Here’s how to keep women you are dating and sleeping with, sexually attracted and chasing you! When you start dating a woman who likes you and she starts calling and pursuing you, that’s the best position to be in. Why? If she is chasing you, she can’t be getting rid of you! However, there is a difficult balance that must be maintained in order to keep her sexually attracted and interested. You must let women come to you at their own pace. When you first start dating a woman, it’s always best to schedule and go on one date per week. As the weeks go by and you stick to initiating contact and setting up only one date per week, and provided you do more things right than wrong to create attraction, the woman will start to call/text/email/initiate contact first. This is the indication that she feels safe and comfortable with you. It is also an indication that she wants to see you more than the once a week dates she has been having with you. As her interest level goes up, she will start doing things to try to get the two of you together more often. This is a beautiful principle to follow. You will stick to once a week on your own. The only time she will see you more, is when she contacts you and either you make a date on the spot, or she asks you out on a date. If she backs off when you spent almost every day the week before together, you must let her go. Sometimes she will be busy, and sometimes she simply won’t feel like seeing you as much. This is where most guys run into trouble. When she gets a little bored and backs off, they usually start to chase and pursue her more. As the weeks go by, they pursue more, and she pursues less. Eventually she is too busy to see them at all.
The following is an e-mail from a reader who has been having an office romance with a woman who lives with her boyfriend. This is the second e-mail he has written me. He has done a much better job of allowing her to come to him at her own pace, but his neediness is still forcing him to pursue when he should be hanging back. Therefore, things got real hot and heavy again, but he tried to force things and now things are up in the air. On top of that, her boyfriend knows she has been cheating on him and has given her the freedom to be happy. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Are all women created equal, emotionally?
I sent you an email about a month ago, which was the basis for your video called “the pitfalls of office romances.” Since then, I’ve read your book 6 more times, and it keeps getting more informative each time. You weren’t kidding, although I had my doubts… 😉 (I might not always be right… but I’m never wrong.) Here’s the interesting follow up… a LOT of things have happened since. It’s super long, so grab a bucket of pop corn! Anyway, since my last message, I “sort of” gave her some space. (Smart!) After three days of no contact, she called me for some “help” on a particular task she was working on, because she knew I was good on that subject. (See how well backing off and letting women come to you works?) A week went by with very little contact. A few texts back and forth on two days, at the most.
The following Thursday, a week after our talk on the phone about work, I asked her out for drinks and things went well… she seemed finally relieved the project she was working on was over. (She was probably relieved you had given her some space instead of acting like a needy little boy. This caused her attraction for you to grow again. Women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.) We spent four “fun filled hours” together. It was cool and just like before. No drama. (Girls just want to have fun. Create simple fun filled romantic opportunities for sex to happen… a.k.a. “Dates” then… rinse, recycle, repeat.)
If you recall, I usually spent time with her during the week, not on the weekends because it was easier for her to find “excuses” for coming home late… working late, drinks with coworkers etc. So I was surprised when I got a text from her on Saturday, asking to meet me in a very romantic spot in Paris around 5pm. So I did go there and we had an incredible time. She seemed so stress free. We had some drinks until about 9pm, and then went back to my place for a nice conclusion to the evening… she did leave around 1am to go back home, saying she’d told her boyfriend she was attending a friend’s party… that’s pretty fucked up for the boyfriend, honestly. (Yep, which is why she would not make good girlfriend material. Open relationship material, but not a monogamous relationship. She is a liar and is untrustworthy. Don’t be a fool and think she doesn’t lie, or won’t lie to you also.)
