Lack Of Rapport Leads To Being Stood Up & Last Minute Date Cancellations

Why a lack of rapport leads to being stood up for dates & last minute cancellations.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 28 year old viewer who goes out by himself and doesn’t come home until he’s done enough cold approaches of women he finds attractive. He usually makes dates 4-6 days out in the future, but finds he often gets stood up or has last minute cancellations. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Lack Of Rapport Leads To Being Stood Up & Last Minute Date Cancellations.”

So this particular email is from a guy who’s 28 years old and he goes out by himself and he doesn’t come home until he’s done enough cold approaches of women that he finds attractive. He said usually when he makes dates, he’s making them like 4 to 6 days out in the future. But he says he’s often getting stood up or last minute cancellations. He says he doesn’t call to verify any of his dates, but sometimes these women that he thought he had pretty good rapport with, or that were interested in him, had a high level of interest, are just not even showing up.

So typically when that’s happening, it’s because you don’t have enough rapport. Maybe you only talk to them for a minute or two. I mean, if you talk to a girl for a minute or two, you get her number and you set up a date almost a week in advance. You don’t call or text. It’s a 50/50 chance if she keeps it. If she really likes you, she’ll text you and say, “hey, are we still on?” But if she’s not that into it, she’ll blow it off and not think anything of it.

So it’s important that you spend enough time, because if you look at it from this perspective, if the girl’s got super high interest, she’s going to keep the date. If the conversation went really well when you met her, she’s going to keep the date. So it’s important that you spend at least 10 to 15 minutes in person with somebody, like how normal people meet is, they may meet like on a weekend. You know, there’s some playoffs games going on. Like right now. You got NBA playoffs and you got the NHL hockey playoffs. And so, things like that.

“Hey, I’m having a little party. We’re cooking out. We’re gonna have some snacks. The kids are gonna be playing in the pool. Why don’t you come over? There will be lots of people. The neighbor is going to be there. Some of my friends from work are there. It’s going to be single girls there, you know, they’ll know my wife or my girlfriend or whatever. So it’ll be a good a good time. You should come.”

And be like, “Oh, sure!” And then what happens? You go and you hang out and you’re watching the game and there’s a really cute girl. You get introduced by your buddy’s girlfriend, she’s introduced you to one of her hot single coworkers, and you hang out. You watch the game together for a few hours, you talk, you can tell she likes you, you’re having a good time, and then you get her number and you call her and you make a date.

She’s going to keep that, because you have social proof. You have all these people. And she was introduced to you through one of her girlfriends that she works with, and this is one of their friends. So for this girl from work, just to blow you off or stand you up on a date, it’s going to make your friends that introduced you look bad. And then they’re going to be pissed off at her. It’s like, “Hey, you’re making us look bad. We introduced you and you just you don’t even show up for a date. It’s like, what are you thinking? You can’t do that to our friends. It’s like, that’s embarrassing. You need to apologize.”

That’s what would happen under normal circumstances. But if you meet a girl out in public and you talk to her for 2 or 3 minutes, and then you get her phone number and you’re texting her. And you make a date a week in advance, and then you don’t even text. You don’t really have any rapport. She doesn’t really know you. She doesn’t know where you’re going to show up or not. Now, if you’re setting up a date and you’re going to meet the very next day, it shouldn’t be a big deal. She should keep that date. But again, it depends on the rapport.

If the rapport is there and you’ve judged her correctly, that she really does like you, she’ll keep the date. One of the things you can always use, especially if you just didn’t have time to talk to her, is say you’re supposed to meet at 6 p.m. for drinks or whatever. Then like around 1 or 2:00 in the afternoon, you can say, “hey, I’m going to be running late instead of 6:00. Can we meet at 6:30? Does that work for you?” And she’ll say, either say, “Yeah, sure.” Or she’s like, “Oh, I totally forgot. I got this to do or I got that to do.” And then, you know, not to waste your time showing up.

Especially like if you’re doing online dating, but if you’re meeting girls in person. If you spend enough time talking in person and you really clicked and it felt well. I mean, like just using an example from My Book, like when I met my English ex girlfriend Katie, which obviously you can see those Members Area Videos. I mean, we saw each other we were eye fucking each other the first night we saw one another. But she left early, so I never got a chance to talk to her.

