Long Distance Relationships Don’t Work Out Unless Someone Moves

Why a long distance relationship is doomed unless someone moves.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from viewer who has been dating a woman long distance for almost 3 years. He lives in the US and she lives in South America. She informed him recently she needs a break and is spending the holidays with a male friend and her family at their beach house. He’s not happy about this and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Long Distance Relationships Don’t Work Out Unless Someone Moves”.

If you’re going to date somebody long distance somebody within a year or two needs to move, otherwise they’re just a long distance booty call. And it’s not going to work out. And we got a case in point here that kind of shows what’s going on. So this particular email is from a guy, I think he’s from Argentina if I’m not mistaken. Yeah, no I’m sorry. He’s from the US and she lives in South America. So she’s got a kid and I guess he goes and stays there for the summer, and then she comes every few months to visit him.

However, recently, you know, he’s supposed to see her this January, but for the holidays, she is going to, I guess, her family’s beach house or house near the beach or something. And she’s invited a male friend to spend Christmas with her and her family. Any self-respecting man who hears that would be like, “Wow, it sounds like she’s invited her new boyfriend to hang out.” She insists he’s just a friend and he’s not like that. And he says, “Well, send me a picture.” And so she sent him a picture of this dude. He’s like, that guy looks pretty masculine. He doesn’t look like a beta male.

And so it’s pretty funny. And then on top of that, which kind of sailed right over his head, she said she needed a break. So the fact that she says she needs a break and she’s spending Christmas at her family’s beach house with some other dude who’s just a friend. Well, it sounds like she’s doing a trial run of introducing this guy to her family, and it looks like he’s your replacement. And so if it were me and it’s been three years and you’re not planning on moving, she’s not planning on moving. And you’re not at that point where you’re like, you want to marry her.

And especially with this kind of betrayal. This is the end of the end of the road for you guys, because she lined up this dude behind your back. And on top of that, she asked for a break. So whether you realize it or not, in her mind, you guys are broken up, and she gave herself a hall pass to explore things with this dude. So I would be assuming that she’s going to be fucking this guy while she’s hanging out with her family. And if it were me, I’d be like, well, I’m not gonna invest any more time or energy in that. It would be over.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I want to start by thanking you for your great work. I have read the book twice and know that I should be reading it more. Come on man.

It’s like, well, that’s probably part of the reason why you’re in this situation.

I am currently involved in a long-distance relationship, almost three years, with a woman I met traveling. She is a salsa teacher in South America and a single mother of a seven year old boy. Our cadence is that I spend winters there and she visits me in Philadelphia a couple times in the year. It’s not ideal, but it works.

Well, it doesn’t really look like it’s working, and you’re kind of the last one to realize that. Again, if you’d have read the book more than once over, I don’t know how long you’ve been following me for, you would have noticed signs that showed you things weren’t as great as you thought they were. So this tells me you’ve probably been a little more focused on your interest in her, and haven’t really paid attention to her interest and effort in you.

She recently told me she made a male friend in her salsa outings she organizes and has a platonic relationship where she gives him dating advice.

Yeah, okay. Sure. So in other words, dating is involved. They’re hanging out. Salsa. Anybody knows anything about salsa dancing, it’s very sensual. It’s very sexual. So obviously she likes this guy. She’s giving him dating advice. And probably as he tells her about the other girls he’s dating and hooking up with, she’s probably getting a little more jealous. And so what she’s now done is invited him to spend Christmas with her and her family. And obviously not you.

I have female friends, so I was fine with this. She then informed me that she’s made a plan to spend Christmas week with him and her son at her parents’ beach-side condo because she needs a break and needs help with her kid.

Okay, so right there, she “needs a break and help with her kid.” So that basically means that she’s now taking a break from you and your relationship, and she’s going to see what things are like with this guy, and she’s also going to see what her family thinks of him, because that’s clearly the replacement for you. You just kind of glossed over like it’s no big deal, but your girlfriend just put you in timeout and gave herself a hall pass whether you like it or not. She took the hall pass because the plans have already been made.

She didn’t consult you, she just went and did this. If you were in a real relationship and were communicating like adults, that would have never happened. But it just sounds like again, you read the book once, you cherry picked in videos, you just assumed since you were still boning that she was yours. So you probably only focus on the pickup and the seduction stuff and never bothered with the relationship wisdom that’s in the book, hence the situation you’re now in.

Since he is an expat, he’s available and all her female friends are busy with family stuff. 

So he’s obviously from the same country she is.

I did not like this one bit.

Well, it kind of, at this point doesn’t really matter because she made her choice. She chose him and she put you in time out. So congratulations. You are now a free agent. You can date and sleep with whoever you want because she’s clearly doing that already.

She claims she sees him as a female type of friend and that since he’s bisexual, he’s not really her type.

When a girl says he’s not really my type, it means she wants to fuck him. She thinks that she can convert him. She’s like, there’s not going to be any more pole smoking if I have anything to do about it.

I asked her to show me a photo of this guy, and he looks sufficiently masculine to me.

So he likes to pitch and he likes to catch. She’ll put a strap on, on and give it to him.

Her case is that since I’ve not committed to her that it’s kind of my fault.

Well, if you have just been casually dating, not boyfriend and girlfriend, or maybe she’s referring to putting a ring on her finger and getting married, what she’s basically saying, “Hey, it’s your fault I’m dating this other guy and spending the holidays with him and not you.” So again, you’re not together anymore, whether you realize it or not. She put you in time out and has taken a hall pass. And if it doesn’t work out with this guy, she might be back. But at the end of the day, you thought you were in a relationship and it was more of a situationship and a long distance booty call and your long distance booty call is decided to get somebody else’s booty.

She said she would prefer me there, but since I am not, she has to do something. I’m coming in January by the way. It just feels like this is the moment where she is going nuclear forcing me to make a real commitment, but behavior like this is making me not want to.

Thanks, 

Bob

Well, bro, she’s cheating on you. That’s what’s happened. She lined up a new man that she met in salsa class, and she’s spending the holidays with him and her child and her parents. And you’re not there. So you’ve been replaced, whether you realize it or not. So at the end of the day, you had a nice fling for three years with a girl in another country. Enjoy the memories. But I would never take this girl back. I would just say, you know, “It’s been great. I’m canceling my plans. I’m not coming to see you in January. Good luck with your new bisexual boyfriend. Have a nice life.” And I would move on.

Go find somebody that lives ten, 15 minutes away instead of this shit. But again, it was just a booty call. And I think deep down, you probably already kind of knew that. Because after three years, you weren’t talking about moving. She wasn’t talking about moving. Or maybe you did. But at the end of the day, if I look at your actions and her actions, she’s fucking somebody else.

And you just haven’t accepted reality that your girlfriend left you to go fuck another man who I guess apparently is bisexual. So I’d be riding off into the sunset. I wouldn’t do anything with this girl because, again, she violated your trust. And the fact that this kind of behavior makes you not want to commit to her. I wouldn’t commit to that girl. It’s like she just blew her chances with you. So it’s over. Hasta la vista, baby.

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