Here’s an email I got from a coaching client of mine. He has a girlfriend, but has decided he wants to move on in the near future. He wants to line up potential replacements for his girlfriend before he decides to break it off.
Last time we spoke on the phone, things were going well with the girl I’m dating. We are still together, and it’s going well. At this time in my life though, I feel this is only a “pit stop” on my road of life. How do I keep myself in the game without pushing the girl I’m dating with away? An example was last night, I was with friends at a bar without my girlfriend, and one of my roommate’s female friends took interest in me, so I flirted a bit with her. She reciprocated. I ended up getting her phone number, but what is a good way to keep her around if I feel my current relationship goes south?
Thank you for the advice as always,
Here’s my response to his email:
Its awesome that you have become aware that your current relationship is not what you are really looking for long term. The key is to not stay in the relationship any longer than you need to. Once you have decided and are 100% sure you want to move on, you have to let your girlfriend know you want to date other people. We can discuss that more during our next call in a few weeks. That will also give you some more time to think about it so you can become 100% sure.
Now regarding meeting other women, since you have a girlfriend, other women can sense your non-hungry state. You’ll probably even notice, women seem to pay more attention to you now than before. Like I mention in my book, its always better if she thinks that she likes you more than you like her. It’s also better if she is always chasing you or doing 80% of the pursuing. Why? If she’s chasing you, she can’t be getting rid of you. That puts you in a position of strength and choice. Since you are taken and currently unavailable, I would not ask for any phone numbers. Instead, you give yours out. There is a very subtle nuance on how to do this properly so these new potential replacements pursue you from the get go. Then, when you decide to call it quits with your current girl, you will have plenty of replacement ladies blowing up your phone. It will be easy to move on and not want to go back. Women do this all the time to guys. Why not put yourself in a position of strength also?
Here’s what to say the next time you have met a new girl and you can tell she likes you. Instead of asking for her phone number do this… Say you were talking about football, and the girl was a huge sports fan… you’d say, “Hey, I really enjoyed chatting with you about (insert sports team name). If you get any interesting commentary about (insert player or topic you were discussing), send me a text.” This way you are not asking for her number or giving her yours. Obviously if you’ve just met her, she’s not going to have your phone number. If she has high interest in you, she will pull out her phone and say, “What’s your number?” Then, you give it to her. If she has low interest, she will just say, “Okay, I will” after you tell her to text you, but will never ask for your phone number. Huge difference!
Here’s what to do if she just gives you her number or tells you to “take my number down”: Put her number into your phone, and then immediately text her, “Hey, it was nice meeting you (insert her name). Keep in touch.” That’s it! Now you have to DO NOTHING!!! Girls with high interest will perceive you as a challenge and find some reason to text you a few days later. Even if they know you have a girlfriend, they will try to win you over. Women can be extremely aggressive and ruthless to other women, including their own girlfriends, when they decide they want a guy. If you got three or four new hotties blowing up your phone, it will make your decision on when to end your exclusive relationship with your girlfriend easy when the time is right. Having multiple hot women chasing you is a fun place to be as a man! CHOICES!!!! Practice doing that until our next coaching call and things will get REALLY interesting!
From my heart to yours,