Learning From Your Dating Disasters

It is common knowledge that those who do not study history, are destined to make the same mistakes. When it comes to dating and becoming more successful with women, men who do not learn from their past mistakes, are destined to continually repeat them.

When I talk to guys who have just been rejected by their girlfriends or wives, I always see the same patterns. Guys who continue to get dumped unexpectedly by their women, are getting dumped by each woman for the same reasons. These men are not realizing or learning from their mistakes. Therefore, they continue to repeat them. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.

As my late 20s were coming to a close, I was still getting rejected by every woman I really liked. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have understood that my impatience, neediness and varying displays of weakness were what was continually causing the women I really liked to reject me. Here’s what I know about people making changes in their lives that they know they need to make: people don’t change their belief system until it is proven invalid, or no longer works for them. That’s what happened to me. I had always been an idealist when it came to love. I wanted the best I could get, or nothing at all. Women that I really, really, really, really liked and had a connection with, were far and few between. Beautiful women are everywhere. But beautiful women who like you, and who you have a really good time with are rare. So I was only meeting women who really fit my criteria once every year or two. I became so tired and frustrated with getting one or two dates, and then getting rejected with an explanation that made no sense to me. I got to the point where I realized that what I was doing with women was not working. I knew I had to make some drastic changes. Years of my life were going by, and yet success with a beautiful goddess was elusive to me.

I became open to trying new things and learning things about women that seemed counter intuitive, but that actually worked for change. It really boggled my mind that I was starting to reject women who only months before, I would have done anything to be with. For me when I was younger and inexperienced, a woman’s beauty masked her imperfections and the fact that not all beautiful women are great catches. As a matter of fact, the prettier a woman is, the higher the chances are that she is totally screwed up in some way that will turn you off when you actually get to know her. My problem was, I never got far enough along to learn this. I had always put women on a pedestal before they had earned it through reciprocated mutual interest.

As my awareness, knowledge and success with gorgeous women grew, I started looking back on all the women I had blown it with all the way back to high school. I realized what I could have and should have done differently. I spent a lot of years being successful with women I had no interest in, and having almost no success with the women I really wanted. I also realized that I acted differently around women I liked, then I did around women who I really didn’t care that much for. Most men give up and settle for women and relationships that are really less than what they want or deserve. The more things you settle for in your life, the more reasons you give yourself to justify ongoing mediocrity. The more things you have settled for in your life, the more reasons you have to not try and get ahead. It makes me sad to see so many people everywhere I go who have given up on themselves, life and being truly happy and fulfilled. People think it’s too much work, so they don’t try to better their situation. They know they need to lose weight, but never do because they think it doesn’t matter anyways. Deep down they believe they deserve to be in love, and to be loved by someone who knocks their socks off, but they won’t read a book like mine because they feel it’s hopeless for them anyways.

It’s amazing the ways in which we bullshit ourselves into not taking action, or becoming all that we are capable of becoming. The following is an e-mail I got from a reader. He’s fallen for an unavailable girl from work, and therefore, he is keeping himself off the market, and the amazing goddesses he could have, out of his life. You have no time to waste! The amount of time you have been on this planet is getting longer, while the time you have left, is getting shorter. When is NOW a good time to make the changes you know you need to make? My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Hello Mr. Wayne,

Been reading some of your posts and you seem thoroughly in tune with the opposite sex. Here is my problem/question. Fell for a girl right away, but thought she was only half my age. I am 46. Only kept talk friendly at work in beginning. She gave me hints like I like to play my word game at home in bed, but I was an idiot and didn’t respond with any innuendo. In the meantime she found a boyfriend at our workplace, but in a different department. She gave me her phone number and I started texting her, and finally asked her out; but she said she had a boyfriend already. Like a dummy I told her I was crazy about her, and she would text me back when she gave me flirtatious signals that said just wanted to be friendly, my friend. (When a woman says she only wants to be friends, that’s something you should pay attention to, not ignore.)

I guess my question is did I blow it completely with her romantically, (Can’t tell, but you hesitated before asking her out. Some other guy at work beat you to it.) or the fact that she still lets me text her gives me a chance when she moves on from this guy? (You should have said to her, “Give me a call if it doesn’t work out.” and left it at that. Then you should not have contacted her again, so you can find a woman who is actually available and definitely into you.) I don’t telephone her but she is always super friendly, and smiles at me at work. She gives me food she made, or calls me over at the lunch table when I am sitting farther away. Do I still text her, or should I cut off this form of communication. (Stop texting her at once. She has a boyfriend. How would you feel about some guy trying to rip off your girl? You wouldn’t like it. Only text her if she initiates contact. You must remember, she told you she only thought of you as a friend. You went along with this which communicates your acceptance of the friendship only status.)

Once I told her this would be my last text, and she said “hey you don’t have to do that”. But I think I do because all I can think about is her. (Only respond to her initiating contact. Besides, she’s not a candidate. Why? She has a boyfriend and is therefore unavailable. Just tell her to get in touch with you if it doesn’t work out with her boyfriend. Start dating and meeting women who are available. You are wasting the limited amount of days you have left on this planet on someone who is not even single. You are wasting your valuable life energy.) I thought she was “the one,” “soulmate” cliche I know (nonsense-you are keeping yourself from meeting a really great and available gal by being hung up on someone who is unavailable.) but only liked someone this much one time in my life. (You have developed an irrational obsession for this woman who has not earned your love.) Because you know women never give you a direct answer, (BS-you just don’t know how understand women. You should download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE.) but I just wanted your input if possible.

She is 34. Never married. No children. Very beautiful Chinese-American. We have much in common and I can talk to her all day. Worked with her for a year now. I think it could be my lack of self confidence with women that killed my chance with her. (Her boyfriend happened before you even got out of the gate. Go get busy dating women who are single and available. If she really likes you as more than just a friend, she will work to win you. She will start to pursue you when she feels you slipping away, but only if she has romantic feelings for you.) Most of my girlfriends have approached me. (Most confident women will. Women will chase you if you give them enough space & act properly.) So I don’t have a lot of experience asking women out but now that I’m older, and uglier this doesn’t happen much anymore. (That is a self-fulfilling limiting belief.) Still in phenomenal physical condition.

Thanks so much for any advice you might have.

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.” – Joseph Campbell