The very next day, I get a text from her saying she was close to my apartment with friends, asking me if we could meet. (Do you see this pattern here? As her interest level goes up and you don’t chase after her, she chases you more.) Apparently she was at an Arts exhibition with friends and her boyfriend. She had told them she was going back home because she wasn’t feeling well. So… instead she met me. She spent about 2 hours over coffee before she went back home. The following week was more of the same. We both initiated, a bit more me, (Mistake! You should always let women do 70% to 80% of the pursuing. Now as you chase more, she will start to chase less.) I’d guess, and spent every single evening together. From Monday to Friday. Not all of them at my place though…
On Friday, I could tell before leaving she wasn’t feeling alright. She seemed concerned and she told me she was starting to feel guilty, because her boyfriend was getting “really” suspicious now. She said it was time for her to make a decision now. She was visiting her parents that weekend, usually with her boyfriend, so it got me worried. So I sent a text on Sunday, Midnight…mistake, I know, telling her to relax and follow her instincts. (She is in a relationship with another dude. You should always let her come to you. Your fear is causing you to fall under the “illusion of action” and do things thinking that doing something will cause her to want you more. The exact opposite actually happens when you chase impatiently.)
I woke up on Monday with a message from her saying she went to bed early, and that she’d spent the weekend alone with her parents, “hibernating”, her own words, without the boyfriend. That threw me for a loop… I knew she was not feeling great, but not like this. Anyway, feeling worried, fear makes you do dumb things, I asked to see her on Monday and she said she couldn’t. (Yep, now you are chasing her and trying to force her to see you before she is ready. Instead of letting it be her idea to see you, you’re trying to rush things. How can you build anticipation and sexual tension by releasing it prematurely by pursuing her? Nuts! This is how you lost her the first time. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. That will get you rejected and cause her to feel uncomfortable. She will withdraw and want to see you less again.) All I wanted was a quick chat with her, just to see “what’s up.” (Bullshit. You were worried about where you stood, so you reached out to her in order to gain some certainty. that is weak and reeks of seeking and needing her approval. This will cause her to lose attraction for you right here by your bad behavior. You should be backing off. Instead you are chasing harder.) She told me OK for Tuesday evening. I had a feeling she’d cancel that one… Low and behold, I was getting ready to leave to meet her when she texted me: “I completely forgot, I had something planned tonight, let’s make it tomorrow at lunch.” That really pissed me off, but I just texted back “time waster! Ok, for tomorrow, but don’t cancel that one…” (Now you are keeping your schedule wide open for her. You are putting your life on hold until you hear from her. Weak behavior. Women cancel because of low interest when you lower it by your bad actions, or because they don’t feel comfortable.)
While leaving to go to the subway, I bumped into her while she was leaving too… I know what you’re thinking Corey, no I was not stalking her! I could tell she didn’t want to see me, she seemed nervous and clearly wanted no drama. So I told her point blank: “Do you want us to keep seeing each other? (Weak! Alpha males never ask such silly absurd questions. They have the attitude that they are a catch. It would be absurd to even consider getting dumped by women who like them.) Because it seems you’ve been avoiding me for the last couple days… a little communication would go a long way.” (Now you are complicating things by trying to force her to choose you. Stop it! Women do the choosing! Stop acting like the woman. Your attitude should be, “She wants me. It’s in the bag.”) She then said: “Right now, I don’t know… no probably.” Then quickly said, “I don’t know, my mind’s all fucked up, let’s go over this tomorrow during lunch ok?” (Translation: “Stop trying to force things. If you try to force me to chose or resolve things before I DECIDE I AM READY, I will have to reject you and end things. I don’t want to end things with you, but if you force me to choose, then you’re out.”) I said I didn’t understand why she’d come down from the past week’s “high” so quickly. (You chasing her destroyed the sexual tension that was building until you released it all by your needy behavior. You ruined her high.) Something had happened and all I wanted was for her to be honest with me. (Ok… honestly? You fucked it up by chasing her and trying to assume the woman’s role once again. Now you get rejected just like before. Just create the next fun filled opportunity for sex to happen. That’s it! Stop complicating things.) The next day, Wednesday, four days ago, we met during the lunch hour. It went very well. She told me she was fucked up inside… and she apologized for being so unlike herself the previous night. I told her that all I wanted was for her to communicate honestly, that is all. (That’s a fair statement. However, your need for communication was simply you acting needy by seeking reassurance she still wanted you. That kind of thinking will lead to rejection.)