And the very next night I was in the restaurant and I run into her, and I talked to her for maybe two minutes. And I could tell by the way she was looking at me, she was super into me. I was super into her. We were meeting the very next night. We were at this week long event, and there was zero doubt in my mind that she was going to stand me up. I knew she was going to be there. I just knew by the way she was looking at me, the way the connection was there.

And anybody that’s watched the videos with her and myself and the girls are like, man, the chemistry between you guys is off the charts. So that’s what it looks like when you really click and you connect at a soul level. But again, if you’re talking to somebody for a minute or two and you get their number and then you just text them to set a date up, and then it’s a whole week before you’re actually supposed to go on the date. You don’t really have any rapport.

There’s no real connection. Like what Katie and I, even though we didn’t really know each other, we met in person. All of our interactions were in person. I didn’t even have her phone number. I just said, “hey, meet here. Let’s meet here at the restaurant tomorrow night. If you get here first, get us a table. If I get here first, I’ll get us a table.” She’s like, “great.” And I end up getting a table where I could see the front door so I could see when she came in. When she came in, she’s looking around, and I waved my hand at her and she saw.

And then her face lit up. She came over, gave me a big hug, and we sat down and I was just “Poof.” And it took off from there. But it would have been obvious to anybody observing us and people that saw us throughout the week. They’re like, man, there’s really something special between you guys. There’s a deep connection there. And so you can see it. You don’t fake those kinds of things. So it’s pretty obvious. So with that in mind, let’s go through this guy’s email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hello Mr. Coach,

I’ve been doing a lot of research about psychology and relationships after my divorce with a narcissistic bipolar disorder woman that was older than me. I’m 28, and I’m the one who walked away and never been happier.

Well, good for you, Dude.

Luckily, I have found your material to be the closest to the truth of how things are, judging by my research and my own experience in the field. I admit that I have been mostly rewatching a lot of your YouTube videos, even though I have your book.

Dude, you got to take this seriously. You got to participate in your own rescue, and there are no shortcuts to success. And if you’re having problems with girls canceling dates and you’re just cherry picking in videos, it’s like, well, that’s on you.

It’s on you because you’re being lazy and you’re not trying to actually learn what’s in The Book. So that tells me you’re not very serious student. And so you’re making a lot of mistakes and you’re getting stood up when you shouldn’t be, and that’s on you.

I re-read relevant paragraphs to present situations but didn’t have the chance to fully read from start to finish.

That’s not going to cut it, Dude. That’s bullshit. That’s a fucking half ass way of going about your personal life. And this is why you’re getting jerked around by women, because you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. You’re not going to cherry pick successfully and be able to sustain any level of success.

There’s plenty of emails where guys that didn’t listen and I’ve gone through them. But if you want to try it and do it your way, it’s your life, Man. If you like getting stood up, keep doing what you’re doing.

Before my questions, I should say that I am 5’11, good looking, jacked. and I see myself as a very confident, outcome driven individual, with leadership skills which always brings me the best salary and the best terms in any job I find interesting. I quickly and naturally become the decision maker and leader of any group, I work in army related projects a lot.

Well, again, if you don’t take the time to learn the fundamentals, you’re going to continue getting jerked around by women. If you like that, then keep doing what you’re doing. But if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’re going to continue to get what you’ve always got.

I often force myself to go out alone (all of my friends either in relationships or live far away) and go with the flow, without returning until I make a certain amount of hard approaches. I like this kind of approach because time = money.

Well repetition is the mother of skill. As the great Aristotle said, “Excellence is not a singular act. It’s a habit.” You are what you do repeatedly.

As you said, the female individuals do appreciate this bold and confident approach, but most of them don’t even answer, don’t look me in the eyes when I look at theirs, or smile and turn the other way walking.

Again. That’s addressed in The Book, but you really haven’t read it. You’re just cherry picking. So if you’re just approaching every girl, you’re going to get a lot of rejections. You’re going to get most rejections. And that can be very demoralizing. If you at least approach women that make eye contact and smile, you’re going to get it better numerical results.

And especially if you’re doing an activity where you’re happy and you’re having a good time. And you’re outgoing and it’s something that’s fun and social you’re going to have a better approach. Versus hoping to bump into random girls on the street or in the grocery store.

Is it because I give off a vibe that I’m out to hunt alone?

