How to back off and let women do the choosing so they choose to make you their boyfriend instead of someone else. Women scheme about and plan how they are going to catch you. If you chase them, they will choose some other guy who understands and knows it’s the women who do the choosing in a relationship. It’s her choice to make you her boyfriend or husband. So sit back, relax, shut the fuck up about your future together, and just plan fun filled dates with her. Sweep her off her feet through romance and seduce her on your dates. Dates are simply a fun-filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen. That’s the purpose of courtship. Mating, becoming one, making love, coming together, etc. The following is an email from a reader who has written me previously. It’s interesting how difficult it can be for a guy to stop doing what causes failure, and start doing what works. Old programming will still affect you until you have learned to master what I teach by living it successfully. Until then, you must always be vigilant and try to maintain emotional self-control so you don’t blow it or do something stupid because of bad/old programming & limiting beliefs. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his email:
Thanks so much for your thorough analysis of my wussy-like behavior. I do know personally that I have been so needy and rushing things with all the girls I have known. I have been trying my best to get rid of my neediness, and now I could say I am improving. Another girl I have is now the one doing all the pursuing. I met her like a month and half ago. The first thing she ask me is if I have a girlfriend. I tease her on that and say “I still have room for more.” (That’s a nice comeback.) Later she told me that she is not into any relationship. (Translation: “Dude, slow your roll. We have not even met yet!” Probably because she could sense your neediness and desire to get certainty she likes you.) She has been all over me both on phone and in the chatting room. I like her so much because she is so open, outpouring and fun to be with, which the other girl lacked. (Blah, blah, blah. Slow down dude, you have not even met this girl yet.) With all of what I am getting from her, I could say she is into me, save for the fact that we haven’t see each other because of her tight schedule and the distance between the two of us. (You’re not paying attention to reality. If she really liked you, she would agree to meet up for a drink and chat to see if there’s some real chemistry. You’re still projecting your high level of interest onto her and paying no attention to whether or not she feels the same way. Enough chit chat. Make a definite date. If she won’t or can’t, tell her to call you once her schedule opens up and keep looking for other good prospects who actually live near you.)
I would like to do something to know if really she is into me, and to know if I am wasting my time with her or not. (Simple, set a date with her. If she won’t set one, she’s not that into you!) I want to come out straight and tell her that I wasn’t the best guy out there, (Translation: “I know I am a loser and not very successful with women, but will you please settle for a weak needy man? Because us weak needy guys need love too! Please like me!” You still are treating women like they are celebrities and that you are not worthy to be in their presence.) but if she is looking for a guy that would take good care of her, and make her happy all the time and be there for her, then I could be her Man. (The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. This strategy you are proposing has worked exactly ZERO times in the past when you have tried it! This girl is chasing you as you say, so why would you go back to doing what has always guaranteed failure in the past?) Doing this to me would let me know if she is really into me or not I think, and would make me avoid the pain of investing too much on her like the others; (You’re already hung up on this girl emotionally when she has done nothing to warrant it!) That I want to do before I meet her just to avoid getting hung up on her. (STOP THE PRESSES!!! What??? Relationships are the result/reward of a successful courtship. The courtship and dating comes before commitments/relationships/marriage. Women will choose to make you their boyfriend when you have proven to them over several months that you know how to sweep a girl off her feet with consistent romance in the form of fun filled dates, or as I say, fun-filled romantic opportunities for sex to happen.) This I think would help me weed out the girls that are not interested in me at the start to save me the pain, time and money to call. Would this make sense at all? (Absolutely the worst strategy you could employ. It will guarantee you get rejected 100% of the time.)
Girls from here are trained and brought up to look up to a Man. To talk them into exclusivity and relationship and would never reveal their true intentions or attractions for a man. (Duh! Women do the choosing.) That’s just the culture here. I said this because in your reply, you talked about letting a girl bring up the issue of wanting to be exclusive and relationship issues. Because of this, all they have to do is put up some act and pick up some interest, just to make the guy notice to ask them out exclusively to be their girlfriend. (Nonsense! Guys who are successful with women do not start out by saying… “Will you please be my girlfriend?”) And since I have gotten like 60% assurance and signs that she is into me, I just think that I need to take it up from there. To act like a Man in our culture ought to act, and make her mine. What about this too? (Make a date with her. Talking on the phone or in chat-rooms is not a relationship or courtship. Going to dinner and actually physically being around one another is.)
If I am wrong doing what I just said, then what are the best ways to make her my girlfriend? (You need to read my book again. These are basic questions that are fully and completely explained in my book. You need to read it 10-15 times so you get to know the material so well you could teach a class on it. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.) What are the best ways to gauge the interest of a girl, and build up attraction when we are miles apart like this and can’t have the luxury of going out on a date as you said? There must be a way to handle that Corey? (Simple, make a date ASAP or move on to another woman who is lives near you. You have completely put your personal life on hold for a girl who you don’t even know if you’re going to like her in person once you meet her. Stop sitting on the sidelines! Start meeting and dating as many women as you can so you can overcome your neediness, and replace it with confidence from having many successful interactions with women.)
Looking forward to your reply.
Thanks so much for your concern and I promise to always be the 3% Man!
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“All that we are is a result of what we have thought.” ~ Buddha