 5 or 6 hours and you have 5 or 6 beers, if you’re having a couple glasses of water in between, you’re going to pee much more, obviously. But you won’t be getting drunk, blackout drunk, and doing stupid things like this guy did.

I still ended up inside her because I had done so well at giving her space leading up to that night, but man was my behavior not pretty. 

Well, I think it’s kind of happened to everybody. But like I said, stick with Miller Lights and you won’t get too drunk. And drink water. Every two beers, drink a glass of water.

In my 28 years of life, I have never gotten drunk where I acted like that, don’t get me wrong, I take full responsibility, and this experience has led me to realize that I have hidden insecurities deep down I never even knew existed. I have been working tirelessly to sort them out. I projected my fantasies onto a woman I barely knew and let it cloud my headspace for several months despite living on separate continents.

I saw getting her in these conditions as a challenge. Anyways, the date ended with me pushing for a date the following weeks rather than waiting until she comes back in December like she mentioned because she said she was busy. Something I know not to do but the alcohol was speaking for itself that night. After that night, I didn’t reach out until she invited me over to her friend’s apartment for a double date.

I wouldn’t have accepted a double date. Again unless she’s your girlfriend, you don’t do double dates. You’re just going to cock block yourself. And again, that’s what happens.

Not the best outcome I know but I met her friend before and really wanted to apologize for the way I acted before she left town, so I took it.

Again, apologizing, that’s something you know, she’s reaching out to you, so really shouldn’t be a big deal. Maybe you apologize that night, but you don’t need to go on a fucking apology tour and drool all over her. The bottom line she reached out. I would just say, “I’d love to get together, but I’m just kind of, you know, in the mood for a chill evening with you and I.

If you’d rather just hang out with your friends. Then you know, what day are you available so you and I can get together?” And she says, “Oh, I don’t know. I’m leaving soon.” I was like, “Okay, well, hit me up if you want to come by later after you hang out with your friends.” That’s what I would have done. Invite her over, if you didn’t have anything else going on.

While I was on my way, the plans switched from a double date with drinks to several of her friends being over, I totally deserved it. 

I was like, well, I mean, it’s in the book, but if you’re going to violate the principles you want to like yourself, that’s on you. All I can do is suggest and gently lead. But if you want to do things to cock block yourself, that’s on you.

I stuck around for a bit not to create a scene, asked her to grab a quick drink to secure some privacy so I can read her attraction, tease her a little, make her smile.

Well, at the end of the day dude, she invited you to hang out, but she invited you to a group date because she wanted to use her friends as cock blockers. And you fell for it.

Make her smile but then sincerely apologize for my behavior. She seemed chill, but said not tonight, I told her no problem then left her with her friends. She apologized for the night not being what I expected. 

Well, again, you accepted it. You violated principles in the book and therefore you earned your case of blue balls. So congratulations.

The following week came and I told her I’d love to see her before she leaves and got a very cold, no. “I have plans and my flight leaves early the next day.”  

Well, I would be letting her do all the reaching out. It sounds like you were reaching out to her because you want to go on your apology tour.

I replied telling her it was no problem at all and to hit me up whenever she’s back in town, this was left on delivered. She has seen the notification and has not even opened it, purposely of course. 

Yeah, because you turned her off and you dried her up.

In trying to give a sincere in-person apology, I ended up never even apologizing at all.

Because again, the apology wasn’t important. You could have apologized the next time you guys were naked together. “Hey, sorry. I got really fucked up the other night. I don’t even remember half the shit I said, but it was a good time. I still beat up your pelvis.”

I was forced to enter no contact for the last two to three months. I’ve let it be and focused on getting back on track, read your book six times in the last two months.

Good fucking job.

With the audiobook alongside and watch and read countless videos and articles. I’ve also asked more women out in person in the last two months than I have in the last decade.

Well, good job dude.

But would like your thoughts on what the right thing is to do.

Nothing. The right thing to do is nothing.

It was an honest mistake.

You don’t need to apologize, dude. What’s done is done. If she gets back in town and hits you up and she brings it up, you can apologize. But quite frankly, it just doesn’t seem like it matters at this point.

But I’ve let it go until she reaches back out. Let me know what you think Coach. You’re the man.

Bob

So say a few months go by and she comes back in town. She’s like, “Hey, what are you doing?” Invite her over to your place and make dinner, hang out, have fun, and hook up. You don’t need to apologize. Just forget about it. It’s water under the bridge. But don’t do any fucking group dates. Don’t do anything where you let her cock block you, because that’s what she did. She still wanted to hang out, but she wanted all her friends there. You agreed to a group date and then it turned into a party at her house.

Then she mostly ignored you, and you’re just kind of standing around watching her hang out and laugh and joke with her friends. You know, again, this stuff is laid out in the book to keep you from cock blocking yourself. But you didn’t listen. You did it your way because again, you were worried about getting her approval and apologizing, which is completely unnecessary. But you live and you learn and other guys will watch this and go, “Man, I’m going to switch to Miller Lights.”

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.