Well, I’d say it’s because you’re approaching women that have no interest. Again, if women are taken or they’re happy or they’re not looking, they won’t make eye contact with you. Because every pretty girl has made eye contact enough with enough guys and smiled at them. And then the guys approach them that they recognize that when they do that, they’re inviting a man to approach him for a date. And so, that’s why when they’re unavailable or they’re not taken, they’re typically just not going to look you in the eye.

It doesn’t mean that every girl that doesn’t look you in the eye won’t go out with you. But it does mean that most of them will not go out with you. So if you’re trying to spend your time and work smarter, not harder, go with the girls that at least smile and make eye contact. Because again, like I was talking about earlier when I met Katie that night, we were instantly eye fucking each other. And it’s like, that almost never happens. And so when it does, you know she’s going to follow through.

But if you’re approaching women that won’t make eye contact and you’re getting their numbers, and then you’re setting dates with them and they’re blowing you off, it’s because they weren’t even into you to begin with. But again, you would know that if you read the fucking Book, instead of being a half assed cherry picker. Cherry picking doesn’t work. And that’s why you’re writing me this email. But it is a good email so.

Is it because I give off a serious vibe without much emotion even though I’m smiling and smirking? Or is it the black leather jacket, short haircut and black classic motorcycle that scares them?

I don’t know, are you pulling up someplace going, “Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham.” Are you one of those obnoxious dudes?

Do I need to pursue harder and try to catch them into a conversation and open them? Or do I just let them go and skip to the next one like I do now? 

Again, you’re going to have a better result if you’re approaching women, that at least make eye contact and smile. So that’s why it’s better to go do things socially than bumping into random girls in the street like a beer and wine festival. Something where people are there to celebrate and browse and have a good time. It could be a trade show, it could be a wine bar, it could be a beer wine and cheese festival, or food festival. It could be an art show.

It could be a boat show. Especially like this time of the year. There’s always boat shows in South Florida. There’s lots of fun things you can do where if you love boats, go to a boat show. There’s tons of people there. It’s so easy to talk to people about that. And who knows, maybe you run into a couple of cute girls that are there and they’re there looking at boats, and maybe they come with you.

And one more thing I don’t understand, sometimes, when I do get the numbers, I see a very high interest from the get go, I call (not text) after a day or two, don’t ask many questions, but do show some cockiness to get a laugh, and set a time and date on which she agrees (which is usually set 4-6 days later), from that call and until the date neither I text and neither they (to be honest, I’m very busy in working days), I never confirm dates, and by this approach I find that many women just don’t come to the date and don’t text anything, as if they suddenly lost that high interest which was clearly there.

Well, again, you’re asking out women and you’re unable to tell that they’re not into you. And again, this is what happens when you don’t read the fucking book. It’s like you can’t tell if a girl is into you or not.

Obviously I end the communication right away.

Again, if you’re going to make dates with women that you don’t have much rapport with, then I would definitely be texting them on the day of the date in the afternoon. Again, if you’re going to meet at six, say, “hey, I can’t make it at 6. Does 6:30 work for you? I’m running a little late.” That’s all you have to do. Because if they want to flake out, they’ll go, “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot. I got this thing I got to do with my friend.”

I mean, the bottom line is, if they agreed to a date and then they’re planning on blowing you off or standing you up, at least this way you won’t be getting stood up. You’ll know the day of. But again, I can tell that you’re making a lot of dates with women that aren’t interested in you, and you’re not able to tell that they’re not interested in you. You say they have high interest, but they’re not keeping the dates. And you haven’t read The Book, so you don’t know what you don’t know. You’re talking out your butt, basically.

I do suppose that another man can be involved, or that they are structured, but it happens way too often.

Again, you’re making dates with women that you have low rapport with and who aren’t interested in you, and you’re not following The Book. So this is not surprising at all. This is predictable.

Thank you very much for your contribution to bettering a man’s life and the world’s society as a whole.

Bob

Well, how about you be a better student? Or I should say, just be a good student. Read The Book 10 to 15 times. If you get the AudioBook and you put it on two speed and you follow along in a digital or physical copy, you can get through the whole book in under four hours. So that’s the best way to really commit and learn this stuff, because what you’re doing; it’s like you’re just you’re unable to to tell if women aren’t even into you.

And you’re making dates and showing up and getting stood up. And so that’s on you. But you’re not following instructions so. Look at the guy you see in the mirror every day. He’s the one that’s screwing up. So you got to fix that, dude. You got to participate in your own rescue. There are no shortcuts to success.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.