How to respond when someone you are dating or want to date says, let’s just be friends, and successfully employ the no contact rule to change their mind and give you what you want.
In this video-coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who successfully used the no contact rule to re-attract a woman he had just started hooking up with last summer, but who tried to friend-zone him and keep him as a backup when she decided to give her ex-boyfriend another chance. She recently got back in touch with him, and he details his text exchange with her and how he responded to cause her to enthusiastically be open to seeing him again. He also details what he said to her last summer to plant the seed in her mind to only see him as a potential romantic partner, instead of a friend in backup position. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I will make this short and sweet. I just want to share an example of a situation where I had hooked with a girl a few times over last summer, things went great, but I think her ex in the background swayed her away from me, due to her comfort level with him.
(Yeah, when you start dating somebody and an ex is still in the background, she’s going to have a stronger emotional bond with the ex than with you, because you’re still new. The only thing you can really do is let her go, walk away and never look back. Say, “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m not interested in being only friends. I really like you, I really want you, and after what we just shared, I can’t just go to being your buddy and your pal.”A lot of girls will try and stick a dude in friends zone, and when you agree to that, now you’re interacting with them in a platonic way and forcing yourself to suffer in hopes that it doesn’t work out with the other guy. If you agree to do that, she’s going to lose respect for you, because if you’re a high status male, you’re not going to sit around and tolerate that bullshit.
It’s weak deal making when you agree to sit around in backup position when you want sex and romance, and you don’t want anything platonic. Even if you say ‘I’m not interested in being friends,’ if you continue talking to this person, your words and your actions are not congruent. That causes a woman to not trust your masculine core.)
She told me we should just be friends, but nothing more. This was September of 2016. Luckily for me, I had already been studying your work due to a previous mistake earlier that year with another girl.
(This is why it’s so important to practice the things that you learned. Let’s face it, life isn’t all sunshine and roses, and every situation is not going to be completely clean. Sometimes you might meet somebody that’s going through a divorce or somebody that’s in the middle of a relationship ending, but the ex is still in the background. You just never really know what’s going on. It’s nice to know how to show up and interact, so you can give yourself the best possible chance. My job is to teach you self-reliance, so you can get what you want in your own life. )
I think I was successfully able to counter the “let’s be friends” speech by telling her I didn’t agree to that, and to let me know if things didn’t work out… and apparently they did not, because she reached out to me this morning in the following screen shot I have attached.(Six months have passed and you haven’t heard a peep. When a woman reaches out she’s not going to say, “Let’s pick up where we left off.” She’s going to try and fly under the radar a little bit.)
Text exchange when she contacted him:
Her: How have you been?
Him: Hey, things are great! How are you?
Her: Eh, ok I guess. This weather kind of has me down.
Him: Same here, weather should be better soon! Still seeing someone?
(You’re direct, you’re decisive, you get right to the point. Remember, as I teach in my book, you should assume if a woman reaches out to you, it’s because she wants to see you. Some women will reach out before they’ve dumped the ex-boyfriend. But what I like about this girl is, the other dude is out of the picture. That’s an indication that she has a healthy self-esteem, because she’s not going to keep two or three guys in the background while she’s thinking about dumping her boyfriend.
Women that are insecure, weak, and they can’t go it alone, they’ll reach out when they’re still in a relationship with somebody else to line something up. When they know something’s lined up, then they’ll ditch the other guy. And those are the kind of women that if things are going sideways with you, they start talking the other male orbiters that are hanging out in the background.
Women that have a healthy self-esteem and know their value, they’re going to end the relationship, take some time to be alone, to be single, to get their head together for a little bit, decide what they want, get over the sting of it, and then they’ll be open to dating somebody new.)
Her: No. Too much drama so I ended it. Story of my life I guess!
Him: Dang, I don’t do drama either. I’d love to see you, when are you free to get together?(Right to the fucking point. I love it.)
Her: Pretty much any time. I’m done with my classes, so I have a lot of free time now.
(I would say that’s a sign of a high level of attraction and a high level of romantic interest. She wants to make it easy for you to go out out on a date. That’s what you want. If a woman tells you she’s still with the other guy, then just say, “I’d really love to see you, but only if you’re completely done with that other dude, and he’s out of your life. If the other guy is out of your life and I’m still single then, maybe we’ll get together and go out.”
You’ve got to be strong enough to do that, because if you agree to go out with a girl that’s still with somebody else, now you’re going out with a girl that has no fucking integrity, and you’re telling her that you’re okay with this. And the way she treats him is the way she’ll treat you if things don’t go well.)
Like I have heard you say countless times, there is a reason her ex was her ex, and it was only a matter of time that the 97% man dropped the ball. (Yeah, there was no reason to get butt hurt over it because if it ended the first time, it’s probably going to end again.)
In my heart I knew this day would come, practicing infinite patience and holding by the no contact rule. Also, I had a feeling this was coming soon, because she started liking my Facebook posts again, (A lot of times, women kind of put their toe in the water to test the water a little bit. If a woman is liking your Facebook posts, it’s not a sign you should start pursuing her though. The only time is if she contacts you directly. What you can see here is she started liking your posts, then she contacted you directly. You want her to make real effort, because you value yourself), but I did not act on it… sit back, wait… and the pussy(cat) will always return. Ha-ha.Thank you for everything thus far. (I would say there’s a really good fucking chance that things will progress. It’s also important to remember when you’re in this kind of situation, if the other dude is still hanging around, don’t agree to it. If you agree to it, you’re just setting yourself up to torture yourself emotionally, as you’re waiting for her to finally ditch the other guy.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“A person who loves and values themselves will never agree to being friends only when their intention is sex and romance. A person of value knows it is demeaning to stick around in friends-zone as a potential backup while the object of his or her affection explores a relationship, or tries to rekindle a relationship, with someone else. If you want to be their lover, never agree to being in a strictly platonic relationship or interact with them in a platonic way. Basic deal making principles dictate that when a deal on your terms is not possible, you must walk away and never look back. By leaving the door open to a future deal, in case the other party changes their mind, you set the conditions for the deal you want to be possible if they decide to contact you in the future.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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