Then the shocker: She told me the reason why she seemed distant was because her boyfriend had finally confronted her. (She had that drama at home. You could have been a drama free source of fun sexcapades for her, but instead, you became an unwanted additional source of drama and complication in her life. Girls just want to have fun. Focus on having fun.) He apparently didn’t ask her if she was indeed seeing someone else. Instead he assumed, correctly, that she was, saying “I know you’re seeing someone, I’m not stupid. Do whatever you like, whatever makes you happy.” I told her I thought it was strange for him to be this “composed” about the situation. (He’s not bullshitting himself. He has the right attitude that will actually cause her to choose him instead of you… if… he hangs back, while you try to force things, she will dump you and stick with him.) She then told me exactly this: “I could never find the strength to break it off as of now, he has to do it first. (Translation: “I’m not leaving him for you. I can sleep with you and still keep him around. I can have my cake and eat it too. I like this. There’s no drama for me to deal with. I don’t have to complicate my life.”) I don’t want to be the one to hurt him.” Well, you certainly have given him all the ammunition to do it now… AND you have hurt him already.
I responded that I wanted her to be happy too, (Smart.) she rolled her eyes, but that we are not friends. She asked me: “So you mean that, if it doesn’t work out and I come back to you in a little while, you won’t want me?” I told her: “First I’d have to be available, and if I would be, I don’t think I’d want to be with someone who let go of me… but you never know.” (Well said bro! I like how you stood up for what you wanted, but left it in her lap, where it belongs.) She seemed worried that I told her that. Clearly she doesn’t want to lose the possibility of “us,” whatever happens. But to me, that’s pure selfishness. (You’re the genius who decided to have the affair with a woman who lives with her boyfriend.)
Anyway, the lunch went very well otherwise, with lots of deep eye contact, flirting teasing etc. (That’s how it should ALWAYS be. Love is playful and fun, not serious.) At the end of the lunch, she asked me about a girl I was working with who is super hot. I told her jokingly I was meeting her tonight… she didn’t immediately pick up on the joke, as I remained stern faced. (Dead pan delivery is the way to do it… Good job!) She said, “really, well now I’m not sure I’ll break it off with my boyfriend if you have someone else lined up.” (You should ask that other hottie out! Don’t wait for this chick to make up her mind. You have choices as a man… options… she ain’t the only girl in town you could have.) Seeing my smile, she realized I was joking and she laughed it off. As we left the restaurant, we went back to her street and found a quiet spot to make out. Too bad we didn’t have more time because it was quickly heating up… as always. We have talked since a couple times, but have not seen each other since last Wednesday. On Friday, we talked a bit and I told her it was too arrogant to ask her out Tuesday night, (I would have never said that.) so I said: let’s make it Monday night. She said “ok for Monday, see you then and have a great weekend!” Remember, Tuesday is valentines day. I don’t want no part of that drama! She also told me she is spending this weekend at her parents again… she clearly wants some time for herself right now. So I’m letting her “breathe” a bit. (BINGO!!! Just show up for your date on time, as I assume you set a definite date right?)
Anyway, I could write a book with that stuff… once again it’s super long. I have never met a woman so fragile emotionally. (Actually, she responds like any woman would respond who was in a similar situation. She sounds emotionally normal, just dishonest. Your labeling her as emotionally fragile is your way of making excuses for the fact you have once again been lowering her interest level by acting needy and pursuing too much.) I think she became distant this week because of the fact her boyfriend knew about us… (That is your fault dude. You are struggling to maintain self-control.) previously he has had no clue. Even though we have bonded even more lately, and even more than our last discussion, what is the best course of action? Let her be and forget about her? (Simply let her come to you. You got a date already set up. Focus on having fun and hooking up afterwards. No drama. No serious subjects or me vs him talk. Then do nothing. Let her text/contact you next. When she does, just set up the next fun filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen. Rinse, recycle, repeat. That’s it. Don’t complicate things!) That brings me to my initial question: Are all women created equal, emotionally? I’ve never met a woman that is so nervous to take any decision or to take a side. (She will make the decision that is best for her as long as you and her boyfriend give her the space to do it. Have fun with her, but date other women. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Patience is power; with time & patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.” ~ Chinese Proverbs