In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who does really well with women initially. He’s able to seduce women on the first or second date. He says that sometimes he is very charismatic and does everything right outside of the bedroom. Sometimes he feels boring, lost, and unable to make a woman laugh or feel like she’s having a good time.
He says work is tough and that money is tight for him. He admits his personal, financial and work problems have a negative effect on how he feels about himself and this has a negative effect on how women feel about him. He thinks that he sabotages his success when things are going well and asks for my opinion. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
In terms of relationships, mine are all quite short. Sex happens usually on the first date or the second, and the honeymoon period. I have no problems in the bedroom. My mood is strange. Sometimes I am very charismatic, and I do everything right outside of the bedroom. (When you aren’t happy about your purpose and mission in life, that’s going to weigh on you and make it difficult to make the same effort you initially made in the relationship. You need to focus on your life first and forget about the relationship stuff.) Sometimes I feel boring, lost, or unable to make a girl laugh or feel like she’s having a good time. (If you’re not happy about your life, the woman is going to see that.) Other times, it’s just all in my head, and she’s having a good time. (Just don’t try to be something that you’re not.)
I think the root of the problem lies with my personal life. It’s a struggle. Work is tough, money is tough, and all of that weighs on me when I go out on a date. I’m trying to be thrifty, trying to act like money isn’t a problem, and all the while it really is. (Maybe you should get a roommate or downsize. You could get a part time job or and work on the weekends. You need to decrease your expenses and/or increase your revenue. Look at my article and video, “How To Get Any Job You Want.”) Work is just work. It’s just not enough. I’m working on other projects, but they might not be lucrative. (At least you’re looking around. You should always be trying to expand. You can never stop growing and evolving.) My main question seems to be, how do I just relax and have a good time out in public with a girl I like? (You’re going to have to be in the moment. When you get in your head, you give off an awkward vibe. Focus on hanging out, having fun and hooking up.) I sabotage my relationships it seems, just when they’re becoming serious. I live in New York City. It’s one hell of a beast.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Men tend to withdraw, stay single and/or avoid relationships or commitments when they are having personal, financial, health, career or business problems and imbalances. In order for a man to feel comfortable in a relationship, open to having one and allowing a woman into his heart, he must feel like his life is in order, balanced, financially secure and like he is succeeding at accomplishing his life’s mission and purpose. When a man feels like a failure or that success is a moving or elusive target, he may avoid dating, relationships or any interactions with women that can lead to sex or romance. When men take care of their life, work, health, finances and areas of their lives that are important to them, their relationships tend to become more stable, loving, balanced, long term and fulfilling. Sometimes it’s better to get your life in order and have more short term relationships while you do this, and have longer term relationships once your life is in order and balanced. It’s healthy and essential to get to know and enjoy yourself when you are not defined by another person.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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